Bella’s happily ever after lasted two days. This is Bella’s own account of what happened after Breaking Dawn, her growing understanding of her powers, her battle to remain with the man she loves, finding her place in her new family, and the ever-present threat of the Volturi.
New posting Chapter 55 - Postscript
Cold Gray Light
Please view the new trailer by Jesse Desplat it is brilliant.
Thank you so much Jesse!
This fantastic trailer was made for me by Marisa Wilson
Please view it is spine chillingly good
Thank you so much Marisia!!!
From the moment I walked through the door I could feel his eyes on me. Boring into me, owning me, watching even the minutest move I made.
I thought that I’d lose this intuition when I became a vampire. But in reality it had just got stronger along with everything else.
I thought for a moment about the one big change that my transformation had made, my thirst. Although I was still young, and the thirst for blood should be overwhelming, I had been able to handle it from the first moment I awoke in my new life. No one knew why that was. I could cope with human scents even up close, when I should have wanted to drink them dry. The scent caused me physical pain, an intense burning from my nostrils all down my throat, and feeling my throat squeezing tight with the dryness. But it was bearable. This was unusual for a new born. My kind usual manage this much control after a few years. But even with my self control the thirst was still there, the longing for something to put out the dryness.
My mind churned again. My mind could think of so many things at once. The dryness was always one of my thoughts, sometimes near the surface, then moving back into the background. I could keep all the thoughts in my mind -- juggling two, five, ten thoughts in parallel -- but never mixing them. Like watching ten TV channels at once. Another vampire trait.
Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe there was no one looking at me. I still hated attention just as I’d done as a human, I still shied away from it. I was just letting my imagination run away with me again. No one was looking at me. But I could hear his heartbeat six feet to my left, slightly behind where I was standing. He was sitting on a chair next to the loveseat. He was close enough to feel the warmth of his skin in the cool of the morning air. I could smell the strong scent of the skin pouch he wore round his neck. A smell that forced out every lesser smell from that part of the room, like a car headlamp blinding out a flashlight. It was not just the animal fur with its heavy notes that I could smell, but what was inside it. The herbs and berries that it contained, each type giving a new harmony to the smell. Some sharp, some sweet. Some I knew -- citrus, juniper, cinnamon -- some I had no words for.
Maybe he was just looking at Nessie like everyone else in the room. My four month old daughter was reciting a poem for her audience in her beautiful childish voice, complete with dramatic pauses and carefully characterized accents for the speeches. She was a very advanced four month old. She looked more like a small four year old, but she would have been counted as a genius in any preschool. This was because she was half vampire and half human, and of course could never be allowed in preschool. Her brown hair, with a tinge of bronze that came from Edward, fell down her back in beautiful curls. Her eyes were a warm milk chocolate color that had been mine when I was human, and were now excited by the attention she was receiving. Her complexion was pale with a healthy pink glow of excitement. We knew now that her rate of growth and progress would slow and she would be fully mature in another 6 and half years, and then live forever. We’d learned this from Nahuel only two days before. My dark worries of losing Nessie had vanished. We’d thought we would have to watch our daughter grow old and die in fifteen short years, and we would mourn her for ever.
I didn’t look to check if I was right about Nahuel and his staring. I had caught his eye only once that morning, when we came in and gave the usual greeting to our family and their two remaining guests.
I still didn’t understand why these guest were still here. Yes, I was grateful to them, especially him. So grateful it hurt. He had saved us all: my daughter, my husband, my vampire family, my wolf friends, and me. And he put himself and his father and his sisters in danger. How could I not be grateful to him. We all were.
I’d asked Edward twice why they had not left with the other guests after the standoff with the Volturi. The first time was after the celebrations when all the other guests had left and we had taken Nessie back to our cottage to sleep in her own bed. This was the first day that we’d met them, the first day of the stares. Edward had given his answer, saying Nahuel was so glad to know that a family like ours could exist. A family with a half vampire child, the only one Nahuel knew of that was not related to him, and a surviving mother. Nahuel’s mother died in child birth and so did the mothers of his half sisters.
It is rare to find a vampire who would want a physical relationship with a human woman, even rarer to find a women who survived such an encounter. Her life could end at any moment if he did not concentrate fully on keeping her alive. And what about the outcome of such an encounter? Mortals are not compatible with half vampire babies, the babies are so much stronger than the women. I had only survived thanks to the care given to me by my vampire family and because Edward changed me into a vampire as soon as the baby was out. The memories of this violent birth were now dimming for me. The vampire venom had mended the terrible damage and left me whole, strong, and beautiful.
According to Edward, Nahuel had spent his long life, over 150 years, thinking he must be evil to the core to have killed his mother. But seeing me set him free from his guilt. He now blamed his father for not caring for his mother as Edward had for me, and for not changing her when Nahuel ripped his way out of her.
The second time I’d asked Edward why Nahuel and his aunt (a full vampire) were still with us, Edward said that they wanted to learn more about our vegetarian lifestyle. This was how we liked to describe our abnormal hunting habits in the Cullen family. Unlike other vampires we only hunted animals, not humans. This gave us distinctive golden eyes which intrigued the normal red-eyed vampires. When I asked this second time, it was not what Edward had said that set me thinking but the way he said it. If I wasn’t his wife and didn’t know him so well I would not have noticed the slight tightening of his straight shoulders under his tan colored jumper, and that he was holding his perfect jaw a eighth of an inch higher than normal. He was lying to me.
Edward lied a lot. He had to. When you can read the minds of everyone in a mile radius then you have to lie to appear normal. You have to learn to ignore the thoughts most of the time. You have to answer only the questions people say out loud and not all the far-reaching ones they think in their heads but don’t dare ask. Edward also felt he must not betray confidences of those around him. It was not as though he could stop hearing thoughts if he wanted to, and not as if people could stop thinking when he was around, so he just didn’t pass these thoughts on. I was a shield which meant that he could not read my mind, not even when I was only human. Now that I was a vampire I had learned to remove my shield if I wanted, but I could only do so for a few moments at a time and even then it was exhausting work.
But why would he lie to me about why Nahuel and Huilen were still here? We had just made it through the worst danger imaginable: the whole of the Volturi forces lined up against us, the judges, jury and executioners of the vampire world. We had survived that, so what now? What was he covering up? Surely we had to have a break from peril sometime.
Maybe bad luck was something that I’d brought with me into this life. Since I met Edward as a human I had always had bad luck. My life before Edward, before my return to Forks to live with my Dad, Charlie, was a quiet life in the big city of Phoenix with my Mom, Renée. The memory of this former life was becoming hazy, almost a pre life to my human life, as if I was now in my third life, not my second. I’d had too much on my mind to sit down and think about it, though that was the only way my family said that I would remember it for the future. As I remembered it now, it was a happy but lonely time of looking after my hair-brained mother and being the adult in the relationship even though I was the child. She didn’t need to be looked after in a physical way but in an emotional one, helping her to organize and control her life. I was the one who made sure we went to the store when we needed groceries and that we went to the bank when the bills needed to be paid. In many ways you could say I was her keeper rather than her daughter. This role was taken by Phil, her husband of nearly three years.
I argued with myself that I had already brought my shield through to my vampire life along with my strange ability for self control. I was sure that I could not have brought anything else. I had left my clumsiness behind, which was a truly good thing. I now moved so fast and was so strong that if I was clumsy lots of things would get broken. Not just inanimate objects, but living things. Even people.
I looked over at Edward, to keep my eye from straying to Nahuel. His beauty never failed to amaze me. He was stunning. His eyes were a warm amber color. But this morning more like stone than liquid. Something was bugging him. No doubt he was hearing things he didn’t like. His face muscles twitched slightly and his teeth locked together noiselessly. His smile remained, a facade to keep the others away from his upset within. I had no idea what he had heard or who it was that was having these thoughts, but my mind turned to Nahuel again, though I didn’t let my eyes follow. Edward would tell me when it was right and certainly not in the middle of this gathering.
Edward applauded when Nessie came to the end of her poem, pride now on his face. I felt a jolt of joy at his pride. I was proud of her, naturally, and applauded loudly too. But to have him so in awe of her gave me such a feeling of belonging. I had, in the end, been able to give him something so worthwhile. A daughter, our miracle. It made up for the lack of balance in our relationship. He had given me everything: his love, his life, my new life, money, possessions, a home, a car, a family. But the one thing that that he had never imagined, that none of our vampire family had thought possible, came from me. She was a delight to them all, and especially Edward.
It was only as I turned away from Nessie’s performance that I noticed Alice was staring into thin air, her eyes out of focus, completely still. I knew she was seeing something. My sister’s ability to see into the future was enviable. It had made her top of the Volturi’s list for acquisitions. It was this ability that had saved the family and herself many times over. The future she saw was only one of the possible outcomes. If decisions that had been made were changed then what she saw would change.
“Demetri is coming,” she said simply in a clear chiming voice, not altering her stance at all. “Aro has decided. He will follow Carlisle to us.”
Carlisle was at her side in an instant. “But why?” he whispered. “Why now?”.
The image of the the Volturi tracker was instantly in my mind. It was not possible for anyone normal to run from Demetri. He had a gift for finding them. But this gift needed access to someone’s mind, and it was something I could block with my shield. As well as being a tracker, Demetri was a warrior, with centuries of experience working with the Volturi.
“But why, Alice?” he asked again.
Alice had gone back into her trance. This time it took her over a minute to come round. “He comes only to observe,” she said with a little relief in her voice. “Aro will order him to stay with us and just observe. He is to watch Nessie grow for Aro and to find out more about the wolves for Caius. He is to cause us no trouble. He will be ordered to hunt like us. Aro wants to see how this will change his character. He is report back regularly by letter. This order will be made at full council the day after tomorrow. He will arrive three days after that.”
She looked around the stunned room.
“Please look for more,” Carlisle urged her.
“Demetri will bring a note with him from Aro but they know that I can see what it says so you will be forewarned. Aro is staring at it so that I can read it...
My Dearest Friend Carlisle,
I am sending my dear one Demetri to visit you as an emissary. I feel that our last meeting left a rift between us which I want to close. I have asked Demetri to learn about your life style and your beloved granddaughter so that we may better understand each other in future.
I ask you to take Demetri into your hearts and your home, and to this end I will ask him to make himself useful to you and cause you no trouble. Please use him as a son.
Yours in friendship,
Carlisle looked aghast. “Is there more?” he said, shaking his head.
Her face returned to the distant mask, but seconds later disgust was clear on it. She came back to the present again shaking her head. “Uh, that is so gross”.
“I saw part of the inner council meeting that was only the family, no guard. It is so gross.” she said, hardly able to speak for revulsion. “Aro says he wishes to watch a half vampire child develop first hand. He says that he will order Demetri to try to father a child when he has returned from his visit. He laughs and says that he may have learned some restraint from us. The mother is to be the only human they trust, their administrator Gina. They will promise her immortality if she successfully gives birth, but she has no choice. If she says no, she’s lunch. He says it will be a great honor for Demetri to father a child to be brought up and studied in Volterra. Caius is against the idea, the decision will be put off until a later date... I can’t see further than that, I’m not attuned to them, I can’t see so far ahead into their futures, I can’t see if she will become pregnant or if they will kill her, it is many months away, it may change.”
There was stunned silence.
All the joy after the last successful encounter with the Volturi was gone.
Then the speculation started. Alice could see the event but not the motivation behind it. It boiled down to three simple questions: why this? why now? and why Demetri? A dozen answers to each question came from the gathered family. The most likely answer was that they wanted to catch us doing something against the rules as soon as possible, and Demetri can stand up for himself.
The others gave little thought to the planned baby. It was beyond the immediate worry and didn’t affect us personally. But my mind was on Gina and how I could help her. I had only just survived my own pregnancy and I had had good medical care and love from all my family. I felt cold, cold to the heart.
Had I started some new vampire fashion? Would lots of vampire males want to father children? And what of the vampire females, would they want to become stepmothers? I thought of the loss of human life. I thought of Gina.
I found myself a spot on the floor and sat there still, shocked, horrified.
The discussion went on for nearly an hour, until Carlisle looked at the clock and said that he had to go for his shift at the hospital.
He turned to our guests, “Nahuel, Huilen. It may be best if you were not here when Demetri comes to call. I do not wish to ask you to leave but for your own safety I must ask you to think about what you want to do. You know you have our thanks for what you have done for us, and I owe you for the safety of all my family. You are welcome here at any normal time.”
It was Huilen who spoke this time. She spoke simply in her heavy accent. “We will leave before he arrives.”
Carlisle smiled warmly at her. “That is for the best. We can visit you before long, and maybe meet Nahuel’s sisters if that is possible.”
The others continued to speculate after Carlisle had gone, Emmett debating with Jasper the possibility of beating Demetri in a fight. Jasper thought that if there were several of us it may be possible, but it would only bring the rest of the guard down on us, a battle which we would not win this time.
Alice touched me lightly on the arm, tutting at my pants and jumper combination. My favorite sister was never happy with my lack of fashion sense. But she could see the future, and would have known the day before about this particular lapse of mine. I thought to myself that I would suggest to her that she warns me in advance next time, so that I don’t disappoint her again.
“You know, I thought you would have learned a little by now Bella,” she chided quietly. “I will just have to take you back to your cottage and show you how to match up those pants myself. I didn’t spend weeks putting together your wardrobe for you to use it like this.”
That morning I must have really gotten under her skin. How could she care so much about fashion when she’d just given us the news about Demetri? Really. It made no sense.
I looked down at my outfit. It didn’t look that bad to me. I’d made sure that some of the threads in the jumper were exactly the same tone as the pants, but if it made her happy we could be home and back in a very short time. A few minutes out of the house would do me some good.
“Edward,” she chimed. “I’m taking Bella back to your cottage, can you look after Nessie by yourself?” The look on her face one of great effort.
He smiled warmly at her. “By myself? I don’t think that I will ever be allowed to look after Nessie by myself. She has too many fans for that.” He looked quizzically at her while he made his answer, as if they were having another inaudible conversation but failing to understand each other.
It was true. Most of the room were watching Nessie again, just waiting to see what she would do next, fascinated by her. Her Aunt Rose and Grandma Esme sat on the floor with her.
“We’ll see you soon,” Alice chimed again, wincing with effort, like a small child trying to remember a really difficult times table sum.
As soon as she said this I looked around the gathering to smile a normal goodbye. Then I saw him, Nahuel. He was staring at me. Staring at me with total adoration in his eyes as if I were the only thing he could see in the world. The only thing he had ever seen. Like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.
Oh no... no please no, I screamed inside my head. My face turned from a smile to sheer dread, his calm face turning from adoration to puzzlement at my expression.
Edward stiffened beside me, but said nothing.
Alice tugged my sleeve and we were off through the patio doors at the rear of the house, running back to my cottage hand in hand. I was only too glad to go, and Alice's excuse was perfect.
As soon as we were over the river she said in a very hushed voice, “Shield me, stop him reading my mind.”
New posting Chapter 55 - Postscript
I like Seugnet du Toit idea about renee having powers - especially the astral projections.
I feel she is right about powers, but I also have another idea which is quite hard to explain...
in thinking something along the lines of twin souls... which could explain why Demetri feels she is familiar... her twin soul existed in his past life maybe.... like i said, hard to explain lol
I am liking how fred is developing... but I agree with Demetri about the way he speaks of Bella haha.
As for the Second shadow.... I have strong suspicions around Jasper but Im not entirely sure....
Interesting twist with the green eyes!!!! no ideas on this one, so am waiting in suspense for more clues or an explanation :D
Loved the new chapter Chris and cant wait for the next installment
Hi Dark One,
Thank you for your comment.
I do love your theories. If it helps I can tell you the voice is the same voice as in New Moon, the voice that shouted at her when she was going to do dangerous things.
I think you are right to not trust Jasper, but he is victim of Bella's powers so don't be too hard on him - but is he a shadow - sorry you'll have to read on to find that one out. He may at least know something.
And as for Edward, what does he know that he isn't telling his wife. Thoes too so need to communicate more fully.
haha! I wasnt referring to not trusting Jasper in general... always had a real soft spot for him so I am generally kinder to him in different situations than I would be on the other boys. Good to know though, now I can more more critical of Jas than I have been (as in, not believe everything he does is for the best and right reasons hahaha).
Yes... with Edward i feel is he trying to hide things from Bella. In a protective way, of course, but you would think with their history they would BOTH know to be honest with each other right from the get go.... slow learners I guess :D
Just catching up on the chapters. They get better and better. The pace of the writing just flows so well. Love the YouTube video.
it's great to have your comment. We have all missed you.
Thank you for your kind words regarding the writing, I admit I will be glad to draw this story to an end it is feeling like a marathon but I can see an end in sight (although a little way off). We have a few more twists, turns and false summits to go first.
I usually do not enjoy guessing the conclusion of a story because the writer's ideas are usually more complicated than anything I imageine. However, in this case may I tongue-in-cheek suggest that Bella is reverting to human, will bite Edward, and they will both become human and live happily ever after, growing old together.
Thank you for the theory.
I loved it. The thought of Bella biting Edward - that would show him!
But you are right, it will be a little more complicated than that and I really hope that you enjoy the ending of the story.
I'm trying to put enough into to make the story flow well to the conclusion without too many big jumps or surprises that don't fit in with the evidence. Writing a long story in some ways is harder than I thought it would be, I have a lot more respect for real authors now I have written this much of my story.
I hope to get someone to live happily ever after at the end of this story - I like happy endings.
Love the video!!
Can't wait for more!!!
I froze. My eyes green? Is he serious?
I stared at him for a few seconds waiting for a grin or a wink, any sign to show he wasn’t serious. Nothing.
The phone in my pocket vibrated. I’d left it on at Edward’s behest. I knew who it would be - Alice.
“Is it true, can you see?” I knew she would have called because she would have had a vision, would that show her?
“They have a dark green line around the edge of the pupil and around the outer edge of the iris, where they first start to go black usually,” came a firm voice, “but I want you to stay calm Bella.”
“Why? Why are they green?” I whispered. It was all that would come out.
“I have no idea, I was going to ask the same thing. Come home, we’ll talk.”
I felt myself starting to hyperventilate. Again I had the feeling that my head was going to explode with all the things I needed to think about, all the questions I needed answered.
I put the phone back in my pocket, desperate to find water to see a reflection of myself, and suddenly remembered phone – mirror app! They were just as Alice described – a deep, dark green surrounding the dark gold of my eyes, yet feathered into the gold which softened the join of the colors.
“Didn’t you know?” Fred said, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to worry you, I assumed you knew.” He was looking worried; obviously my reaction was not what he expected.
I started to pace up and down in the wood at vampire speed.
Fred was looking very concerned. “If you can take a deep breath and hold still for a minute I can look again.” He held my head, not in a romantic way, and looked into my eyes, searching. And I looked back into his. His eyes were mainly black now with dark red in the center of the irises. It surprised me a little, I thought they were redder than that when we came out to hunt. I realized that his worry must have taken away some of his reserves of energy. The worry showed in the whole of his face now, his eyebrows pulling together, knotting the skin above his nose.
He gripped me for a minute. We were both totally still. I held on to the breath I’d taken as he stared deep into me. The time seemed to stay still as if we were statues placed there in the forest an eon ago.
My mind began to wonder. Other people had looked at me like this, they must have been searching too. And then I remembered. This is what Demetri had done on a number of occasions and what Jasper done just before... before, what was it he had said? I tried hard to picture the scene but my mind couldn’t focus on it, it was so overshadowed by the rest of the incident. But this meant one thing. They both knew to look for something in my eyes – presumably this green, and presumably they knew what it meant.
“I swear it’s fading,” Fred said curiously.
“It’s not as green now, it’s getting darker, turning black.”
I ripped my phone out of my pocket again and stared into it. He was right, my eyes were already less green.
“Do you want to go home now?” Fred asked. He must have seen the expression on my whole face, not merely the color of my eyes.
“I really didn’t mean to upset you,” he apologized again
“I know Fred, this isn’t your fault ... at least you had the... guts to point it out.” I huffed between breaths. I was hyperventilating again. I could hardly stand.
“Maybe Carlisle will have a theory,” Fred suggested, “He knows a lot about vampire physiology.”
I concentrated hard to get the answer out to him, it came in a rush. “Yeah he’ll have theories but it’s Jasper I need.”
I pulled out my phone and texted him Please come quick, need to talk and sent him the phone location – but I knew he’d just follow our scent. The tension was too much for me. My fast shallow breaths turned to sobs and I suddenly felt myself falling.
Fred grabbed me before I hit the floor. He picked me up, carried me to a fallen tree and sat me down on the trunk. He sat next to me, holding me to make sure I didn’t fall again.
“Bella, nod if you can hear me.”
My tears were flowing now, and that bothered me on top of everything else. Fred saw I could cry, I felt shame again as if I was doing something sinful or obscene in front of him.
But he didn’t flinch at the sight of me crying. “Bella, nod if you can hear me.”
I nodded once slightly.
“OK then, listen to me, you are going to get through this. I want you to try to take three slow, deep breaths, cup your hands around your mouth while you breathe.”
His voice sounded firm yet kind. It was reassuring. I didn’t think that it would work because I didn’t need the oxygen anyway, but I thought I would listen to him, to try to put all my thoughts into listening to him to distract myself. Maybe it would stop me sinking any further before Jasper got to me.
“I’m going to count to three and I want you to take your first big breath.” I concentrated hard on his words and tried to push every other thought out of my mind. The sound of his voice had a fresher quality to it than any other vampire I knew. His age, I mused, between my shallow breaths, the tears still flowing.
“OK. One, two, three and slowly breathe. Fill your lungs... good, and slowly out.” As he said the words both he and I took the actions and I obediently cupped my hands around my mouth.
His instructions on my breathing kept coming, but I was only half listening to the words and allowing myself to drift away in his clear strong voice. It didn't boom like Emmett's and he didn’t have a Southern drawl like Jasper. It was a voice that sounded like spring, as Edward sounded like Autumn.
Footsteps approached fast – not Edward's, they had to be Jasper's. With my last ounce of strength I pushed my shield back over Fred.
“Move away from her!” Jasper commanded as soon as he saw us. “What right do you think you have to put your hands on her?” He had stopped some 50 yards away.
“Hey man, she is just faint I think, that’s all, I’m just stopping her falling.”
“Jas, it’s... OK, just come... over please... I need your help,” I gasped through my sobs.
Jasper walked curiously up to us, obviously assessing how strong my shield was. He clearly didn’t trust Fred at all.
“Bella! What’s wrong?” He turned on Fred, “What did you do to her? Did you make her sick?” He was in Fred’s face.
“Jas – no – panic attack,” I managed to get that out all in one breath.
“Sorry, my misjudgment,” he said to Fred, in a tone that still didn’t sound friendly. “I’ll take it from here, it’s my area of expertise. You go back to the house and find Edward and send him out here.”
And I was alone with Jasper. Fred had seemed reluctant to go, but having been given a direct order decided to comply with it.
Jasper sat next to me on the log and pulled me on to his lap. The calm was immediate, like a warm gentle shower. I relaxed completely into him and wrapped my arms around him, my head on his chest.
“This is becoming a habit,” Jasper sucked through his teeth. “Not that I mind, but I don’t think Edward or Alice will approve. I’m sure they will be here soon. I was closest, I didn’t want to leave you with him too far from home with no help so I kept a distant watch.”
Was he complaining? Did he resent helping me, or did it cause him pain to feel the way I was feeling? Or worse, did he enjoy it too much? My mind span into high gear, adding this to the many threads of thought whirling round, shouting to be heard. However, my thoughts were clearing and in a couple of minutes I mastered the spaghetti of thoughts into clear groups and straightened them out ready to examine. It was going to take time, but time wasn’t something I had. I had to ask him what he knew, now, before we were interrupted.
“Jasper, look at my eyes.” He stared into them again. “Why are they green? Don’t pretend you don’t know. You noticed that day when we... we talked in the kitchen. What does it mean?”
He looked sad. “I’m so sorry about that, I shouldn’t have tried to,”
But I held up my hand to silence him. “It’s history. Please just tell me what the green means.” But he looked away.
I suddenly felt injected with panic, like a lightening bolt. It was there, then it was gone, all in a moment. The intensity was blistering. My finger tips and toes stung. Then the total calm returned. Jasper had mastered his own emotions again and soothed both himself and me with calm.
But my brain was clear and I wasn’t going to give up that easily. “Jasper please tell me!” The whole of me was begging for the knowledge of myself. I thought hard how I could the information out of him. Persuasion? Blackmail? Seduction? I couldn’t beat it out of him, I wouldn’t win a fight, but what wouldn't I do for this information? But before I tried anything he spoke.
“Bella, it means that you are a cuculus.”
“That is what Maria said the green-eyed were called.”
“Is it important, or is it just eye color?”
“She told me that I should destroy any cuculus I found.”
“Why, what is wrong with me?”
“Cuculus are too strong, too powerful, is what she said, they can make you do things, that is what makes them so dangerous.”
While he said this his old eyes stared deep into me. I didn’t know if he was assessing whether he should follow her order now. But my panic was immediately suppressed, not only by calm but by love – not romantic love, but family love, the love of acceptance. I was grateful it wasn’t romance. I was so close to him that if he tried any sort of seduction I would of had no hope of resistance.
“What sort of things do cuculus do?” I didn't just want to know, I wanted to distract him, to carry on talking about facts and myths, not feelings.
“She was never very specific, she said there were three types – faith, hope and love.”
“But the greatest of these is love.” My mouth made the words without me even thinking about them.
He said nothing.
“Jas, you have to tell me everything, I have to know.”
I knew instinctively when he said it that I was a love... type. If type was the right word to use.
“She said that you can sometimes tell when they are human, sometimes their eyes are green, but only if they aren’t brown so it’s not always a good indicator. And then not all green-eyed humans are cuculus. They all have pale skin but it is their smell that really gives them away. They always smell so good as humans. Their blood will even sing to some vampires. It’s an adaptation to get vampires to bite them. Sometimes even as humans they can do things.”
“Why would a human want to be bitten? Why would they want to attract vampires to them? And what sort of things can they do?”
“Bella, being bitten is the only way to become a vampire, you know that. If you hadn’t smelled so good Edward wouldn’t have been so attracted and you wouldn’t be a vampire now. And what were you doing even then? You were making everyone love you, of course. They had no choice. Not Edward, not Emmett, not Jacob, none of them, the humans included. I had to try so hard not to fall for you. I knew what you were from the first time I smelled your scent. I knew I ought to get rid of you somehow, but having broken the rule for myself once how could I deny my brother?
“And now your eyes are going even more green as you become stronger. I have never seen a cuculus with eyes so green.”
“But what do you think I can do?”
“Why do you think I can do anything? I try to stop people having crushes on me, it does no good, it brings trouble. I have Edward.”
“Bella, I think you can do anything you wish.”
What sort of an answer was that? Anything I wished?
“Have you met others like me?”
“Yes, there are a few.”
“I know of three vampires and one non-vampire. And some as humans but I …” But he’d become cagey – his body tensed, he clearly didn’t want to say, and that in itself was intriguing, but I didn’t want to discourage his disclosure so I didn’t press for names.
Jasper relaxed again. “I don’t know. Maria said it was something to do with life cycles but she never explained further. It was something that an anchant vampire had told her when she was new borne, he had checked her eyes for green after a hunt. I don’t know who he was.”
“Am I bad? Dangerous?”
He took a moment to answer, “Powerful... certainly. Dangerous... maybe. And bad... I think that is up to you.”
“What should I do? I need to be normal. I have husband and a child. I can’t go being something else people don’t understand. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
“Bella it is your life. You have to find your way through it.”
“Demetri, does he know? He keeps staring into my eyes but I don’t know if he has seen them green.”
“Ask Edward,” said Jasper, turning his head.
At that moment I too heard Edward speeding towards us.
We looked up as he came into view, but stayed in our embrace. I had no idea what expression I had on my face – I wasn’t in charge of my emotions.
Edward stopped thirty yards from us and stared, clearly appalled by what he saw.
“Why?” was all he said.
End of Chapter 41 - Disclosure