No Choice - Story now complete.
Edward returns to Forks to fight for a hurt and angry Bella. Not such an easy thing to do in this story. This is set after the Cullens have been away for quite a few months but before Bella makes the decision to cliff dive. I hope you enjoy the differences. A huge thankyou to Shellym127 and Wyldfyre for my wonderful banners.
Cheers
Michelle
Chapter Thirty One (APOV) - Page 50 Chapter Thirty Two (BPOV) - Page 53 Chapter Thirty Three (EPOV) - Page 57 Chapter Thirty Four (BPOV) - Page 60
Chapter Thirty Five (EPOV) - Page 65
Chapter Thirty Six (EPOV) - Page 68
Chapter Thirty Seven (BPOV) - Page 71
Chapter Thirty Eight (APOV) - Page 74
The small pockets of warmth and hope that had been slowly finding their way into my damaged soul were threatening to disappear and it left me with a feeling of despair. Just when I thought that I had found some kind of reasonable existence – even a small tinge of happiness – I could feel that it was slipping away. Why did Jacob, my loving, fun, happy source of sunshine have to confuse our friendship for something more? Why couldn’t we just keep being friends and continue healing the broken pieces of my soul one small piece at a time through the warmth he had managed to bring to my life. Selfish, selfish. I knew it for what it was. I was being remarkably selfish to put him through this. To make him keep his distance at the same time as trying to pull his warmth into my very being. I was being unfair. He was being accepting. I should leave him alone but I really wasn’t sure that I could. I needed him to get me through this. It was only with him that I felt even remotely like myself – a shadow for sure but at least it was something beyond that awful place I was at when the other one left. I started to see the other’s face but I pulled myself away from that image and concentrated on Jacob, a different type of pain but somehow something less confronting. What choice was I going to make here? Neither choice would help. I would never love Jacob the way he wanted. Who am I kidding, I would never love anyone the way I should. I was damaged in that respect. I had known love and it had been ripped away. The darkness threatened to engulf me again. Concentrate - we are not thinking about that appalling time. Jacob. Yes Jacob. He knew that I couldn’t love him that way but he felt it might happen in time if I just let it. My choices could lead to even more heartache for him and I knew what that was like. Was I willing to put him through the emotional void I had experienced just so I could start to feel better myself? I had never been a selfish person. I had always been the one to look after others but……. I needed help and he was the only one who could give it.
“Bella. Are you home?” The front door slammed as Charlie entered the house. I quickly studied myself in the mirror. Not that I really cared what I looked like but I didn’t want Charlie to see that I had been crying again. It would break his heart if he thought that I was returning to that awful place I was at a few months ago. He was happy that I had finally managed to pull myself out of that hole and I was pretty sure that he was thanking Jacob for that in his own head. He knew I had a long way to go but I didn’t want to give him even an inkling that I could fall back into that abyss with the slightest provocation. It would hurt him. I sighed. There was always someone for me to hurt.
“Here dad”. I called as I made my way downstairs.
“ How was your day? Did you have fun with Jacob?” he enquired while he studied my face.
I pulled my face into a calm mask and answered the way I knew he wanted. “ Sure, we always have a good time together. We just hung out. You know how it is dad.”
“ When are you seeing him again?” Subtle Charlie. Why don’t you just ask me when are we going to get married and have kids so that you can be sure that I won’t completely lose it again.
“ Um. Not so sure. We are both pretty busy from here on in. You know school going back and all. I am sure it will be soon though” I added because I saw his face show a small sign of panic. “ Have to go dad the grocery store is calling or we won’t have any food. See ya.” I made a dash for the door before he could continue with the discussion and lead me to confess that not all was right between Jacob and I. It wasn’t something that I wanted to face.
Life was full of mundane everyday routines and this was one of them. Grocery shopping. Thank goodness for the mundane. It let me look like I was functioning without really having to think about what was going on in all the other parts of my life. It made people think that I was surviving when all I wanted to really do was curl up into a ball and……. Not an option I told myself firmly. You are not the only person that is impacted by your choices. Charlie, Renee, Jacob, Angela. All people I loved and wanted to protect. One step in front of the other. Slowly but surely things would get better.
I had finished the shopping and was heading out to the carpark. I looked up to see that the shadows were deepening and that twilight was upon us. Twilight was his favourite time. I shuddered and deliberately made my thoughts wander from that potentially destructive course of images. When would this stop. I sighed for the umpteenth time and started to put the groceries in the boot of the car.
“ Bella”. I closed my eyes tightly. Why on earth was I hearing his voice. I was putting groceries in the car for god’s sake. I wasn’t doing anything dangerous that could lead me to hearing his voice. I wasn’t trying to be reckless on one of the motorbikes that Jacob had fixed for me. I wasn’t putting myself into any danger by talking to strange men in the middle of a quiet Port Angeles street. There wasn’t anything remotely threatening in what I was doing at all. I chose to ignore it and kept packing.
“ Ah excuse me Bella”. Now I know I am going mad. His voice was never pleasant when he spoke to me in my mind. He was always angry at me for what I was doing. What a joke. My mind obviously wanted to believe that he cared when I put myself in danger even though I knew that there was nothing further from the truth. This was different though. This was that beautiful sing song voice that I had cast from my mind when he had told me he didn’t love me anymore. When he had told me that he no longer existed. Why on earth was I hearing it now?
I slowly turned around to see what was going on. I gasped and instantly felt a fierce joy overcome me. It was instantly rebuffed however as my mind began to register what was happening in front of me. This could not be real. Edward stood about two metres in front of me, flanked by his family. Every single one of them. How could that be? Why on earth were they all here in front of me in a carpark of all places. Edward looked nervous. Alice looked elated. Jasper was worried. Emmett was smirking. Rosalie looked bored. Carlisle and Esme stood a little behind. It seemed like ages before anyone spoke. I couldn’t even grasp if this was reality or some sick fantasy. I had pushed all these people to the bottom of my subconscious in the hope of gaining some semblance of normality. Yet here they were looking as real as uniquely beautiful people can look.
I felt my hands reach across my stomach as if to protect myself. I hugged myself fiercely. This was not happening. This could not happen now. Please, please leave me alone I yelled to myself silently.
“ Bella. we were um….. that is Bella we were hoping……..” His voice trailed off as I stared at him coldly. I watched as he slumped slightly and turned to Alice for help.
Alice placed her hand on his arm and turned to me smiling. “ Hi Bella. We are so happy to see you”
Was she joking? What were they doing? Happy to see me? I had never heard anything so absurd in my life.
Alice came towards me. ‘She is going to hug you.’ my inner voice yelled at me and I reflexively placed my hands up to ward her off. I saw her stricken face as she quickly moved back to her spot next to Edward without touching me at all. Jasper grasped her hand and I knew that he was using his gift to help her. I didn’t care. I was beginning to spiral out of control. I could feel it. I needed to get out of here.
I turned back to the car and slammed the boot closed with as much ferocity as I could manage. My mind was still yelling at me to get out of there. I moved towards the car door. I still had not said a single word and I could still feel seven pairs of eyes staring uncertainly at my back.
“ Please Bella. Don’t go”. His voice was pleading. There was something there but I couldn’t quite get what it was. I was too full of my own anguish that I didn’t want to see what he was trying to do. “ I am so sorry Bella. I truly am…
“ You. Are. Sorry.” I spat out at him. He looked like I had slapped him across the face but he remained calm and tried again.
“ Yes Bella. I am sorry. I should never have left you like that. I have been….”
I could feel the red hot emotion of anger come over me. I couldn’t think straight. All I knew was that the one that had hurt me the most , the one that had ripped my heart out and left me to fend for myself was standing in front of me saying that he was sorry. What did he want from me? Hadn’t he hurt me enough?
“ You left me Edward. You made me think that you loved me and then you just decided that I wasn’t good enough for you and you…. left…. me. Do you think I care that you are SORRY. I DO NOT CARE” I yelled at him furiously and then realized where I was. The carpark. I made my voice softer but kept the anger in it. There was way too much pain involved to just let this go. “ You made your choice Edward. You made my choice for me. Not only did you take yourself away from me… you took everyone.” I glared at the whole family. Oh god how I had loved this family but now all I felt for them was anger. “ Not one of you cared enough about me to check that I was alright. Not one of you tried to keep contact”. I looked at Alice as I said this and I saw her cringe and Jaspers hand tighten on hers.
“ I’m sorry Bella” Alice moaned “ I know it seems like we didn’t care but of course we did. We just had to do the right thing”
“ The right thing, the right thing. Are you serious. You were my best friend. I loved you like a sister. I would never EVER TURN MY BACK on you” I was becoming hysterical. “ You are as bad as him. You LEFT me”
“ We did it to protect you Bella” Alice stammered. “ We were thinking of you”
“ How could going away possibly protect me Alice. How could leaving me to face the others possibly help me. Laurent, Victoria and any other blood drinking mythical creature that feels that I am their personal magnet. It’s neverending. Every sound, every shadow. Constant fear and NOONE to protect me. “ My breathing was becoming quicker and I could feel the shock oozing out of every one of them. I didn’t care. “ How was leaving the right thing to do when I couldn’t feel or breath for god knows how long?”
I caught the significant look that Alice gave Jasper and I turned on him ferociously. “ DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT CALMING ME DOWN. You have no right. Let me be. Let me feel what I am feeling Not what you want me to feel. You owe me that Jasper” Another stab in the heart for someone I had once cared for. He would never forgive himself for what he had done that helped lead us to this moment and I had just driven it home even more. He stopped though. I didn’t feel any calm just the red hot anger. It made me keep the poisoned arrows hurling at the Cullen family. “ and you Emmett. Have you come back to tease me more. Bored, are you, without the silly human to entertain you – obviously I wasn’t entertaining enough to keep around hey even though I thought of you as the big brother I had never had?”
I turned to Rosalie as she hissed at me. No one insults Emmet without earning her wrath. What could I say to her? She had never professed to care so what had she done wrong? “ At least you never pretended to care Rosalie. At least when you left you didn’t make a mockery of a friendship. There never was one between us”
I turned to attack the two remaining Cullens and felt the wind come out of my sail. I had had enough. What could I possibly say to two of the most amazing people I know. I couldn’t inflict any more hurt tonight.
“ Please stop Bella. This is not my family’s fault. They only left because I forced them to…..”
“ Do you know what Edward, I am finished. When you left me you told me to forget that you or any of your family ever existed. Well you have got what you wanted. As far as I am concerned none of you exist. Go away and leave me alone.” I turned away from all of their shocked faces and numbly placed myself in the car as I whispered “I don’t need ANY vampires in my life – NONE”
Chapter Thirty Five (EPOV) - Page 65
Chapter Thirty Six (EPOV) - Page 68
Chapter Thirty Seven (BPOV) - Page 71
Chapter Thirty Eight (APOV) - Page 74
The small pockets of warmth and hope that had been slowly finding their way into my damaged soul were threatening to disappear and it left me with a feeling of despair. Just when I thought that I had found some kind of reasonable existence – even a small tinge of happiness – I could feel that it was slipping away. Why did Jacob, my loving, fun, happy source of sunshine have to confuse our friendship for something more? Why couldn’t we just keep being friends and continue healing the broken pieces of my soul one small piece at a time through the warmth he had managed to bring to my life. Selfish, selfish. I knew it for what it was. I was being remarkably selfish to put him through this. To make him keep his distance at the same time as trying to pull his warmth into my very being. I was being unfair. He was being accepting. I should leave him alone but I really wasn’t sure that I could. I needed him to get me through this. It was only with him that I felt even remotely like myself – a shadow for sure but at least it was something beyond that awful place I was at when the other one left. I started to see the other’s face but I pulled myself away from that image and concentrated on Jacob, a different type of pain but somehow something less confronting. What choice was I going to make here? Neither choice would help. I would never love Jacob the way he wanted. Who am I kidding, I would never love anyone the way I should. I was damaged in that respect. I had known love and it had been ripped away. The darkness threatened to engulf me again. Concentrate - we are not thinking about that appalling time. Jacob. Yes Jacob. He knew that I couldn’t love him that way but he felt it might happen in time if I just let it. My choices could lead to even more heartache for him and I knew what that was like. Was I willing to put him through the emotional void I had experienced just so I could start to feel better myself? I had never been a selfish person. I had always been the one to look after others but……. I needed help and he was the only one who could give it.
“Bella. Are you home?” The front door slammed as Charlie entered the house. I quickly studied myself in the mirror. Not that I really cared what I looked like but I didn’t want Charlie to see that I had been crying again. It would break his heart if he thought that I was returning to that awful place I was at a few months ago. He was happy that I had finally managed to pull myself out of that hole and I was pretty sure that he was thanking Jacob for that in his own head. He knew I had a long way to go but I didn’t want to give him even an inkling that I could fall back into that abyss with the slightest provocation. It would hurt him. I sighed. There was always someone for me to hurt.
“Here dad”. I called as I made my way downstairs.
“ How was your day? Did you have fun with Jacob?” he enquired while he studied my face.
I pulled my face into a calm mask and answered the way I knew he wanted. “ Sure, we always have a good time together. We just hung out. You know how it is dad.”
“ When are you seeing him again?” Subtle Charlie. Why don’t you just ask me when are we going to get married and have kids so that you can be sure that I won’t completely lose it again.
“ Um. Not so sure. We are both pretty busy from here on in. You know school going back and all. I am sure it will be soon though” I added because I saw his face show a small sign of panic. “ Have to go dad the grocery store is calling or we won’t have any food. See ya.” I made a dash for the door before he could continue with the discussion and lead me to confess that not all was right between Jacob and I. It wasn’t something that I wanted to face.
Life was full of mundane everyday routines and this was one of them. Grocery shopping. Thank goodness for the mundane. It let me look like I was functioning without really having to think about what was going on in all the other parts of my life. It made people think that I was surviving when all I wanted to really do was curl up into a ball and……. Not an option I told myself firmly. You are not the only person that is impacted by your choices. Charlie, Renee, Jacob, Angela. All people I loved and wanted to protect. One step in front of the other. Slowly but surely things would get better.
I had finished the shopping and was heading out to the carpark. I looked up to see that the shadows were deepening and that twilight was upon us. Twilight was his favourite time. I shuddered and deliberately made my thoughts wander from that potentially destructive course of images. When would this stop. I sighed for the umpteenth time and started to put the groceries in the boot of the car.
“ Bella”. I closed my eyes tightly. Why on earth was I hearing his voice. I was putting groceries in the car for god’s sake. I wasn’t doing anything dangerous that could lead me to hearing his voice. I wasn’t trying to be reckless on one of the motorbikes that Jacob had fixed for me. I wasn’t putting myself into any danger by talking to strange men in the middle of a quiet Port Angeles street. There wasn’t anything remotely threatening in what I was doing at all. I chose to ignore it and kept packing.
“ Ah excuse me Bella”. Now I know I am going mad. His voice was never pleasant when he spoke to me in my mind. He was always angry at me for what I was doing. What a joke. My mind obviously wanted to believe that he cared when I put myself in danger even though I knew that there was nothing further from the truth. This was different though. This was that beautiful sing song voice that I had cast from my mind when he had told me he didn’t love me anymore. When he had told me that he no longer existed. Why on earth was I hearing it now?
I slowly turned around to see what was going on. I gasped and instantly felt a fierce joy overcome me. It was instantly rebuffed however as my mind began to register what was happening in front of me. This could not be real. Edward stood about two metres in front of me, flanked by his family. Every single one of them. How could that be? Why on earth were they all here in front of me in a carpark of all places. Edward looked nervous. Alice looked elated. Jasper was worried. Emmett was smirking. Rosalie looked bored. Carlisle and Esme stood a little behind. It seemed like ages before anyone spoke. I couldn’t even grasp if this was reality or some sick fantasy. I had pushed all these people to the bottom of my subconscious in the hope of gaining some semblance of normality. Yet here they were looking as real as uniquely beautiful people can look.
I felt my hands reach across my stomach as if to protect myself. I hugged myself fiercely. This was not happening. This could not happen now. Please, please leave me alone I yelled to myself silently.
“ Bella. we were um….. that is Bella we were hoping……..” His voice trailed off as I stared at him coldly. I watched as he slumped slightly and turned to Alice for help.
Alice placed her hand on his arm and turned to me smiling. “ Hi Bella. We are so happy to see you”
Was she joking? What were they doing? Happy to see me? I had never heard anything so absurd in my life.
Alice came towards me. ‘She is going to hug you.’ my inner voice yelled at me and I reflexively placed my hands up to ward her off. I saw her stricken face as she quickly moved back to her spot next to Edward without touching me at all. Jasper grasped her hand and I knew that he was using his gift to help her. I didn’t care. I was beginning to spiral out of control. I could feel it. I needed to get out of here.
I turned back to the car and slammed the boot closed with as much ferocity as I could manage. My mind was still yelling at me to get out of there. I moved towards the car door. I still had not said a single word and I could still feel seven pairs of eyes staring uncertainly at my back.
“ Please Bella. Don’t go”. His voice was pleading. There was something there but I couldn’t quite get what it was. I was too full of my own anguish that I didn’t want to see what he was trying to do. “ I am so sorry Bella. I truly am…
“ You. Are. Sorry.” I spat out at him. He looked like I had slapped him across the face but he remained calm and tried again.
“ Yes Bella. I am sorry. I should never have left you like that. I have been….”
I could feel the red hot emotion of anger come over me. I couldn’t think straight. All I knew was that the one that had hurt me the most , the one that had ripped my heart out and left me to fend for myself was standing in front of me saying that he was sorry. What did he want from me? Hadn’t he hurt me enough?
“ You left me Edward. You made me think that you loved me and then you just decided that I wasn’t good enough for you and you…. left…. me. Do you think I care that you are SORRY. I DO NOT CARE” I yelled at him furiously and then realized where I was. The carpark. I made my voice softer but kept the anger in it. There was way too much pain involved to just let this go. “ You made your choice Edward. You made my choice for me. Not only did you take yourself away from me… you took everyone.” I glared at the whole family. Oh god how I had loved this family but now all I felt for them was anger. “ Not one of you cared enough about me to check that I was alright. Not one of you tried to keep contact”. I looked at Alice as I said this and I saw her cringe and Jaspers hand tighten on hers.
“ I’m sorry Bella” Alice moaned “ I know it seems like we didn’t care but of course we did. We just had to do the right thing”
“ The right thing, the right thing. Are you serious. You were my best friend. I loved you like a sister. I would never EVER TURN MY BACK on you” I was becoming hysterical. “ You are as bad as him. You LEFT me”
“ We did it to protect you Bella” Alice stammered. “ We were thinking of you”
“ How could going away possibly protect me Alice. How could leaving me to face the others possibly help me. Laurent, Victoria and any other blood drinking mythical creature that feels that I am their personal magnet. It’s neverending. Every sound, every shadow. Constant fear and NOONE to protect me. “ My breathing was becoming quicker and I could feel the shock oozing out of every one of them. I didn’t care. “ How was leaving the right thing to do when I couldn’t feel or breath for god knows how long?”
I caught the significant look that Alice gave Jasper and I turned on him ferociously. “ DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT CALMING ME DOWN. You have no right. Let me be. Let me feel what I am feeling Not what you want me to feel. You owe me that Jasper” Another stab in the heart for someone I had once cared for. He would never forgive himself for what he had done that helped lead us to this moment and I had just driven it home even more. He stopped though. I didn’t feel any calm just the red hot anger. It made me keep the poisoned arrows hurling at the Cullen family. “ and you Emmett. Have you come back to tease me more. Bored, are you, without the silly human to entertain you – obviously I wasn’t entertaining enough to keep around hey even though I thought of you as the big brother I had never had?”
I turned to Rosalie as she hissed at me. No one insults Emmet without earning her wrath. What could I say to her? She had never professed to care so what had she done wrong? “ At least you never pretended to care Rosalie. At least when you left you didn’t make a mockery of a friendship. There never was one between us”
I turned to attack the two remaining Cullens and felt the wind come out of my sail. I had had enough. What could I possibly say to two of the most amazing people I know. I couldn’t inflict any more hurt tonight.
“ Please stop Bella. This is not my family’s fault. They only left because I forced them to…..”
“ Do you know what Edward, I am finished. When you left me you told me to forget that you or any of your family ever existed. Well you have got what you wanted. As far as I am concerned none of you exist. Go away and leave me alone.” I turned away from all of their shocked faces and numbly placed myself in the car as I whispered “I don’t need ANY vampires in my life – NONE”
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by annette hughes on -
about time they realized they were made for each other xx
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Permalink Reply by Michelle on -
Oh, that is the loveliest thing to say. Thanks. Don't worry though there are a few things to happen yet before I will end it all. I just hope I can do it right.
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Permalink Reply by Franchesca on -
absolutely great! finally! lol...Can't wait for their reunion...
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Permalink Reply by Wendy D {#1 Stalker Fan} on -
Well Michelle, thanks to Tami and her suggestion, since I am IMPATIENTLY waiting for her and Angel to post to their stories, I have just copied all 26 chapters into Word to read, so will be commenting soon! and from just a few of the comments during my getting the chapters to copy, I think I am in for an exciting story!! Woo Hoo!
Happy Dance!
Wendy Twilight and FanFic Addict! -
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Permalink Reply by Michelle on
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Wow. That's great that Tami suggested you read my story. I am quite chuffed with that actually. Thanks for reading. I hope you ended up liking it.
Cheers
Michelle -
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Permalink Reply by Wendy D {#1 Stalker Fan} on
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Yeah!! Thanks again Tami!! So goood!!!
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Permalink Reply by Hannah Thomas on -
YES!!! SUCCESS!!! he finally woke up!!!!!
cant wait for the next chapter is up!!!!! -
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Permalink Reply by Michelle on
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Chapter 27
BPOV
My memories of Edward’s past kisses were nothing in comparison to the one we had just experienced. His previous kisses had all been so controlled – heart stopping and passion fueling – but controlled. This one had been different. Edward had allowed himself to kiss me without restraint and I had returned the favour. Surely that kiss must mean that he cared for me in some way. I placed my fingers against my bruised lips and wondered if we would ever be that close again. Edward’s belief that he was a soulless monster who could kill me at any given moment would probably prevent it. The thought that he would not come back again petrified me. I needed to know one way or another what that kiss had meant. Was it fueled by passion for me or lust for my blood? Either way I knew one thing – Edward would never have hurt me. I just hoped that Alice and Jasper could convince him of that. I was relying on them to do so.
“Well Bella, your charms really work on my brother, I have to say.” Emmett’s chuckle broke through my reverie and I tried to concentrate on his words. “For weeks now Tanya had been trying to get Edward ….how should I say this….in the mood and he has responded to her like a dead piece of wood. You’re at our house 5 minutes and no doubt did absolutely nothing at all and he is all over you like there’s no tomorrow. Yep, my brother has it for you bad.”
I knew Emmett was just teasing me but the thought of Tanya trying to seduce Edward combined with my own insecurities about what had just happened made me angry and embarrassed. The blush that rose to my cheeks betrayed me. I knew that it was what Emmett enjoyed most about me – the ability to make me blush with his words – to know that his words had hit their mark. Now was no exception and I caught the absolute glee in his low laughter.
“I guess Tanya doesn’t have her blood to entice him with.” I stated with sarcasm. I knew it wasn’t a fair statement and I cringed inwardly at the insult I had just laid on Edward. Emmett stopped the car instantly and turned towards me seriously.
“Bella. Edward didn’t kiss you because of the need for your blood. He kissed you in spite of it.” Emmett placed his hand under my chin and lifted my gaze up to his so that I had nowhere to look but into his golden eyes. “I know you don’t understand this Bella but what just happened was amazing. Edward hasn’t hunted in weeks – there should have been no way in this world for him to override the temptation of your blood. Your number should have been up the instant he saw you. I am not telling you this to frighten you. I am telling you so that you understand. The fact that he was able to kiss you – to be so close to you, indicates the strength of his feelings for you. It is something none of us would have ever believed possible.”
He started the car again and left me to my thoughts. I wanted so badly to believe what Emmett was saying was true but Edward had told me the opposite and I was entirely confused. Why had Edward left me in the first place and then returned only to ignore me further? I considered asking Emmett and then changed my mind. It was Edward I needed to speak to, to get my answers. As long as he came back….
Emmett pulled up outside my house and walked me to the door. Funny, I would never have picked Emmett as being the gentlemanly type. I should have known better. It was his last opportunity to tease and he grabbed it with both hands.
“So I will see you tomorrow night. Make sure you save a dance for me.”
“Ah, Emmett I don’t do dancing, you know that.”
“I beg to differ little lady. We will have that dance. Besides you’re part of the family and you know we will do anything for family………. even let un-co human monster magnets step all over our feet. Ouch.”
He laughed as he headed back to the car. I followed his chuckling form back to the car with my eyes. He winked at me as he slipped into the drivers seat. How I loved this incorrigible character that was Emmett. Everything was black or white for him and when the going got tough the tough got joking. His light heartedness made me smile and it took me away from all the worries I had for a few moments. I went inside to wait for my future – whatever it may bring.
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The night seemed endless. I had waited all afternoon for some kind of word from any one of the Cullens. None came. I had prepared for bed mechanically and hoped that during the night I might find out what was going on. Nothing. The waiting was doing my head in and I was slipping into a sense of Déjà vu. He wasn’t coming back and no one was willing to tell me the news. The conviction that this was the case grew with each hour of waiting. The only relief I had from it was my intermittent lapses into sleep and even they were horrific because of the dream.
Edward was coming towards me and his is soft alluring voice was wrapping itself around me so completely that I was unable to move. “Forgive me Bella but I can’t help it.” His lips were coming towards mine and I was opening them eagerly for his kiss but he changed course and I felt his lips against the side of my neck. I felt the pain as his teeth sunk into my flesh and I knew without a doubt that I was dying. His lips left my neck and his face was inches from mine. I looked into his eyes and they were blood red. He smiled seductively at me and then placed his lips against the other side of my neck. Edward was causing my death and I was unable to even move to stop him.
I knew I hadn’t screamed because Charlie never came to check on me. I would just wake up in a sweat and wonder when on earth it would all end. I needed to know what was happening. I couldn’t take it much longer.
Finally the night turned into morning and along with it came Alice. She looked exuberant and I felt a small trickle of hope prick at my anxiety.
“Is everything ok? Did Edward come back? Why has it taken so long? I have been waiting all day and night for some kind of answer Alice. Is he alright?” My questions came out in a gush of concern. Alice only laughed. I could assume from that that things had gone well.
Alice answered my questions to let me know that Edward was beside himself with worry about me but that he had agreed to come back. He wasn’t going to leave again. I had sighed in relief to hear that I would see him again but then wondered why he wasn’t here now. “ Alice he still doesn’t want to be near me, does he?” I felt my heart drop into my stomach. He was coming back to his family but not to me. I cursed myself – hadn’t I said to Alice that I wanted him back even if it was only as a friend. I was going to have to live with that promise now. It would hurt but I could do it.
Alice saw the stricken look on my face and answered quickly. “He wants to be near you Bella. Truly he does but he isn’t willing to put you at risk again so he has gone hunting again with Carlisle and Jasper just to make sure. You’ll see him tonight I promise. Besides…” she looked at me appraisingly “ the next time my brother sees you I want him to see you at your most beautiful. You look shocking at the moment Bella. We have some work to do.”
“ Well it’s hard to look your absolute best Alice when you have been awake all night waiting and worrying.” I shot back at her with a grumble. “ I suppose I have no choice but to wait until tonight then. I would have preferred to have seen him now though Alice. I really need to speak to him.”
“Better late than never, Bella. Now come on we have the morning to finish the last minute organization and then we are going to devote the afternoon to getting ourselves looking spectacular. Angela is waiting.”
The morning was a whirlwind of activities which helped me cope with the anticipation of seeing Edward again and finally finding out what was going on between us. Alice was at her best organising this and placing things there but even more importantly it was the happiest I had seen her in such a long time. I had been so caught up in my own sadness and anxieties that I hadn’t fully realized the extent of hers. In fact I noticed that there was a new sense of lightness and hopefulness about all of the Cullens who were presently helping us set up the fundraiser. Esme was humming softly to herself and the smile never left her face. Whenever she passed one of her children she would give them a quick squeeze and an angelic smile. She included Angela and I in her contentment and it was hard not to respond to her all-encompassing love of everyone around her. Emmett was in fine form teasing us whenever the opportunity arose. I noticed that Angela kept glancing my way whenever one of Emmett’s jokes were aimed at me to see how I would react. I laughed. She hadn’t spent much time with Emmett so was a bit off balanced with his whole clown act. Everyone who had known him from his days at school would assume he was a burly weight lifter type without too much personality. None of them had bothered to look beyond his appearance to get to know the sweet guy beneath the charade. I was glad that Angela was getting to see this side of him. Even Rosalie had put aside her preciousness to help us out and she was obviously in a good mood laughing at Emmett with a loving look in her eye. All of the happiness around us had to bode well for me surely.
The afternoon was every girls dream apparently – just not mine. Alice had determined that the three of us should get ready for our big night at her house and we had spent the afternoon primping and curling and doing all the girly things that were meant to result in a more stunning you. Alice and Rosalie fussed over Angela and I, working on makeup and hairstyles as if it was the most important thing in the world. They were enjoying themselves immensely so I plastered a grin onto my face and let them have their way. I was too busy thinking of the meeting I was going to have with Edward sometime tonight and the butterflies in my stomach were making me jittery. I was quickly losing confidence that everything was going to work out. When I stood beside Alice and Rosalie I felt so plain and human like. I wanted to be more than that for Edward. I couldn’t understand how he could even give me a second thought when he was surrounded by such exquisiteness all the time.
When it was time to leave the Cullen’s house the four of us walked laughing down the staircase. I was watching my feet very carefully as I walked down the staircase knowing that it was probable that I would trip at any time and when I finally did look up my breath caught in my throat. Jasper and Emmett were standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for their wives with unadulterated adoration in their eyes. If Jasper was there surely that meant that Edward must be back too. I searched the hallway for him but he wasn’t there. The heavy disappointment settled in my stomach. Everyone was here except him.
Emmett whistled in admiration as we all got to the bottom of the staircase. “Man, do you all look gorgeous. The guys of Forks are not going to know what has hit them when we get there.” Rosalie laid a playful punch on his arm and he instantly took her hand to guide her outside to the waiting cars.
“May I?” Jasper requested of Alice and Angela as he offered them an arm each. They both giggled as they took them and I couldn’t help but think how far Jasper had come in allowing Angela so close to him as they too headed for the cars.
Carlisle and Esme reached for me and I threaded my arms through theirs. It was the perfect family picture but one component was missing and it was the most important part to me. I looked at Carlisle with the question in my eyes and he understood my concern. “He is coming Bella. I promise. He just needed a little more time. He won’t let any of us down. I know he won’t.” His smile was comforting but it did nothing to calm my nerves. If Edward wanted to leave again now was the perfect time – he was alone and there was no one to stop him.
He wouldn’t do that …..would he? -
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Permalink Reply by Monique2401 on -
No, he wouldn't do that. Well I hope he wouldn't. If he doesn't turn up, it's going to break Bella's heart and shred her chest into pieces.
My memories of Edward’s past kisses were nothing in comparison to the one we had just experienced. His previous kisses had all been so controlled – heart stopping and passion fueling – but controlled. This one had been different. Edward had allowed himself to kiss me without restraint and I had returned the favour. Surely that kiss must mean that he cared for me in some way. I placed my fingers against my bruised lips and wondered if we would ever be that close again. If anything, I really hope that the kiss Edward and Bella shared was one to seal the deal, you know expressing each others's love when there lips touched. I think it was fueled by his passion for Bella.
As always great chapter. It was sweet from her describing the kiss to Emmett's brotherly reassurence. It was sad thinking about Edward's self loathing and him maybe not showing up. I really hope Carlisle's right. -
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Permalink Reply by Bella Swan on -
beautiful.................beautiful...............beautiful............
and i dont think edward will leave
if he leaves then michelle will write his personality wrong
this is not what edward does
and of course, if edward does that, then michelle will have written the chapter all wrong and insulted all the team edward fans like me -
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Permalink Reply by Michelle on
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Monique and Bella
Don't worry I won't send him away. I am team Edward too you know. I believe that he would come back if that's what he said he would do. Bella has just been waiting for him to get back and she was shocked that he wasn't there with the rest of them so she is now thinking negatively.
I am glad you like Emmett's brotherly reassurance.
Thanks for the comments.
Cheers
Michelle -
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