The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

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Replies to This Discussion

I am too :( But all stories have to end sometime. There will always be other stories though. :)

Epilogue-  

Part One - Bella’s P.O.V.-
The time was 6:45.
So there I was. Standing in front of the mirror like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. A loser. I could have moved in that moment, could have said something or tried to breath slower, but instead I stood there pathetically. Staring into the mirror with absurd and shocked eyes. I was a mess.
I tilted my head back, sighing as I eyed the fan that hung from the ceiling. I had not forgotten the unimportant and pointless life of a ceiling fan; it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace. Never having to face problems or worry about tomorrow and what it will be like. Or if you’ll even make it to tomorrow for that matter. It watched things.
It was a cruel lifeless soul that had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging. They still couldn’t speak, still couldn’t make their own decisions, and still just kept its place at the top of my room and watched.
It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I lay there in my bed. With him. As if I ever deserved him, or as if it was ever worth his time. No matter what I did or said, even if we were just silent, he would always give up every night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that i sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now... now he stay forever. After today, there would be no more separation. No more doubts. Just love...
  “We’re ready.” Alice poked her head into the door, smiling as she admired me. I swallowed hard, nerves suddenly making me feel weak. I looked to the ground, my mouth open to say something, but not able to say it. Lucky for me, Alice could already see what it was I wanted to say without having to say it.
  “He’s down there. Waiting for you. Don’t worry.” she smiled softly with love. I couldn’t help myself but to smile back at her. It was hard really for anyone not to.
“Okay. I’m coming.” I said, taking a deep breath. I could do this. Yes. I could do this for sure.
Alice paused for a second in thought. “Bella?”
“Yeah?” I asked, suddenly worried that she saw something go wrong. Everything go wrong. He wouldn’t be there. He’d finally realized that he was better without me. He’d left forever. And I would never see him again...
“You look beautiful.” she said, and I realized as she said it, that she really meant it. Through her words, I really did feel beautiful then. She must have known that that would work.
“Okay.” I said as I looked at myself in the mirror one last time. ‘I’m ready.” And truly, I was.

Part Two - Brett’s P.O.V.-
  I sat quietly as I plotted my revenge for the retched leech-lovers that interfered with my place as alpha. My place. Not where they belonged, but where I belonged. Something they had no right to medal with.
  But their actions would no go unpunished. They would pay for the destruction they’d caused both me, and my rightfully earned pack. I was pack leader. Not the wolf that was family with leeches. The thought was utterly disgusting.
  I took a step closer, only becoming more graceful as I made sure not to make any noise that could be heard by the bloodsuckers. Yes, they would pay. They just wouldn’t know it until it was too late to even beg for mercy.
  I spotted Ryan, seated beside Molly with the most idiotic grin on his face. it made me sick to see it, to see the victory and happiness on his face. It only pushed me further to tear that smile off of his face and destruct it beyond recognition. I grinned madly as Ryan stood up and walked nearer to me, his source of unavoidable death. Revenge would be beautiful.
  He stepped closer, completely unaware of his every breath becoming one of his last. So naive, so intolerable. There was clearly no logic behind someone of his stupidity becoming pack leader. They needed someone like me. Someone with leadership, someone with intelligence and bravery. Someone who is willing to take risks.
  I took another step closer. My paw hardly even touching the ground as I stepped ever so quietly. Yes, the pack needed someone like me, and they would soon come to realize this.
I hunched down, and pushed off of my paws to leap at him, only to be confused when I landed to the side several feet away. I was back on my feet immediately, growling evilly, showing my killing teeth to my attacker. Showing them that they had made the biggest mistake of their life to dare even think of challenging me.
  The wolf before me was big, anger clear in their eyes as they prepared as well to attack. The wolf was... Beth.
  I grin came to my face, as new plans came to mind. The thought of Ryan’s face as he saw Beth’s dead body slung before him, then even more shock as he was killed by the true leader of the pack. It was sweet, but not as sweet as actually getting to see his face and know that it is real. So very sweet.
  Leave Ryan alone, she growled, not asking, but rather demanding of me. As if she could decide what I did? It was funny really, giving how much more powerful I was than her, for Beth to actually be telling me what to do. It was brave of her. Putting her life before her with such a huge risk. It would be a shame to have to omit her from his pack.
  Why Beth, are you defending someone who left you? Just left you behind like a worthless maggot-filled rabbit? You realize that he doesn’t love you anymore, don’t you, Beth? I challenged, the two of us both circling, our eyes never leaving each others.
  I’m sticking up for him because he is the true pack leader, and you will never add up to even a fraction of the person he is. She spat back, not even the slightest sign of fear showing in anything she did. She was very brave. But she would still die a coward. They al did.
  Ryan will never be as powerful as I. He will never be as strong a wolf as I am. I said, even though it shouldn’t have even been necessary to say it. Such a thing should be completely obvious at this point.
  Beth eyed a scar on my muzzle. A scar from my battle with Ryan. Give it up already, she spat, inching closer to me.
  I was taken aback that she’d continued her fight this long against someone as strong as me. She really was a fighter. No matter how amazing Ryan’s face would be seeing her dead body, it wouldn’t be as good as her in my pack. She would be a key element. She was strong. It was too bad Ryan had left her really, he was missing out in being with that other weak mutt, Molly.
  I raised my head up in pride, showing her as I spoke that this opportunity from being given to her by a higher power, and should be taken as a blessing. As mercy.
  I’m going to take down Ryan, I began.
 You wish! she scoffed, inching even closer.
 Ignoring her, I continued with my offer, her only chance of surviving at this point. I’m going to take down Ryan, and get my pack back. And I want you in it. You’ll realize soon enough how much more equipped and prepared I am as a pack leader.
  She started to protest, but I got in my final words before she could say no. You want me as a leader Beth. You don’t want to be around Ryan and his new girlfriend Molly. He’ll be far to distracted with her, distracting both you and the rest of the pack. He’ll lead you off of a cliff without even realizing it! My pack will be stable. More mature. Concentrated. And powerful. Very powerful. You don’t really want to be around him do you?
  She didn’t fight back immediately, and I knew I had her. How great I was at convincing was yet another of the many qualities that made me an amazing leader. A leader that La Push couldn’t afford not to have. I could even-
 I’d rather be led off of a cliff by Ryan than lead into evil by you. She said, inching even closer to e in challenge. We were nose to nose now, staring evilly into each others eyes.
  You’re making a stupid mistake. I threatened her, growling in frustration at such an inconvenient loss of a pack member. You’re going to die under Ryan’s leadership. You’ll die. I may as well kill you now to get it over with for you.
  She just watched my eyes, almost as if teasing me as she spoke. Not if I beat you to it.
  I hadn’t even the time to prepare to pounce on her before everything suddenly became nothingness.


Part Three - Bella’s P.O.V.-
  I sighed heavily, the nerves seriously beginning to kick in now. Though Alice had reassured me, she’d not managed to calm me. I don’t think that anything could in this moment; I was fidgety, near to sweating my skin off if I were human.
  “Bella?” a voice asked behind me. It was usually a voice that I feared hearing, for I knew that this voice came with rude and vulgar comments, but not today. Today he was serious, dauntless and determined.
  I turned around to Emmett and smiled. “I’m ready.” I smiled calmly, trying to hide all nervousness and stress.
  He laughed, sensing my nervousness anyway. “Don’t trip out there Bella.”
  Okay, so he was kind of serious today.
  As we walked together, arm in arm, my frozen heart could have jumped out of my chest as I saw so many wolves and vampires so near... It didn’t feel right the first time I’d seen them unite, and it still didn’t look right even now, as we united again. This time not for a fight.
  I saw Kate Tanya, and the rest of the Denali clan, standing together, looking beautiful as I’d always suspected they would appear. Those of the Denali were of the many clans that were delighted to hear that the Volturi had been over thrown.
  I saw Daisy, hand in hand with Rahul, and I couldn’t help but smile to myself at the memory of the two of them getting together, after what appeared to be years of a game of cat and mouse. Sometimes I guess hearing your friends thoughts has its advantages.
  I saw Beth then, a felt a pang of sadness for her. I did not blame Ryan for imprinting on someone else, I understood more than a lot of people what it felt like to love two people. Especially when you wanted one of them, but needed the other.
  Brandon and Cody caught my eye then. They were comfortable about being near each other. They were truly forgiving brothers, and I honored them for that. I’d been given a thousand times more forgiveness than I deserved, and it was people like Brandon that were somehow able to forgive the mistakes of people like Cody and I that made this world a better place.
  I saw Carlisle then, with Esme of course, and the rest of their ‘adopted’ family. Carlisle was not only a truly proud father, but was now a proud part of the rulers of the vampire world. A group of rulers that didn’t involve unreasonable killing amongst vampires they didn’t like. He loved helping humans, it’s what he did for a career, so it only made sense that he would want to better the vampire world as well.
  I saw Alice then, and she gave me a smile of reassessment again, being there for me as a best friend. I didn’t understand how she, and others of course, managed to forgive me. Maybe it was something I could never fully understand for some reason. Maybe it was too powerful for any of us to understand unlimited forgiveness for those that you love.
  I saw Ryan next, and the happiness and pride that came about almost knocked me over. As he held Molly’s hand, a constant look of love and protectiveness for her, I was proud. Proud that he was my son, and proud of what a wonderful child he was, even having to grow up without both of his parents. I wish I could make that up to him in some way, but again, it was another one of those mystery cases where the person somehow manages to forgive for god knows what reason why. You didn’t deserve it, you didn’t earn it, but you got it anyway. It was a crazy thing.
  Finally, distracting me from all that I’d just seen, I saw Edward. He didn’t give up on me, even when I gave him every reason to. He didn’t stop loving me, even though I showed him through my actions that i did not deserve it. And I would never stop loving him. No matter what he did, no matter what he said, or how harsh he could have been in response to what I put him through. I never stopped loving him, and I never will. And today, we would prove to each other, for good, that it would stay that way. Forever.
  “Shall we begin?” Emmett asked, a smile across his face as he stood beside Edward and I. I wasn’t even hearing him. All I saw was Edward’s face, all I heard was his breathing, and I could feel, was his presence. He was there, and I was here, and we were here. Together.
  After we kissed, sealing our love indefinitely, I turned to face my new family. Some of them vampires, some of them wolves, and some of them I’d not fully gotten to now yet. But it didn’t matter what, or who they were, because it was family that had gotten me through all of this. It was family that had forgiven me through all of this. And it was family that loved me through every moment.
  I realized then, something that I’d never thought before; I was truly happy.
 

This is the epilogue to Secretive! I hate to make it end, but Secretive has had its turn, meaning it's time for another story to shine. It's called Sincere. I'll post the prologue below ^_^ Thank you for reading, to everybody, whether you read half of a chapter, or all 35, it warms my heart to get to share my inner-crazy thinking with the world through story :)

Some happiness for Bella and a revenge plot from Brett to stir things up.  You are definitely setting us up for another interesting sequel!

Thanks Seugnet, I'm excited to write it! :)

Surreal

Prologue


  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either.

This is the prologue to Surreal, the sequel to Secretive, and the last story of the Selfish series, from Bella's point of view. It's hard to leave a story, and I still have more I wanted to write. But I swear I'll stop after this. :) I hope you guys enjoy.

Is the prologue from Bella's point of view, or is it somebody else?  How do things get to that point?  Now you've got me wondering...

It's from Bella's point of view yes, and just like Secretive did, chapter one will take place before the prologue has happened, so all of the events in Surreal will lead up to the prologue happening. :) Sorry if that's confusing.



I thought it was something like that! :)

Yeah, I'm realizing now, a little too late I fear, that I should have put Bella's P.O.V. along with the prologue. Sorry about that :)

love the epilogue and the prologue,  you are a wonderful writer and i can't wait to read this story.

Thanks Kelley! I look forward to getting to share the last of my crazy ideas for the Selfish series, hehe :)

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