The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

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They're both AMAZING!

aww thanks Molly!!!

chapter 13 shall be below- hope you likeee it :)

Chapter 13-

 

  Having only a few hours of sleep, I felt as if I had ran all the way to La Push, just to leave and go back again. I had a few hours of rest in me, but mentally, I was drained.

  Since Daisy and Rahul had seen my conversation with the bloodsucker, they had insisted on gathering the whole of the pack to come once again. This time, I couldn’t stop them.

  Tell me again why were helping those parasites again? Brett growled.

  Without turning to him, I answered by reminding him what the leech had said. These vampire guard guys are going after them, and then they’re coming for us.

  And you believe her? She’s just trying to get your help! Someone will end up hurt!

  I continued to run for a second before I answered. It makes since. Redhead is kind of pissed at me from, you know, helping to take down her army. I thought to him. There. That should satisfy him and leave me in peace.

  Brett huffed. I knew we shouldn’t have let a bloodsucking-wolf become alpha.

  Daisy, Rahul, Brandon, and Cody all stopped dead and their tracks and growled at Brett.

  Ryan is a wonderful alpha, and he’s better than you would have ever been! Daisy growled at him, eyes fierce.

  Oh, I’d have made a hell of a better alpha! With me, we wouldn’t be risking our lives for leec-

  It’s his family! Which means it’s our family too! Daisy yelled.

  Brett just stared at her. I am not family with any leeches!

  If that’s what you think then-

  I don’t have to take this crap! Brett yelled, turning around.

  Brett! Daisy yelled. She turned to me. Well? Say something!

  I sighed. Brett.

  He turned around, a deep anger in his eyes. Very crude thoughts were lingering around within his head at me. For a split second, I cringed but forgot it.

  Brett, I’m not going to make you come-

  What? Daisy demanded.

  Suddenly, Brett smiled within his head. I was suddenly a little stressed when he began to think of different places in the forest pants were hidden. That was what he always thought about when he was hiding something.

  Fine. Brett said happily. I’ll go. He began to run again, leaving the rest of us confused. We ran to, but I couldn’t help but wonder what Brett was hiding.

  Don’t worry. Daisy reassured me. He’s always acting like that. He likes to make us wonder. She said, rolling her eyes.

  I was surprised that Brett said nothing back to us. He just kept thinking of the woods. I made myself forget it and run. Just run.

  It wasn’t too long before the scent of the bloodsuckers hit us. I stopped breathing for a few seconds so I wouldn’t have to smell it. The smell of leeches was, and would always be the absolute worst thing I had ever smelt.

  We stood outside their huge house, waiting. I made a point by growling loudly, impatiently. I wasn’t going to sit around and wait for them. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

  Edward, spiky hair chick, and two other males came out and approached us.

  “Thank you so much for coming. We will always be in debt to you. For yesterday, and now.” Edward said.

  I turned my face away from him, ashamed that I was in any way connected to him through family. The very thought repulsed me.

  He was suddenly staring at me intently. He didn’t look as if he were angry at me but instead looked… confused. He stared intently at me, as if he were trying to focus on something. I was suddenly uncomfortable. The spiky hair chick now spoke up.

  “They are not here yet, obviously. But they will be. In three days. They are not bringing everyone they could possibly take with them, but there will be a lot of them.”

  How does this chick know so much? Cody wondered, suddenly fearing the leeches just the slightest.

  “She is telepathic. She can see the decisions being made of anyone, with the exceptions of wolves.” Edward answered. My eyes widened.

  I turned around to Cody, who was now shaking.

  How… how…

  I turned back to Edward. I howled at him angrily. This was a trap after all!

  The others joined in, growling and circling around the leeches.

  Edward put his hands up in peace, but I didn’t buy it.

  “Wait, I have a gift as well. I can hear the thoughts of anyone I am near… With the exception of a few.” He suddenly turned to me, frustration clear on his face. I turned my head, confused as well.

  We need to get out of here! Daisy said, worried.

  Edward turned to her now. “I promise, we mean you and your family no harm. A few of us have an extra gift, we do not mean to use it to hurt you in any way.” He said calmly, as if the presence of wolves was nothing to him.

  Then quit reading our minds! Daisy barked.

  He chuckled quietly, but not in a happy way. “I wish I could.” He said. Daisy backed down, but still thought fowl thoughts to him.

  I turned to her. Daisy, calm yourself. I ordered. She settled down now.

  I sighed. So what do we do until they come? I wondered. Why had they forced us out here when these guys wouldn’t be here for three days?

  Rather than paying any attention to me, Edward began to explain the gifts that the Volturi guys had, and what they were capable of. He explained nothing that my pack and I wasn’t already aware of.

  Hey, what are we doing out here? I thought again. He didn’t even look at me. I growled.

  Hey leech, he’s talking to you! Rahul barked. Edward looked at Rahul for a second, and then suddenly turned to me. Parasite!

  What are we doing out here? I growled for the third time. He just stared at me, focusing really hard. He looked highly frustrated. He hated me! He hated the fact that I was that woman’s son and wouldn’t even talk t me! There was no way I would help his family of leeches if he couldn’t even get over himself enough to talk to m-

  “I’m sorry.” He said frustrated. “I can’t hear your thoughts.” He said to me. I stared at him. What?

  What is his problem? We should get out of here… Brandon thought.

  Wait. I thought to him and looked at Edward. So you can’t hear anything I’m saying? I thought to him. He turned away from me and looked at Daisy.

  “Would you mind telling me what he is saying?” Edward asked kindly, but was obviously very frustrated.

  He wants to know what the hell were doing out here three days before these Volturi leeches are even here! Daisy growled at him, just as frustrated.

  “I’m sorry, Alice here became worried when she saw them coming and went straight to you.” he answered to Daisy.

  “What are they saying?” Spiky haired Alice chick asked.

  “They want to know why they’re here three days before.” He said.

  Some blond leech that was holding Alice’s hand spoke now. “We could always help them. I could show them some moves and-“

  I growled loudly at him. My pack needs no help! I thought furiously. He just stared at me.

  Tell these leeches what I’m saying! I commanded to no one in particular.

  He says we need no help. Daisy looked at Edward.

  Edward nodded. “I understand.” He told the others what I had said, then looked back to me. “I apologize, but I cannot hear a single thought form you.” he said.

  Good. I growled

  He said good. Daisy thought.

  Daisy! You weren’t supposed to say that! I growled.

  Oh sorry. She said, looking at the ground.

  I sighed. This was going to be a long three days.

still good lol.

thanks!

Ooooo fight :) i really want bella to reconect tho!!

everyone does :)

lol nice update soon please

Thanks everyone. I'm good and healthy again so I'll try and start updating more frequently again :)

Thanks Nayely! I'll update asap

really loved the chapter update asap ^_^ please

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