The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

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Replies to This Discussion

Aw thanks Lauren :) I'll be sure to update when I can.

Thanks. I'm going to have an extremely busy week catching up on work I have missed, re watching twilight movies for the big one, and most important, watching football, :) but I'll update when I can. :)

I have so much to catch up on with this story, but when I have a chance to read it all. I promise to comment on each chapter.

 

On a side note; you decided to watch it huh? I think you'll be happy with it.

 

D

Thanks Delilah! Can't wait to hear from you :)

OMG!!!! Awesome!!! I finally caught up!!!! Please update soon!!! Sorry for taking so long!!!

s'okay Rachel. :) Thanks!

chapter 14- Hope you like it!!!

Chapter 14-

 

  You’re going to have to face them eventually. Rahul stated, sitting beside me. We were right on the top of a nearby cliff, seeking a moment of peace and quiet. Of course, that was hard when we could still hear everyone’s thoughts, but it was close enough.

  Do I? I challenged. It was only three days. I could avoid them. I could avoid my mother.

  She’ll eventually come to you, if you don’t go to her. Rahul stated.

  I sighed. And how do you know this? I challenged.

  Because. He began. I can see the way she looked at you the other day, how hurt she was when you left her. He imagined her in his head, and I flinched slightly. She loves you Ryan, no matter how evil she is toward everyone else.

  I looked over to Daisy from a distance away. She was giving Rahul an evil glare.

  You know they’re going to spit on you for saying that. I thought to him, mostly serious.

  I didn’t say it, I thought it. He joked, chuckling softly. I chuckled as well. Rahul had always been the most peaceful member of the pack. It fit him to notice the way people reacted to situations, even bloodsuckers.

  Thank you, Ryan. He said, bowing his head slightly in respect.

  Why couldn’t everyone be like him? It would be such an organized pack! Why couldn’t I be more like him?

  He remained quiet for a second as he pondered my thoughts. I’m not the wonderful person you play me out to be. He thought.

  I know you are. What do you do behind closed doors? Abuse the Internet? Don’t be guilty, we all do it. I joked.

  He nudged me slightly, rolling his eyes. I’m serious Ryan; I used to be very obnoxious. Very… suddenly an image of Brett came to his mind, but he whipped it away quickly. It was too late, we had already seen it. I listened for Brett’s growl to come, but it never did. He was still focusing on the trees and smells and clothes… what was up with him? He was always acting out of line.

  Exactly my point. I used to be just like that. Out of line, dishonorable, disgusting. Rahul said, shaking his head, trying to rid of old memories.

  Wanna talk about it? I offered, willing to speak with him if he needed me.

  He sighed again. An image of his father, Jared came to mind. He settled on old memories of him yelling at Jared, attacking him in wolf form even yelling at his mother. He used to be a very disobedient child. Then the pictures changed as Rahul and Jared fought angrily one day over something about a curfew. I knew how this story ended; I had just never seen Rahul play it out. I don’t think anyone ever has.

  Rahul suddenly leaped onto Jared, his claws raking out sadistically. I flinched as I heard Jared’s piercing scream. The day where Jared came very, very close to dying was all to familiar. It had almost split La Push. It took months before everyone could talk again. It had been about two years ago, when Rahul first started shifting. I had been told that Jared was attacked. I remember, that was the first time when I wondered if I was being told the truth about happenings in La Push.

   Rahul bowed his head down in shame, suddenly broken now that he had lingered on old memories he had not thought of in a while.

  I softly nudged my head against his.

  The past is the past, he’s okay now.

  The scars will never go away… they are a constant reminder of how terrible a son he has… Rahul thought, his eyes closed.

  He’s forgiven you hasn’t he? I thought.

  That’s… not enough.

  Rahul, don’t beat yourself up about this. You’re an amazing pack member now, one of the best. You wouldn’t be like that if it weren’t from learning experiences.

  Rahul still seemed ill shamed, so I tried to think of something comforting. I was suddenly reminded of one day in school during a history lesson.

  Do you remember, some dude in the like… 1300’s once said that we are molded by our experiences? I reminded him. I had no idea where it came from, mostly because I had been spitting spitballs in Daisy’s hair during that lesson, but I knew Rahul would. He was a big history nut.

  He finally opened his eyes and looked at me. Had I said something out of line?

  It was John Locke, and it was from the 1600’s. He smiled.

  Yeah that…. So don’t beat yourself up about it. I smiled, playfully nudging him now.

  He looked out to the sunset, clearly looking better. We say in silence for a few minutes, and I even began to feel better.

  You’re right Ryan. We are molded by our experiences. He stated.

  Yep. I said thoughtlessly, watching the sun as it set.

  Rahul looked to me. Why don’t you go see your mother?

  I tensed up. Suddenly, there was no sunset. All I could see was how hurt my mother had been when I left her. I had tried not to feel bad… after all… what she had done to my dad.

  I would assume she has made some pretty big mistakes too. Some worse than me possibly… but nonetheless, mistakes. You don’t think it’s possible that she has been molded from her experiences? He wondered. It’s possible that she has changed, that she see’s clearly now…

  Rahul brought up a good point. But kill someone’s father could not be forgiven, no matter how much the person has changed.

  Maybe that can’t be forgiven. Maybe harming anyone can never be forgiven… he looked at the ground. But that doesn’t change the fact that she’s your mother, Ryan. Even if she is still just as evil inside, she is still your mother. And we don’t have forever. There’s still a small possibility that she has changed. And if that is so then… He looked me in the eye. Why keep waiting?

  I just stared at him. Maybe my mother was just a corrupt and evil as she used to be, but what if she wasn’t? Could I really hold her against what she’s done all of my life?

  Go. Rahul commanded me.

  And with that, I stood up. Here goes nothing… or who knows? Maybe here goes everything.

 

I thought I'd let you guys get to know another member of the pack. :) Here's a list of parents, siblings, coat colors, and more incase you are confused :) Thanks to all my readers!!!

 

(*) = Vampire     (**) = Wolf    (Slash) = Dead     (>) = Child of couple

**Jacob- *Bella > **Ryan (Main character, russet coat, under the care of Sam) 

**Seth- Hayely > Beth (Ryan's ex-girlfriend)

**Paul- Rachel > **Brett (Is very obnoxious, black coat, Ryan does not like him very well.)

**Embry- Lisa > **Daisy (Female, light tan coat)

**Jared- Kim > **Rahul (Male, grey coat with white stomach)

**Quil- Claire > **Brandon & **Cody (Male twins, both have brown coats)

**Collin- Ina > Aaron (Male)

 

•Ryan has not imprinted on Beth, and he is not going to.

•Ryan is alpha because Sam never had any other kids, and Jacob had alpha in his blood.

•The only characters from Selfish that are dead are Jacob and Emily

•The Preface is in present time to chapter 5.

•Ryan turns sixteen in chapter one. This does not logically make since simply because the other wolves are the same age as him, but just go along with it.

•Edward cannot read Bella's mind, and he cannot read Ryan's either. This is because Ryan has inherited Bella's gift. There will be more information on this in chapter 16.

 

Where are all the older wolves (except for Sam) in this story?

They are in here, I promise. They just aren't mentioned much. I can't give anything away, but a few of the older wolves will DEFINITELY be mentioned soon. lol :)

:0. I'm really really really excited about the next update!!!!!!!!!! :) :D

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