The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

Views: 28950

Replies to This Discussion

Aw thanks Seugnet! Don't worry, by the end of the story, everyone secrets will be spilled out, many of them would appall you :) And Brett? He's the only character I made up that I don't like. I don't want to reveal anything just yet, but I'll admit he is hiding something , and I can't wait to write that chapter!

I know I've said this before, but you see into my story like no one else does! Every time I write a chapter, I try to bring one main point out, (sometimes it's really hard) and you always seem to find it and understand it completely! Edward, Alice, Esme, in all the people Bella loves, there is no one that can make Bella see that she is not a bad person except for Ryan, and he needs to realize that and help her. Ha, thanks for reading! :) As always, I love your comments!

Okay first off, I noticed that a lot of the links for the chapters in Selfish were all wrong because of late readers, which is totally okay guys :) so I reset them all to stop confusion. I'm really tired so if a few of them are out of place then... um sorry 

Secondly, this has been bugging me forever. Does anyone know why the second one is called Secretive? I mean, Selfish was obvious, but does anyone get the title yet? probably not :) Tell me what you think! Thanks!

Also!! Remember to nominate your favorite stories at the Fan Fiction Awards by Mollyy Greeves. Some of you have stories nominated and don't even realize it! Hurry! Voting starts in like 3 days dudes!!!

AND (because I don't wanna stop talking) be sure to check out the Christmas One-shot contest by Delilah Cullen! It's not that hard guys! I don't know how many entries there are, but there better be many!! :)

Thanks!

-Jesse

Why Secretive?  Maybe because there are so many secrets that need to be revealed and people who hide things from the people around them or even those who are closest to them?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JESSE POST MORE!

Keep The Beat: thanks so much! I appreciate it! :)
Seugnet: close :) that's really close, but the title is based on a particular person who is using the biggest secret of the story, one that will affect everyone. Can you guess who it is? :)

You're a dear ;D

thanks

chapter 17--- don't be angry :)

Chapter 17-

 

  When are the damn leeches coming? I want to go home! Brandon whined as I showed our newest member, Nick how to focus when you had an enemy in front of you, and one behind you. I rolled my eyes, ignoring Brandon’s comment.

  He growled, impatient. It had been exactly one day since my conversation with Edward, and time was going by too fast. More and more wolves were making their way over by the hour, and a sick part of me hoped that I could suddenly hear Beth’s thoughts.

  Brandon made his way to where I was teaching Nick and whined. This place stinks! He remarked.

  Just deal with it. I thought restlessly. The fact that I was running on three hours of sleep was not helping the fact that I was being constantly pestered.

  Fine. Brandon thought and traveled back to where he was hanging. Over the last 24 hours, the pack seemed to have split into two groups. Cody and his new buddy Aaron had begun hanging near Brett, though they didn’t speak to each other much. The rest of the pack, including the new members hung in a separate group, away from them.

  Wait, so we’re risking our lives so this kids leech family will be okay? Are you kidding me? Daniel suddenly stood up, anger in his eyes. I turned to him, but before I could say anything, Rahul stood up in front of Daniel.

  He’s your leader, and you will do what he tells you to. Rahul growled at him, seriousness in his tone.

  He’s not a good leader! What if someone dies because we’re getting involved in that leech-loving wolf? I don’t want to take any part in this! He growled back, not intimidated by Rahul.

  You have no choice! Rahul growled loudly, digging his claws into the dirt.

  Enough! I commanded. Rahul, I’ve got this. Daniel, no one is going to die. Our pack is large, and it is strong. If anyone dies, it will be the leech’s that are coming here to invade. I tried to reassure him, but he was still angry.

  He angrily sat back on the ground and rested his head. It was all he could do not to jump back up and burst out his real thoughts. Once everyone was silenced, I turned toward the Cullen house.

  Where you going? Going to gossip with your bloodsucking friends again? Cody mumbled to himself, making Aaron evilly snicker. Rahul was suddenly restless, wanting to shut him up with his claws.

  I turned back to Cody and growled. I don’t find it humorous, the rude comments that are just to impress Aaron. If you have a problem with me, then get over here and say it to my face.

  Everyone was silent, not wanting to miss a beat.

  I thought so. I said. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find out when these leeches are getting here so you’ll stop whining. I said and turned around.

  Yeah, that’s what it is. Cody thought, rolling his eyes. I said nothing to him, instead I just ran away form where the pack was resting and shifted. After looking around for a few minutes, I realized awkwardly that there were no more pants stocked around. I growled and looked harder, but there was nothing.

  I had three options. I could go to the Cullen’s awkwardly and ask for some pants, I could let my mind open to Edward and have him bring me pants, or I could just shift back and pretend nothing happened. I didn’t want to face the pack again, embarrassed that they thought of me as a leech friend, but I also didn’t want to face the Cullen’s in my situation.

  So I just kept looking. Every time a new wolf shifted, Daisy ordered them to bring several pairs of pants with them for us, so there had to be a pair somewhere.

  Suddenly, I heard footsteps some near. I his behind a tree, poking my head out to see what it was. I smelt their scent… it was a leech. I suddenly became worried, wondering where I could find pants.

  I realized I was standing on something funny and looked down, only to realize that I was standing on a pair of pants. There goes the dummy of the year award. I quickly put the pants on and came from outside the tree.

  I walked forward and caught the scent of the person again and froze. Oh.

  I growled and got in a shifting position. It was too bad that I had to waste another pair of pants!

  “Hello Ryan.” A small squeaky voice said quietly, trying to alarm anyone.

  “Get out of here, now.” I commanded, growling with every word I spoke. Victoria suddenly showed herself, a grin on her face.

  “Why would I leave now? Don’t you want to talk…son?” I growled very loudly, a growl that as anything but human.

  “Get out of here before I rip your head from your body.” I growled, my hands suddenly shaking. My pulse began to rush and my neck began to twitch slightly.

  “Now Ryan.” She smiled, “Calm down. I’ve only come to make a deal with you.” she said smoothly.

  I shook my head. “I have a better deal, I’ll kill you, and I’ll make it painfully slow, just for you.” I hissed, imagining ripping her red curls apart from her head.

  She snickered. “I think you’ll like my deal better. It will save your pack’s lives.” She said.

  “Tempting.” I said sarcastically. “But we don’t need any help ripping your face off, along with your Volturi friends.”

  She laughed loudly. “Oh Ryan, if you only knew.” She shook her head. “Here’s my deal Ryan, and I’m only making this once.” She took a step closer to me, making me recoil. She ignored it and continued talking.

  “Your pack will help me kill the Cullen’s and they’ll live. Or, you can go with the alternative, which is of course to be killed off slowly by the most skilled vampires there are. They’ll take out your whole pack in seconds. Are you really willing to risk their lives, Ryan?”

  I was about to shift and kill her when I suddenly thought of all the comments the pack members had been giving me. I thought about what Daniel had said; we’re risking our lives so this kids leech family will be okay? His hurtful words rang through my head, alarming me.

  What if he was right? What if I ended up getting the pack killed by something we couldn’t face just so I could spare a family that meant nothing to me? What if someone important died? Why if anyone died? I couldn’t take that risk…

  Victoria grinned. She knew that her proposal was getting to my brain. I wanted to deny it, I wanted more than anything to just kill her now, but I couldn’t. Not knowing that my next move could save my pack…

  “Well Ryan?” she asked, her evil grin remaining.

  I closed my eyes and held them tightly. Please forgive me father. I thought.

 

0__o noo he cant do it noo!!! please update asap

asap. okay :)

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