Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.
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The time was 6:45
So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-
It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging. They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.
It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.
Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.
I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.
So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?
I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.
6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person. The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.
Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…
“Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.
“Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-
I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.
I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.
“Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!
“Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.
He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…
“Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“
“Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“
“Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.
“What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“
“Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.
“Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.
Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.
You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…
I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!
“Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?
Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.
“But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.
“Bella we never-“
“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?
Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”
“Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.
“Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”
I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…
Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…
***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***
I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...
Selfish/Secretive has been nominated for Best Dramatic!!! Vote for this story at the Fan Fiction Awards!!! It would mean a lot!!! Thanks!!!
My body began to shake, and I knew I was about to pass out.
No. Daisy growled, holding my body up. There is no time. Ryan, get yourself together. We need you. We need to fight. She said.
Yeah, if you say that we are! Daisy shouted. Ryan! Suddenly she snapped at my face, causing me to jump back a little. My mother flinched as she watched. The rest of the Cullen’s faced the north where I could distantly hear the sound of feet. Many feet…
I looked at the Cullen’s, and though they were leeches, I was suddenly shocked to feel sadness at the fact that they were about to die. I realized for the first time that I actually loved my leech family, no matter what they were. They weren’t leeches, they were family. And I was about to lose them.
No. I thought, looking at the mother I had never gotten to know. No. Daisy! I said suddenly. She turned to me, cautious. Go to Brett! I commanded her.
Ryan, he’s not going to fight. He already said that. She said dryly.
No, I mean go to him! I said suddenly. Brandon and Rahul were looking at me now. All of you! Go to Brett’s pack! Save yourself! It wasn’t a recommendation, it was a command, and I made that clear.
What? Rahul demanded.
Go to his pack, now! That’s an order. I suddenly opened my mind so that Edward could hear my thoughts. Go! I shouted to him. I didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. I just wanted his family saved. I couldn’t let them die…
Edward turned to me, his face drained. He shook his head and placed his arm tightly around my mother. For once, she didn’t pull away.
It’s an order! I yelled at them. The Volturi were approaching. There was no time. They had to go…
No! Daisy yelled at me. You’re our leader and we are going to stick with you until the end! Daisy said and turned around to face the approaching Volturi. Brandon and Rahul did the same, ready to fight.
No! They can’t die for me! They can’t- I have to- what- I…
I began to shake, suddenly not in control of my body. What could I do? I couldn’t let Daisy and Rahul and Brandon be slaughtered! They were honorable wolves that didn’t deserve to be slaughtered. I had to… I had to…
Ryan. I heard a deep voice. I looked around, but it wasn’t any of the wolves near me. Even with that, the voice still seemed familiar. Who was it?
Ryan. My guts suddenly became num as I realized that it was my father voice.
Father. I gasped to myself.
I was my father. My family was the baby. I would shelter them, and protect them when the house fell. And even if they were hurt or killed I would at least die protecting them…
Yes father. I thought back, finally reassured. I will protect my family.
That was the only thing on my mind as we ran toward the Volturi at full speed. I will protect my family I will protect my family I will protect my family…
I WILL protect my family...
Exciting news- I have officially finished the plan for Secretive. it is going to have 35 chapters, an epilogue, and MAYBE a sequel :) lol
Great chapter! I can't wait to read the rest of the story!
hmm... I want to do a sequel, and I would, but I just don't have ideas. The way Secretive ends would make it hard to make a sequel, I'll think about it though. :)
Thanks Lauren! Good luck with your stories as well, I hope you win too! Thanks!
CHAPTER 22- Enjoy :))
Selfish/Secretive is up for best Dramatic!!! Vote for it at the Fan Fiction Awards!!!! It would mean so much!!
We sprang into battle immediately. I leaped high into the air, aiming right at a small girl who looked absolutely harmless. Before I even hit her, I was in a large amount of pain. I yelped out in pain as I fell to the ground, my entire body on fire. I looked around, but no one was even touching me. The little girl was simply staring at me.
What are you doing? I thought to her, even though she couldn’t hear me. Suddenly the pain was swept away as the little girl was knocked to the ground. The blonde’s mate, a big one, was attacking the little girl now. I watched in amazement as he suddenly fell to the ground in pain. I caught on quickly that her eyes had some kind of invisible attacking system. I lept onto her body, but before she could look at me, I ripped at her throat, about to tear her head off.
But before I could tear her in half, a tall leech knocked me to the ground, knocking the breath out of me. The little girl was already back to hurting the big leech while I was attacked by the tall bloodsucker. As I looked around, I realized that none of us were making a gain on the Volturi. Everyone was either being attacked, or being thrown to the ground.
I whimpered as I was thrown to the ground again. A different leech slammed into my body and tried to bite me immediately. I kicked him in the face and snapped at him. I would not give up this easily.
I tried to stand up, but every time I did, someone else knocked me down and attacked me. These leeches were stronger than I had assumed they’d be. You could hear stories of evil vampires all day, that didn’t make it any easier when you faced these nightmares.
I growled furiously as someone dragged me across the ground. There was no one to come and help, there was no way for me to fight it off alone, and I couldn’t go to help as I saw my family being ripped apart.
No. I thought, fear suddenly welling inside me. It can’t end this way! I closed my eyes as I was thrown into a tree, knocking it over immediately. I leaped onto my attacker, but he stopped me with a simple hand. He was so tall.
I struggled and tried to bite him, but he simply picked me up with no trouble. My breath caught, and I suddenly couldn’t catch a breath. I struggled as hard as I could, and tried to think of a resolution, but my thoughts became more and more clouded.
With all of my strength, I snapped my jaws across the arm that held my neck. It separated from his limp immediately, causing him to yell in pain. My body fell to the ground limply, but I wasn’t done fighting. I leaped at him, ripping his other hand away from him. I crunched my teeth on it as hard as I could, crushing it into a million tiny little pieces.
I ran away from him before he tried to attack me again. The first thing I saw was Alice being attacked by another leech. I pounced onto him immediately, ripping his head off. She zoomed away immediately to help someone else. For a second, I looked around and realized we had a chance. I watched as the battle roared on, and wondered if we really had a chance.
I was about t leap onto another leech when I heard something behind me. I turned around, wide-eyed to see a large army of more red eyes. They didn’t look anything like the Volturi, but more like bums.
I gasped. Right at the front of the approaching army was Victoria. Her dark red eyes stayed glued to me as she ran toward my dying family. I narrowed my eyes on Victoria, watching her just as she was I.
You threaten my family. I thought to her as her dark eyes glared angrily at me. You threaten me. And then I pounced.
Yes! Go Ryan :)))
Thanks 2gether!! I'm happy that you like it!! :))) I did have an awesome New Year, and I hope you did too!