Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
The time was 6:45
So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-
It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging. They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.
It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.
Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.
I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.
So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?
I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.
6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person. The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.
Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…
“Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.
“Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-
I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.
I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.
“Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!
“Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.
He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…
“Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“
“Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“
“Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.
“What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“
“Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.
“Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.
Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.
You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…
I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!
“Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?
Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.
“But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.
“Bella we never-“
“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?
Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”
“Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.
“Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”
I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…
Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…
***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***
I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...
Thank you Ashley! Happy new year! :)) Glad to see you back on the forums!
ahh i loved it so amazing yay!! Ryan i love how he stands up for his family ahhh please update soooooon
Thanks Nayely! Hey, you don't mind if I name one of my characters 'Nayely' do you?
It's not a terribly huge character, but I wanted to do it if you're all right with it. Thanks!! :)))
I'll update asap :DDD
where's leah in all this? it's hard to believe she'd pass up a chance to kick some ass and the older wolves like sam and seth and jared and collin and brady and embry and quil and when will they arrive? does sam know brett is his biological son? this is too good to pass up. will leah go back to sam now that emily is dead? will sam wake up and stop being such an ass? and what about joshua uley, sam's and embry's father? it's said he ran and left the kids with their mothers but maybe you could include some old characters that didn't have that much of a part to maybe add to it. just my thoughts i love this and your such a talented writer please more updates.
Wow Kiki, thank you... so much, I don't get a lot of comments like that anymore :)
Leah, Quil, Embry, Sam, everyone is on their way to the battle, but they are far away in Forks and they have to hall a bunch of brand new wolves with them so it's taking a while.
Sam does know his son is Brett, but he never told anyone that Brett was his son because of who the mother is. Brett's mother has not yet been revealed. A lot of readers think it's Rachel (Paul's wife) and they think Sam had an affair with Rachel, but that's not what happened.
Everything will eventually be explained through-out the story, who Brett's mother is, why Sam keeps it a secret, Emily's death, Ryan being alpha, Jacob's death, Bella pushing away Edward, EVERYTHING will come out by the end of the story. Most of your questions are answered in Chapter 29, so look forward to that chapter :)))
Thanks for the comment, again :))) Hope this helps!!
haha no problem
CHAPTER 23--- suspense :)
At first, I was doing really well. I ripped the head off of the first newborn that came into my view and moved onto the next one. But then it got bad; two of were suddenly ganging on me. Before I could attack one of them, one of them zoomed behind me and grabbed me from my back legs. I turned around and snapped at him, but the other newborn wrapped his arms around my chest and squeezed.
I kicked one of them in the face and snapped my jaws at the other one, tearing his hand off. He growled at me and hit my face with his other hand, but I was not down. I leaped up to snap his head off, but the other leech grabbed pulled me down and threw me to the ground.
As I stood up again to fight, I was knocked down again by a third newborn. The new leech picked me up and slung me across the earth, causing me to growl louder than I ever had in irritation. I ran back at them, but they took me down once again and rapped their arms around my chest.
I looked around the field, panic suddenly seizing my thoughts. All around me, my family, both leech and wolf were being advanced on and beaten just as I was. Maybe we had no chance after all; maybe winning a battle like this was impossible…
I closed my eyes as I felt the cold leech hands tighten around my chest, the pain spreading quickly. I tried father. I’m sorry… I failed you.
I kept my eyes shut tightly, waiting for death to take me. It suddenly became silent and I wondered if I’d died yet. From somewhere in the distance, I heard a loud howl, a worried yet brave howl. Was this heaven?
I opened one eye slightly to see many, many wolves charging toward us. I recognized a few of them as the older wolves, but many of them were new to me. Without thinking anything to them I kicked the distracted newborns holding me and bit one of them in the face.
Right as I jumped up to attack them, several other wolves joined me quickly and helped take them down into pieces. It was a thrill, thinking just seconds ago about my death, and now fighting here, again.
As I killed more leeches, I listened to the thoughts of the surrounding wolves. All of the old wolves were here, Paul, Embry, Quil, Leah, everyone. Even Sam. There were also newer voices, one of them I recognized from school as Nayely.
Hey Ryan! She said excitedly as she helped me take down a tall leech. I nodded to her in acknowledgment and listened for more voices. There were several that I had never heard before, few that I slightly recognized but couldn’t place, and several that I knew instantly.
I listened as hard as I could, but didn’t find a single voice from the old pack that Brett had taken.
What? Paul looked at me instantly, his anger poising his mind. I just ignored him. There was no time now.
I looked around and watched as all of us gained on the Volturi and Victoria’s army. I smiled to myself, suddenly less stressed. We would have them all dead in no-
I froze. Everything froze. Though there was growling and hissing and killing going on all around me, I could suddenly hear nothing but one voice behind me. Beth! I thought immediately. I turned around to see if it was really she, but was suddenly crushed under the body of a powerful Volturi-leech.
I snapped at him, but he hit me with his hand using powerful force. Everything suddenly went black.
lol i loved this chapter i must say im loving the new character hahaa it was so awesome reading then seeing my name lol i love how all the other wolves came to the rescue now im wondering if Beth turned into a wolf too im sure she did, i cant wait for the next update, im exited to see what happens next! i love how it is always very well write and leaves me craving more!! just perfect...
lol Glad you like the new character. :))
Thanks Nayely! That's sweet. Your comment made my day :)
Yea, the other wolves came to the rescue! I hope Brett will get punished! Is Beth a wolf too? Please update soon so we can know what happens next!!!