Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.
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The time was 6:45
So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-
It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging. They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.
It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.
Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.
I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.
So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?
I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.
6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person. The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.
Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…
“Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.
“Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-
I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.
I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.
“Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!
“Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.
He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…
“Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“
“Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“
“Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.
“What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“
“Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.
“Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.
Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.
You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…
I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!
“Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?
Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.
“But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.
“Bella we never-“
“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?
Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”
“Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.
“Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”
I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…
Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…
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I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...
lol glad you're happy :) Everyone seems to like this chapter :)))
I watched in amazement as the rest of the Cullen’s joined in on the battle, fighting redhead’s followers.
I killed you! I couldn’t get the thought out of my head as I watched Edward take down a red-eyed bloodsucker. Just three months ago! I ripped your-
I let the thought go as soon as I was thrown to the ground once again. I wasn’t letting another bloodsucker get to me, not this time. I fought back, growling as I pushed my way out from under the creature’s rock body. I threw my paws in front of me, raking my razor sharp claws across his pale face. As he fell to the ground, I bared my teeth, and ripped his head off. Maybe this leech would stay dead.
I pounced my way right back into the battle. I hated fighting with the Cullen’s rather than against them. It really took a stab at my pride, knowing that without them, without Edward, we would be slowly dying at this moment. Going against the instinct that every fiber of my body held, I assisted Emmett with a swift female bloodsucker, her red eyes falling dead the second her body was ripped apart. Emmett gave me a small nod for about a sixteenth of a second, both of us obviously enjoying our kill.
I still hated Emmett, and it took a lot not to kill him, rather than the red eyes, but I had to remember that he didn’t have to be here. He could have stayed home with his family of leeches, while the wolf population decreased to nothing. I was very thankful. Though I had taken his brothers life (which apparently didn’t go through) I still owed him my life. His family had saved mine. But why?
Then I got it. It was Bella. It had always been about Bella. Their family was obsessed with Bella, mainly because of Edward, but they always did everything they could to protect her. They were trying to get Victoria out of the way, so that there was no threat to Bella. I growled as I killed another bloodsucker. There was only a couple left, which would be killed within seconds. Victoria was nowhere to be seen, she had probably ran off like the coward she was.
I stopped. There was only one reason they would still be protecting Bella. I turned around to Edward and let out a furious growl, that was partly a bark. You’re going to hell! I shouted at him through my thoughts. He glared at me as the other Cullen’s placed the dead bodies into a pile.
“I’m not with Bella. I haven’t been for a very long time. In fact, you might want to get down to the hospital, she’s having your baby right now.” He growled as he helped his family.
My body shook as I let out a roar, leaping at Edward. I’ll kill you again! You evil bloodsucking parasite! I yelled at him. I was so furious! How could this evil monster say such things? I hated him with everything I was! I’ll kill him! I’ll do it over and over-
His turned around, slamming against me, protecting himself. I wasn’t giving in until one of us took our final breath. You’re going down Cullen! I hollered as I growled furiously. I didn’t care if his family saved me-
The wolves stepped forward, flashing their teeth and growling, showing that they were willing to fight with me.
“Edward!’ The mother of the bloodsuckers said worriedly.
“You think I’m lying? Do you honestly think I’d lie about something like that?” he yelled, growling as his eyes burned into mine. I sat up and stood tall, I was not afraid. He rolled his eyes and hissed under his breath.
“So full of pride!” he scoffed. “You’re far too scared of your pride being lowered even the slightest, that you don’t even go to see her after scarring her body! That will be with her forever! Had you have just gone to her- you would have learned the truth!” he yelled, baring his teeth.
The mother Cullen was trying to pull him back. The males of the family were at a stance, ready to fight. My eyes widened, as did the other wolves. He didn’t seem like he was playing a cruel joke on me, he looked serious.
It wasn’t true. I knew it wasn’t. You’re lying! I went to see her many times, but she avoided me! She would have told me if she found out she was really-
Surprising me, he walked out of the mothers baring arms and walked directly in front of me. The wolves growled furiously, Leah looked ready to leap any second.
“Go. See. Bella.” He growled, staring at nothing but my eyes. His voice was very deep, filled with hatred and sadness. I had never heard his voice in such a tone. I held my posture, staying tall. The next words he said were quieter, trying not to let the other wolves hear. “Go see her, because I can’t.” he hissed and turned around. He reached his family and placed a hand in his pocket, pulling out a small object.
I turned to Sam. He nodded, resembling that I was free to go. Edward had to be lying. He had to be. Bella would have told me. Was this a trap?
Go see her. Sam commanded.
But what if this is-
“Oh, and by the way.” Edward said. I turned back to him. He stood tall now, a stern look on his face. “Vampires are not yet destroyed, until they are burned.” He said, throwing a lighter into the pile of dead bodies, setting a big fire instantly. Edward turned around to head home, only to be stopped abruptly by a blurry object slamming into his body, smashing him into the dust. We were at our feet at once.
More red eyes came out of the trees jumping on to us. This time, redhead was fighting. She had reinforcements, and was prepared. Redhead had a plan B. We didn’t have a plan B.
I started to run into the action but Sam stopped me.
We can take care of this. Go see Bella. He said. I looked at him. And miss a battle as good as this one? No, I would protect my family. My family was my number one priority. And this was the fight of the century. How could I just leave?
Bella is your family! Sam yelled at me. Go see her! He demanded, picturing the kids that he never got to have. Kids with Emily. I couldn’t leave. What if we didn’t have enough to with stand these bloodsuckers? I was going to stay here. Whether it was to protect my pack, or to die proudly with them, I was staying.
And because I was supposed to be an alpha, I was able to say no. Sam thought nothing back to me as he jumped into the fight. Edward stared at me in disgust; his dark eyes were burning a whole in my face from where he stood across the space where fighting was taking place.
It’s my choice you damn bloodsucker! I thought toward him. Not my best come back, but better than nothing. It was what was on my mind, and I had spoken it.
He shook his head back and forth, disturbed with my thoughts. It was my choice.
In a snap decision, he quickly slipped through the trees, leaving his family behind. I knew where he was going. He was going to see her. She really was pregnant. She was really having a child now, and Edward would be there for her.
Edward was leaving his family, who could possibly die while he was absent, to see a girl that he couldn’t even have. Just so that someone would be there with her. A skinny spiky haired girl (one of the Cullen’s) quickly followed his tracks, coming with him to the hospital.
I wanted to stop him. I wanted to chase after him, take his life again, and then go to Bella, but I had to do what was important first. This was my main priority.
As the fire of dead bodies lit up into tall flames, the fight continued. I leaped at a red-eyed bloodsucker, ripping his body into three, quickly taking Bella off of my mind.
So umm.... when will there be more? :)