The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

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Replies to This Discussion

Thank you :) I appreciate it :) I will keep you updated!
And I'll say it again! 'AWESOMETASTIC'. Seriously, when I see the chapter ending, I'm like 'nooooo!' Keep on going, please?? :)
You guys are so sweet! I'm totally inspired :)
OMG! Thanks so much for putting my story as amazing! YOU ROCK.
Your welcome. It is amazing.  :)
Okay, update update update :)

Chapter 18-  

 

Alice’s P.O.V.-

  Bella had already had the baby; I knew this as a result that my gift worked on her once again. I had been unable to see visions of her while she was pregnant, but now I saw her clearly. The baby had to be away from her, probably in another room where the newborn babies were placed.

  I couldn’t figure out what was going on, but there was a doctor standing at the foot of her bed, starring at a chart with a confused look on his face. It worried me a little- but not as much as it did Edward.

  Seeing my visions, he picked up his pace more, trying to make it to the hospital to Bella as soon as he could. He wasn’t in too much of a hurry because she was away from the pain now, but he still wanted to be there. I could sense his sadness as we ran to Bella. He probably wished she could have had some one there when she was going through labor. With that, Edward winced, so I dropped the thought and tried to think about the battle instead.  

  This had not been a minor fight. When compared to Bella’s pregnancy, it was nothing. But when compared to life itself, many of our family’s lives were hanging by a thread, including the wolves. Should I have stayed? Would it have been better had I stayed back with them and helped? I wanted to be better than Jacob and be there for Bella in his place, but I still couldn’t help but wonder.

  I tried keeping up with what was going on back in the forest, but there were far too many wolves to even retrieve a fuzzy picture of the battle. Instead I focused on Bella, wondering how she was doing.

  I thought about Bella in the hospital bed, and saw a vision of a scene, about to take place in exactly thirty-two seconds. An image of doctors surrounding her, the loud sound of the heart monitor blaring out, stressed looks on their faces…

  With that thought, Edward dashed into the hospital at his own choice of speed, ignoring the wide-eyed woman standing by the entrance door smoking a cigarette. I walked in at normal pace, hoping the woman would let the thought go. 

  When I got to Bella’s room, Edward was   leaning over the bed, gently touching the base of her shoulder. “Bella?” he whispered. Even with his pale, white skin, Edward looked paler than usual now. “Get Carlisle.” He demanded.

  Carlisle, hearing Edward’s command, came into the room at that second, without me even having to retrieve him.

  “What is it, Edward?” he asked.

  Edward looked sick. “She won’t wake. Carlisle, I think she’s-“ Suddenly, just like in my vision, the heart monitor rang out in alarm, demanding doctors to stop what they were doing and come in. Bella!

  Immediately, Carlisle was at her side, calling out for a nursing staff to come in. In seconds, they were in the room, equipped to help Bella. Carlisle waved his arm to Edward and I, signaling for us to leave and make room while they attempted to fix Bella.

  Edward remained where he was, wide eyes fixed on Bella. I grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the room.

  “Alice, what do you see?” he demanded in a panic. I would not look, I couldn’t. Instead I listened closely to the doctors. I heard Carlisle’s crisp voice say “clear!” followed by the sound of electricity pumping through Bella’s weak body.
  “Alice!” Edward growled. I couldn’t look… I couldn’t…. Edward’s eyes widened as the smell of blood lingered our way. Bella’s blood. Edward stayed frozen to where he was, resisting the smell, as hard as it must have been for him.

  I grabbed his arm. “Let’s go to the waiting roo-“

  “No.” Edward said, pulling his arm out of mine. He looked deep into my eyes. “Alice. Tell me what you see.” He said.

  I took a deep breath and pictured in my mind… Bella lay on the same hospital bed. There was a nurse cleaning up blood as Carlisle pulled a sheet over Bella’s pale, lifeless body. The heart monitor beside her had been shut off… no longer needed to tell what stage Bella’s heart was in.

  Edward gasped as terror made it’s way into his eyes. He grabbed onto the nurses desk beside him, steadying himself as his face changed into pure horror. I immediately regretted looking into Bella’s future while Edward was near.

  Edward’s head shot up in the direction of where Bella was. Suddenly the heart monitor had a small rhythm again, Carlisle had done it! He had-

  But before I had time to celebrate, Carlisle came into the room and looked to Edward. Though Edward could already read his thoughts, Carlisle spoke anyway. “I was able to keep her alive… she’s okay right now but… She’s lost too much blood. She’s not going to make it through the night.

  Edward said nothing. He stared for a second, and then walked around Carlisle and into Bella’s room, probably to see if he could talk to her… one last time. It scared me, the way his face held nothing. No expression on his face, what so ever. Suddenly, a blur of visions swept through my head. I had to concentrate hard to get a grip on what all of them were.

  The first one was Edward, sitting at the end of Bella’s bed, pain in his eyes. He looked miserable.

  The second was one I had recently seen. It was the vision of Edward and Bella, lying on the floor by a staircase, both of them dead. How could this vision still be possible?

  The last vision was newer. It was extremely hard to understand what was going on, signifying that it involved the wolves. I could barley make out the picture of… of… myself. I was doing something, fighting maybe, but I couldn’t tell what.

  Suddenly, I heard the thudding of large wolves, making their way near. There were many of them, as if they were about to fight, or at least wanted to be prepared for one.

  I looked into Carlisle’s eyes, worry reflected from mine to his. “What do they want?” Carlisle asked quietly.

  “I don’t know.” I said, listening, as they got closer. I really had no idea, but I could only guess that it wasn’t good.

hehe you will see
ahhhh amazing she has to turn to save her life i soo wish she ends up with edward i love him!!! update soon plz...u got me hooked on ur great writting... XD
I'm glad! I'll make sure to update soon since you're hooked :)
Oh. O.M.G! That was AMAZING! It's so, your writing is so... I'm speechless(which is merely impossible.) YOU HAVE TO WRITE MORE AND UPDATE ME! Please? Haha... I love this story! :)
Thanks! You guys are so awesome :) I'd have updated by now, but chapter nineteen (part One) is the longest chapter in the entire book. It is taking quite a while. :] You guys will surly enjoy it.

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