The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

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Replies to This Discussion

Thanks Lauren :) That means a lot :)
Thank you :) I'll have an update within the next hour or two. Thanks for your input :D
kk :) Thank you!
Love it! Please write more soon, pleeeease!!!!!!!
I'm writing chapter 29 right now :) It's getting more fun to write every time :)

Chapter 29!!! I really hope you guys think it's EPIC :)))

Chapter 29-

 

  I ran for only a few minutes before I smelt the retched scent of La Push. It used to be a sweet, inviting scent to me, but now the smell was so bad to me, it almost made me want to turn around. But I wouldn’t… not with my son so near…

  I heard a low growl and realized I had reached the line that probably no longer existed. I still refused to pass it, just in case. The less I aggravated the wolves, the closer I may be to seeing Ryan. I was suddenly filled with a joy at the thought of meeting Ryan for the first time.

  What did he look like? Did he look like Jacob, like me? Maybe he had qualities from both of us…

  I approached the very edge of the line, still not passing it, and saw Jacob suddenly. He was a few feet away from me, his arms braced, as if he had been waiting for me to come back.

  “Sorry, but we don’t have any extra blood to spare.” Jacob growled, his hands balled into tight fists. He stared at me with a dead cold look, almost as if he didn’t see me as me anymore. He didn’t think of me as anything more than an enemy now. He had to see passed that!

  “Jacob, I’m not here to fight. I just want peace.” I said civilly. I hated trying to get him to talk to me normally. Jacob was someone I got had gotten so close to, and now that I was different, he acted as if none of it mattered anymore.

  Jacob scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You should have thought of that before becoming a bloodsucker.” He spit and growled lowly. I could hear his breathing starting to speed up and I realized he was getting angry.

  I was angry too. He acted as if changing to a bloodsucker had been completely my decision! “I didn’t have a choice! I was dying!” I growled, suddenly raising my voice. Why couldn’t he just listen for once?

  “Please!” he scoffed, an angry look on his tired face. “You couldn’t be happier to be a leech, and you and I both know it!” he yelled.

  “That’s not true! You think I want to be like this? I only changed because I wanted to live so I could see my child!” I yelled, feeling funny yet again since tears weren’t drizzling down my face.

  He said nothing back. He simply picked up a boulder near him and threw it toward the beach.

Yeah, as if that would solve anything. I was at least happy that he was taking it out on the rock, rather than try and hurt me, or anyone else.

  “Do you know what you’ve done?” Jacob yelled. “How much you have ruined?” he asked.

  “What?” I demanded.

  “That stupid red head that’s after you killed Emily!” Jacob beamed.

  “I know that! I’m sorry, okay? If I had been able to stop it, I would have!” I said, suddenly sad. Did all of La Push blame me for Emily’s death?

  “Oh, if only!” he shouted. “That has killed Sam. Do you know that? He can’t even function anymore! He’s just dead too. And all because of your stupid bloodsucking friend!” he growled.

  “I’m sorry! I wish there were something I could do! I can’t change what’s happened!” I said.

  “Oh, and don’t forget the fact that you just had to break the treaty!” he growled, his fists even tighter.

  I gasped, angrier than I’d been in a long time. “I am, what I am now, because I wanted to see Ryan! I don’t want this Jacob! I don’t want it! I just want to see my son! That’s all I want, and then you can kill me okay?” I yelled back. “Just let me see him, and then you can kill me. My life means nothing anymore…” I said.

  He was a little surprised, but gained composure quickly. “You’ll never go near Ryan.” He growled. “You’ve chosen your life.”

  Angry, I took a step over the line, my hands in fists now. Suddenly, two wolves came near, growling at me, their dark eyes bleeding a hole in my face.

  I couldn’t even take a step over the line anymore. The wolves now hated me. I couldn’t help but remember a time when they all loved me and referred to me as the “vampire-girl” back when Emily was still alive, and Sam was still happy.

  “Take one more step over that line, and your dead.” Jacob warned, watching me like a hawk. My next step would determine my fate. If I stepped over the line, my life would end. If I walked away, I was admitting defeat. I would be admitting that Ryan was not mine, and that I would never see him again.

  I couldn’t let the Cullen’s risk their lives going to La Push. If I ended my life now, it would all be over, and everyone could be happy again.

  I lifted my foot to take another step over the line. I love you Ryan.

  “Take a step and I go and kill your precious Cullen, again!” he growled. My foot stopped mid-step. I froze.

  I placed my foot back and looked to Jacob, The wolves were braced and ready to kill me, but I hardly noticed them.

  “What?” I demanded. What did he mean, again? He must have meant something else, because none of the Cullen’s had ever been killed. I tried to think back to all the stories they had told me, but none of them had been killed.

  Was it code for something? Had one of them come close to dying while fighting Victoria? I shivered; suddenly bothered by the fact that someone had almost died for me.

  A grin stretched across Jacob’s face suddenly. “Oh has your little bloodsucker not told you?” he asked, looking as if he would burst into evil laughter.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, cautious. Where was Jacob going with this…? I suddenly had a feeling that I would not want to know what he said next.

  “Your bloodsucking boyfriend got in the way of killing redhead.” He explained, his smile only growing bigger.

  “Edward? He’s not my-“

  “And I don’t exactly like it when someone intervenes with killing another bloodsucker. So, to make up for killing redhead, I just killed your boyfriend-leech instead.” He laughed.

  I was shaking my head back and forth; I suddenly took a step back away from the line, frightened. “No… No that’s not true! He’s alive! You didn’t kill him…”

  One of the wolves made a small chuckling sound, almost like laughter. I realized it was Leah. I looked at her, and she stared back at me with angry eyes. I could almost sense her anger. I knew she wanted to kill me badly; all she needed was Jacob’s approval.

  “And then I threw him to the ground, took a nice, clean swipe or two at his neck, and.” He made a clapping sound. “Off with his head.” He smiled.

  I was still backing up; my eyes were wide and unblinking. “That’s not true…” I said.

  “I can’t believe he didn’t tell you.” Jacob scoffed. “He’s such a weak, bloodsucking, monster.” He said, watching me.

  It couldn’t be true…

  “You’re lying!” I yelled, suddenly taking a step forward. Leah bared her teeth and growled, but I entirely ignored it.

  “Am I?’ Jacob said, and entertained smile on his face. He looked pleased with my reaction as he bragged of killing Edward. 

  That was the last straw.

  “That’s not true!” I repeated myself, waiting for him to tell me he was joking around. He only looked more entertained. I took another step. One more step and I would passed the line.

  Jacob only continued on. “He’s so weak! He can’t even find the pride to tell his girlfriend that he got his ass kicked by me.” He laughed.

  I only got angrier. I growled furiously, my hands closing into fists tighter and tighter.

  “of course… he’s probably only angry because you’d rather sleep with me, than him.” He smiled. I leaped at him, raking out my hands, ready to swipe his stupid smile right off his face and onto the ground. I would kill him, and make it so painful and slow.

  But before I reached him, Leah and the other wolf’s body crashed into mine, knocking me to the ground. As Leah lifted her head to take one swipe at my neck, one that would kill me, I saw everything.

  I saw Jacob kissing me that day, and me following him into his house. I saw me telling both Edward, and Jacob that I was pregnant, I remembered handing Edward my engagement ring… Finding out my baby had not survived, Carlisle telling me the doctor had it wrong, giving birth to Ryan…. I remembered slowly dying as Edward hummed our sweet lullaby, I remembered being carried somewhere, and being painfully bitten, waking up to a new world, wondering... waiting to se Ryan…

  I closed my eyes. After I was gone, everyone would be able to get on with an easy life. All the pain I had caused everyone would be gone…

  The last thing I thought was about how painful it was, dying so close to my child. I would be killed, with Ryan so near… and I hadn’t even gotten to meet him.

 

 

 

 

 

Noooooo!!!!!! Bella can't die not without seeing Ryan.......
We'll see what happens... :)

love it make more fast and keep me updated !

 

As always :) Thanks!
Oh! Bella can't die! She needs to see Ryan!! Jacob's being so stubborn! Gosh! I'm so hating him right now even though I'm Team Jacob!

My oh my! Things are getting really interesting now! Can't wait for the next chapter! I LOVED This! :]
~Lauren

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