Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.
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The time was 6:45
So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-
It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging. They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.
It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.
Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.
I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.
So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?
I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.
6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person. The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.
Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…
“Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.
“Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-
I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.
I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.
“Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!
“Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.
He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…
“Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“
“Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“
“Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.
“What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“
“Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.
“Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.
Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.
You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…
I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!
“Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?
Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.
“But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.
“Bella we never-“
“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?
Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”
“Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.
“Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”
I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…
Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…
***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***
I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...
So amazing Chapter...... so so good...
sorry couldnt left comments for couple of days.. since i updated my phone couldnt left comment dont know why... but i always read ur story and admired it,...... keep it goin jesse...!!!!
I hope Bella gets better so she can be with Edward. And I hope Victoria DIES.
I'm being Victoria for Halloween :D Just thought I'd add that ;)
I love Amy Winehouse. Remember if they try and make you go to rehab say no no no!
Lol, just had to do that.
Chapter 8--- hope you love it
Immediately, the redhead caught on to my last second decision and jumped out of the way. She flung herself into a tall tree, but before she could get away, Edward leaped at her, bringing her down to the ground with a loud bang. The battling had begun once again.
I couldn’t help but wonder who she really was. Perhaps I was playing for the wrong side, and she really was my mother. Maybe she was one of Edward’s old girlfriends, or someone who sued to be apart of this family of leeches. Whoever she was, she was evil.
My head was filled with things. The fact that Beth knew what I was, who my mother might really be, all these newborns and how stubborn the woman I had almost killed was. What if I had killed her? How would things have ended differently? Maybe I should have…
I was immediately distracted as I was brought to the ground by two crazed newborns. I growled at them and aimed for the stronger looking one. The weaker one jumped in the way, causing me to just rip off her arm, but still, it was better than nothing.
This distracted the strong one enough that I took my opportunity. I pounced at the strong one and ripped his head off with little effort. For the first time, I had beheaded someone. Surprisingly, I wasn’t standing around to see who had watched or anything like that. I just moved onto the next leech.
Their red eyes disgusted me. Every time I saw them, it only made me stronger when I beheaded them. I was slightly comforted in the fact that the Cullen leeches did not hurt humans, but then again, I was worried sick. What If it turned out that redheaded chick real was my mother?
I watched from the corner of my eye as Edward tried to bite the red head woman in the neck. She fought him, wrapping her hands around his neck to try and rip his head off. He bit at her hand, ripping her hand off.
She hissed, and in the second she was distracted with her hand, he jumped off the ground and pinned her against a tree. Redhead grabbed him by the neck and threw him back to the ground, his face in the snow. She leaned down and murmured, “Revenge.” evilly in his ear and went for his neck.
I leaped at her, throwing her off of the leech. She was defiantly not my mother. What was this revenge she wanted? I suddenly felt stupid that I had fell for this redheads tricks. She only wanted revenge on these leaches for whatever reason, and somehow knew I hated the Cullen’s.
It all came together as I realized that I was just help. If she had just used her army of red-eyes, she may have killed off the Cullen’s, but with the help of my pack, she was ensured to win. And what was she going to do with me afterwards? Was she planning to kill me, just like I had planned to do with her?
Anger and frustration flooded my veins as I leaped at her, betrayal thick on my mind. Sure, I planned to take her life as well, but I had a valid excuse. I had thought she was my mother, and my mother was the reason my father was dead. Didn’t that make it okay to want to kill her?
Though I now knew she wasn’t my real mother, I still hated her guts and wanted her dead. I bared my teeth to rip off her stupid red headed neck when she through up her fist and punched me square in the jaws.
I whined as I fell to the ground, pain in the side of my face. I growled, angry that it hurt so much. I stood up, trying to ignore the bones in my face that were probably facing the wrong way. It hurt like hell!
I shook my fur out and leaped at redhead again, and this time, she fell to the ground. I stopped for a second, wondering why she had fallen. Had someone killed her?
Before I figured out what had happened to her, my leg made a loud cracking noise as pain spread. I yelped in pain as I fell into the cold snow, growling in pain. Redhead reached for another leg, I not being able to do anything. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see her crush the rest of my legs.
I heard rock smash into rock as Victoria’s hands were separated from my legs. I opened one eye and saw Edward throw her to the ground again. This time, he didn’t let her hurt him. He punched her in the face as she had done to me, and then grabbed her neck with a firm hand.
Some of her fingers were still missing, but she still managed to get her hands around his neck as well. I watched them growl and hiss as they struggled. I lie there useless, wanting to get up and help. All I could do was sit and watch, waiting to see which one was beheaded first. I looked behind me, seeing if anyone could come.
Daisy and Cody were fighting a big bulky red-eyed leech, taking him down immediately. The spiky haired girl was just ripping apart a female bloodsucker, and beside her, two other Cullen’s were facing three bloodsuckers, who were quickly helped by Rahul. I whined, trying to attract their attention, but everyone was in the midst of a battle against the dirty red eyes.
I turned back to redhead and Edward just in time to see him throw her away. In seconds, he ran back at her and placed his teeth right at her neck. Before he could bite down, she grabbed his arm and tore it, causing a loud shattering sound. He growled furiously deeply in pain, but still stood. She dropped his arm to the ground, and with one arm, he ran at her again, throwing her to the ground for the thousandth time.
Knowing I needed to help, I stood up, wincing at the pain. I immediately fell back to the ground in pain, unable to even walk in my circumstance. It hurt so much, and I wasn’t even going to get to kill redhead.
The stubborn woman, the one that was my mother was suddenly kneeling down beside me. I jumped in surprise, and then winced as the pain spread and turned even worse. I whined quietly, hoping no one had heard.
The woman’s eyes looked a lot like what I assumed mine looked like in now. She looked like she was in so much pain. Confusion hit as I realized she was not physically hurt. Why did she have that face?
I nodded my head to where Edward and redhead struggled, and she jumped into action immediately. She smacked into redheads body and hissed at her, a raging anger lingered in her eyes as she looked at redhead.
Edward stood up and leaped into action, but redhead stood up quicker and ran away in a speed so fast, my eyes couldn’t catch it.
My mother, whatever her leech name was, chased after redhead, running at the same speed. Edward chased her too, though I wasn’t sure if he was chasing my mother or the redhead.
It became oddly quiet around. I shivered as I imagined what I would see when I turned around to see the outcome. I was prepared to see many red eyes on their way to kill me like they had done to my pack.
I turned around, shock in my eyes as I saw all of the wolves intact, none of them limping or dead, bleeding to death. I sighed in relief, and searched the rest of the field. I saw a group of the Cullen’s, standing together talking. I listened in to what they were saying.
A blonde male, the oldest looking one in the group spoke. “Where did they go?”
The spiky haired girl closed her eyes for two seconds, then opened them back and responded to his question. “They went after Victoria.” She said, worry creasing her brow.
I leaned forward slightly, trying to hear what they were saying better. The small pressure I put on my legs made me let out a cry of pain. I hid my head in my front paws so that I didn’t have to see who all had heard me.
I heard someone run toward me, someone with two feet. I was confused, wondering who was kneeling down beside me now, but I didn’t want to look up.
Get away from him you leech! Daisy growled, running toward me.
I finally lifted my head and saw the blond leech, the one who seemed like the leader of the Cullen’s bloodsuckers. I stared at him, confused.
“I’m going to look at your leg, is that alright?” he asked, no anger or hate in his eyes. How was he even near me without trying to rip my head off? It’s not like I could stop him.
Daisy beside him growled, showing her teeth as a threat.
He put his hands up in peace. “I mean no harm, I am a doctor. I can help him.” He said.
Though Daisy growled quietly and thought horrid thoughts to him, she let him look at my leg. He examined it, very careful and gentle not to hurt me further. I shivered as bus cold hands gently felt the bones in my back leg.
He tightened his gold on the bend in the bone and placed it back the way it was supposed to go, with no effort. I growled angrily at the pain, but it was gone quickly. Daisy’s eyes widened as she growled at the blond leech. The thoughts in her head were vile as she thought about the leech fixing my leg.
I sighed as the pain eased off and I felt my leg begin to heal correctly. I stood up, now able to stand on all fours without losing my balance. That guy really knew what h was doing.
Daisy did not like that comment. She glared at me with a hateful look. I sighed and turned around to the forest where Edward and my mother had run after the redhead. I couldn’t help but wonder what was happening. Fir some reason, I was slightly worried, and hoped they were okay. I scowled, angry with myself that I was actually concerned about a bloodsucker.
Disgusting. Daisy spat.
I rolled my eyes. Don’t worry. I’m not getting close with any bloodsuckers.
She eyed me. Are you?
No. I stated, and went to the center of the battle area and puffed out my chest. I would prove to Daisy that I was not close with Bloodsucker’s and never would be.
I let out a growl, calling everyone to circle around me.
Once everyone had gathered, I checked to make sure everyone was there. Rahul had a messed up eye, I would have to check that later. He nodded slightly, admiring the fact that I had noticed his wound.
The Cullen’s stood behind watching in curiosity.
Very good job. I thought to the pack. You all fought well and proved yourselves strong pack members. I apologize that I made this mess last minute, but we’re all okay. I thought for a second, pondering over what to say next.
If everyone is all right, then we’re going home. I finished and without waiting for a response, I began to walk into the forest, heading the opposite direction of the Cullen’s.
A few of them sat there for a second, confused the had expected me to want to stay and talk to my mother for a minute, or thank them or something, only confusing them when I decided to go home.
They stood there; knowing that heading home was the last thing I wanted to do right now.
Now! I growled, and with my command, they all followed.