The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

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Chapter Seven-

 

Alice P.O.V. –

  I rushed home as quickly as I could. Since the vision of Edward and Bella- I narrowed my eyes on the road- I had been very watchful of their futures. Everyone was gone. We had all left on a hunting trip earlier, except for Edward. He chose to stay back. He had been acting very strangely lately, but refused to tell any of us why.

  I tried over and over to see what Bella was doing, but one day it stopped. I just couldn’t see Bella’s future. I assumed she was with the wolves at that particular time, but it hasn’t worked since. As if there were a wolf following her around…

  I had planned on going to see her, but Edward had insisted I not. He explained by saying, “Now’s not the appropriate time.” And I had kept my distance, for whatever Edwards reason was, but now I was worried.

  Edward was home now, and something had happened. I couldn’t tell what, all I had seen was Edward, sitting on the front porch, his fists balled up, his head in his hands. He had been sitting there for a while now, and I needed to know what was really going on.

  As soon as I arrived at the house, Edward didn’t avoid me like he had been doing lately. He just stayed there, his face in his hands, sitting on the porch. What happened? He stayed there, glued.

  “Edward, it’s pouring down rain out here. You mind explaining to me what’s going on?” I sat beside him. He let one hand down to his chin, covering his mouth. The opened his other hand, revealing a note. I took it and observed it. On the note read,

 

I wish I could go back and

Fix everything. Edward I will never be able to explain how sorry I really am. I’ve been cruel, and you deserve better than me. Truly... I am so very sorry.

-Bella

 

  What had Bella done? But before I could get an answer, Edward showed me what was in his other hand. Lying in his cold, wet palm was his mothers wedding ring, the one he had given to Bella. I gasped.

 

F.Y.I. chapter seven kind of skips around a little, it is from Alice's P.O.V.

After talking with Jacob, Bella went home and found Edward waiting for her. They talked and officially broke up. Bella was able to keep her tears in, but not with ease. This chapter skips to after their talk, when Edward comes home, devastated and found by Alice. 

love it make more fast and keep me updated !!! please
sure sure ;)

wut is she doing! edward will miss her

they shouldd get back together

They should! lol thanks cassy!

Love it!!!!!!!! Can't wait til your next chapter!!!!!!
It will be up tomorrow, for sure. :) thanks for reading

Chapter Eight-

 

  Two weeks oozed by so slowly, it was almost as if life were punishing me. I was pretty sure that was the case. Every since I had given Jacob the news, he hadn’t left me alone. I stayed with Charlie, so Jacob called me every hour of every day. It was all I could do not to scream into the phone. 

  With that, now that Edward and I were officially broken up, time went by even slower. After Jacob and I had talked, I had come home to find him, waiting for me. We talked briefly, not mentioning that it would be our last talk. It had been one of the hardest things to keep my eyes from welling over, but I had to be an adult. And so- I somehow miraculously composed myself long enough until Edward left. Afterwards- I realized I still had my ring on. It had been hard enough talking to him, so I left it concealed in a note by his door.

  Sure, it was terrible to just leave a wimpy little note, but I knew that if I saw him again, watched my hand as I handed him the ring… I couldn’t do it. I shook the thought away, not even wanting to imagine it.

  I was slightly nervous. Today, I was going to the hospital to have my first check up. I was two and a half months pregnant, so I was about 99% sure that they would be able to tell me the gender.

  Jacob had insisted over and over again that he come, but after what seemed like an argument that went on forever, he finally gave up and said he’d stay behind. Though he said he was coming next time.

  I got to the hospital- I picked one far away from Forks for three reasons:

It would just be awkward if Carlisle, Charlie didn’t know yet, and I didn’t want everyone in Forks to know me as “the girl that got knocked up” That would just be humiliating. A nurse got me right to a room right away. She did the regular things like taking blood pressure, and my weight and then told me to wait in the room.

  A doctor came in and asked me questions. She seemed really nice, except that I hated her that I was here. Pregnant, and in a hospital was the last place I wanted to be. I knew it was my own fault, but I couldn’t help but blame her.

  She placed the cold jelly stuff on my stomach and ran the scanner looking thing across my belly. I didn’t know the names of any doctor tools, just what they did.

  She stared at the screen, both of us staying silent. She stared at the screen more. Still silence. I grew a little worried, but forced myself to let it go. She moved the tool around, from different angles, and from the right to left. Still she said nothing. She frowned. “Excuse me.” She got up, and walked out the door.

  I frowned as well. What was this about? Before I had time to make up some crazy scenario in my head, she came back with an older looking doctor. He was tall and lean, but age still sat clearly on his face.

  He did the same as my original doctor, using the tool and the gel. He took his glasses off, and looked to me. My heart sank. What was this.

  “Isabella, I’m sorry to say there is no heart beat. This happens from time to time. We’ve no idea why it happens or how to fix it… I’ll give you a minute…”

  I wasn’t even listening. My chest hurt. There were dark spots dancing around the room, jeering me. It didn’t make sense! I had come to terms with the fact that I was to be a mother, and Jacob the father. The baby can’t just be gone! He or she is still alive. That’s not the way it’s supposed to go.

  I realized I was alone in the room. I took a napkin from beside the sink, and whipped off the gel off of my stomach. Quickly, I changed out of the gown and back into my shirt I had put on that morning.

  This didn’t really happen… He’s just lying… I told myself. This guy is some kind of joke! Who is he to just waltz in here and tell me such lies? That was disturbing!

  I ran out the doors, avoiding contact with anyone. The old man gave me a sad look on the way out, but I tried not to notice it. Some joke… it’s not even true! Why would he say that?

  I started my car and drove off, the tires screeching.

  I did not let myself fall for Jacob, abandon Edward, and make myself listen to everyone of Jacobs annoying calls just for this. It’s not really happening. In fact, you’re about to wake up any second now…

  I waited, but there was no waking up, and there was no Ashton Kutcher popping out of a bush yelling, “you just got punked!”

  I looked around the trees outside. These weren’t the regular trees I saw on the way home… where was I?

  With a jolt, I realized where I was. I was on the road that led up to the Cullen house. Before I could make any sense of it, or decide to turn around, and just kept on going. I rushed to the door, and rang the doorbell.

  Alice answered. She seemed to be taken off guard at my presence. “Bella?” she said. “Edwards not here… it’s just me. Do you-“

  Before she finished I just jumped in her arms. I didn’t ask for her consult or explain first. I just stood there, hugging her as I cried over her shoulder.

  I can’t do this anymore…

love it make more fast and keep me updated plz !!!

I will keep you updated Isabella :)

is bella will be ok?

she seem sad

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