The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

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this was a great chapter i took mw a while to undersatnd wat brett ment when he said that why he has a black coat then thought about it n was like "ooooooooooo i get it now" update soon plezs

I'm happy to know that you like it!!! :) I'm updating now! :)

CHAPTER 20- Hope you like :)))

I spoil you guys with too many chapters... Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanaka, whatever you celebrate, I hope it was wonderful!!! ;)

ALSO- Make SURE you vote for Selfish/Secretive in the Fan Fiction Awards!!! It will only take a minute, and it would mean SOOO much to me!!! Inbox your votes to Molly Greeves (TGFC), the creator of the awards. Thank you so much guys!!!!

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Chapter 20-

Brett suddenly leaped onto me, anger in his eyes. Before he reached me, Daisy hit him, knocking him to the ground. My mother tried to come to help, but Edward held her back, telling her I’d be okay.

  Rahul jumped in and help Daisy as she attacked Brett. I was so shocked, that I couldn’t think of any commands or things I wanted to say. I just watched, not completely thinking about what was going on.

  Sam was Brett’s father? No. That couldn’t be. It couldn’t! Sam had told me he never had kids. He had been upset about Emily when she died, and vowed never to have anyone in his life. It made no sense! Brett couldn’t be his kid! Unless Sam had lied to me…

  Ryan! Daisy said as she held Brett down. A Little help?

  My head shot up, and I realized that I had to say something. I would talk to Sam alter, for now, we needed to figure this out before The Volturi arrived.

  Leave him alone. I said. Hesitantly, Daisy and Rahul let Brett go. For a second, Brett just laid there. Before I could say anything, Brett suddenly leaped up and threw me to the ground. The breath was knocked out of me, and I lost my train of thought. Brett used this to his advantage and bit my neck.

  I let out a whimper, entirely confused about everything going on. I needed to set my mind straight, but I couldn’t with everything going on.

  Daisy and Rahul got Brett back in their hold and looked to me, hoping I would make a wiser decision this time.

  Brett. I growled. I don’t-

  Surrender now you coward! Brett growled, drool hanging from his lips. I am true alpha!

  I stared at him, suddenly seeing Sam. How had I never seen it? It was like a flawless image of Sam right in front of me, and I’d never seen it.

  Ryan. Rahul growled impatiently. Brett was getting out of their hold.

  I will not surrender. I growled. If you want your place as Alpha, you will fight for it!

  No! Daisy yelled at me, furious. We’ve no time! The Volturi are so close I can hear them!

  I took her words into consideration. I looked to Alice, who was more frantic than I’d ever seen her.

  Fine. Brett growled and pulled away from Daisy. You can have your leadership. For now. I’ll come back for you later though.

 Was he really surrendering? Maybe we had a chance after all-

  So. Brett thought loudly so that everyone could hear him. Who wants to save their Life?

  Brett this is enough! I shouted. The wind began to pick up and the cold breezes made my hair stand up.

  I’m serious. Brett shouted. If anyone wants to save their life now, join my pack. He said the last three words with an evil tone, one that did not sound leader worthy.

  No one will join your- I stopped, suddenly shocked as I watches Aaron waltz right over to him. He couldn’t be serious!

  Brett looked around, his dark eyes suddenly darker than usual. Is that all?

  Yes! Now leave- Again, I stopped mid sentence as I watched Cody crawl quietly toward them, trying not to make a distraction.

  Cody. I beamed, angry. Brandon, his twin, suddenly noticed what Cody was doing and ran to him. 

  Cody! Brandon said in absolute shock. You can’t really be-

  What am I supposed to do? Cody barked. Die for him? He thought, shooting a side-glance at me.

  Brandon was so shocked he simply shook his head, unable to form words after what his brother had done.

  Get over here and save yourself! Cody growled at Brandon from where he was beside Brett.

  Daisy bumped my side. Ryan, say something. You can’t let this happen. I was in such shock; I was barely able to make since of daisy’s words. How could they do this to me? Just abandon me!

  But it got worse. My eyes grew wider as almost every one of the new wolves made their way to the group shyly. Brett’s eyes scanned them with approval. They were now his pack…

    Ryan! Rahul said in absolute shock. Don’t just stand there! Attack him! But I did nothing. I couldn’t think of anything to say. All I could do was look at my old pack… Brett’s new pack.

  I turned my head sickly back to my own pack. Brandon, Daisy and Rahul were left. Three wolves. I had three wolves left in my pack and I had nothing to say.

  The Cullen’s looked curiously at Brett as he led away a majority of my old pack away.

  “Where are they going? The Volturi are practically here!” Alice shrieked.

  “Brett has alpha in his blood. He broke into his own pack.” Edward said lifelessly, suddenly holding my mother’s hand tightly. The other Cullen’s looked to me in shock, horror on their faces.

  Were dead.

amazing update soon i hate brett by the way

Ha, we all hate Brett :)

OHH god this is insane!!! i cant believe it....

Cool! I'm glad to hear your reaction :) Thanks for the comment!

[Three comments in one]

That stupid brat mutinied!!!  I hope the older wolves will intervene before it's too late! 

"Use the Alpha voice, Ryan!"

Hey Jesse, another great chapter!  I love the pictures!  Please update soon again!  You have us hooked!

Great to hear that! I'll start putting pictures along with the story. I wondered how that would work out :)

The older wolves are on their way, but have a long way to come. :)

Love it post more soon keep me updated please!!!!!

As always :) Thank you Music!

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