Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
The time was 6:45
So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-
It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging. They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.
It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.
Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.
I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.
So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?
I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.
6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person. The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.
Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…
“Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.
“Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-
I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.
I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.
“Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!
“Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.
He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…
“Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“
“Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“
“Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.
“What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“
“Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.
“Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.
Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.
You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…
I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!
“Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?
Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.
“But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.
“Bella we never-“
“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?
Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”
“Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.
“Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”
I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…
Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…
***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***
I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...
OMG! i love your fanfic!!!! hope you update soon!!!
I'm having some problems but I'll update when I can.
Okay, Chapter 27 is finally written. I'm having it edited now. Sorry it is taking so long, life is getting in the way, Thanks for your patience guys!!! =)
-Jesse Desplat xxx
Edited by The Goldsworthy/Torres Family
With my command, we all charged forward. I felt powerful; secure knowing that all of my new pack, my leech family, and friends were with me. I even felt the presence of my father. They would win this battle with me, or die trying, but whatever we did, we would all fight together.
It made me laugh, the thought that no matter whether the Volturi won or not, they were still stuck with the same hateful emotionless leeches, so even if we died, we would still win. Knowing that, I felt confident.
You are dead Volturi. I growled as we ran through the trees. I could see the Volturi then, running toward us. Rahul, Seugnet, Seth, go get Beth. I said my final command before leaping into battle.
I leaped onto a small newborn that had somehow miraculously survived the last battle. She struggled to pull me off, and I struggled to kill her. It felt as if we were both just as strong. Embry suddenly ripped her head off as he sped by and continued fighting.
I moved to the next leech that got in my way, killing everything in sight. While I fought, a small part of my mind followed what Rahul was thinking, seeing if he had found her yet. They still were searching.
I leaped onto a Volturi member that was attacking Nayely and Jasper. I caught him by surprise when I threw him to the ground, and Jasper took that small moment to his advantage. I smiled to myself, proud of my pack.
I ran toward another newborn, but halted in my tracks when I heard Rahul battling.
Ryan, I can't find her. There's no way to get around the leeches. He growled, helping Seth and Seugnet take down the newborns that were trying to kill them. They were obviously outnumbered.
As fast as I could, I made my way toward them, trying to avoid being attacked. I found them fairly quickly, in the forest a few hundred feet away. I took out a newborns arm and threw him to the ground. Fear suddenly filled his eyes, but I gave him no mercy. He was threatening my family, and that deserved no second chances.
After the other leeches were taken out, we stopped for just a second to take a breath.
I'm going after her. I said and turned around to find Beth.
Not alone. Rahul said and followed me. You're not going threw all of this alone.
I'm the alpha, I can handle myself. I growled. Go back and fight. That's an order.
Bitterly, they ran back toward the battle, debating whether or not to secretly follow me. I planned on waiting until I knew they were back in the fight, when suddenly I heard a whimper from behind me.
I darted toward the noise, thinking of nothing else but to follow where the noise had came from. I knew the sound, even though I hadn’t known her as a wolf, I knew her as a human, and I could tell that it was Beth.
Beth? I panicked as I ran, but did not see her. I stopped for a second to look around and listen, but did not hear anything. Beth? Please-! Suddenly I heard another whimper and was running again and less than a second.
Beth! Beth I-! I froze when I saw her lying on the ground, whimpering quietly. I panted out in surprise, horrified that anyone could do such a thing to such an innocent girl.
Ryan. A voice said from behind me. I turned, shocked to see Molly standing before me.
What are you doing over here? You could get hurt! I shouted immediately, suddenly focused on her.
I couldn't let you go alone. She said, looking at the ground now. I couldn’t fight with her, it just wasn’t an option for me, and so I turned back to Beth and lightly nudged her muzzle.
We need to get away before they find us. Can you get up? I asked urgently and worriedly. What if she wasn’t able to get up? What if too many leeches ganged up on us? Should I have told the other wolves-
Just leave me. She panted and turned away, burying her head into the ground. I felt absolute horror, I wanted to throw up.
No, we're not-
Just leave me! I have nothing to live for anyway. She coughed shakily and said nothing else. I could feel Molly shrink sadly behind me. I could hear from her thoughts that she blamed herself for all of this, and wished terribly that she could fix it.
Come on. I said to Molly. Help me bring her back.
I watched as Molly grabbed Beth’s scruff in her jaws to help her up. I bent my head down to help, but instead felt the air in my lungs knock out of me as I was thrown into a tree.
I was shocked at first, trying to focus on what had happened. Once I got my breath back, I looked up to my enemy, ready to kill, but froze.
Brett? I growled nastily as the black wolf stared directly at me, anger in his golden eyes. With every breath he took, a small growled aroused from his chest. He was evil even in the way he breathed.
Surrender. He growled, his voice so dark that it made my stomach churn in circles. He growled heavily, not in any mood to negotiate as he towered over me.
I think they'd rather die than have you as alpha. I barked back, ready to attack him if he tried to attack me, but it didn’t happen.
Instead, Brett settled back and shook his head. Very well then. He said, calm, yet still evil.
You've made your choice.
Before I got the chance to respond back to him, I heard footsteps, and many of them. I watched in shock as my old pack rushed by me, heading towards my family. I struggled to get up, but Brett held me down, a grin on his wolf face.
Filled with anger, I threw Brett off of me and pushed him onto the dirt. Not wasting a second, I aimed for his throat, trying to hold his body down with my paws. He swiped me with his teeth before I could get to his neck, only making me more furious.
He threw me to the ground, but I was up again immediately. This was not the battle to lose, and it never would be.
You're simply going to let your family die, for the position of being alpha? Alpha of a weak pack? He scoffed, shaking his head. He thought of how much of a stronger leader he was, a leader that didn’t become involved with leeches.
I pounced on him, nothing was going to stop me from killing him this time.
You'll never take my pack again! I yelled at him, anger over powering all that was flowing through my veins. I’ve never felt so much like a wolf, and so less human in my life. It was so powerful that I could feel the blood pumping in every part of my body.
Brett struggled, but was weak under my tight hold, powered by a pack, a family, and a life of love. I was and will always be more powerful than him. I reached in extremely inhuman speed to tear his neck, but again he took me by surprise. Using all of his body, he pushed me into a tree and ran straight for Molly.
I got up immediately to stop him, but he growled loudly at me.
Any closer and I will kill her. He said, his vicious teeth just inches away from her neck. Beth remained on the ground, completely unconscious.
I hesitated, about to leap at Brett anyway.
Don't do it, Black. He said, and I felt suddenly strange hearing him call me by my last name. Surrender the position of alpha and I won't kill the girl.
I watched him, the fear in Molly’s eyes, and the anticipation in Brett’s. He would do it… She couldn’t die, she was my imprint, but I couldn’t give alpha to Brett. He would destroy the pack, and that would last for years…
Your choice. He growled, impatient that it was taking me so long to decide. Without even thinking it over, my instinct forced me to jump at him, a big mistake.
Before I even got near him, Aaron hit into me, knocking me to the ground. It hurt so badly I could feel warm blood oozing from one of my paws. But I didn’t even care, all I could see, or hear, or feel, was the love of my life, being killed before me as I was held to the ground.
I apologize that it took so long. I'll work on updating faster. Enjoy! =)
Awesome chapter.... I hope Ryan kill Brett..
Thank you Ashley!! I do too :) I'll update you soon so you can see what happens...
At last Ryan found himself completely! I hope the others find him and help him. That traitor Brett cannot be allowed to win! I wonder what his story is...
Hmm... I've actually debated doing a short story on Brett's past, his childhood or something like that, but no ideas ever seem to come to me.
I just go under the assumption that Brett was born angry, but I know that's not true. He has a back story, I just haven't figured it out yet. If I figure something out I'll be sure to tell you, otherwise, imagine whatever you assume made him this way.
Thank you for the comment Seugnet :)))
Thank you Lila!!!
Um, WOW. That seriously means a lot, thank you soo much :)