Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.
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The time was 6:45
So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-
It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging. They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.
It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.
Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.
I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.
So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?
I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.
6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person. The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.
Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…
“Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.
“Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-
I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.
I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.
“Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!
“Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.
He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…
“Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“
“Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“
“Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.
“What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“
“Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.
“Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.
Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.
You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…
I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!
“Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?
Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.
“But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.
“Bella we never-“
“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?
Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”
“Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.
“Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”
I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…
Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…
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I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...
I'll update asap!
The first thing I did was leap at Edward. He braced himself and leaped out of the way before I could do any real damage to him. I landed right where he had been seconds ago, and saw that Leah was jumping at him now. He swiftly avoided her leap too.
We are wolves! We can do this! I thought and then leaped at him once again. Only this time, when he tried to avoid me, I reached out and swatted him, knocking him on his side long enough for Leah to grab hold of him. As soon as she did, I swept into action. I bit down hard on his cold, disgusting arm. He let out a yell. I was about to crunch down harder and tear his whole hand off, when the blonde bloodsucker hit the side of my body and threw me into the air.
I caught my balance and leapt at her. Rather than running, she faced me. What do you know? She has a pair! I thought and used my paw to swat at her. I got in a good one. I heard my claws raking across her ugly face. Wonderful.
Edward was coming for me, only to be pushed out of the way by Embry. He was once again tackled to the ground as Embry snapped his jaws at him. Edward pushed him up off of the ground, making Embry yelp. I growled and tore after him.
He growled back as I circled him, snapping my jaws.
“You know, we can work this out!” Edward yelled as the fight continued on.
What’s your problem? Go back to your coffin! Not in a million years! Not with you Bloodsucker! The thoughts poured out as the other wolves continued fighting the bloodsuckers. I hoped we could get in at least one good kill.
Edward backed himself against a tree, and hissed. “It doesn’t have to be like this!” he growled, prepared for any attack. “We both want the same thing. Victoria dead. It only makes sense-“
You made your decision when you crossed into our territory. Sam thought as he tried to bite one of the bloodsuckers with ratty hair.
“We can work this out!” Edward shouted. I avoided a swat from Blondie, and snapped my jaws at her. Her face was already healed from my scratch. I’d have to fix that.
“Together were strong enough to take her down.” Edward reasoned, jumping in the tree to avoid a bite from Quil. He jumped back down form the tree and looked to Sam
Sam stopped fighting the dark haired guy and just looked into Edward’s eyes. It seemed that for that short couple of seconds, everyone had stopped. It was silent.
Sam stayed silent for a second then thought, I had her until you and your little friends came along. Get out of here, now! Sam growled so loudly, it was almost a bark. No fight? No! I wasn’t going without a fight. Just as the bloodsuckers turned around to leave, I leaped at blondie.
“Rosalie, look out!” Edward yelled. But I had her. I pinned her to the ground. She screamed angrily, but I didn’t let go. The other bloodsuckers ran at me, but they were stopped short by the pack. And with that, the fight was back on. I turned back to the blonde, I was standing over her,
I leaned down to take a big bite out of her neck, but Edward managed to get away from whatever wolf was tackling him and came after me.
I leaped at Edward, leaving the blonde behind. This seemed to surprise him, but before he could get his thoughts straight, I took the opportunity. I bit down on his neck, hard. He tried to break free of my hold, but I wasn’t giving up that easy.
What did you do to my child? I screamed at him through my head. What did you and your fancy doctor do to her?
I reached down and bit even harder. I was biting into hard cold diamond. I had defiantly bitten far into his neck. I bit harder, my razor sharp teeth ripping apart his stupid ice-cold body. Good.
He yelled in pain, but nobody came to his rescue. If I could smile right now, I would. I’ll do it later. I thought and bit into Edwards neck once again. He was yelling in pain at the top of his lungs. He really was suffering. This was a dream come true, but a bitter sweet one.
What did you do with my child? I yelled again. How could you do that to her? To my child! You and your stupid blood suckers have killed my unborn child!
Please…” Edward begged quietly.
You don’t deserve to live! I yelled, and bit his neck again. His hands were in fists. I saw one of the bloodsuckers off in the distance. She was screaming, trying to get to Edward, but another wolf pounced and held her down. They were keeping them away so I could kill Edward. How thoughtful.
Hurry up with it! We can’t hold them forever! Sam growled at me.
I looked back at Edward You don’t deserve to live you discusting bloodsucker. I bit down on his neck again. I heard diamond crunching, felt it tearing. One more bite and he was history.
“He’s still alive.” Edward groaned, his fists tightening. I ignored him and leaned down to finish him off.
“He’s not dead! Bella’s pregnant!” he managed to say. It was barely above whisper. He could hardly talk. I looked down to see what damage I had down to his neck. I could see a deep gash where his neck was splitting. He’s a dead man.
Hurry up! Sam ordered, struggling to keep the big bloodsucker that much longer.
“Bella is pregnant!” he cried.
Finish him off! I heard. End him already! I can’t hold much longer! What are you waiting for?
“Please… Bella’s pregnant!” He was lying to me. He was trying to get me to spare his life. There was no way Bellla was pregnant... Suddenly, the big bloodsucker with jet-black hair kicked Sam off of him and ran straight for me. In a second’s decision, I quickly snapped my teeth, ripping Edwards head off.
LOL thanks :))) Glad it's shocking
aw thanks :)))