The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
_
_
Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

Views: 28449

Replies to This Discussion

thanks!

This story is soso good! please update when yoou post more!
Thank you! :D
Take your time and worry on your health. get well soon! xx

Thanks Juli, I'll do that :)

It's incredible how one mistake can completely change your life. PS: OMG. 10,000 VIEWS? I AM MAJOR JEALOUS. -Molz :D
I'm so sorry guys. I really want to update, and I barely have enough time to get online. sorry guys. :/ I'm not doing so good.

chapter ten- enjoy

Chapter Ten-

 

Ryan’s P.O.V.-

  As we ran home, I could hear many thoughts. They were all worrying, wondering if I was okay. I did not let my brain linger on what had happened. Instead, I focused only on getting home in the fastest possible way.

  I speed up as I heard even more concerned thoughts. I wished so badly tat they could not hear my thoughts, for many secrets and feelings were wandering around so widely in my brain.

  I sighed as I ran, focusing only on the trees ahead. Suddenly, Daisy growled at me, alarm in her thoughts. I turned around to see two bloodsuckers approaching slowly. I growled at them, positioning in a stance that would keep me ready to attack at any moment.

   The others crouched too, wanting to be the one to tear their head off.

   “We come in peace.” The male one said, I now realized it was Edward. I stood up in a normal position, but was still ready to attack at any moment, just in case.

  The woman, my mother, stayed quiet as Edward spoke. I realized his arm was back in place now. I scoffed at how disgusting the thought was of a leech putting himself back together.

  “My family and I wanted to thank you for helping us. We would not have survived without your assistance.” He spoke calmly. I simply nodded and turned back around to head home.

  “Wait!” the female said, suddenly taking a step toward me. Brandon and Daisy growled as she grew closer, but she paid no attention to them. Edward shifted uncomfortably; he was probably not comfortable with her being so close to the pack.

  She looked at me for a second before speaking again. “You look just like your father.” She whispered.

  I growled at her, loudly. How dare she bring up my father! The man she had killed! I should kill her now!

  I leaped at her, anger raging within me. Cody and Rahul both leaped at me and knocked me to the ground, preventing me from attacking the leech. I looked Rahul in the eye, only more anger within me.

  Get off of me, now! I ordered him. He just looked at me. Did you not hear me? I said to get off! I commanded, but still he looked at me. His head tilted to the side in confusion. What was his deal?

  I threw him off of me and shook my fur. Edward was now in front of the woman. She pushed him aside to see me, but he only tried to protect her again.

  I growled at her.

  “We will leave now.” Edward growled, protecting the woman once again. I rolled my eyes. How weak they were! Not even going to defend their selves!

  “Wait.” The woman said, again pushing away from Edward. She stared at me, dark black eyes watching my every move. It made me sick to think that she was my mother.

  “Ryan.” She spoke softly, slightly shaken.

  “Bella-“ Edward said grabbing her arm. She turned around and gave him a look. He let go, but was reluctant.

  She took a few steps toward me. In my wolf form, I was taller than her. It made me feel dominate, stronger I was stronger. I could kill her now if I wanted.

  “Ryan.” She said my name again. I huffed impatiently. I really wanted to get home before it became dark. The bloodsuckers might try and chase us in the later hours.

  “Thank you.,” she whispered. Her hand twitched, as if she were going to touch me, but then decided against it. Good move leech, you would have lost that hand. I thought angrily.

  She sighed sadly. What was this woman’s problem?

  “Thank you for saving us. I’m…” she bit her lip. “I’m sorry, Ryan. For everything. Would you ever be able to forgive me?” she wondered, sadness in her dark, longing eyes. I tried to stop a growl, but it escaped from my chest before I could stop it.

  Hate in my eyes, I turned around and headed home, mentally commanding the wolves to follow. I turned around, waiting for them to follow. They all looked at me, waiting for orders. I could see the woman standing there, looking as if she were trying to suppress a sob.

  I growled at the pack, frustrated that they wouldn’t listen to any command I gave them. I turned away from them and began running home. They followed quickly, careful not to anger me. Rahul looked at me, looking as if he were waiting for some kind of answer or command. I raised an eyes brow.

  He just stared at me blankly, confusion on his face. I kept running, but my thoughts stopped completely for a second. Why couldn’t I hear them?

  I looked at each wolf individually, but didn’t hear a single thought from any of them. Could they hear me?

  I suddenly wished I could hear their thoughts again, they all blared out as if there were speakers in my head.

  What happened, Ryan?

  That leech was playing mind tricks!

  I can hear him again!

  What just happened?

  Ryan? Ryan1 What happened?

  I stared at the ground as I ran in confusion. I thought about Beth, about the leeches, the newborns, redhead, and the fact that I couldn’t hear what the pack had been thinking back there for some reason, but the thing that stuck in my mind the most was a thought coming from Brett; the image of how my mother had stood there, sadness and betrayal on her face.

  Brett smiled about me lingering on the thought. I quickly took the image out of my head and focused on getting home. I would have to figure everything out when I got there.

 

Guys, I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I'm in the hospital, and it's really hard to write on a laptop. I'll update again as soon as I can.
OMG! That was really good but YOUR IN A HOSPITAL!??!? WHAT'S WRONG!?!! ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT DO YOU HAVE!??!! I THOUGHT YOU HAD LIKE A COLD IT SOMETHING!!!?!??
I thought it was a cold too, but the doctors think its something else. I'm getting some tests done, but I'm sure it's nothing.

RSS

© 2014   Created by Hachette Book Group.

Report an Issue | Guidelines  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service