What if . Bella decided to reach over and kiss Jacob in her truck? Would that change how she feels about Jacob over all ? Knowing the feelings he has for her,knowing he could give her more. Knowing,she wouldn't have to change for him...
[Disclaimer]; not everybody posts the disclaimers in their fanfiction,but i'm going to. ;) Idon't own Twilight,or any of the characters in it. All belong to Stephenie Meyer- All though I wish I did.(;
A/N; I hope you enjoy ... :) & I'm starting at chapter 1 :)
Chapter 1; One Last Look.
My fingers were curled tightly around the steering wheel,as i stared out ahead of us. We were in front of Charlies-though his cruiser was missing. I bite the inside of my lip,my brows mashed together,listening to Jacob's breathing. He was staring out the window,as we sat in my old truck silently. Sometimes, I wish I knew what he was thinking,and then he let out a breath.
"What are you thinking,Bells?" he asks,breaking the awkward silence.
I loosen my grip on the steering wheel,and lean into the seat-sighing,"I,was ... Going to ask you the same thing." I tell him,glancing side-ways. He was still looking out the fogged window.
" You really want to know what i'm thinking about?" he questions,now turning to look at me.
His stare sent shivers through-out my body,and his question made me think about how to answer. Do I want to know what he's thinking about? The way he said it,makes me wonder if it's a bad thing- something I actually don't want to know. But,maybe I'm just over-thinking. I do want to know what he's thinking about,but,maybe when I do know-I'll regret asking what he was thinking about.
I'm over-thinking... I think.
I nod,"Tell me what you're thinking about Jake."
He smirks,his eyes slightly lidded."You." he whispers."Always..."
I sigh,and smile weakly."Jacob..."
He shakes his head,and takes my hands off the wheel-and into his hands,mine so small compared to his. I look down,not wanting to stare into his eyes-knowing it would be for the best. I think. Because,if I fall in love with Jake ... I'm just going to end up hurting him,when Edward comes back. Eward will come back,I know it... Jacob is my best friend,and i can't stand,loosing him.
"Bella,I love you. I've always loved you. And you know that,I know you know that." He sighs,"Bells,look at me. Please." I bit my lip,and shook my head.
"I can't." I whisper.
One hand disapeared from mine,and moved swiftly under my chin. Forcing me to look up at him,I tried to look away from his face,but mine landed on his. His gaze so intense,I couldn't look away. His hot breath was circulating around my face,the woodsy scent i always loved-intoxicating me. Wanting me to move closer to it. But I stayed where I was,our gazes interlocked.
I was waiting for him to say something,but he just remained speechless;his lips parted-as in lost in thought. I bit down on my lip hard,as the silence intensified. Just when realization hit me. My fingers slowly,crawling up his arms-as his hands hooked onto my waist-pulling me into his lap.
Jacob can never be just a friend to me. I've always seen noticed him,always known he was attractive to me in some way.But,Edward...
"I can't hurt you." I mumble,my lips brushing across his in the process. I never noticed how close we were until now.
"Do you love me?" he asks,his eyes closed-waiting for my answer.
I press my lips tightly together,curling my hands into fists-agaist his covered chest. "I..." i press my lips back together,taking a stead breath.
[for now... watching Salt :3]
33 ; Please Don't Leave Me.
I forgot to say out loud,how beautiful you really are to me.
i cannot be without,you're my perfect little punching bag,
And I need you,I'm sorry. Please don't leave me.
It's always gonna come right back to this,please ; don't leave me.
Jacob stood there,motionless-my tiny fingers still wrapped around his wide wrist. He stared at me,and not in the loving,compassionate way. The are-you-freaking-insane stare. What was so wrong with me going!? I'll be fine with the pack by my side,or me by their side-i should say. But,I could lure Maria to them,and they could take care of her! Better yet,the Volturi want me,I'll be able to distract them somehow,while they take care of them. Jane's gone. They're almost defeatable.
He shook my hand off him,and made a sound of disgust in the back of his throat,"That's a sick idea Bella."
I sigh,"But,Jake! I could help!" I whined.
"Yeah,she could like jab a knife into her arm,or something,to distract the vamps-and then we dig in tearing them apart." Paul says,butting into the conversation.
"So true! She could be a great help,Jake." Jared says.
"No,Bella's not coming! She can't! She's my marshmellow buddy!" Seth cries,"She's get hurt!"
Jake smiles slightly,"Exactly. You guys are ridiculous. Paul,would you let Jessica come as a distraction?"
Pauls stiffens,"She didn't volunteer."
"But,if it'd help... I'd do it." Jess ays quietly,walking down the side wlak to the house,"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?" Her voice was shaky,as if she were going to burst into tears any second.
This couldn't be good. Why wouldn't Paul tell her they were leaving? Does he think this is protecting her? That she'd never find out? Because,I wouldn't be the one to lean on to break the news to her. That's probably what he was planning on doing.
He bit down on his lip,"I'm sorry Jess,I... I,just didn't want to tell you,because,I didn't know how to tell you." He stutters.
"How to tell me? Paul,I can handle it!" She stomped up to him,poking him in the chest,"I'm not a baby. I know you protect me,because you love me,but I'm just as old as you are... Actually a little older. I can handle it. Well,now that you were going to run off without telling me,that : I don't know I can handle." She whispers,then takes a step back,shaking her head.
"Jess! I didn't know how! It's not that I thought you couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle it. We're going to be gone for more than a few months! Maybe even a year,I might not even come back alive,Jessica. And I don't want to say goodbye to you." He mumbles.
My jaw dropped. Months? Maybe even a year? Might not even come back?! My eyes darted at Jacob,who gave out a large groan,swinging his fist at Paul's jaw.
"You just couldn't keep your God damn mouth shut!" Jacob yells,shoving Paul back.
"Hey man! I'm just telling her the facts! It's not my fault you didn't tell Bella." He fought back,wiping his hand across his jaw-then hooking it back into place- I cringed.
"I don't care Paul! God dammit!" Jacob picked something off the ground - a flower pot- and chucked it out onto Sams car.
"Hey! Jacob! Settle the hell down!" Sam orders,his hand coming down onto Jake's shoulder.
"Get the HELL off me Sam!" Jacob turns around to punch Sam in the face,causing Sam to stumble back.
"JACOB!" I screamed at him,stomping my foot in frustration. "Just go! All of you! Just leave! Or I'll go myself."
That made everyone stop. Jake took a step towards me,"Bella..." He parts his lips again,but then shuts them."Let's go guys. We don't have a lot of time. We need to get out of here,and kill some vampires. We may die,but we may also survive. Just keep in mind that it's for our people. Our land. Our imprints. For the freedom of our loved ones." Jacob glances back at me,"Goodbye Bella."
Everyone hooted at Jake's small speech,and they all packed into Sam's car. I watched as Jake go into the passenger side,not giving a second glance. I watched as they sped off into the morning,possibly not coming back.
"Good bye Jacob." I whisper,looking down at the dirt,then back up at Jessica's blank face.
"We should go now." She sighs,breathing evenly. Well,trying to."We have school tomorrow. Only two more months until Summer break. I think I can make do with a couple months. It'll be hard,but we have eachother right?" She looks up at me.
I nod,"Yeah,yeah." I mutter,my eyes tearing up-and I look away."We have eachother." They might not come back.
They might not come back. They might not come back. They could die. But,they'll die with pride,and honour to their people. But,Jake might not come back. Ever. A life without Jake. I can't even imagine it. I've been through so much with this boy. This man,that I've grown to love. Admire. I could feel the tears trickle down my cheeks now. I quickly tried to wipe them away.
"Bella,it'll be alright... Come on,everything'll be okay." She tells me,wrapping her arm around my shoulder,and pulling me with her to her car.
I just nod,stumbling my way with her to her car,my body shaking with the sobs that taked through my body. Jess opened the door for me,and I threw myself into it,letting the sobs rip through my chest. Jessica got into the front,and started driving. We were going to Pauls house,because we can't stay in Forks. We're forbid.
I could hear Jess silently crying to herself in the front seat,and her fingers squeezed the steering wheel,as she sped onto the speed limit,turning down the rocky streets,before pulling up into the driveway of Pauls house.
"Emily is there." She tells me."Do you want to stay in here,or come in?" I'm not sure if she meant it as a joke or an actual offer.
"I'm coming." I tell her.
I'll continue it tomorrow,my computer shut down on me so i had to re-write it.
so this is all for now...
ohh my god! so so sad! and it makes me wanna cry even more cause im listening to 'it will rain' by bruno mars and its such a sad song.
so great! cant wait for more!
I love that song <3
&& I'm adding on today! Sorry for such the long delay,i'm so busy these days...
When are you going to updated again?
Adding on sometime today,not exactly sure,because it is Thanksgiving in Canada ;P
So,it might be later on tonight(:
Chapter 34 ; Coping.
If you ever leave me baby,leave some morphine at my door,'cause it would take a whole lot of medication,
To realize what we used to have,we don't have it anymore.'
One month,eight hours,twenty minutes,and approximately twenty-nine seconds had passed since Jacob had left. I can't say that I'm getting any better,but I'm not getting any worse either. Maybe just accepting the fact that he's gone,or maybe he could really be gone. But,I need to know how to live with that. If I pretend he's not going to come back,then I'll be ready when I get the news,or when he just never shows up. I can stay positive,I have something to take care of. I can't do this with a negative attitude,it won't help.
My fingers roamed over my stomach,the thought of something inside their made me feel queasy. I was never one for kids,it's a good thing I won't start showing until school is over,or I'd be pretty much screwed. Charlie doesn't know yet,and he won't. I haven't accepted any of his calls either,Billy has been informing him that I'm okay ; but need to stay away from soceity for a little. I had gotten a job in a bakery in Hoquiam,and enrolled in their Highschool for my last month of school. Which is another thing,I got myself my own place,it's not small,not too big either,Alice had helped me a little. Just with the decorating.
The living room was quite large though,with a beige coloured carpet,a fireplace with a flat screen above it,and pictures of my family and friends were set atop of the fireplace. There's one four-seated couch,a love seat,and a rocking chair in the corner. And a glass coffee table in the middle,with a small vase of roses. It was simple,nothing too extravagant. Then the kitchen with marble counter tops,off-white tiling.
It's a three bedroom house,only two floors,three bathrooms. The bedrooms were pretty simple too,I kept one empty,not exactly sure what the thing inside of me is yet. My bedroom,a king-sized canopy bed,a large walk-in closet with double doors,a small glass beside-table. The guest room was similar,but just a twin bed,and a small walk-in closet,the walls painted a soft green. Nothing too detailed. I wanted everything simple.
I leaned back against the counter,waiting for the lasagna to finish up. Only a few more minutes and Jacob's favourite dish would be ready,and if he were here he'd probably argue back about how his sauce was better,but he still loves my combination of cheeses that I put into it.
"Bella,dear,are you coming?" Edward called.
I sighed,looking down, trying to collect myself."Yes,Edward,I'm coming." I tell him,then casually walk into the room,with my shoulders squared and a small smile painted across my face.
He smiles back,taking my hand into his and sitting me down on the couch,then plopping down beside me,"When are your,er,friends going to be here?" he asks,raising his eye brow,as he picked up his glass of wine-sipping at it.
I glance up at the clock that hung by the TV,"Maybe in ten minutes. Just enough time for the food to cool down." I answer.
So keep in mind all the sacrafices I'm makin'.
I nod trying to keep a smile on my face,but I have to admitt it was hard. Having to pretend that my heart isn't broken,that my eyes are threatening to tear apart,that my insides are torn,that I'm not inlove with him. That Jacob will always be on my mind,that he will never leave it. I can't hide the fact that whenever Edward brings up Jacob's name,I don't cringe away,and let a tear trickle it's way down my cheek. But,I can pretend,I can pretend to be happy,everybody does it now,don't they?
To please everyone else. Like I said,I have to learn how to cope without Jacob in my life,and if Edward is the one who has to help me with this,then so be it.