This is rewrite of my only successful story. XD
I began writing Black Swan on August 28th in 2010.
I know there were TONS of mistakes the first time around, and I have a feeling I could make it better now. Before I was just blindly stumbling into writing, but now I really think I could make it better. I know I had a bunch of people that read it the first time and I hope to have just as many this time, if not more. (does this sound too hopeful?)
(No I did not take the title from the ballet movie, nor does have ballet in it. I was phsyched when I found out there was a movie coming out with the same name as my FanFiction. XD)
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(Like the banner? It was made by the wonderful Minnie!)
I looked into his eyes and saw only pain. How could I have been so stupid? This was everything I had ever wanted, everything I had dreamed of. He was the image of sheer perfection in my eyes. But this was entirely my fault, and now I was paying for it.
“I’m so sorry, please, you have to believe me.” I looked into his eye, mine pleading.
“I want to, I really want to, But I don’t think I can.” His tore away from mine as he turned around. I felt tears spill over the ridges of my eyes as I watched him walk away. I sank against the wall and watched him until he became too small and too blurry for me to see anymore. I closed my eyes and pulled my knees tightly to my chest as I fell; fell into the black desperation and self-pity that were now closing over me.
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Love it so much!!!! Udate soon=)
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wow! i love it!!! post more soon!!
XD Thanks guys! I'll post more tonight or tomorrow night. =)
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They had to be contacts. How could his eyes just change color like that? It had to be contacts.
He changed pace, trying a new tactic. “Look Bella, when I came back from the bathroom I couldn’t find you.”
“Believe me when I say I didn’t move.” I said sourly.
“Really?” He sounded like he was getting angry, “Because when I came back you weren’t there. I looked everywhere for you.
“I didn’t move for twenty minutes after you left, you’re lying.”
“Why would I lie Bella?” He cleared his throat. “When I did eventually find you, you know what you were doing?” His gold eyes squinted angrily, “You were letting Mike Newton feel you up.” His voice was cold. “He had both hands up your skirt.” He looked away.
“He was drunk Edward, It’s not like I stood there and let him “feel me up”’ I was exasperated. Where was his mind? How on Earth could he think I would actually let Mike Newton do that to me? Did he even believe what he was saying?
“Yeah, sure,” his voice wasn’t the velvety voice I was used to. It was cold and hard. It matched his new eyes.
“Come on E- Edward you don’t believe that do you? Don’t be like this!” I was starting to panic. I couldn’t lose him, no matter how angry I was, I just couldn’t let him go. “E- ple- y- you have to believe me.”
The teacher told is the be quiet. Edward gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of the class. Tears welled in my eyes, and when the bell rang, well he all but ran for the door.
I ignored Charlie when I got home. I went straight to room and locked the door. A few hours later Charlie came up to tell me dinner was ready. He used my childhood nickname “Bells” when calling me out.
“I’m not hungry.” I yelled out to him.
I had to drag myself out of bed when my alarm went off. I threw on the first thing in my closet. I knew I looked as bad, if not worse, than I had yesterday, but I didn’t have the energy to care.
The day went by sluggishly slow. I didn’t understand, I didn’t know how to understand. What had I done to make him angry enough to ditch me?
He was the one that ditched me . . .Right?
I had to talk to him; I had to make him explain. I needed answers.
So I cornered him after lunch. At first he looked surprised and a bit scared. “Edward p-please,” I scolded myself for stuttering.
I looked into his eyes and saw only pain. How could I have been so stupid? This was everything I had ever wanted, everything I had dreamed of since the very first day I started school here. He was the image of sheer perfection in my eyes. But this was entirely my fault, and now I was paying for it.
“I’m so sorry, please, you have to believe me.” I looked into his eyes, mine pleading.
“I want to, I really want to, Bella, but I don’t think I can.” His tore away from mine as he turned around. I felt tears spill over the ridges of my eyes as I watched him walk away. I sank against the wall and watched him until he became too small and too blurry for me to see anymore. I closed my eyes and pulled my knees tightly to my chest as I fell; fell into the black desperation and self-pity that were now closing over me.
We fell into silence. Whenever we saw each other we pretended to be strangers. We didn’t even make eye contact. If there was a partner assignment in Biology we did ourselves, without even looking at each other.
Before I had cared about how I looked. I had wanted to look nice, for him. But I didn’t care anymore. I dyed my hair again though. It started to frizz instead of lay flat like it had before, but I didn’t care. My weight was all over the place. Sometimes I would just eat and eat and eat; my jeans would get too small. Then there would be times when I wouldn’t eat anything and everything would get too big.
But my sweat shirt would always be oversized and my eyeliner never thinned.
I could tell Charlie was worried about me, but we were silent to each other too. I never talked anymore. My throat was sore from crying and a constant lump made it hard to breathe.
If a teacher asked me a question I looked down and pretended not to hear. I slept more than I should and it messed with my vision. I couldn’t see straight at all anymore. Maybe I just needed glasses. I didn’t know. I didn’t care.
My lips were so chewed that they didn’t look like lips anymore. They were scabbed and bloody. Weeks went by and I didn’t even notice. Weeks turned into a month and before I knew it, it was time for Christmas break.
I didn’t do anything for Christmas break.
I didn’t have a New Year’s resolution either.
School began again. My schedule changed, I no longer had biology. I was relieved. It was a junior class, now I would go on to my regular sophomore classes and I would have to deal with . . . Him any longer.
But then we both ended up picking the same elective. But I hadn’t really picked mine. I had just bubbled in a random one. I ended up in photography. He liked photography? He had never told me.
I decided to try drinking alcohol one night. It quickly became a constant companion. I couldn’t live without him on my mind, but it let me escape. But then Charlie found me with it, and it was stopped immediately.
Life was so bland. I had nothing to live for anymore. I hated acting like this, but the thing was, was that I wasn’t acting. I was living in a Hell made especially for me. Living without Edward, and living with the continuous torment of Rosalie’s laughter.
I had to distract myself. I was constantly on verge of crying. Books didn’t help. I couldn’t concentrate on them.
One night I went fumbling through a drawer, looking for something, anything to do when I felt something sharp have its way with my hand.
I quickly pulled my hand out of the drawer, panicking at the sight of blood leaking out of it. I heard myself swear under breath as I ran into the bathroom and wrapped it in toilet paper.
After drying up most of the blood I ran it under water and then wrapped it up again.
Perfect distraction huh? The little voice in my head told me. And it actually was a perfect distraction.
I unwrapped in again and watched the blood ooze slowly out of my hand.
It dripped on the floor several times before I had enough energy to clean it up.
Thanks for reading week after week!
I honestly cannot tell you how much it means to me! =)
But I do have a favor to ask.
I have another story called Masked and I would GREATLY appriciate it if you would go check it out!
I work really hard to have something for my readers every week, and that story is like my pride and joy.
Please, if you're bored one day or need something to do, just please give it a chance!
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A little pissed at Edward for the moment.. Still loved the chapter.
XD Wait for the rest sweetie, wait for the rest. :3