This is my story of Esme's life before Carlisle and how after seeing him again they fell in love. Only to have him leave her because she is human with her unborn child. The heartbreak of finding your true soul mate,your only love just to have him leave!
Written together with Lita
To Be Loved, Esme’s Story
Chapter 1 Pain
Hopeless is how it felt. The darkness had swallowed me up. There is no light standing here at the precipice of life and death.
I was ready to end the pain; to let it all go and take the final step.
The sun shown as brightly as it did less than four weeks ago but it
didn’t warm me. The last time I was here, life held promise. Remembering
that day - the sun so warm, the sky a beautiful shade of blue; life looked so
wonderful. My beautiful little baby kicking me from the inside made me think
that for once all my dreams would come true.
That day I sat there thinking of my mother. She said to me, “Esme, your name means "to be loved" in Old French. You have always been an extremely warm girl who is gifted with the ability to love completely. One day, you will meet a man and know he is the one for you, my sweet child, You will truly make your family happy.”
We would walk in the woods on the outskirts of Columbus, Ohio - close to our little home with a picnic lunch. My mother would bring her favorite books for us to read and I think that made me want to become a teacher so badly. My mother a very warm and caring person and was always in terse terms with my father, a very cold and calculating man. It was hard to understand how she could love a man like him.
One day she told me he had not always been like that. At first, he was very caring and so that was the man she saw every time she looked at him. I was the last of my friends to be unmarried and my mother knew of my hope of becoming a teacher. My father would not hear of it. It was after my father’s best friend Charles Evenson Sr. oldest son, Charles Jr., came back from college, I was hard pressed into dating and eventually marrying him.
My forced marriage to him was something I grew to regret. Charles was a very sadistic man and could not make love to a woman without hurting her. He was very masochistic in his thoughts. He was truly delusional and thought that he owned me. I knew he could never love me.
My honeymoon was a horror show! The pain inflected on me was inhumane. We were not even married for two months before he made the decision to move us away from our families; supposedly to start a new job. The truth it was that so no one could see the extent of his abuse. He had even told me to call him master in the privacy of our own home! I felt as if I was doomed to never known what it was like to have a man love me and make love to me.
In my whole life, I could think of only one man who ever treated me with any kindness or respect. When I was a mere 16 years old, I had fallen out of the tree in our backyard and broke my leg. My mother had taken me to the town doctor who had been in our little town for less than two years. I don’t know why I had always remembered Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He was the most handsome man I’ve ever seen but I believe it was more than that. Although I was in terrible pain, this man’s cold hands felt like home to me - whatever “home” was. It is strange that I remember even years later. Looking back now, I knew from the first time I saw him, he would be my only true love and a part of me realized that I was missing my soul mate.
The only time I ever got a reprieve from the constant abuse was in 1920. Charles was drafted and went to fight in the War. As bad as it sounds, there were times that I had hoped he would never come home again. There were nights where I would dream that I was a widow and I would never see him again. And yes, that he would have a long and painful death. I do not know why I didn’t run away back then. I guess I thought I had nowhere to go; nowhere to run. If I had gone home, my father would have sent me right back to Charles. How I wished I had known that my father was going to die just one week after Charles had gotten home, I would have ran. As soon as Charles returned from the war, the abuse got started all over again. In fact, it got worse. I didn’t feel as if I “deserved” it so I began to wonder if there was someone else. Charles would just say “There are women in this world that like what I do. They would ask for this and be happy.” When he was done with me, Charles would stare out the window. He even once turned to me and said, “I should have never come back to you. You’re cold and you have no passion!”
The only thought going through my head when he said things like that to me was “NO!” I would not wish him on another young woman. Shortly after his return, I realized I was pregnant. I knew I would have to run away for the sake of my baby. I started to think of ways to disappear. He would find me if I went home to my mother. I knew she would be happy to see me and she would believe me about Charles but that was the first place he would look. After I was far away and safe, I could write and tell her about the baby. I would tell her everything and she would know that I was safe and happy and maybe, hopefully, she could come and see us.
It was in that frame of mind, as I cleaned my already clean house, there was a knock on the door. There stood a portly man dressed in a nice suit. He asked, “Are you Esme PlattEvenson?”
I replied, “Yes, I am. May I help you, sir?”
He proceeded to tell me the most heartbreaking news. My loving mother had died of a heart attack. He was there to give me the deed to our small home in Columbus and the large sum of money that she had saved to send me to school. How could I possibly think of this as a blessing? I did, though. With my mother’s death, she had given me a way to make a new life for myself and my unborn child.
I asked him if he would handle the funeral for me, along with selling the house. He could pay all the funeral expenses with the money from the sell. I told him that I would write to him later on about the remaining money. It took me less than an hour to pack up the few things that I would need to make my escape.
Then, I ran.
I ran away from the life I hated. I was happy to have it all behind me. I went to the train station and purchased a ticket on the first train out of town. It didn’t matter where to – I just needed to leave. The first train was heading to South Dakota. By the time the train left the station, I didn’t care where I was going as long as I was going. I sat at the train station for the two hours in fear that Charles would find me. I looked at the door every time someone came in. My heart beating so fast; I thought it would beat out of my body. When the train finally arrived, I felt as if I could breathe again!
I never looked back. I knew that if Charles ever found me, I would be dead!
All of the next chapters are in the comments the 2nd chapter is on the first page at the bottom. the 3rd chapter is on page 5, the 4th chapter is on page 6,chapter 5 is on page 8, and the last chapter on page 9 i hope this helps