To Be Loved, Esme's Story
This is my story of Esme's life before Carlisle and how after seeing him again they fell in love. Only to have him leave her because she is human with her unborn child. The heartbreak of finding your true soul mate,your only love just to have him leave! Written together with Lita
To Be Loved, Esme’s Story
Chapter 1 Pain
Hopeless is how it felt. The darkness had swallowed me up. There is no light standing here at the precipice of life and death.
I was ready to end the pain; to let it all go and take the final step.
The sun shown as brightly as it did less than four weeks ago but it
didn’t warm me. The last time I was here, life held promise. Remembering
that day - the sun so warm, the sky a beautiful shade of blue; life looked so
wonderful. My beautiful little baby kicking me from the inside made me think
that for once all my dreams would come true.
That day I sat there thinking of my mother. She said to me, “Esme, your name means "to be loved" in Old French. You have always been an extremely warm girl who is gifted with the ability to love completely. One day, you will meet a man and know he is the one for you, my sweet child, You will truly make your family happy.”
We would walk in the woods on the outskirts of Columbus, Ohio - close to our little home with a picnic lunch. My mother would bring her favorite books for us to read and I think that made me want to become a teacher so badly. My mother a very warm and caring person and was always in terse terms with my father, a very cold and calculating man. It was hard to understand how she could love a man like him.
One day she told me he had not always been like that. At first, he was very caring and so that was the man she saw every time she looked at him. I was the last of my friends to be unmarried and my mother knew of my hope of becoming a teacher. My father would not hear of it. It was after my father’s best friend Charles Evenson Sr. oldest son, Charles Jr., came back from college, I was hard pressed into dating and eventually marrying him.
My forced marriage to him was something I grew to regret. Charles was a very sadistic man and could not make love to a woman without hurting her. He was very masochistic in his thoughts. He was truly delusional and thought that he owned me. I knew he could never love me.
My honeymoon was a horror show! The pain inflected on me was inhumane. We were not even married for two months before he made the decision to move us away from our families; supposedly to start a new job. The truth it was that so no one could see the extent of his abuse. He had even told me to call him master in the privacy of our own home! I felt as if I was doomed to never known what it was like to have a man love me and make love to me.
In my whole life, I could think of only one man who ever treated me with any kindness or respect. When I was a mere 16 years old, I had fallen out of the tree in our backyard and broke my leg. My mother had taken me to the town doctor who had been in our little town for less than two years. I don’t know why I had always remembered Dr. Carlisle Cullen. He was the most handsome man I’ve ever seen but I believe it was more than that. Although I was in terrible pain, this man’s cold hands felt like home to me - whatever “home” was. It is strange that I remember even years later. Looking back now, I knew from the first time I saw him, he would be my only true love and a part of me realized that I was missing my soul mate.
The only time I ever got a reprieve from the constant abuse was in 1920. Charles was drafted and went to fight in the War. As bad as it sounds, there were times that I had hoped he would never come home again. There were nights where I would dream that I was a widow and I would never see him again. And yes, that he would have a long and painful death. I do not know why I didn’t run away back then. I guess I thought I had nowhere to go; nowhere to run. If I had gone home, my father would have sent me right back to Charles. How I wished I had known that my father was going to die just one week after Charles had gotten home, I would have ran. As soon as Charles returned from the war, the abuse got started all over again. In fact, it got worse. I didn’t feel as if I “deserved” it so I began to wonder if there was someone else. Charles would just say “There are women in this world that like what I do. They would ask for this and be happy.” When he was done with me, Charles would stare out the window. He even once turned to me and said, “I should have never come back to you. You’re cold and you have no passion!”
The only thought going through my head when he said things like that to me was “NO!” I would not wish him on another young woman. Shortly after his return, I realized I was pregnant. I knew I would have to run away for the sake of my baby. I started to think of ways to disappear. He would find me if I went home to my mother. I knew she would be happy to see me and she would believe me about Charles but that was the first place he would look. After I was far away and safe, I could write and tell her about the baby. I would tell her everything and she would know that I was safe and happy and maybe, hopefully, she could come and see us.
It was in that frame of mind, as I cleaned my already clean house, there was a knock on the door. There stood a portly man dressed in a nice suit. He asked, “Are you Esme PlattEvenson?”
I replied, “Yes, I am. May I help you, sir?”
He proceeded to tell me the most heartbreaking news. My loving mother had died of a heart attack. He was there to give me the deed to our small home in Columbus and the large sum of money that she had saved to send me to school. How could I possibly think of this as a blessing? I did, though. With my mother’s death, she had given me a way to make a new life for myself and my unborn child.
I asked him if he would handle the funeral for me, along with selling the house. He could pay all the funeral expenses with the money from the sell. I told him that I would write to him later on about the remaining money. It took me less than an hour to pack up the few things that I would need to make my escape.
Then, I ran.
I ran away from the life I hated. I was happy to have it all behind me. I went to the train station and purchased a ticket on the first train out of town. It didn’t matter where to – I just needed to leave. The first train was heading to South Dakota. By the time the train left the station, I didn’t care where I was going as long as I was going. I sat at the train station for the two hours in fear that Charles would find me. I looked at the door every time someone came in. My heart beating so fast; I thought it would beat out of my body. When the train finally arrived, I felt as if I could breathe again!
I never looked back. I knew that if Charles ever found me, I would be dead!
All of the next chapters are in the comments the 2nd chapter is on the first page at the bottom. the 3rd chapter is on page 5, the 4th chapter is on page 6,chapter 5 is on page 8, and the last chapter on page 9 i hope this helps
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Permalink Reply by kate on -
Carlisle POV
Rage ran through my veins as I tried to put myself in check. Calmly, I escorted Esme out the door. I stood there by the door and watched as she made her next appointment. My entire body was shaking with controlled emotion until I was finally able to turn back into my office and close my office door behind me. Quietly, I walked over to my desk and with one hand, broke it into small pieces. Through my rage, I could hear the nurses murmuring and wondering if I was alright. I called out that I needed a few more minutes to prepare myself for my next patient but truthfully, I was thinking back to my first meeting with the beautiful Esme.
1911 - Columbus, Ohio
After two years in Columbus, life had become very routine and uneventful. Every day, prior to my shift, I would sign in and wait for something new to happen. It never did. I knew that very soon, I would need to leave and start over. If I was lucky, I could stay in a place for five to seven years but not here. Lately, I had begun to grow weary of my nomadic life. I was becoming restless and the loneliness was too much. I needed a companion; someone to love a creature like me.
“Dr Cullen, we have a teenage girl here with a broken leg in Room 2.”
“I’ll be right there,” I called out as I quickly scrubbed up and prepared my instruments. As I walked down the hall, the first thing I noted was a scent. It was wonderful! It called to me and had me rushing through the hospital corridors. I had heard of this “blood calling” when I lived in Italy but thought it a myth. Surely, all human blood was the same. But now…Now I knew the myth was a reality. For the first time in over two hundred years, the smell of human blood was enticing me. It took all of my self control not to barge into Room 2 and devour its source.
Opening the door, I saw the most enchanting young girl. Her face was shaped in a perfect heart and even while in pain; she looked up at me and smiled. A soft blush stole across her cheeks and she quickly looked down. Her caramel colored hair and eyes were a perfect contrast to her soft ivory skin. She was so delicate and fragile – almost doll-like in her beauty. I stood there looking at her, her blood calling to me with every breath.
“Hello. My name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen and you are..?” I asked, hoping she would look at me again.
Shyly, she looked up at me. Her glance had venom flowing to the fangs in my mouth.
“I am Esme Platt and this is my mother,” she said, gesturing to the older woman by her side. I never noticed that there was someone else in the room with us. I knew I had to gain control of the situation before it got out of hand. A vampire had to be hyperaware of their surroundings at all times, yet the sight of this beauty rendered me senseless. Sitting in the corner was a small woman with the same color hair as Esme; a few graceful strands of gray mixed in and she had the same gorgeous green eyes. She looked older than her years and carried the scent of wet earth; a farmer’s wife I immediately guessed.
“Hello, Sir. I’m Sarah Platt. My daughter fell out of the tree in our yard.”
Walking over to the hospital bed, I knew that my cold hands would shock her but I wasn’t able to mask the coldness by rubbing them together. Esme jumped a little but I was not prepared for the electricity sparking against my skin. Esme smiled at me, blushing, and said “Your hands feel good. They are like ice.”
Her leg was clearly broken with bone pushing at her skin. She had minor scrapes and cuts along her legs and arms from the fall. It was the little amounts of blood drops that held my attention. The monster I never let out of me wanted to come out. The desire for a taste, however small, was pushing against my control. I backed away slowly from the examination table and told her that I would have the nurse clean her up. I had to escape! Quickly, I told Esme I would return once the nurse was done to brace her leg and that she would have to stay overnight to make sure she didn’t have a concussion or any internal bleeding from the fall. I practically ran from the room, stopping only to tell the nurse to clean Esme’s cuts. I didn’t even stop to wash my hands. I had to go outside and regain my composure and my control.
How could one human – a fragile human – affect me so?
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A knock on the door brought me out of my memories. Donna, my loyal nurse, advised me of the arrival of my next patient. I glanced around my office and saw the damage I had inflicted on my desk. I would have to return later on tonight with a replacement. I cleaned up the debris and locked the office door behind me as I went to see my next patient.
At the end of the day, I walked home, attempting to walk at human rate, when all I wanted to do was run. Thoughts of Esme swirled in my mind; her scent and her face taking over. Someone had dared to hurt her. Her exam had revealed numerous scars - cuts and burns on the tops of her arms, on her legs and her stomach. Rage, the elemental feeling of pure hatred, roared through me. Although I had promised never to hurt a human, the man who had dared to harm MY Esme, would die. He would die knowing that it was his own barbaric actions that caused him to suffer. Revenge would never be a sweet as when I took his life.
I was close to home and knew that Edward could hear my angry thoughts. Edward had been my companion for nearly three years now. I had changed Edward a few years ago as he laid dying of Spanish Influenza. Both he and his mother had been patients of mine in Chicago. His mother’s last words to me were a request to save him. No one had paid attention to me as I made my last rounds on the floor that night. I gave him the Gift and then covered him up. Silently, I pushed the “corpse” to the morgue and waited a few more hours before sneaking his body out.
After Edward’s change, he noticed that he could “hear” peoples’ thoughts. As more time passed, the better he got at it. He said he could hear me best. It didn’t surprise me that he was on the porch as I walked up to the house.
“Care to explain all of this rage, Carlisle? Who is Esme and could you really kill her husband?”
My memories of her crying in my office resurfaced, along with our first meeting all those years ago. I let Edward see and hear it all…
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The memories came flooding back…
The nurse had done a good job cleaning up Esme’s cuts. The smell of her blood not as strong as before with the antiseptic smell.
“So, Esme, how is the pain?”
I could hear her heart begin to race. Did I make her nervous, I wondered? Esme held her breath and quietly replied, “It’s not too bad.”
I examined her injury again and she winced. I was certain the pain of a broken bone was beginning to take a toll on her. I prepared an injection of morphine for her and asked that her mother wait in the waiting room so that I could set and then cast her leg. I didn’t lie to Esme when I told her that setting of
her leg would be painful. She looked positively scared to death! With my nurse’s help, we aligned her bones and put the cast on. Thankfully, Esme had passed out as soon as we started. The thought of her suffering more pain inspired me to work as quickly as possible.
Esme slept through it all and we were able to transfer her to a room. Once she was settled in, I set about locating her mother. Mrs. Platt appeared to be a nervous wreck in the waiting room. I reassured her that Esme was doing fine and that her staying in the hospital was just a precaution. When I mentioned that she could stay with Esme, Mrs. Platt said she would like to but that she needed to go home to her husband. I told her that she could stop by the next day and that by then, the morphine would have worn off and that Esme would likely be awake. Mrs. Platt went to Esme’s room, kissed her daughter lovingly on the cheek, and left.
I cannot explain what compelled me to do what I did. I had never done it before with any of my previous patients but I ended spending the entire night in a chair in her room.
She moved a little during the night and occasionally groaned in pain. I would immediately go to her side to comfort her but there was little that I could do. Finally, around dawn, Esme began to wake. Her green eyes sought me out in the early morning shadows. I was frozen to my seat with her gaze.
“Good morning, Esme. How are you feeling? I can give you more medication if you would like.”
I could the hear the raspiness in her voice as she replied, “No, Dr Cullen. I feel a little sore and my leg is so heavy.”
As I looked at her, I began to question my sanity. How could this young woman, this woman-child, affect me so much? Even after falling out of a tree and an overnight hospital stay, she looked absolutely stunning. Was is possible for a vampire to fall in love with a human at first sight? I was beginning to think so.
“Dr Cullen, are you alright? You look so far away.”
Esme was touching my hand and I could feel that electric shock run through me. I smiled at her and hoped that she could feel what I was feeling.
“I am fine, dear Esme, and it has been a long night. It’s almost time for me to go home.”
My eyes widen in shock as a tear rolled down her cheek.
“Please don’t cry,” I said, wiping away the tear with my finger. Thank God for my vampire speed as I tasted her tear on my fingertip. It was the sweetest thing I had ever tasted in all my years.
I was about to ask her about her tears when I heard her mother out in the hall asking for Esme’s room. I moved back away from her bed as Mrs. Platt and the nurse walked in the door Mrs. Platt immediately went to Esme’s side, worry lines etched in her face. “I was so worried, Sweetheart. How do you feel?”
Esme was not looking at her mother; her eyes were locked on mine. I knew that she felt the same as I. She was my soulmate and I was hers. The thought of that was joyous and elating but then reality reared its ugly head. To keep her safe, I would have to leave. The sooner, the better! Esme was human and I was not. I would have to leave her so that she could live her life.
“Please excuse me, ladies. My shift is over. I will leave instructions for your care with the nurse. It was a pleasure.” Those were the last words I said to Esme as I left her hospital room. I knew I would not see her again.
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“Good God, Carlisle! You never told me!” Edward said, instantly coming to my side. “When do we take care of that husband of hers?”
“No, Edward,” I replied. “We cannot harm him, no matter how I feel. But he will never hurt Esme again.”
“Carlisle, I would not hurt him too badly.” Edward said.
I looked at Edward and he laughed. Throwing his arm across my shoulder, he led me into the house; trying to talk me into hurting Esme’s husband. “Come on, Dad! You know you want to!”
I could only smile at Edward. He only called me Dad when he wanted something from me. It was fitting since I regarded him as my son.
“Come on, Son. Let’s go play chess.” -
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Permalink Reply by Pawns Of The Soul on -
UPDATE!!!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Pawns Of The Soul on
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yeah I live like an hour from the city but my town is so boring nothing happens here and everyone nowes EVERYTHING!!!!! ahhhhhh I think I will go crazy!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by Faye R on -
That's odd, I think I would go crazy too. Like if everyone knew my business haha. I don't live near the city at all. I live up near Buffalo haha.
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Permalink Reply by imightbreak on -
Please write more.
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Permalink Reply by Lynda Bryie on -
I really liked your story, I can't find it in the fan fiction site though. Could you send a link to the story if you have written more since December. Keep up the good work.
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Permalink Reply by kate on
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Chapter 4 Tea
The weeks passed quickly my days been taken up by class, and fixing up the little spare room for the baby it help me keep my mind on the important things, but at night alone in my bed my mind would go back to Carlisle his hands on mine the electricity coming from them the hard cold texture. The scent of him close citrus, sea salt, homemade bread, ginger all that and more. He was
Completely mysterious and sexy I could hear him whispering to me
“I should have kissed more than your hand” in my dream “It’s not too late,” I told him as he bent and pressed his lips to mine his arms went around me, strong holding me tight putting his cold hands on my body Carlisle making love to me he was winter cold against the warmth of my dreaming self The outline of his body was frigid mist. It burned my skin, sending electric currents through me, heating me with a desire. I cried out in my sleep “Carlisle!” I heard him saying “Esme your soul knows me” he laugh, it was seductive. I wanted to drown in it. I leaned forward, closing my eyes and
gasping aloud as his chill hands brushed against my breasts, sending shooting sensations that were painful but deliciously erotic to places in my body that made me feel out of control. “Be my love, truly, in body as well as soul” Carlisle said. I awoke shaking and I swear I could smell him in my room.
A few days before my next clinic appointment I was running to get out of the rain I ran into small store, and before I could stop myself I slid on the wet floor. Too cold hands reached out to catch me sending electric currents through me I looked up see Carlisle Cullen standing there helping me.
He said: “Esme are you okay! Well it looks like you really fallen for me” he laugh and it was the same seductive sound from my dream I don’t know how it possibly but he was even better looking with a big smile on his lips
I blush has I looked into his totally gorgeous eyes said: “Isn’t that the way it happens patients falling in love with there doctor” than the blush deepened when I realized what I just said. I got my breath I toke a step back out of his arms
“This is a pleasant surprise , Esme” he said and then seemed to remember the young man standing next to him, Carlisle looked at him and said; ‘Edward this is Esme Platt” and then he looking back at me Carlisle said: “Esme this is my brother Edward”
Damn, all I can say is that all Cullen men are gorgeous
“Mrs. Platt so nice to meet you” Edward said
I said “thank you and please call me Esme”
The man from behind the counter just seeing who had walked in said: “ Mr. Cullen the sheet music you ordered last month just came in” Edward looked at him and said: “that’s great Tom, do you think you get us some hot tea please” Tom nodded and went into the back room. Carlisle escorted me to a small table and pulled out a chair for me to sit in. Edward sat across from me and said: “please call me Edward, Esme”
Carlisle took the seat next to me even though he was inches away from me I could fell a strange electricity coming from him
Tom came out and placed 3cups hot tea and small cookies on the table then he came back with a package of sheet music for Edward.
Looking down at the package
I asked: “so Edward are you musical”
“Yes he said: I have played the piano for years our father insisted on it, I just starting composing to”
“That is wonderful I hope someday to learn how to play the piano myself” I commented
He smiled at me and said: “it is something to pass the time I have been also taking some classes at the college here”
Carlisle said: “yes Edward is very good with his music and he is top in his class” Edward looked a little embarrassed
I looked up into his eyes the same Topaz as his brothers but he looked tired. The hot tea helped warm me a little, but I did notice Carlisle and Edward had never touched their tea. Every once in a while I noticed Carlisle looked at Edward and nodded as if answering a question that was never asked. One time Edward asked me if I had lived here long .
I looked at him not wanting to say to much and said quietly
“no not long” looking down into my tea cup the hole story replayed in my mind, the years of pain, the news of my mother, my run to the train station, the fear of Charles if he found me, his face it all ran thought my mind. I could fell the hot tears in my eyes I WOULD NOT CRY not here with Carlisle just inches from me. When I looked back at Edward his eyes were black with rage or was it just me I don’t know I noticed Carlisle looked at Edward and nodded again. Carlisle got up from the table and said “I need to get back to the hospital and Edward don’t you have a class soon” with a quick good bye and I will see you soon Esme. Carlisle stop to pay the man and they were gone leaving there full cups of tea and all the cookies still on the tray. strange.
The rain had almost stopped by the time I was walking home I spent the night making the baby a quilt and thinking Carlisle and Edward something was different about both of them Carlisle’s gentlemanly way was from centuries back it seemed he was an old soul and Edward seemed to be sad, but it always came back to the fact that they were just different but not in a bad way.
I don’t know if it was just the excitement at seeing Dr. Carlisle Cullen again or the fact that it was just a beautiful day the Sun was shining for the first time since I moved to this little town. My heart race is I sat in the hospital clinic waiting to be called back for my appointment. The next thing I heard crushed my hopes, the secretary was speaking to a lady who had just walked in she said: “I’m sorry Mrs. Wheaton but Doctor Cullen is out sick today Dr. Alan is taking his patients” my heart sunk in my chest.
Truth be told Dr. Alan was a very nice man he took his time with me and then even let me listen to my baby’s heartbeat but it just wasn’t the same. On my way out the secretary gave me an appointment I would need to wait another four weeks before I was able to see Carlisle.
I had gotten to know my next-door neighbor she was an older woman probably in her mid-50s her name was Catherine she was a widow with no children. As I walked up to my door after my clinic appointment she saw me and asked: “dear one is everything okay you looked so sad is there something wrong with the baby ” there was true worry in her eyes,
“No everything is fine the doctor said there’s nothing to worry about” I told her.
“Then why the glum look” she said a smile returning to her face
I really couldn’t tell her why I felt so sad what was I supposed to say, I fell in love with my doctor over ten years ago and have been looking forward to seeing him but he was out sick today right, I was insane.
“Well than why don’t we sit here in the sunshine and have some tea” she said bringing me out of my thoughts.
I said; “that sounds very nice Catherine but why don’t we make it iced tea today I’ll go make some”
“Esme that sounds wonderful dear” she said
We spend the next hour in my backyard talking about the baby and the sunshine and how well my roses looked, but it still could not help me forget the longing to see Carlisle again.
That night I couldn’t stop thinking about Carlisle I could see him smiling at me it warmed my heart it seemed he was bringing me back to life and that was not good. I was used broken and bloody a pregnant woman, he could do so much better Carlisle was not only the best looking man I’ve ever seen but he was a doctor and a man of means. And to tell you the truth I was nothing, not good-looking very plain my heart-shaped face and dimples were nothing you call beautiful I did like my hair it was very full and curled just the way I liked it. But was I someone even in my condition that the doctor would even think of looking twice a probably not, I fell asleep contemplating all of this.
That night I had the strangest dream I was standing on a cliff the sun was shining, I could not feel it I felt cold I seemed to had nothing, and then just as I started to feel very deep sadness I looked up and coming towards me was Carlisle he was smiling at me his hands stretched out to embrace me and when he did his arms did not feel cold to me any longer they were warm. At that point I knew I was home he leaned down and kissed me tenderly and said: “you truly are my life, my love, my soul” I woke crying knowing for the very first time that I was truly and completely in love with him, but it was strange I could smell his wonderful scent of her my room.
I couldn’t shake off the dream or the conclusion I came to that night. -
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Permalink Reply by TeamCarlisle+Esme on -
I love it! really well written it is awesome keep me updated plz plz plz! (clever title btw )
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