what if instead of jacob helping bella in new moon....mike did...edward never comes back and bella tries to go on with mike's help....mike and his sister Violet help bella heal and she slowly starts a new life with their help.....the 3 of them go to college but what hapens when she meets this unexpected person....will it ruin her new life?
life....life...life...how many turns faith takes to make you realize what you did wrong and what few things were right.....and suddenly there you are.... always chased by pain when you thought destiny was finnally giving you a chance to live....
looking back now i have no regrets emotional death seems to be stalking me when fisical death doesnt....im fine with that.... i have already goten used to being a danger magnet i just wish things would have been different......that i wasnt saying goodbye to my last memory of him.....that he would have loved me enough to stay....but he was never comming back he said it before....
now it didnt matter.... i was never going to forget him but i had to walk forward..... life had been unfair giving me just a taste of what true happiness once felt like..... i knew that...but i had to try....try to forget or at the verry least remember the less posible.... it could be impossible but i had to try.....
i looked back to my old room and remembered how many times he snuck into my room without no one's notice....how may times he sang my lullaby for me to sleep...how many times i whispered "i love you" in dreams....too bad he didnt feel the same way.....how many times he would kiss me good morning ....how many times his volvo would be waiting for me at the driveway.....how many times he stayed up with me just looking into eachother's eyes....that daywould be the last time i would remember those good things.....the pain inside me was by far more potent than the love i once felt for him.....after i steped out of the house that day i would be a new girl....i would be forever isabella and bella would be traped in the box i made for her in a dark corner of my heart and mind she would never come out again.....
bella died in my 18th birthday and isabella was being born today....isabella swan was going to live.....
*honk honk* violet's car was already in the driveway....."come on isabella we are going to be missing all the fun" she yelled from her dark green corolla as i reached for the window....a litle car compared to the one she really owened...
"almost ready Vi ( short for violet)" i screamed from the window so she could hear me
"come on izzie michel is getting anoying here" violet waved from her driver seat and pointed to the passenger seat......tomorow we were both going to start college....mike and me of course violet was already in seccond grade of laws there....she was entusiastic when the summer was finnaly over....we had so much fun during the summer but she wanted us to start college soon because we would be going with her....so thypical in Vi......
"isabella violet is getting inpacient please come down she is about to snap on me"michel shouted getting out of the car.....charlie was waiting downstairs too....sad to be saying goodbye.... that i was grown up now and was going to college....
i finished packing and headed dowonstairs with my roler-skates suitcase....charlie greeted me at the door.....
"take care isabella" he wasnt a man of too many words but those felt just right...."study hard kiddo" he said as he patted my head
"i will take good care of myself and if not michel and violet will do it for me" i grinned at mike and Vi who were watching me say goodbye to my father .....
"i'll miss you dad i promise to visit every weekend i have off....how will you survive if i leave you to cook by yourself? " i looked at charlie who had teard in his eyes....my father wasnt a man who would cry but due to the occasion i didnt mind
"i'll miss you too izzie ".....charlie hugged me i returned his hug i realized that i was crying too
"ok well gotta go dad....i will write as soon as i reach the campus" i said breaking away from his hug and heading towards the car that was waiting for me.....mike opened the back door of the car for me and got in next....making sure he was close to me....i neded him more than anything at this moment he was my sedating person.....if i ever broke into tears he would know how to stop them
violet got the car going and i lowed the window glass to wave goodbye to charlie....after my house was out of view i sat motionless there....watching the driveway as we passed the woods behind my house were "that person" left me sobbing..... the grocery store...the hospital were i had first met carlisle....the forks local bank were alice had many times stoped before draging me shopping....we passed the forks highschool sign and i remembered how he saved me from the van in the parking lot that was still visible from where we were driving......finally getting out of forks i saw the tiny car trail that led to their house were a year ago my life had ended.....
i looked at the trail again as we drove away from forks "goodbye edward
" i whisperd ....."i love you
" i leted a few tears escape my eyes as i watched th widow..... i saw the driveway extend and the trail to his house was no longer visible.....
mike gave me an one-arm hug and wiped my tears...violet looked at me not slowing her driving and shot me an understanding smile.....we finally drove out of forks and now bella would be gone forever ......isabella was now taking her place.....
Chapter 1: how it all started
“That’s it Bella I can’t stand it anymore you are going to Florida….seeing you like this it pains me too”
“Nooo I’m not going to Florida you can’t make me” I said snapping from the mental bock I had created on myself in the past months….. I couldn’t hear I couldn’t feel or see anything outside me…. I was just there blocking others from me….. Spacing out since he left …..The one who once held my life….
“Bella you are so numb I can see it….being here in forks isn’t doing you well you are so….lifeless…. it hurts me just to be watching how my daughter is drained from life and not do anything ….”Charlie said that morning breaking the silence we always had during breakfast
It had been months since “he” went away…..I couldn’t bear to think about him it pained so much….. even his name or his family…..the same family I once dreamed to belong…..the same ones who left me without even explaining…..without saying good bye…..
He was gone and took my life with him….. I now felt dead…… like there was nothing to look forward to…. zero …..like what was left inside me….nothingness…..
maybe that was what really happened…… after all the struggle it took him to keep me alive…..after all the restraining from my blood only for me to be safe….. To avoid killing me…..he left….. And my very desire of existence left with him…..he did kill me after all….. But not in a fiscal way…..being dead fisically would be better than this…..being dead emotionally ached much more….. At least when you are dead you stop feeling pain but in my state the pain only grows over time it never decreases….
I had to take myself out of this numbness state……for Charlie and for Renee…..but how to walk forward….. when the very core of your existence is missing…how to….how to look in the mirror and not feel empty…..how to….how to stop the tears that crept to my eyes every night reminding me that he is not watching me dream anymore…..how to….. How to believe in life when death is stalking you….I wanted a glimpse of hope..... anything to convince me that it was worth living with the pain…..anything….
“Bella he may never come back you need to start living and stop dying…..you are so young you have a big life ahead of you….. please don’t waste it waiting for a star that may not shine again” Charlie said his voice filled with authority
“That’s right dad” I felt the tears creeping into my eyes “he may never come back….” I broke off to cry and ran to my room…..I couldn’t stand it anymore I needed a solution I wanted one….
“Bella, I didn’t mean to…..” Charlie called out as I slammed the door of my room putting the lock on….
I looked around…my bed…my closet….the desk with my computer….the window always left open….the color of the curtains…..even the rocking chair next to my bed reminded me of him…..how every detail of my surroundings reminded me of my sorrow....of him…of them….how the hole in my chest grew bigger were my heart was supposed to be…..how it threatened to kill me of grief…. It was just unbearable
“Bella….Bella…open the door” Charlie knocked various times at my wooden door frame
“Leave me alone” I yelled between sobs “go away I don’t want to talk”……. I heard Charlie sigh and go downstairs minutes later the cruiser was leaving…..Charlie was probably thinking I needed alone time….. he was surely right…. I didn’t want to talk to anyone……
I cried in my bed….sometime in the middle of the sobs I must have fallen asleep….
I woke up after a dreamless and uncomfortable sleep and looked at the time….wow it was already 3 o’clock gosh I missed school…..just my luck going through an emotional breakdown on a school day…I got up thinking I could call Angela Jessica and Ben probably….to ask for notes of the classes I had with them….
I was going to the door when I tripped and fell on my face…. Stupid clumsiness…..I looked to see on what I had tripped this time and noticed that one of my floorboards was crooked…I went to take a look at it….this house was a little old so maybe the floor was old too…. I would need a carpenter to fix it…..I was able to lift the floorboard easily and then….
That day I was in class….checking on the history notebook blah that was so boring….. Jessica had broken up with me 3 weeks ago claiming that there was no chemistry….like if she was what? She wasn’t even pretty…. I knew I was lying to myself…..Jessica was a nice girl but I didn’t like the way she treated Bella……
Bella had been acting weird ever since Cullen left for L.A…..for all I knew he broke up with her before leaving…. He was such a coward breaking a girl’s heart and running away ….humph that stupid… Bella was pretty and nice she wasn’t like other girls...... how that obtuse stupid dare break her like that…..
The bell rang and as I went to the parking lot I noticed that Bella’s truck wasn’t there…..weird I didn’t see her in biology gym or calculus (the classes I shared with her) too and Bella wasn’t the type of person to ditch class by her own will…not responsible and punctual Bella…she was always studying even on lunch..... Maybe something happened to her ….. I could take that as an excuse to visit her ….yeahh that would work….Bella I noticed you didn’t go to school today so I brought you the notes of calculus and biology
…. Yes that could do…. Anything to visit Bella swan….
I drove to her house and stopped at the driveway….. I knocked the door….it was a little dry today so there was no rain to bother me…. I knocked again…. Maybe she wasn’t home...... dang.... I really wanted to see her….
Suddenly I felt that I should enter the house…. I felt that something was wrong…. I knocked again
“Bella are you home? It’s me mike” my voice was loud but there was no answer ….. I felt the sting again…. Something was wrong
The door was open and I went in without trouble…..there she was ….in the living room with her back to me …. I wonder why she didn’t open the door…. I walked to her and noticed she was crying, tears running from her pretty brown eyes…. She was holding what seemed to be some photographs and a cd player too…..
She turned and realized I was there….. “oh mike” was all she said before breaking into a uncontrollable crying…..she looked so filled with pain I had to do something….. I looked at her again and hugged her…..she cried and cried on my shoulder until I felt her body grow heavier and the crying stopped…..she had passed out on my arm…..
I holded Bella carefully and gently placed her in the sofa of the living room…..I had never been to her house before so her room was unknown to me….I took a chair and seated next to her ….even while sleeping the pained expression on her face never vanished…. I had never seen Bella like this….so filled with sorrow it was unnatural for a young girl to feel like that….. I took a look to see what she had been looking at to make her cry so much…… the pictures were of her birthday last September the one she was specifically holding was one of Edward…..
Of course she would be crying he did this to her…..he made sweet ad endearing Bella the walking nothingness she was….. I had never seen her like this….se was always so separated from us at the lunch table and never answered if I was talking to her …..Angela said it was just a phase that she needed time to catch up….but now I understood what I was so blind to see even as Bella’s friend….
It wasn’t just a phase it was a mayor thing…..Bella was hurt inside that’s why she never talked and was so away in her own thoughts….the very mention of his name brought a sad edge to her eyes….now I knew It was bigger …how long could she have been like this before no one noticed …..How long would she cry when nobody was there to see... she was letting life pass her by and now I was witnessing it…..?
before that day I had always seen Isabella swan as a pretty chick I would someday have the guts to ask out…. but now I saw that she was more…..just by seeing her cry I realized the pain Cullen must have caused her …… and she was alone….it must have been hard on her to face life everyday…..
She was alone and no one could help her because she never let anyone in….. But now she was not going to be alone….even if I was only going to be a friend for her I would try to help her I felt that I had the duty to repair the broken girl that was there sleeping….Bella didn’t deserve pain…
Bella twitched in the couch and started talking…..
“!!!Don’t go Edward!!! Don’t leave!!!! Please come back” she started yelling in her sleep…she twitched and turned while I watched…...“I don’t want to go on…. come back” she yelled again…. I was almost positive that she was awake but still her eyes were shut and sound….. She relaxed a little then started again “you said like if I never met you but you are a liar!!!” …… “!!!!Edward I love you please don’t leave me!!!” she started to let down silent sleep sobs
I looked at Bella again….. How could he do this to her….she was so good….and she was suffering because of him….I finally understood that Bella’s relationship with Edward wasn’t a simple crush…. She did love him and even after all this time she still waited for a miracle….but he didn’t love her…..because if he had he wouldn’t have left like that ….. Hurting a girl like Bella was so unforgivable…. That brat didn’t deserve her …..He didn’t deserve her tears…..her longing he didn’t deserve her love…..
Bella started screaming and woke up crying…. I needed to do something she was so broken…. I couldn’t stand seeing her cry…..she was sobbing uncontrollably unaware that I was there….
I reached out for her and hugged her trying to calm her down “its ok Bella….it’s ok…. You can smile now….you can talk to me now” I said soothing her back….. She cried on my shoulder for what seemed a long time…..I tried to comfort her…. “Bella he doesn’t deserve you….he is stupid for leaving you” I tried to comfort her
“But he was right….I mean he was so….so….unique.... and I’m so ordinary” she spoke after calming her sobs a bit
“how dare you think of yourself that way….Bella you are such a special girl that’s why everybody likes you” …….she chuckled darkly maybe remembering Jessica or Lauren who didn’t treat her well “ok almost everyone likes you” I tried to lift her mood
“Mike he said he didn’t love me anymore that he was leaving because of me….. and when his family left they didn’t even say good bye…..they obviously didn’t like me…” she broke into tears again…..I felt so sorry for Bella….she was really going through a lot and it pained her even after all these months…she still spoke as if the Cullens had left yesterday ……. I couldn’t stand there and just watch…..now that I knew what she felt inside I couldn’t let her stay that way……not anymore
I pated her back slowly “Bella I think you need to let go of them….. they left months ago and maybe you would be better if you try to walk forward” I knew my words would hurt her like a knife but I had to say it…..from now on I decided to take upon myself the duty of repairing Bella….and if that meant jumping of a parachute or downloading dynamite I would do it….. I just felt the urge to protect her….from pain…from danger… from Cullen and most definitely from herself…..
“I don’t know how mike….I don’t know how…everything reminds me of him I can’t take it anymore…. I do need to walk forward but I don’t know how” she said again between sobs
“Doesn’t worry Bella….I will help you….I will show you a way out of that hole” I looked at her....her expression suddenly shifted and she sat still…wiping her tears…..
“Ohh mike I don’t want you to get a wrong idea I mean I still need to heal I don’t want to date” she had that serious frown
I chuckled loudly “Bella its ok…. I am your friend right?......just like Angela and just like Ben….I want to help you…. But in order for me to help you…..you need to trust me…..let me in…. I want the old Bella back and if not.... a new one may be born….I don’t like the actual Bella….she isn’t happy” I looked at her….she was still wiping her tears but she understood….
“Can I really trust you?” she questioned me I nodded “only friend’s right?” she said again reassurance in her voice…..
“Yes only friends…..trust me Bella I already saw what you are really feeling and I want it to stop only that...…I want to make it go away” I smiled….she frowened as if she remembered something painfull…..
“I….I…I… trust you mike….but please don’t betray me like others have….please don’t”she said tears streaming down her eyes again…..I held her again and she cried on my shoulder……
“I won’t betray you…. I promise…. I will help you heal…… if you accept my helping hand….”
“Don’t break that promise… please… he promised too and he…he …. Disappointed me…… you are my friend right?....please don’t break your promise” she said that between sobs….I wanted to aid her ….. No way I would walk away like that hypocrite did….. I patted her head softly….
“I won’t….I will be here to aid you….you will see….there is a future ahead for you that doesn’t involve crying over a idiot….look at me and tell me you will try to look forward…..”
Bella nodded “I will try…. It could be useless…. His memory is everywhere…. I don’t think I can do it….we had so many good times….his presence is stamped in my surroundings” she tried to compose herself but still she looked like she would cry again any moment
“Bella someone told me when I was a kid…..that the past is history…..the future a mystery but today is a gift that is why it’s called present” I looked down to find her seated in the couch…. “just don’t throw it away…..life gave you a gift it’s called love….and the fun thing about it is that the more you give away the more it grows inside you….many may not return your gift but others will….. So why cry over those who were mean if there are others around you who are good….just keep your eyes open”
She lifted her eyes and made a little smile “thanks mike I really needed to hear a friend….” She still had the sorrowful expression but at least she was no longer crying…..she looked at the clock…..
“Wow it is night time already…..Charlie will be here in a while I have to cook dinner” her expression changed completely…..she was wearing again that stiff mask that gave nothing away…..
“I think I should get going too….my mother may be waiting at the store….I brought the notes of the classes you missed they are on the table” I said getting up from the chair next to the couch
“Thanks….. And yes I think you should get going ….my dad is a police…. he can arrest you for trespassing private property…….” Bella giggled a little as she walked me to the door…..good….she was not crying anymore
“Well miss swan….I am off… your company was very enjoyable” I said in a mocking British accent
She laughed a little …. Very little “well thank you mister Newton…. I did appreciate you appearance in my humble home…..your company was comforting” she said coping my fake attempt to sound British…..
I was going to my car when she stopped me “mike” she whispered at the door
“Thank you” she said.... “I know you have never seen me cry……thank you for being here just today I really needed someone”
“You are welcome Bella and don’t worry I won’t tell anyone….I saw that you were sad….sorry if I ever was rude to you and with he who must not be named
…. I guess I was jealous…..you are such a wonderful girl Bella I can’t believe he let you go….. I hope one day you heal completely…. From now on will take that duty upon myself” I assured her
“Mike you don’t have to...” I cut her sentence
“Bella when you see a broken mirror even if it doesn’t belong to you.... you always will feel the need to repair it…..sorry for the analogies…but you are a broken glass now…. I will try to repair you because it is not fair….you don’t deserve pain the way you’ve had it…..I’m not going to stand here…..one day you will thank me for this” I assured her
“Mike….thanks…” she whispered
“Anytime Bella…ohh and call me if you need anything….if you want to talk….or else I will call you” I said as I climbed into my car….Bella stood in the driveway with a disbelief expression as she waved good bye….
Ever since the day mike found me watching Edward’s picture crying he has been very attentive to me….. He no longer makes awkward comments ….now he talks to me every day….he cheers me up…. He has become very perceptive around me.... he even noticed the slight hint of sadness in me every time we talked….
I wonder why I never realized how easy it was to be friends with mike……maybe because he was always annoying he who must not be named
with his thoughts about me……or maybe because I never really paid attention to him…..before mike was only a classmate now he was a friend….someone who knew everything about me….. I was glad he was always available to talk when I needed him…..and I told him everything (except for the whole vampire thing)
he always understood..... he never asked questions that may upset me…. he was just there for me to download my feelings…I didn’t have to pretend around mike….if I wanted to cry he just told me everything was all right and his shoulder was always available for my tears….I was now learning to trust him….. sometimes when I woke up at midnight crying I called him and he always understood……. he never complained about the hour or said anything..... he would just talk to me and tell me random things soothing me with his comforting words until he convinced me that the bogey man would not appear in my dreams that night…..then I would hang up and get a little comforting sleep…….. with mike words on my mind it was easy to fall asleep … he was a good person….trying to comfort me…..and it was helping me a lot….
I was getting better little by little but the hole in me was overpowering when I was not with mike …..he was like a sedating person….aways comingto my house every day to "study" just to make sure i didnt have a breakdown....but nevertheless when I was alone all the progress I had made was gone and I would find myself longing once again for the return of the one who had pained me the most……
I was all going like that until mike brought the real change into my life….... two monts had passed since that day and mike had become my best friend....i felt like i owed my life awakening to him i would always smile when he was near... making jokes about whatever random topic he could find.....he was like a personal light like the sun....warm...happy....bright..... he was there and i was thankfull
“Bella can you come to my house to dinner tomorrow?” mike asked the day before the start of Easter vacation
“Yes mike I would love to…..Mrs. Newton cooks great lasagna…..do you think she can give me the recipe….. The one I cook isn’t that good and I will really like to cook a better one for Charlie”
“Hmm lasagna? I will make sure we have it in our table tomorrow….by the way I want you to meet someone” mike said as we walked to the parking lot after gym
“Who?” I asked curious
“It’s a surprise….but I can tell you will love her”
“Her? Who is her?” I asked again “mike tell me please”
“no you will have to find out yourself tomorrow……do you mind if I pick you up…..how about if I take you to the movies before meeting my special guest….. Hope you don’t mind….it’s a action comedy no romance in it…… besides I want to make sure she waits a little”
“Are you asking me for a date mike?”
“No…. I just want to make sure that if my mom gives my special guest your address you won’t be at home…..she is so eager to meet you…..so are you in…. I can ask Charlie for permission too”
“don’t worry mike…..with the time you spend in my house Charlie wouldn’t be surprised to hear that I’m going on a friendly date with you…..so at what time?.... mikes face lit at the word date….. I remember when I first refused to date him a year ago and he ended up with Jessica….. If I had agreed I would have saved myself so much….
“Bella are you ok….are you thinking about he who must not be named
again?” he asked….see what I meant he always noticed the slightest change in my mood….
“No I’m ok mike...... I was just feeling sad because you won’t tell me who she is” I lied
“Ohh well you will find out soon enough…..by the way i will be dropping by at 3 sharp” he smiled and I sighed in relief as he bought my lie
“Ok mike see you tomorrow” I waved as he went to his car and I to my truck…… I wonder who is the mysterious girl..... well I was about to find out soon enough
The next day I told Charlie about my plans with mike and he was rather happy I was finally snapping from my “zombie state” as mike called it….. the rest of the day was nostalgic….my room still held Edward’s presence in it and all I could do was run away from there…..in fact I had been sleeping in the couch since mike an I became close….. Even looking at the constant green outside my window reminded me of the woods and subsequently of the Cullens house that was in those woods….. I shook my head...... I had to try and get those things out of me….. I had to make mike’s efforts worth the try…..
Finally mike arrived at my house…..we went to watch a movie…. It was fun….kicking punching and a little comedy just like mike promised there was no romance…. I was grateful…. After that we drove to his house….
“So ready to meet my special guest?” mike asked humorous
“Yes I mean she is not dangerous right?...by the way!!who exactly is she?!! ” I yelled…mike pulled the car to his house side and chuckled
“Ready?” he asked again as he opened the door……I nodded….
As soon as the door opened there was a girl with long light brown hair and nice green eyes about three inches shorter than me...she looked at me with amazement and Darted towards me
“Isabella hello…..” she greeted me with a warm feeling shaking my hand
“Bella this is my sister violet…..violet this is Bella
“Of course this is Bella…..mike has told me so much about you” violet said looking at me “and you were right mike she is so pretty”…… I blushed and mike cleared hi throat embarrassed
“Mike I didn’t know you had a sister…..why didn’t you tell me”
“Well Isabella Michel doesn’t talk a lot about me…. I’m only his litle sister.... i dont live here long story…..and because I’m smarter than him….did you know I’m already in college”
“But how?..... How old are you violet?” I asked intrigued
“I’m seventeen but since I have an IQ of 200 I was admitted in the university easily…..ohh Bella we have so much to talk about….mike has told me so much about you…….right now I’m on Easter vacation so I’ll spend the rest of the week here”
“That’s nice….I think mike should have told me he had a sister”…..I glared at mike who smiled innocently
“I wanted violet to surprise you….” He said simply
“By the way….where are you two going to college?” violet asked
“Well we don’t know…. I mean there are no plans yet at least on my side” I said absentminded…..
“On my side nothing much too…..why are you looking at me that way violet” mike looked at his sister
“well I was thinking that you could come to study in the Elite star university with me….it’s in new Orleans ….it rains a lot so you won’t miss forks hehehe….new Orleans is actually the 3 rd rainiest place in the entire country that’s the only bad part….it’s were I’m studying right now and if you both study hard you could get in with a little of my help……I would love to have brother close to me and the school has the best teaching process…..”
“You say that so freely violet….” Mike said sarcastically while I contemplated the idea of college…..
It didn’t sound bad and maybe Charlie was right…..getting out of forks would do me well…..I had a future I didn’t realize….college wow….. I could barely imagine myself there but maybe I could accept violet’s idea…..
“Violet you say that if mike and I study hard we can get a place in your university….in any career we chose…”
“I guess I said it…. I may have to move some influences but yes…..if you get good grades I could personally give the headmaster the application and get you both accepted…..anything for mike to be close to me”
I looked at mike with pleading eyes “ok violet as you wish….. We will do as you say and study hard but don’t do anything you might regret later….like sending my application to a ballet school” mike teased
Violet jumped in glee “!!!Cool mike and Bella would be coming to the Elite Star this fall !!!” she hugged me “thanks Bella…thanks”
“Ready to eat” Mrs. Newton called from the kitchen
“Yesss I’m so hungry!!!!” violet said grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the dining room….. “I think we are going to get along well” she said enthusiastically “we are going to be great friends”
I dropped my eyes were had I heard that before
a few things you need to know....
i am not a jacob fan so he may not appear if he does it will have to be abosolutely neccesary.....
violet has a personality similar and different to alice
did i mention that im not a werewolf fan either although i like seth
instead of laurent going to the meadow hunting.....victoria did and the wolves killed her so there is no victoria stalking bella but i think we should be carefull with laurent
ok did you like it....this fic i wrote just for fun...the idea had been swiming around my head for days..... just tell me if you like it.... i have another fic in wich im really trying to concentrate but since im not geting good ideas for that one i posted Walk foward just for fun.....i hope you like it lets say that its my seccond fic....if you want me to take it seriously.... comment....