What would it have been like if Bella and Edward hadnt met until the night Bella was bitten? What would like be like for them? What if Bella didnt know what she wanted? Would it work out with them?
Chapter 1: Footsteps (Bella POV)
CHAPTER 28: Explanation (Bella POV)
There’s all so much to take in. I wanted to say that I needed a minute to absorb all this but then I was afraid I would stall too long. “I think I may need to know some of the basic things before we keep going with all the more important things. Just that way I fully understand things. Ya know?”
“Yeah that makes sense.”
So what exactly did I want to know?
“Why do I feel so bad when I kill a human?” I hope I would never have to feel like that again but I still wanted to know why I did. “I mean, there are times when I can tell that, in my mind, I don’t really care what happens to any of them but after what I did to Peter and those kids, I felt horrible! I don’t ever want to feel like that again.”
“You still have some lingering human emotions tied into you. You know that this is not what you wanted. None of us wanted to be...this...so I think it’s hard on all of us when we slip up. But Bella you are a newborn, it was bound to happen. It’s okay. You will be okay.”
“So you know what I’m talking about.” Its hard to think that a person as beautiful and kind as he has been to me has ever hurt anyone.
“Yes.” His eyes were full of empathy.
“Have you killed anyone?”
“Yes.” His head dropped, pulling his eyes from me. I didn’t like not being able to see his eyes.
I asked softly, “A lot of people?”
“Yes.” His voice was low. He wouldn’t look back up at me. Instead he looked at his hands as he spoke, “There was a time shortly after I was...born...changed whatever you choose to call it, when I went off on my own. I was upset and being rebellious so I left Carlisle. I would follow people around, searching through there thoughts. I looked for people who had done bad things, and figured that this was justice enough. After a while I eventually went back to Carlisle.”
I didn’t like the look that came over his face. He looked sad…ashamed. Maybe I should have started with something not so heavy?
I wanted to know if I would have to wait everyday until night time to go anywhere. That could get irritating after a while. I don’t think I could handle sitting in a room all day watching TV--I didn’t even do that when I was human--seeing as how we don’t sleep.
My voice was lighter when I asked, “So, can vampire's go outside in the day time? Or am I stuck being confined to a room all day long learning how to knit?” I couldn’t help but laugh at that last bit. I thought of my Gran when I said that, she always tried to get me to learn but I never really wanted to. I miss her. Edwards laughter and voice broke my through my thoughts of my summers with her.
“We can go outside but we don’t. It would draw too much attention and people would know that we are different. That’s why we reside in places where there is not much sun. Like Washington. We like it there. We can go out during the day, have lives. It gives us a little bit of normalcy.”
Just as I thought, the myths were wrong. “Okay, so if I won’t burst into flames, then what happens?”
“When the sun hits our skin, the sun rays bounces off, creating a shimmer. It’s as if there are thousands of tiny diamond facets embedded into our skin. Creating a cascade of tiny red, blue and green shimmers. Almost like a disco ball.”
“So I’m now a dead, walking disco ball craving human blood. Great.” Well, at least I won’t be stuck inside all day.
“I’ve never heard it put that way but yeah.” He laughs. Well at least there wasn’t such a heavy mood in the room now.
“Can vampires eat human food?”
“If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn’t you?” He smiled at me.
“I did once actually.” I winced at the memory. “It was nasty.”
His face scrunched as he smiled wide at me, “Why did you eat dirt?”
“A boy dared me so I did it. I hate that ‘boys are better than girls’ crap.”
“I see. We can eat human food and do so when we have to in order to keep up the façade. It’s just not that great. It’s even worse coming up.”
Gross. I hope it didn’t ever have to come to that with me. Throwing up is one of the things I hated the most. It was nasty! I’m sure my face gave away what I was thinking because Edward busted out laughing.
“Yeah I know how you feel.” He smiled at me.
That smile was growing on me more and more. There was something that I felt when he smiled at me like that, I can’t explain it. I felt whole and safe. Something about it made me want to open up completely to him. Tell him everything I was feeling inside. How I felt when he was around me. How I felt inside when he smiled at me or when he was near me. I wanted to know more about him. I had to know about him.
“Edward…how old are you?”
“I’m seventeen. I’ve been seventeen awhile. Since 1918. That’s when Carlisle found me. So technically I’m one hundred and nine.”
“Yup.” He just simply shook his head at me.
“Who did it?” He looked at me and I quickly felt like maybe it was too much too soon for me to be prying into his personal past as he’s here trying to help me. First the killing people question and now this. “I’m sorry. This is probably not what you want to talk about. You don’t have to answer that.”
“No, it’s okay. Carlisle. He was a doctor working in the hospital my mother and I were in. We were both sick with Spanish Influenza. My father had passed and my mother knew she didn’t have much longer. So in her last hour she asked for one thing; for Carlisle to do what she knew he could to save me. No matter what it took. He said that she somehow knew that he was different and that he could save me, in a way. It took a lot of thought and consideration on his part. He said had thought about it but never thought he would actually go through with it. Changing anyone. So I was the first. And not long after he found Esme.”
“Wow.” I didn’t know what else to say. There was so much more thought and meaning behind why Edward was like this. It wasn’t just some ruthless, crazed dead person looking for their next meal. “I’m sorry about you mother and father. That must have been hard for you to go through all alone then to go through this right after.”
“It was hard at first. But over the years I learned that my mother would have never asked anything of Carlisle if she didn’t want only better for me. She didn’t want me to die. She wanted me to live and have a shot at a life. Granted this isn’t exactly what she had in mind I’m sure, but this was as close as I was going to get. I understand now. And plus I had Carlisle so I wasn’t completely alone. Then Esme came along. And they have been like parents to me every day of my new life.” He loved them so much I could tell.
Now, there was a question I wasn’t sure I wanted to ask. Because I’m afraid of the answer. Of what he will say or what he will think after I ask. Should I?
“Are you okay?” How did he do that? How could he tell when something was bothering me? “Your about to make a whole in your lip from chewing on it so much.” He laughed. Okay maybe that wasn’t helping much.
“I want to ask you something but I’m kinda afraid to.”
“Don’t be. You can ask me anything.” Again with the smile.
I had to do this quick. “Edward, why do I feel so...connected to you? I mean...I...why is this is hard to describe?” I couldn’t look at him as I asked.
“Bella the connection you and I have is...something strong, binding. Do you believe in soul mates?”
Soul mates? What? “I...I don’t know? I mean I never really thought about it.”
The reason you feel so connected to me…is the same reason I feel connected to you.
“Connected to me? What do you mean?”
Looking me straight in the eye, he told me what he meant. “Bella you are my mate. We are meant to be together. You are my soul mate. We belong together.”
Was he serious? How could that be?
“I know this may sound strange, but Bella, I have loved you from the moment I met you. The love I have for you, how I feel, I cant describe it. Its nothing I have ever felt before. I didn‘t know it then, but after talking to my father I understood it. He helped me understand it.”
What if he was right? I’ve never been in love before so I wouldn’t know ’LOVE’ if it hit me in my face. Apparently it was sitting in front of me. I knew something was changing. Is this what I was feeling? Did I love Edward? I felt safe with him, happy, secure, and very connected to him. Is that what this is?
While I was sitting here getting ambushed by my thoughts, trying to absorb what he was telling me, Edward had made his way from the chair he was in to the sofa I was in and sat next to me. The feel of his soft skin on mine, holding my hand, brought me back to meet his eyes staring deep into mine.
“The connection between mates is something so strong. We mate for life. There will never be anyone else. Ever. Vampires love some much stronger, deeper, than humans. It’s a love that is never ending and undivided. We love our mate with everything we have.
“Edward, I...” I couldn’t comprehend what he was telling me. My head felt like it was spinning.
“I know, it’s okay. This is new to us both. Like I said, I’m here--no matter what.”
And just like that, without warning, Edward leaned in close to me. Our eyes searched each others for a few seconds before mine finally shut. His lips found mine.
A/N: HELLO ALL! I'm so uber sorry about the loooooonnnnnnnggggg delay! As you know, I started a new job this month, and holy omg has it been an long busy month! I've been getting up at the crack, going to work, coming home in the evening, spending what time I can with my kids and then crashing! But I've been pushing this out as I could. I hope you all forgive me! :) Anywho, so, What did you all think of this chapter? I think many of us, as have I, have been waiting for this moment! I hope you all enjoyed it! As always, and much more now, Much Love --Cherie--
holy cracker jacks they kissed!!!
srry so late to cmt...i was in hawaii for a few wks and aint have time to read lol.
omg love it
keep me update