Suddenly everything made perfect sense. Edward was gone, my only true friend hated me because I was in love with a man who didn't even love me back, my father had no idea what his only daughter was up to, my mother was finally beggining to enjoy life without me... What else could I have done?
There was nothing out there calling my name, no one waiting for me with their arms opened, no honest smile towards me... no heart beat because of me. My life had come to an end, perhaps prematurely, or maybe not. Maybe this was the way my life had to end; and if that's what my destiny wanted for me, I wouldn't deny my fate to myself.
I ran to my room fast enough for my dad not to notice, he was just too focused on ESPN. I locked myself up, quietly, so I wouldn't warn him about the turning-key sound. I began to sweat, nervous, while frantically searching for that pastic bag I knew I had left inside my drawer.
Histerical, I withdrew it from the nightstand and turned it upside-down. I grabbed and threw all kinds of things from the floor while searching, ignoring the fact that I was probably breaking them all. The tylenol pills I was looking for weren't there.
I couldn't believe it... I was starting to regret the decision I had made, and if I didn't found those pills in time I would completely chicken up. What other thing could I do? Think, Bella... Think!
The adrenalin rush I had got caused my brain to work faster, and in a sudden click I remembered how easy the access to my dad's gun would be. I once again ran downstairs pretending to be calmed, I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, acting up as if nothing happened, only to see where my dad had left his gun. As usual, he had left it next to his jacket, on the table in the hall. Like I said... easy access.
He never needed to hide it, because I had never had suicidal thoughts before... until today.
I grabbed it without making a noise, ran upstairs, but instead of my room, I headed for the bathroom. I stared blankly at my reflection for a good five minutes before taking a deep breath. I looked at the gun, I felt it, the cold metal in my hand, I felt the trigged with my finger. I had never shot something before, what if I did it wrong? Well.. no matter how wrong I would do it, it would kill me.
I sat down on the floor and checked for bullets, there were only two. I then decided to do one last thing for love. Only one last thing. I grabbed a nail scissor and carved Edward's name on the bullet. That way, everyone would know that he was the last thing ever going through my mind. I charged the gun and pointed it towards my head, right above my left ear. I hesitated as soon as I stood up and saw the dreadful image before my eyes. A kid, with no more than 17 years old, holding a killing device, decided to end her seventeen year long life, before having lived anything, or after having lived everything. Love she had felt, and suffered from it too, heartbreak and protection. Her eyes were drowning in salty tears, which drew perfect lines down her cheeks. Her lips drew a pouty expression, her finger doubted against the cold steel which covered the trigger. One last decision to make. Yes or No. The end or a new begginig. Never again, or forever. Life without Edward, or nothing.
Suddenly it all felt like it was gone. The air in my lungs and the one which surrounded me, the cold feeling against my skin, the warm feeling beneath it. The satisfaction of breathing, filling my chest with air I no longer needed, the beat of heart which didn't work no more, the tickle of nervousness inside my stomach... I was surrounded by nothing. And I loved it.
I could run without falling... there was nothing that would make me fall, and there was nowhere to fall on, no ground to hold me. I could jump and reach whichever height I wished, because there was no top, and no bottom.
I could breathe underwater or not breathe at all, because I could create the feeling I wished, or not feel anything. I could see anyone I wanted to, or no one; everything was black.
My life as Bella had ended. We were two different beings now. She was a soulless body, and I was free. Out of that body I was no longer a host of.
The last I could remember of my life on earth was... suffering. Laughing to kill the pain. Screaming but no one could hear, walking and feeling alone. I was already dead, yet still alive.
I wandered in that nowhere for an endless moment, could have been seconds, hours, or years. I wouldn't notice; but suddenly I noticed how the air changed. The lightness I was floating in vanished, and everything got heavier. As if my spaceship had landed on the Moon. Worried for changes, I looked around, and distinguished a light, not too far away. Curiosity killed the cat, they say, but I'm already dead. So I went to see what it was, and how it related to me, if in any way it did.
Once I reached it, my curiosity grew bigger. I couldn't know what it was by only looking at it. So I touched it; biggest mistake of my life (and death).
When the tip of my fingers felt it, it all came back. I could feel it, pain.
Okay guys, I'm not sure why I wrote this, I guess I'm just depressed at the moment. It's made for being an only and isolated chapter with no beggining, end or explanation, but that might change. Depending on what you say. If you don't mind giving some constructive criticism or feedbck or just comment what you think, I'll be thankfull :D
Lemme be yo inspiration. < Look at me tryin to be all ghetto. Naah but I've been waiting soo long and i gotta say i love this. Make like victoria spring through the window and change her when she realizes she's dying and wants her to be alive so tht she can kill her or something. Idk, I tried.
Haha, believe it or not, that gave me quite a good idea for a new chapter.
Today I was having the worst day ever, and reading your comment and you be all like trying to give me inspiration, it really cheared me up. So next chapter's dedicated to ya :D