This story is about what would have happened if Bella didn't jump off the cliff, and Edward came back. Let me know what you think and I will write more, if people like it. Thanks!
I rolled over in my bed and stared through the window. It was starting to lighten up outside, so I must have been asleep longer than I thought. Yesterday had been a long day. Victoria was after me again, and the wolves chased her off, again. I had thought about cliff diving, but heard the howling and thought that I should save it for another day.
That was a hard decision to make. I needed to hear him. It had been too long since my last hallucination. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I had been acting selfishly lately. What would Charlie, Renee, and Jake do if I ended up accidentally killing myself while chasing figments of my imagination? I was still planning on doing the jump, I would just wait until someone was with me.
I didn't know when that would be, though. I had made it back to Billy's when the call came. Harry Clearwater had a heart attack. I went to the hospital with Charlie and half of La Push, but there wasn't anything they could do. Charlie wanted to stay and help Sue. He was hurt by the loss of a good friend, and I could tell he didn't need to worry about me, so I let Jake drive me home. I should have just waited.
Jake was still wanting to push our relationship further, but I was struggling with the idea. I knew I owed him so much more than what I could offer. My heart was always going to be with Edward, wherever he may be. Maybe I could do it though, maybe I could push myself do at least try and make Jacob happy. He deserved it, and it's not like Edward wanted me anymore.
I know I hurt his feelings last night when I avoided kissing him, but I couldn't do it until I was sure. I needed to be sure I could dedicate what was left of me to doing it. If I started then I knew it was something I would have to see through. Jake would be devastated if I were to change my mind once we got things going.
How was I going to do it? The only hope I had was that Jake would be different enough that being with him wouldn't make me think of the way things used to be. Jacob's skin was hot, Edwards was cold. Jacob let me be reckless, Edward always wanted me safe. Jacobs lips would be soft, Edwards was lips were hard and ice cold against my skin...
I hugged into myself. The hole was threatening to rip open again. I needed to be smarter. I couldn't think about things like that. I couldn't let myself remember the way it felt when he would touch me. I was so stupid to even think that his touches were coming from a place of love instead of boredom. I wasn't good enough for him. As much as I wanted him to love me, I loved him enough to hope that he had found whatever it was that he went looking for.
I would be okay as long as I knew he was happy somewhere. Unfortunately I wouldn't even get the pleasure of knowing that. The Cullens were good at leaving. All that was left of them was an empty house, no forwarding addresses or phone numbers.
Once the pain in my chest eased up enough I got out of the bed. I went in to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I was looking somewhat normal again, but the loss was still in my eyes. I tried smiling, laughing, looking angry, but none of it worked. The look of emptiness was there in everything I did. Luckily I had gotten so good at faking everything that no one looked that close anymore.
I made my way downstairs and got out a bowl for my cereal. I sat at the table trying to concentrate on only what was in front of me when I heard the phone ring. Charlie could get it. I didn't feel like talking to anyone yet.
The phone kept ringing, and Charlie didn't pick up. I looked out the kitchen window and saw that his cruiser was gone. He must have left before I woke up. I heard the answering machine pick up and a man's voice began speaking.
"Hi Bella, this is Billy. Jake really-"
I grabbed the receiver. "Hey Billy. Sorry, I was eating and thought Charlie was here. What's up?"
"Good, you're home. Uh, Jake wanted me to call you and make sure you weren't out of the house yet."
"Why? What's going on?"
My mind started racing. Was Victoria here again? Was she getting closer? Thank goodness Charlie was gone. At least he would be spared.
"Jake should be there soon. He'll explain everything. Just make sure you stay inside for now."
"Billy tell me- AHHHH!"
I felt a hand grab my shoulder. I should have recognized the heat right away.
"Jake, what the hell??? Um, Billy, he's here. Thanks."
I didn't wait for a response. I put the phone back in its place and sat in the chair I had been in previously. I needed to catch my breath.
"Geez Bells, jumpy much?"
"Well, when you're being hunted by a vindictive vampire, yeah. What's going on?"
He looked at me, studying my face.
"You really don't know?"
"Jake, I just woke up. I have no clue what you're talking about. What's happened?
He pulled a chair out and sat next to me. He looked like he wanted to tell me something, but at the same time he didn't want to.
"Spit it out Jake, I'm a big girl. I can take it."
He sucked in a huge breath, then looked at the floor.
"One of them is back."
"One of what, Jake? Look at me."
He didn't move. He still looked down and wouldn't face me.
"One of them, you know who. Do I really need to say it?" He sounded very tired all of the sudden.
"Yes, you do, because I don't know what you're talking about."
He finally looked up at me. He looked sad, like someone had run over his puppy.
"One of the Cullens. Sam ran across one of their scents close to their old house this morning. I would have been here sooner, but because of the treaty, I'm not even supposed to be here." His voice took on a menacing edge. "But I won't leave you unprotected with those bloodsuckers running loose after what they did to you."
My mind started reeling. Who was it? When were they there? Were they still here? Why hadn't they come to see me?
I tried to mask the pain that followed. I didn't want Jake to see it, he thought I should be angry. It didn't matter who it was, because they weren't coming here. They were probably long gone by now. I wasn't important to them, so it didn't matter.
"Jake, you don't need to worry, they aren't coming here. They left me. They aren't coming back for me."
He shook his head. "Bella, please be honest. Did you know they were here?"
"No, Jake. I didn't know. They probably left again already, just looking for something important they left behind." I didn't need to say anything else, he heard the double meaning in my words.
"Look, Jake, you don't need to worry. I have to get ready for work, so you can go home. I'll call you later okay?"
I was lying. I wasn't scheduled to work today. I just needed him to leave before I completely fell apart. I couldn't let him see me like this again.
He stood up and pulled me in to a vice tight hug. I mustered all the energy I had just to put my arms around him. The news had somehow sucked the life out of my body. I couldn't even feel my legs.
He put me back on my feet, and somehow I managed to stay upright. I was thinking about all the times I had longed to hear these words, but now realized that it was a cruel thing. To hear one of them was this close, and didn't even bother to say hi, just made me realize how little I meant to all of them. Maybe, if it were Rosalie, it wouldn't hurt so bad. At least she never pretended to like me.
I was thinking too much to notice what was happening. When I finally focused on the here and now I realized that Jake was kissing me. He had my face between his hands, and he was kissing me.
I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do, but I knew I didn't want this. I reached for his face to push him back, but he took it as an invitation. One of his hands fell to the small of my back, and pulled my body flat against his. I couldn't escape. I knew my only hope was to just give up.
I stood completely motionless, and he eventually noticed that I wasn't responding.
"Oh come on Bells, you can't tell me that you didn't like that." He was angry.
"Yes, I can tell you that. Leave, now." My voice was lifeless, just like the rest of me.
He let go of me and walked to the door.
"This isn't over. As soon as we're sure they're gone, I'll be back to finish this."
"I wish you wouldn't Jake. It might not end the way you want it to."
"Might, Bella. Might" There was too much hope in his answer.
I didn't have the energy to argue with him now, so I just shut the door.
I leaned back against the cool wood and started to hyperventilate. I knew what was coming, and I knew I didn't want to be here when it arrived. I dragged myself up the steps, and crawled on my hands and knees to my room. I shut the door and collapsed on the floor. I couldn't even make it to the bed.
The pain washed over me like waves during a hurricane. Each one was higher and stronger than the one before it, destroying everything in its path. It felt like there wasn't going to be anything left of me when this storm passed. I felt like I had been trampled by bulls and there was nothing left of me except a bloodied corpse. I wanted to die. I wished I could die.
The only thing that could have broken through the pain was the feeling of cold hands brushing back my hair. Hands that were on my face, hands that I would know anywhere.