The Twilight Saga

It has been 20 years since Edward left. Bella never stopped loving him.
This story is now complete. Hope you enjoy it.

After All These Years

Setting: 20 years after Edward leaves in New Moon.

Chapter 1

Unlike some people, I loved washing dishes. It was the time that I allowed my mind to wander freely; the time where I replayed the day in my head; the time when I allowed memories to wash over me. Maybe it was the warm water. Maybe it was the feeling of washing everything away. Maybe it was that the window over the sink faced the forest and brought Edward back to my mind each day.

I didn’t push Edward from my mind anymore. The first year after he left, I couldn’t even think of him without clutching myself in physical pain. I couldn’t bear to say his name…couldn’t bear to hear it. But that had changed over the years. I welcomed the memories now. For me, there would never be another love. I knew I had found my one true love as a young woman. I knew Edward was the only piece that could complete me. Twenty years later, I still loved him.

Tonight, Edward was so clear in my mind. Jacob and his family had surprised me with a birthday cake. It was the first birthday since Charlie had died and they didn’t want me to be alone. I preferred to skip over birthday celebrations. Like most women, the thought of getting older was offensive, but for me birthdays also signified the end. The end of Edward and me-----the memory of my eighteenth birthday party at the Cullen’s was one of my blackest memories.

Jake and I remained best friends all these years. He imprinted on Anna when he was nineteen and they were married shortly after. Life had changed for Jacob after the Cullens left Forks. He no longer shape shifted. There was no need. Once in a great while, he would tell me that he smelled a sweet smell in the air, warning me to be careful. I think he thought it would scare me. It never did. I only hoped that meant that an old friend was passing by, or more importantly, Edward was near.

As I washed and dried the last plate, I replayed Jacob’s last words to me tonight. “Lock up good tonight, Bells. I smell a strong sweetness in the air.” He had no idea how I wished that were true.

I hung the dishtowel to dry and went out on the back stoop, staring at the forest. It was dark, but it didn’t scare me. Before turning in for the night I spoke out loud, “Good night, Edward. I love you.”

Chapter 2

I still kept the bedroom at the top of the stairs. I had repainted and gotten new furniture along the years. But in all those years, I never replaced the mattress. It was there that we talked for hours; there that he held me, and that we kissed. It was worn now, and honestly my back would most definitely benefit from a new mattress. I just couldn’t part with it.

I got ready for bed and turned on the bedside lamp. I opened my window a crack, like I had every night since he left. Then I took out my journal. I always wrote in it on nights that I felt particularly preoccupied with memories. I learned years ago that writing my thoughts down would often ward off the nightmares I had so often. Somehow I wasn’t sure it would help tonight. My journal, like anything else about my life, was not a typical journal. I actually wrote letters to Edward. I had filled over a dozen blank books with letters to him. Maybe someday, when I was gone, he would read them and understand the depth of my love for him. He would know that I figured out why he really left and that I eventually forgave him. Tonight was a night I knew I needed to write to him. And so I began…

My Dearest Edward,
I’ve missed you so much today. It’s my birthday. I turned thirty-eight today. That means it is almost 20 years to the day since you’ve been gone. I never would have believed that I would be without you after all these years. On days like today, I still feel the hole in my chest. I know it was your love for me that allowed you to leave. But, I wonder, do you still think of me? I love you, much now as ever before.

I stopped there because tears were making it difficult to write. I cried myself softly to sleep.

Shortly afterwards, the nightmare began. It was always the same when it came. Wandering in the forest. Calling out his name. Crying. Never finding him. Feeling so alone. And then…waking up in a cold sweat, sobbing for what I would never have again.
I tried to calm myself, counting my breaths, in and out.

Then I heard his voice, “Bella.”

I sat upright and looked around the room. It was empty, of course. But, I didn’t feel alone in the room. Oh, God. Tonight was particularly bad. I was having delusions again. It was years since I had heard the delusions this clearly. I tried to concentrate harder. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in…

I felt a cool breeze in the room and instinctively pulled the blanket higher to my chin.

“Edward?” I whispered into the dark room.

Table of Contents
Clickable Links

Chapters 1 & 2- on header of each page
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14

Chapter 15 -This is not clickable....look for it near p. 34

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21

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Replies to This Discussion

i am soooo happy i stumbled upon this story! i love it :) post more soon please you've got me hooked
Oh, Miss Bella43 *in sing song voice*

We are patiently waiting.....but our patience may be getting al little thin now!! Please, Please!! new post?!!

Love ya still! Tell RL to give you a break and let you please write some more!

Hi, Wendy. I'm going to try to write tonight. I've just had a really full, awards night, sick kid, plus I've just been super tired myself. Anyway...thanks for hanging in.

We're up to 11 votes in the best fan fic category. Thanks for all your cheerleading!
Wow that was great can't wait to read the rest.
Thanks, Rachel. Stay post will come out tonight.
You can stop tapping, Jacob---It's already up! lol

Here's the honeymoon...

Chapter 20

We arrived back at the Cullen house midmorning. I tried to convince Edward to take a shower with me before we left for the airport, but he refused, saying that he wouldn’t take any more unnecessary chances with me. So, here I was in the shower by myself, pondering how the rest of the honeymoon was going to go. Were we going to make love again on our honeymoon? Probably not. Would he even touch me? Again…probably not. That thought made me very sad. I was finally Edward’s wife, and he was still going to impose regulations on our physical intimacy. Why couldn’t he see that he would never hurt me? Last night had gone better than I had even hoped…but now, he was going to shut himself back down until he changed me. Then why wait to be changed? That’s what I wanted to know. Shouldn’t I have any say in this? Yes…I should…and I would do everything I could to break his resolve. This would be our honeymoon…in every sense of the word.

I heard Edward and Alice talking in the bedroom while I dried off. His voice sounded tense and hers sounded adamant. Where they quarreling? I could only hear bits and pieces of the conversation…change of plans…be prepared…Carlisle…chances…Bella wants. My curiosity was getting the best of me so I quietly peeked out of the bathroom door. Alice heard the door and immediately turned to face me. She quickly looked back to Edward who took a deep breath and nodded his head at her. Whatever the problem was it looked like it had been resolved and judging the look on Alice’s face, I’d say she won the argument. Alice left us alone in the room and I waited for Edward to say something. When he didn’t, I asked, “What was that about? You sounded like you were arguing.”

“Nothing to worry yourself about, Love. Our plans are going to change a bit. She had a vision that I don’t particularly put much merit in. But, you know Alice…in this case it just isn’t worth standing my ground. Anyway, the change in our plans necessitates our leaving for the airport within the hour.”

“What did she see?”

“Honestly, Bella, don’t even worry your pretty little head about it. It’s nothing…really.”

By one o’clock Edward and I were on a plane heading for Dallas, which he told me was where we would catch our connecting flight. Edward encouraged me to nap, saying that we had a long day ahead of us. The lack of sleep I had had last night made that offer very appealing and before I knew it, Edward was waking me to tell me we’d be landing soon. I brought my seat back into the upright position and smiled at Edward. He had a very somber look on his face and was holding one of my journals in his hands. “Not very light reading, huh?”

“I’m so sorry, Bella…”

I cut him off, putting my finger gently to his lips. “Edward, stop.”

“We need to talk about some of these entries, though.”

I sighed. I should have known as much. It looked to me that he had read the first of my journals…definitely the darkest of them all. “They’re not all this way, Edward. The one you are reading…well, it was a very difficult time for me then.”

The landing gear came down, ending our conversation for the time being. We hustled through the terminal, picking up something for me to eat, and then heading to our next gate. “San Jose, Costa Rica?” I asked, excitedly.

Edward smiled, “Just another stop.” On this flight, I knew Edward would not encourage me to sleep. I could tell my journal entries were weighing heavily on his mind. As soon as the plane had climbed to a steady altitude, he was ready to talk. He turned to a page in the front of the journal and handed it to me, “Do you remember writing this?” he asked.

I read my own handwriting. The doctor says I need to think about you in order to get over you. But as soon as I do, I can’t breathe. I feel so broken I literally have to grab hold of myself to keep from falling apart. I know she’s never had a patient like me before…I can’t be honest with her. She’d think I was crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe they need to lock me away. At least I wouldn’t have to pretend that everything is all right when everything is so, so wrong.

I looked back at Edward’s beautiful face, so full of sadness, and nodded. “Charlie forced me to see a professional a couple of months after you left. I wasn’t talking…wasn’t eating. I woke up screaming from nightmares every night. He didn’t know what else to do. One of the things the psychologist had me do was write to you in a journal. That’s how I got started. She thought it might bring me some closure.”

“If I knew…” he said, shaking his head. “How about this one?” He turned farther ahead to the time I had just started to learn to ride the motorcycle. My words read…Today Jake and I went for my first motorcycle lesson. See - I can break my promises to you, too! Jake was worried that I’d get hurt. The threat of pain has taken on a different meaning than it once had. You were angry today. I heard you yelling at me to stop. You sounded like you actually cared…even though I know you don’t. I’m guessing that these are delusions—really can’t tell the doctor about those. I’m so angry with you. How could you leave me?

I told Edward the story of my thrill seeking with the motorcycles. He winced at the thought of me on a bike by myself…without a helmet. “Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?” he asked, sadly.

“No… I think I just wanted to hurt you like I was hurting. I wanted to break the promise that I made to you about staying safe. Plus the bonus of hearing your voice so vividly in my mind became like an addiction. The more risky my behavior was, the louder and longer you stayed with me.”

“But, Bella…you could have been killed.”

“Edward, at the time, that didn’t seem like such a horrible thing.”

I didn’t like the mood this was putting Edward in so I tried to change the subject and ask him some questions about the next leg of our trip. Edward wasn’t ready to move on though and brought the conversation back to my writings. He opened to a page where I had detailed my thoughts about Jacob. I reread my script. I don’t know what I would do without Jacob. I’m starting to feel a little more like a human being again, and I know I need to attribute that to him. When I’m with him, I actually feel the numbness start to lift. He’s like my own personal dose of sunshine. I know he has different feelings for me than I do for him. I feel guilty when I let him hold my hand but his warmth feels so good…so comforting. He says he doesn’t care that I’m not ready for a different kind of relationship yet…that he’s not going anywhere. Truth is, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready …for anyone. Yet, I do love Jacob…God knows he’d be good to me. I just…oh, I don’t know…Edward don’t you miss me at all? Didn’t you ever love me?

Edward touched my chin and angled my face to his. “How could you ever have doubted my love for you, Bella? I never could understand how easily you bought my lie…how easily you let it negate every other thing I ever said to you.” If it were possible, I think he would have been crying. “I will spend the rest of my existence making this up to you.”

“You already have. You made me your wife,” I said, staring into his golden eyes.

He drew his arms around me and pulled me close to him. “I’m so sorry, Bella. Leaving was such a wrong decision. If I could go back…”

“Edward, can we stop this for a while? Honestly, today should be about happy thoughts.” He nodded and continued to hold me close, still deep in his own thoughts.

When we landed in San Jose, Edward hurried us right onto another flight. This time we boarded a small, domestic aircraft. In a short time, we were landing at a private airfield near the Pacific coastline. I sighed with relief. “Finally!”

“Not quite,” he laughed. We walked out on the tarmac and immediately boarded a helicopter that was apparently waiting for us to arrive. To my surprise Edward took the pilot seat.

“You’re flying?” I had fear in my voice.

“I have my pilot’s license, Bella. Don’t worry, you’ll be safe with me.” He planted a kiss on my forehead. Seeing Edward navigate the helicopter was unbelievable. He was smooth, calm and confident. I felt myself well up with pride for my husband.

“Is there anything that you can’t do?” I teased him.

He laughed. “Honestly, Bella…” In just a few minutes, Edward excitedly said, “Look down, to your right. Do you see that?”

I could make out a small oval shaped object in the water. “Is it an island?”

He nodded. “Get ready for landing. That’s our final stop.”

“Where are we?” I asked, as we got out onto the helipad, staring into the darkness.

“This is Carl Isle,” he answered.

“Carl Isle…as in Carlisle?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yes, Carlisle and Esme each have an island named after them. They gave them as gifts to each other. They offered to let us use one of them for our honeymoon.”

I shook my head in wonder. No one I knew owned an island…much less two. It struck me that I truly had no idea how much wealth I had married into. It also reminded me just to how generous his family was with gifts. I would have to get used to both of those things.

Edward took my hand in one of his and hauled our luggage with the other. We walked through the blackness of the jungle-like growth until I saw soft lights glowing in the distance. As we neared the light, I realized that they were coming from a house. Edward dropped the luggage and lifted me, wedding style, carrying me over the threshold. He carried me from room to room, giving me a tour of the house. It was open and airy, just like the house back in Forks, only decorated in pale yellows and blues. The last room he took me to was the master bedroom. It was a beautiful, large room dominated by an enormous white rattan bed and a wall of French doors. The doors were open and an ocean breeze was blowing the white lacey curtains into the room. Edward was watching for my reaction. “It’s wonderful, Edward. The whole house…I mean. I can’t believe we’re here…on an island…all alone.” I tried to hide my yawn from him. But he caught it and laughed.

“Why don’t you go take a human moment and get ready for bed? You’ve had a long day.”

He carried my luggage into the glamorous bathroom that was probably as large as my living room in Forks, and left me to get ready. I had no idea what Alice had packed for me to sleep in. I was exhausted though, so Edward would win the battle tonight. I wouldn’t press him for physical affections. I needed all the strength I could garner for tomorrow. Tomorrow I would be attacking his defenses on all sides. I looked through my luggage. Everything was lacey and romantic or see through and naughty. I settled on a white gauzy chemise, the most innocent of the lot.

Edward smiled when he saw me come back into the bedroom. He was lying on the bed in a pair of cotton boxers and a white tank undershirt. He obviously was trying to go for the non-sexy look. Problem was…Edward looked sexy in anything…or nothing at all. In his hand was another one of my journals. “Nighttime reading?” I asked.

“It’ll give me something to do while you sleep,” he smiled, patting the mattress.

I lay down next to Edward, his cool skin refreshing in the heat of the room. “Would you like me to brush your hair, Bella?” he asked.

I reached over for my hairbrush and handed it to him. He gently pulled the brush through my hair, massaging my scalp and relaxing my whole body. I had always loved having my hair brushed as a little girl…now as a woman, my husband was treating me to this simple indulgence. I grew very relaxed…very secure…very protected…and very loved.

As I gently drifted into a peaceful sleep, the last thing I heard was Edward whisper, “I love you.”

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wow, Carl Isle, sooo cool!!!!!! the journals are heart breaking and beyond beleif, you capture her pain too well, its breaking me now, that part was funny "problem was... Edward looked sexy in anything." I know the feeling,lol!!!!!!!
Wow-I'm surprised to see that someone was up and reading already. Riya-you get the prize for waiting up for the post!! lol


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