The choice between past and present.
How could this be? Was the universe playing some sick, twisted game with me, trying to test the many ways a heart could be scattered and still be expected to keep beating?
For two years I had been a living dead, walking through life with no hope, no purpose, no desire to go anywhere but back.
And now? When I had finally began to take careful steps forward, to explore the world outside my isolated personal hell that I was living, Life decided to throw this my way?
Yes, someone was indeed playing a sick game, and I was the main character.
Eyes of gold
Why on earth didn’t I ever remember to change that stupid signal? It sounded like a fire alarm gone wild rather than a regular alarm clock, making me wake up on the wrong side every morning. Yet, somehow I managed to forget to change the signal as soon as I got out of bed. I was embarrassed to admit that I had been waking up to that horrible noise for almost a year now. Sometimes change takes time.
If it happens at all that is.
But this day was different, because today I was not just going getting up, dress, choke down a glass of juice and leave for work like I had done almost every morning for a year. No, my job at the small café just around the corner from my apartment was now somewhere I only worked on weekends.
Today, I was starting school again.
I didn’t know how I felt about it, probably indifferent like I did about most things now days. There was no purpose; it just needed to be done for the sake of it.
So I walked over to my drawer to find something to wear on this first day of ‘what ever the reason’, looking for clothes that would help me melt into the background, letting me avoid being seen or spoken with what so ever.
As I was digging through shirts, all having either too much colour or in other ways being simply wrong for the ‘melting into background’ task, my eyes for a moment rested on the white, long sleeved t-shirt I had worn the last time I had started a new school. I didn’t even have time to catch myself before my mind was throwing images at me. Memories, usually stocked safely away in the back of my head, where now surfacing and blocking everything else out.
Sitting in the cafeteria, trying to make small talk with strangers; seeing Him sitting in the other end of the room, feeling His eyes on me; walking into class to find that the only seat open was next to Him; feeling a sort of electricity from His body; meeting His murderous glare…
I felt like someone had slapped me in the face. Most days I was able to almost keep Him out of my thoughts all together. It had taken some time, for the first year after he had left, He was always in my mind, overshadowing everything else.
Now, He only hunted my dreams at night. There was no way to stop that, and I still woke up screaming in the middle of the night, clutching my hands to my chest and remembering that I was alone, still.
I suppose you could say I had eventually cut off my feelings for everything, it all hurt too much and I was afraid that if I could feel again then it would overwhelm me and I was sure my body would physically drown in it all. So I put up walls around me, I made them high and impenetrable so that no one would ever have a chance to hurt me like that again.
It hadn’t been just a heart break, it had been an complete body and soul break down, and I was only now starting to feel like I was getting some balance back into my life.
For a year I had convinced myself that I couldn’t leave Forks. I had stayed home after I graduated and just filled time with dreaming that he would come back.
Jacob had been a good help, he had been able to put some of the pieces of me back in place but he could never really heal me. When he had met Caroline the first summer after Edward had left I had known that it was time for me to move on as well. I couldn’t linger there anymore, waiting for someone who would never come back for me. Someone who didn’t even love me.
So I moved. I took all my things and travelled to Rochester, where I got a job at a coffee shop. For a year I worked there, and though I liked it very much I knew I needed to get a real education. So I applied for Rochester college, and thanks to my impeccable grades – a result of having nothing else in my life but school work for my last year in Forks – I got in.
I had set up a goal for myself, I needed something to work for, something to keep me motivated. And I knew the second the thought came to me that it was right choice; I would be a teacher. English teacher, since that had always been my favorite subject.
The walk from my apartment to school wasn’t long, just 15 minutes if I kept up a normal pace. When the building came into view I felt the first surge of nervousness. New school, new people, new friendships. Was I ready?
In the end, I discovered how much stronger and confident I was starting a new school this time around. Before I knew it, I had gotten my schedule and all the other necessary papers and was walking to B13, where my first class would be.
English literature, I had read with a smile. Good start.
I found the classroom easily, following a line of students all looking a bit confused and nervous. Freshmen’s, just like me.
We settled into our seats, I chose the one in the second row, next to a girl with long blonde hair and who didn’t look quite as nervous as the rest.
She smiled at me when I sat down, and extended a hand. I was a bit shocked but took it quickly.
“Hi, I’m Anna. I just moved here from Santa Monica. What’s your name?”
Santa Monica, I thought. That would explain her golden sun kissed skin.
“I’m Bella Swan. I’ve lived here for about a year but I’m from small town in Washington originally.”
“Oh, that’s cool, then you know all the good places to go during the weekends, right?”
She smiled a friendly smile at me, and before I got a chance to admit that I really had no clue where people went, the door opened and the teacher walked in.
My heart stopped beating and my breath caught when I took in his appearance.
He was long, with a perfectly lean and muscled body, brown hair, beautiful cheekbones and a memorizing smile on his lips.
All that made for an altogether gorgeous man. Just that those were not the features that had made my heart stop.
This man was pale, he moved with the same grace I had only seen one person do before and his eyes were golden butterscotch.
I didn’t have to look at him twice to know.
This man was a vampire.
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An explanation to the name?
A binary star is a star system consisting of two stars orbiting around their common centre of mass. The brighter star is called the primary and the other is its companion star, comes or secondary.
I thought it was perfect; Bella being the centre and Derek and Edward the stars around her.
Yeah, I love to come up with names with a “space theme” ;)