CHOICES WE MAKE

important note:::this story is COMPLETE!

So, many of you follow three of my other stories and those who have know I started working on a new one with the intention of completing it before I post. Well, good news! It's complete which means there are high hopes for the other stories you may follow!

Summary: After Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, she is completely broken and finally gives up. She finds herself standing at the edge of a cliff, welcoming death and without hesitation jumps only to wake up the next day back on her first day of Forks High School..the day she first met Edward.--given a second chance to be with her true love. However, will Bella choose to allow history to repeat itself or will she give Edward up completely?

***I'll post this chapter at a time..there is a total of 6 and they are long...depending on how well of a reaction this story gets, I'll post the rest The characters of this story do not in any way, shape or form belong to me..they belong to Stephenie Meyer!....

Read, review and enjoy!

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Permalink Reply by twilight<3 on June 6, 2011 at 5:44pm

Chapter 1
"You’re not good for me, Bella.. I promise that this will be the last time you’ll see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed." This couldn't be happening. He can't be serious. He can't leave me. We belong together! NO! I shouted in my mind, for the first time I actually wished he could hear my thoughts. I wished he could hear me, so he could know just how much he means to me. There is no living without Edward. I couldn't process much of what was going on. All that was going through my mind was panic, that this was really going to be over. He promised me he'd never leave. How could he lie? How could he do this? I had lost all feeling within myself, never knowing it was possible to feel so empty, so alone, so worthless. Edward didn't want me. He didn't love me. And with a final kiss on my forehead, he said goodbye to me leaving me standing there, in the woods, alone. I couldn't believe my life was crumbling before me and there was nothing I could do to prevent this.
"I don't want you to come. I don't want you. You're not good for me." A collection of his words cut through me like daggers as I remembered what he said, what he so harshly forced me to accept. Chasing after him proved worthless; he was long gone. And I was alone...
It had been three months since Edward left me. Since the entire Cullen family packed up their things and disappeared, just as he said. As though they never existed but the memory of Edward would stay with me forever. His absence from my life and taking my things would not take away the memories we built together. They would always stay with me...haunting me. Each day was torture. I couldn't go on this way. I just couldn't. I couldn't be strong for Charlie. I couldn't get over this like Edward wanted and I knew I never would. I needed to get away from everything. Staying in this room...my room which teased me with the memories of Edward sneaking in every night and holding me as I slept...was too much. I was done dealing with this pain. I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed the keys to my truck and headed out my bedroom door without acknowledging Charlie sitting on the couch watching the game.
"Where are you going?" He asked, surprised to see me out of my room for once. When I wasn't in school, wasting time, I was in my room. I shut everyone out of my life. It no longer had meaning.
"Out." I answered without any second thoughts. I was getting out of this house. I was going to find my escape from all of this. Charlie wasn't going to keep me from doing this.
"Bella, wait we need to talk." He now stood in my way, the only thing keeping me from reaching the door and being free. I looked up with him, not really seeing him.
"What's up dad?" I asked, though I knew how empty my voice sounded.
"Bells, I think maybe you should move back in with your mom in Jacksonville," He started. Instantly, as though a fire ignited within me, my eyes snapped up and looked at him for the first time in three months. He was tired of me. He didn't want me either. No one wanted me. It was obvious. "It's not that I don't want you to be here sweetie, I don't want you to go. But this behavior isn't healthy...you need a new start."
"And if I don't want to go?" I snapped at him, not buying his lie of actually wanting me around. I knew I'd become a pain to him. And Jacksonville definitely would have nothing waiting for me there. My mother had Phil. Changing my scenary would not change the way I was here. If anything, it'd be even worse. At least here, I waited for months with the hopes of Edward coming back. It was Forks...one of the few places the Cullens would actually stay in. If I was in Jacksonville...a place known more for sunshine than its constant rainy days...then I truly would never see him again. This couldn't be happening! All this was doing was confirming that I shouldn't be here or anywhere.
"I figured you'd say that," He sighed, clearly not knowing how to handle this. He never did know how to handle me. "Why don't we talk about this some more in the morning? Who are you going out with tonight?"
"No one, I just needed some fresh air," I answered and walked around him not wanting to continue this any further. I internally thanked Charlie for helping me make the right decision. I turned out of the drive way and headed toward La Push. I wasn't sure why I was going there but something within me told me I would find what I was looking for on the way. And I did. I pulled over on the road, noticing in the distance cliffs. I rememberd as a kid Jake mentioning people cliff diving for fun but no one dared jump from the highest cliffs. It was too dangerous but just perfect for me tonight. Having made my mind up, I took off once more and headed closer to the woods. It felt like forever until I finally reached the cliffs. With the sky nearing nightfall and the woods being difficult for me to walk through without tripping every other step, it took longer than I hoped to get there but once I did, I took one step closer to the edge and looked down, bracing myself for what was about to be the end. I welcomed it.
"Don't do this Bella," I jumped back, surprised at hearing Edward's voice. It had been so long since I heard him speak; I turned around thinking he was behind me. Hoping he knew already what I was going to do and he came to stop me; to tell me everything he said was a lie. But when I turned around, there was no one there. Once again, I felt alone. He took everything with him when he left me. I turned back to the edge of the cliff, bracing myself for the jump.
"Bella, you promised me..." I heard again, though this time I would not be fooled. I knew he wasn't here. Even though he wasn't, I answered anyway. I had nothing left to lose at this point.
"And this is me breaking that promise...just like you did to me. You took everything when you left. I can't do this anymore. I can't live in a world where you don't exist." I said, more to myself than anyone else.
"Bella...I love you..." his voice declared though it meant nothing. By now I was fully convinced he did not love me.
"No...you don't. You never did." And with my final words I jumped. The feeling of the wind against my body made me feel weightless, as though I was flying. I closed my eyes, preparing myself for the impact. Even though I prepared myself, I was caught off guard by the amount of pain which I felt as soon as my body slammed deep into the water. Even if I had tried to swim up to the surface, the current was too strong; it seemed I picked the perfect weather to do this--there was a storm coming and the current was stronger than it usually was. It took me deeper into the water. The deeper I went, the harder it was for me to hold my breath. Breath I did not know I was even holding. Once I tried to get the oxygen I needed, it was too late for me. My lungs filled with water, I felt pressure growing within my body. It fought back, wanting the air it desperately needed but I had deprived myself of what had already been taken away from me. And then it came...the darkness finally took me away. There was nothing left.

Permalink Reply by twilight<3 on June 6, 2011 at 5:49pm

Chapter 2
Everything ached. I thought I wasn't supposed to feel anything once it was all over. So why did my body hurt all over? I wasn't able to surpress my need to shout out in pain even though everything I had was telling me to just deal with it. Everything was over now. If this was the consequence of that decision then I'd have to deal with it. I was even taken by surprise when I felt strong arms on me, slightly shaking me.
"Bells?" I didn't answer. I didn't even know if I could answer though the voice sounded familiar. "Bella? Wake up, you're having nightmare!" I heard clearer now. It was Charlie. Did he just tell me to wake up? Not knowing I'd be able to, I tried opening my eyes and somehow was successful for before me sat a very concerned Charlie. To say I was confused would be an understatement. I looked around, taking in my surroundings. I was in my room...but how did I get here?
"Dad?" I asked, my throat feeling scratchy. I couldn't hide the confusion.
"Bells, you alright?" He asked, genuinely confused.
"I think so?" I answered, more in a question than anything else. What the hell happened? I thought I was dead!
"I didn't know you still had nightmares kiddo," he said, surprised that I didn't sleep well even though he knew very well that I had had nightmares every day since Edward left me.
"What do you mean? I've had one every night for the past three months dad, you know that..." I told him. Both of us were clearly confused.
"Hmm..I would've thought your mom would've mentioned it to me," he uttered.
"Again, what do you mean?"
"I thought your mom would've mentioned you started having nightmares, that's all...but not to worry, hopefully you'll feel better after your first day of school is over. Maybe you're just dreading it..." He chuckled.
"First day? Dad, what day is it?" I sat up, trying to ignore the stiffness in my body.
"It's October 15th Bella...it's your first day at Forks High School," He looked at me concerned and as though I had completely lost my mind. "You should start getting up or you'll be late. Be careful driving the truck today though..." He stood up and left, giving me my privacy. I jumped out of bed and ran over to the calendar that hung on my wall,once again ignoring the aches in my body. It was last year all over again...how could this be? I looked around the room and noticed unpacked bags that I had brought with me when I moved back in. This couldn't really be happening could it? Did the time seriously rewind itself? Did the jump never happen? My body felt it...so it must have. I was so confused. Regardless of my confusion, I grabbed my toiletry bag and started getting ready, every now and then wincing at the pain I felt within my body. If this was a year ago...my first day of Forks High School...then that means I hadn't met Edward yet. I hadn't met the Cullens...I hadn't met any of my friends...it was as though it was a fresh start and I had a decision to make. I could easily start over with Edward...I could avoid getting that stupid paper cut. Or...I could act like I didn't know him and refuse to ever see him. Did I want that? I felt my newly whole heart start to break at that fact. How could I ever do that?
The entire drive over to school, thoughts of how things would turn out this time around filled my mind. Edward was my entire life...even if in this one he still did not know me. I could let him in, just as I had when I came here. But could I....
I made my way to the office, to grab my schedule even though I already knew what it would be. I greeted the secretary...already knowing what she would say. This was going to be wierd but I had to make sure I didn't slip up and make it seem strange if I already knew someone's name and what they were about to say. I barely looked at my schedule though out of curiousity I checked to see if in this fresh start it would be the same and what do you know...it was. This was last year all over again. Once more, I was greeted by Eric and once again he offered to show me around. This time, I really didn't want an escort. I knew my way around so I thanked him and made my way to my first class. Throughout my morning classes I was "introduced" to Jessica and Angela and of course...Mike Newton. I didn't look forward to the endless flirting he still pursued even when Edward and I were together. It still made me sick. I avoided him the best I could even though once again, just like before, I sat with him and everyone else at the lunch table.
Curiosity of whether I'd see the Cullens or not got the best of me and I looked over to their table. They weren't there yet but I noticed when Alice and Jasper made their way into the building, followed by Rosalie and Emmett. This deja vu feeling was really started to freak me out...but this would stay like this. Jessica, of course, noticed me staring and took the liberity of walking me through her speech about how the Cullens thought they were better than everyone else since they kept to themselves and of course, how wierd they were for dating each other. I rolled my eyes...she didn't know the truth. She didn't understand any of the crap she was talking about. Edward wasn't there yet...but I was instantly drawn to Alice. I still couldn't believe she left me without saying good bye.
"Alice," I silently uttered, more to myself. The memories of constantly writing to her for months only to never get a response filled my mind and I was hurt. She was my best friend and even she abandoned me. It didn't surprise me when all four of them--Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett--shot their heads up in my direction. I knew they heard me but I instanty looked away, looking down at the table trying to fight the tears that I knew were rising to the surface. I contained them well, I knew this. I was only weak when it came to one person..Edward.
"That's Edward Cullen...he doesn't date though. Apparently no one here is good enough for him," I heard Jessica say. I clenched my fists at hearing this, only realizing now how cruel her comments were. I was with Edward. I was good enough for him...
"You're not good for me Bella."
His words rang clear in my head as though I was experiencing that day all over again. Apparently he hadn't wanted me. He never did so why would I delude myself once more into thinking he would want me. I fought myself, thinking if I should look up to see him or not. There was no doubt that at this point he had already taken his seat and was being informed about how I knew Alice's name. Hopefully they concluded it was through Jessica's introductions. Against my better judgement, I looked up and saw as his dark eyes staring at me with frustration. I guess he already realized he can't read my mind. I laughed at this...I guess that wouldn't change in this reality and for that I was thankful. I knew he heard and saw me laugh...which caused him to become more and more confused. Though I never broke away from his gaze like he expected me to. He always told me how most humans shy away from them, knowing better but I was not about to pretend to be afraid of them when I knew there was nothing to fear. The only thing to fear was giving in and getting my heart ripped out all over again. Looking at him now, I knew he had my heart, my soul, my life, my everything. If I followed the same choices I would end up where I started. Standing over edge of a cliff ready to jump. I couldn't do it. I couldn't lose him again. I felt the tears once again trying to reach the surface and this time I knew they would take me over. I looked away from him and down at the table. I had to get out of here.
"Excuse me." I said to Jessica and Angela who wore confused expressions on their face. Obviously they would never understand why I was reacting this way. They never would. I made my way toward the exit and even though I knew not to look at him again...I did. He and Alice both stared at me with confusion, not understanding why suddenly the new girl was fleeing the cafeteria practically in tears. I shook my head and looked away, defeated and exitted the way they came in. I had to pull myself together before I had to go to biology...where Edward would realize just how strong my scent was...where it would be too much for him...where he'd run off...ugh I couldn't do it. The memories had to be enough for me. I couldn't torture him this way. If I keep him at arms length, he won't realize he's in love with me and he can stay here and not uproot his family because of me. So that is what I decided I'd do. I just couldn't stand the fear of him breaking my heart. I'd rather I break my own by staying away from him than to hear those words from him again. I sat in my truck, no longer fighting my tears. I had time before I had to go to Biology. If I was being honest with myself, I was angry with him for doing this to us. We could've been so happy...why would he ruin it? How could he? Once I finally got myself under control, I took my bag and got out of my truck. My eyes darted over to the silver volvo which belonged to Edward, surprised to find Alice standing there watching me. She looked as though she wanted to come over and talk to me but something was stopping her. She looked down at the ground but I knew it was Edward. I remembered him keeping Alice away from talking to me until I finally officially met the family. It frustrated me that he would try to control Alice that way. I thought about whether I should talk to Alice and tell her what was really going on...I always felt as though I could tell her everything and I didn't want that part to change from this new reality. I wanted Alice as a friend. But he would find out...that was what I feared. Then again...so what if Edward found out about it? If he knew the truth, that shouldn't mean that I'd start dating him in this reality...my heart was damaged enough to last a life time. I wanted to befriend Alice. I wasn't going to wait for Edward to grant her permission.
"I won't tell if you don't..." I whispered. Instantly she shot her eyes up to look at me, surprised. Afterall...I knew by doing this I wasn't making obvious that I knew nothing about the Cullens but I didn't care. If I was keeping Edward out of my life, I was going to keep my friend until the day they left Forks on their own accord. She hesitantly approached me, knowing that later Edward would find out of our meeting.
"Hey, I'm Bella," I told her...yea yea, I already made it seem like I knew her but I could at least try to keep the facade that I didn't by introducting myself. Maybe that would redirect her focus, but who was I kidding...this was Alice.
"Alice," she said, now smiling at me. I surprised her by giving her a hug. I missed her so much and I was thankful that she returned the gesture. When I pulled away, the surprise was painted all over her face and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Don't act so surprised," I told her as I laughed. "That's how some people greet others you know..." She nodded her head, trying to accept that as the reason I hugged her. She knew better. I could tell she was trying to figure it out.
"How are you liking your first day so far?" she asked, trying to start conversation. I had to force myself to laugh..technically I already had my first day at Forks High.
"It's as though I've been here for a while...doesn't feel new at all," I admitted. I watched as Alice studied my response...knowing there was something I was hiding and I was ok with her trying to decipher it. I wanted her to know so we could be friends. But before either one of us could say something again I heard the warning bell go off and I glanced toward the school. It was now or never. "Time for class I guess," she once again nodded in agreement and we took off for the school.
I walked into the classroom and once again, handed the teacher my note which he signed...again. I already knew where my seat was going to be but I let him inform me since I was supposed to act like I was actually here for the first time. As I came closer to the seat beside Edward, I noticed as he tensed up and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Now that I understood why he had done that, I felt irritated by him now only because I had grown so used to being close to him. I was giving that up...I reminded myself. I sat down and saw him tense from the corner of my eye. I decided to do him a bit of a favor since he had his chair as far away from me as possible and I too moved my seat in the opposite direction. This didn't go unnoticed by him...of course it wouldn't. It was Edward.
I hated having to relive this scene all over again, knowing what was going through his mind exactly. He told me the day he first took me to our meadow. Our meadow...I would definitely have to go searching for that soon. Just because I was giving us up..didn't mean I didn't want to go to the one place we could be together. I refused to cry at this memory! I couldn't break down with him here and as he wanted to kill me. That angered me more than anything. I looked over at him...noticing his eye brow furrow even more in frustration as he fought he urge to kill me right here. I glared at him, showing my own anger towards him for everything he did...or hadn't done yet. I wouldn't give him that chance. There was no way! I knew after today he was going to run off to Alaska and have his breakdown about whether he could stay in control around me or not...my fists clenched realizing this.
I looked away and looked at the clock to see just how much time I had left of this torture. Another five minutes...wierd. Time seemed to go by faster than I had originally thought but I braced myself for his abrupt exit at the sound of the bell and sure enough he delivered. He was out of his chair and out the door as soon as that thing went off. I sat there for a few more minutes getting my thoughts together.
"Hey Bella.." I looked up, caught off guard when Mike Newton greeted me. Ugh, I wasn't in the mood for his pointless flirting.
"Hey Mike," I said as I stood up and gathered my things.
"So...you and Cullen didn't seem to be getting a long," my jaw clenched when he mentioned this. I knew how happy it made him to see me "hating" my lab partner. It amused me to know how he'd react if he knew I was in love with Edward.
"Guess not," I simply said, heading for the door, not caring to continue this conversation.
"So what's your next class?" He pushed to continue a conversation with me.
"Gym."
"Me too!" he exclaimed in excitement but I didn't answer. Instead, I made my way into the class and luckily I didn't have to participate today...this was my favorite part. I sat from the side lines thinking about today...and oh yea...last time Edward disappeared for the entire week. I guess I had that to look forward to. When gym was over, I made my way to the office just like I had last time and there he was...trying to switch classes because my scent was too much for him.
"Oh please." I muttered under my breath and instantly he tensed up, realizing the scent that was tempting him was right behind him. He quickly rushed out when he realized it was impossible to switch his class but I couldn't help but laugh. He really had no idea just how much control he really had. I gave the secretary my slip and made my way out, avoiding small talk and went to my truck. Edward and the others stood by the volvo as I walked by...I knew they were all staring. Nonetheless, I got in my truck and took a deep breath as I gripped the stearing wheel, willing myself not to break down. But I couldn't help myself. I lost it for the second time, only last time no one else but Alice was in the parking lot. I wiped my tears away and started the truck. I glanced over at the Cullens who were more focused on Edward, though Alice was focusing on me..trying to figure me out.
"Please don't even try Alice," I whispered. "Not yet.."They all heard me. I knew because they looked in my direction but I quickly took off and headed home. This next week was going to be Edward free; I already knew that and it was fine with me. I could pull myself together because I was still so tempted to be with him. I wasn't fully decided on what I'd do even though I knew what I should do. I just had to get myself to agree to it.
I got home to an empty house, as expected so I took that time to unpack my things and cook dinner for Charlie. I, unfortunately, had no appetite. How could everything turn out this way? I was supposed to be dead, not waking up to a year before on the day that I first met Edward. Was this supposed to be some sick joke? Why did this have to happen? I was taken out of my thoughts when Charlie came in through the door and greeted me.
"Hey Bells,"
"Hey Dad, hungry?" I asked, not wanting to engage in an extensive conversation.
"Starved," he answered, hanging up his jacket and gun. "You cooked?"
"Yes, I think I'll be making a habit of it...if that's ok with you?" he nodded in agreement. I knew he loved having me cook before...considering he used to eat out all the time. Then the idea came to me...I could distract myself from all this Edward business by focusing on cooking. I'd always enjoyed it as well as baking, so why not advance my skills?
"So how was your first day?" he asked, curious.
"Fine," I told him. I wanted to say it was redudant, but he wouldn't know how true that was.
"Any confusion from this morning?"
"No, no longer confused," I answered. "I guess I was still in my dream that I couldn't grasp I was awake this morning...that's all." He nodded his head and started eating.
"You're not hungry?" he furrowed his eye brows in confusion.
"No, I had a big lunch," I lied. I guess coming back to this time didn't give me my appetitite back...which I had lost in the three months since Edward had been gone. I just couldn't keep anything down properly anymore. I hoped that would change with me being in the past again but it hadn't. I took a lot with me into this world. All the memories, the pain, you name it. I was the only one who knew it all.
When Charlie finished his meal and I cleaned up, I headed up to my room and stopped short when I looked over to my window. Remembering all the nights Edward would sneak in. I stared at it for a good ten minutes, wondering if he was out there. I grew angry at this thought. I didn't want him making this harder for me than it already was. I slammed the window shut, angrily and locked it. Once it was locked, I closed the blinds. No more sneaking around for months watching me sleep like he said he had. I went to bed that night with difficulty but when I finally slept...I didn't have dreamless sleep. I was back in the meadow.
Our meadow. The one safe place for us. If I could come here every night in my dream I'd be able to fight through this. But in this dream...he was so far away. I couldn't reach him.
"You're not good for me Bella." he said from across the way. Oh, not this again. He was doing it again.
"Edward, don't do this," I pleaded with him, tears already getting the best of me. "Please don't leave me...I can't go through this again!" I fell to the ground, feeling my heart shattering all over again and when I looked up to face him with pleading eyes, he was gone. I was alone. There really was no escaping being alone and him leaving me. "No!!!!!" I cried out, laying on the ground, curling up. Not again...please not again!
I had that dream every night since that first day back and just as I had predicted, Edward was a no show the entire week. I went on trying to pretend that my flee from the cafeteria would go unmentioned by that was wishful thinking. Jesscia, being nosey like she was, had to know what exactly happened and I couldn't give her an answer. I couldn't even make something up. That entire week, Mike was relentless trying to get me to go out with him and Alice never tried talking to me. I should thank Edward for that. He probably told them all to stay away. It would be typical of him to do. Regardless of all of that, the week went by quickly for me though it bored me. I had gone through all of this already and I needed a challenge. A challenge I obviously wasn't going to get.
When the weekend rolled around, I spent a lot of time searching the net for recipes. I wanted to get more creative with the food. Even though I didn't eat more than half of what I made, I still needed it to be perfect. It was the one thing no one could take away from me. But even the internet wasn't enough for me. I needed to go buy a book that not only would give me new recipes but one that would teach me different culinary skills that I had already not been aware of. The only thing was I needed to wait til Monday because Sunday--when I realized I needed it--everything was closed. I had the worst timing with this, I knew that but I couldn't always go to the local bookstore to pick it up after school Monday. I let Charlie know the next morning before I left for school. I parked my truck in its usual spot and stopped short when I noticed Edward's volvo parked in the lot today. Of course....this rainy day was the day he decided to show up and get to know me. This was the day the car nearly crushed me and Edward saved me, trying to deny he wasn't at his car. That day frustrated me when I had to lie for him but he wouldn't tell me why. But now...I didn't have to be involved with the accident and that's what I'd make sure I did. However, that would mean my truck would get totalled. I thought about this and stopped half way between my truck and the volvo. I knew Edward was standing there with Alice and the others, probably wondering if I was crazy or not since I stopped short. I turned and went back to my truck after I spotted a different spot...one that Tyler's van would be no where during the accident. I reparked...feeling content and headed back to the building. I didn't try making eye contact with Alice or the others. I just made my way to my classes. Lunch was spent in the library doing some more research on which books were best for me. When I noticed the closest bookstore was in Port Angeles, I groaned in frustration, recalling what happened that time I went dress shopping with Angela and Jessica. Yet another memory which Edward was a part of. Would it be bad if I went back there? I could park right near the book store so I'd be ok...I decided on that but I'd have to stop at the house to leave a note for Charlie just in case.
The bell rang, signalling for the next period to start--Biology. Ugh, here we go again, I thought. I made my way into the class room to find Edward already in his seat waiting. I took my seat, doing my best to avoid eye contact..that was before I noticed his eyes were now a golden brown color. He had gone hunting, that was obvious. He was in more control than last time since he wasn't tensing up and he was trying a little too hard not to look at me.
"Hello," He spoke up...just hearing his voice sent chills throughout my body and my heart began to race, especially since I was now supposed to act uninterested. I have to do this, I kept reminding myself. "I didn't get the chance to introduce myself last week, I'm Edward Cullen, you're Bella?" I refused to look at him. I closed my eyes, trying to keep myself in control. I had to pretend. I had to be believable. I didn't know how to though he had no problem breaking my heart. I looked over at him, once I had myself under control and nodded my head then turned away. But not before noticing the confusion plastered across his face.
"How are you liking the weather?" He continued. Ugh, Edward please don't make this more difficult for me than it has to be...please, I thought to myself. I'd never acted this way towards him and it was already difficult. So why was he already so persistant in talking to me...had he already grown an attachment to me without me realizing just how soon it was for him...For me it was nearly that first day I met him that he had me but I'm sure it was never like that for him. He told me himself that day he left me in the woods that he didn't love me.
"It's fine." I answered, keeping out conversation short and to the point.
"Is it a big change for you?" he asked again.
"No." I simply said. Even though this surprised him, I really wasn't against the rain anymore. I had already technically been back over a year but in this reality it hadn't even been a month yet. But even in this time I preferred Forks to Jacksonville.
"Really? I would've thought it would be..." he mused.
"You thought wrong." I said. Luckily, the teacher came in at that moment to introduce the lab we had to do. Ugh, the stupid Mitosis lab! This meant I had to be more talkative with Edward....just this once Bella, I told myself. We were instructed to begin and so we did.
"Ladies first?" He offered. This time, without hesistation I started and was a little too quick to say it was Prophase. I barely even looked in the slide.
"Mind if I check?" He asked, trying be polite. Arms length, Bella, arms length, I had to tell myself.
"Sure." I told him. I wanted so badly to tell him to do whatever the hell he wanted..he already did that by deciding we were over without talking to me about things. He decided he knew what was best for me and I hated it.
"It's prophase." He said instantly, I saw the frustration on his face. I'm not stupid Edward! I thought. Was it really that surprising that I knew my biology? I thought. He changed the slide and was quick to say it was Metaphase. I didn't care though. I didnt even want to check his work because I already knew without looking what it was. "Are you sure you don't want to check?"
"Yep." was all I said. He looked disappointed now...first time around I was more open with him so I didn't know how he was reacting to my coldness. We were first to finish our lab, much to the teacher's surprise yet again. It wasn't until he learned I was in the advanced program back in Jacksonville that he understood. I avoided further conversation with Edward once the teacher continued on to help other students who needed it. I saw him tense up again and I wanted so badly to ease that tension. I hated doing this to him...I loved him so much it broke my heart knowing I was doing this. But this was for us. I was doing him a favor. This time, when the bell rang, I was first to leave.
"Bella..."I heard Edward call out to me as I left the room. I couldn't do this. Please no. I continued walking to gym. Hopefully he didn't try to keep pace with me because I knew he could. "Bella wait..." He said again, only now he was practically behind me. Without me realizing, he was in front of me and I slammed into him, falling back. I didn't even bother bracing myself for hitting the floor because I knew Edward would catch me. And he did. The feel of his arms around my waist again...ugh! I was so close to cracking and giving in but I couldn't! It's not what he wants! I closed my eyes, not wanting to look into his eyes.
"Thanks." I mumbled. I thanked him for not letting me fall but on the other hand it was thanks to him that I fell in the first place. He should've known not to appear in front of me like that while I was in a rush.
"I know you're on your way to class...but I can't help but think I've done something to offend you..." he started, waiting for me to open my eyes but I couldn't. My breathing was already picking up as was my heart rate and he knew this.
"You haven't." I told him, still keeping my eyes closed.
"Bella, please look at me..." he pleaded. How could he already be so sincere and concerned about me? Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. I saw the confusion, the frustration, the concern and the adoration....wait what? No! Don't look at me that way! I screamed in my mind. That's how he always looked at me when we were in love...when he loved me. I couldn't do this! I had to get away from him!
"I have to go." I said, trying to get around him.
"I don't want you to be upset with me...whatever it is I did, I'm truly sorry..." I knew he was. But it was so much more than he realized. I couldn't forgive him for breaking my heart. I mean come on! I ended my life because he left me shattered and empty. I couldn't go on with out him..I didn't go on without him. I had no response for him, though his eyes searched mine for answers. But I couldn't give them to him and I knew he wouldn't let me pass. He still hadn't let go of me but I needed him to. I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself yet again.
"Please let go of me Edward..." I said, unable to get rid of the saddness which was so clearly evident in my voice. He let me go instantly, thinking he hurt me but it wasn't his touch that hurt me.It never was. "You didn't hurt me, don't worry." I quickly added...I didn't want him going around thinking he ended up holding onto me too tightly. He'd beat himself up over it endlessly if I let him believe that he did. But before he could question why I asked him to let me go or why I would instantly assume that's what he was thinking, I turned around and headed the other way. It looked like I was going to gym today. Again, I heard Edward pick up the pace behind me and call after me. I turned around to face him. He looked so defeated. "Don't follow me." I forced myself to say and I turned and headed into the girls' bathroom. The one place I was safe from Edward.

Permalink Reply by TEAM ESME on June 7, 2011 at 9:26pm