Bella’s happily ever after lasted two days. This is Bella’s own account of what happened after Breaking Dawn, her growing understanding of her powers, her battle to remain with the man she loves, finding her place in her new family, and the ever-present threat of the Volturi.
New posting Chapter 55 - Postscript
Cold Gray Light
Please view the new trailer by Jesse Desplat it is brilliant.
Thank you so much Jesse!
This fantastic trailer was made for me by Marisa Wilson
Please view it is spine chillingly good
Thank you so much Marisia!!!
From the moment I walked through the door I could feel his eyes on me. Boring into me, owning me, watching even the minutest move I made.
I thought that I’d lose this intuition when I became a vampire. But in reality it had just got stronger along with everything else.
I thought for a moment about the one big change that my transformation had made, my thirst. Although I was still young, and the thirst for blood should be overwhelming, I had been able to handle it from the first moment I awoke in my new life. No one knew why that was. I could cope with human scents even up close, when I should have wanted to drink them dry. The scent caused me physical pain, an intense burning from my nostrils all down my throat, and feeling my throat squeezing tight with the dryness. But it was bearable. This was unusual for a new born. My kind usual manage this much control after a few years. But even with my self control the thirst was still there, the longing for something to put out the dryness.
My mind churned again. My mind could think of so many things at once. The dryness was always one of my thoughts, sometimes near the surface, then moving back into the background. I could keep all the thoughts in my mind -- juggling two, five, ten thoughts in parallel -- but never mixing them. Like watching ten TV channels at once. Another vampire trait.
Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe there was no one looking at me. I still hated attention just as I’d done as a human, I still shied away from it. I was just letting my imagination run away with me again. No one was looking at me. But I could hear his heartbeat six feet to my left, slightly behind where I was standing. He was sitting on a chair next to the loveseat. He was close enough to feel the warmth of his skin in the cool of the morning air. I could smell the strong scent of the skin pouch he wore round his neck. A smell that forced out every lesser smell from that part of the room, like a car headlamp blinding out a flashlight. It was not just the animal fur with its heavy notes that I could smell, but what was inside it. The herbs and berries that it contained, each type giving a new harmony to the smell. Some sharp, some sweet. Some I knew -- citrus, juniper, cinnamon -- some I had no words for.
Maybe he was just looking at Nessie like everyone else in the room. My four month old daughter was reciting a poem for her audience in her beautiful childish voice, complete with dramatic pauses and carefully characterized accents for the speeches. She was a very advanced four month old. She looked more like a small four year old, but she would have been counted as a genius in any preschool. This was because she was half vampire and half human, and of course could never be allowed in preschool. Her brown hair, with a tinge of bronze that came from Edward, fell down her back in beautiful curls. Her eyes were a warm milk chocolate color that had been mine when I was human, and were now excited by the attention she was receiving. Her complexion was pale with a healthy pink glow of excitement. We knew now that her rate of growth and progress would slow and she would be fully mature in another 6 and half years, and then live forever. We’d learned this from Nahuel only two days before. My dark worries of losing Nessie had vanished. We’d thought we would have to watch our daughter grow old and die in fifteen short years, and we would mourn her for ever.
I didn’t look to check if I was right about Nahuel and his staring. I had caught his eye only once that morning, when we came in and gave the usual greeting to our family and their two remaining guests.
I still didn’t understand why these guest were still here. Yes, I was grateful to them, especially him. So grateful it hurt. He had saved us all: my daughter, my husband, my vampire family, my wolf friends, and me. And he put himself and his father and his sisters in danger. How could I not be grateful to him. We all were.
I’d asked Edward twice why they had not left with the other guests after the standoff with the Volturi. The first time was after the celebrations when all the other guests had left and we had taken Nessie back to our cottage to sleep in her own bed. This was the first day that we’d met them, the first day of the stares. Edward had given his answer, saying Nahuel was so glad to know that a family like ours could exist. A family with a half vampire child, the only one Nahuel knew of that was not related to him, and a surviving mother. Nahuel’s mother died in child birth and so did the mothers of his half sisters.
It is rare to find a vampire who would want a physical relationship with a human woman, even rarer to find a women who survived such an encounter. Her life could end at any moment if he did not concentrate fully on keeping her alive. And what about the outcome of such an encounter? Mortals are not compatible with half vampire babies, the babies are so much stronger than the women. I had only survived thanks to the care given to me by my vampire family and because Edward changed me into a vampire as soon as the baby was out. The memories of this violent birth were now dimming for me. The vampire venom had mended the terrible damage and left me whole, strong, and beautiful.
According to Edward, Nahuel had spent his long life, over 150 years, thinking he must be evil to the core to have killed his mother. But seeing me set him free from his guilt. He now blamed his father for not caring for his mother as Edward had for me, and for not changing her when Nahuel ripped his way out of her.
The second time I’d asked Edward why Nahuel and his aunt (a full vampire) were still with us, Edward said that they wanted to learn more about our vegetarian lifestyle. This was how we liked to describe our abnormal hunting habits in the Cullen family. Unlike other vampires we only hunted animals, not humans. This gave us distinctive golden eyes which intrigued the normal red-eyed vampires. When I asked this second time, it was not what Edward had said that set me thinking but the way he said it. If I wasn’t his wife and didn’t know him so well I would not have noticed the slight tightening of his straight shoulders under his tan colored jumper, and that he was holding his perfect jaw a eighth of an inch higher than normal. He was lying to me.
Edward lied a lot. He had to. When you can read the minds of everyone in a mile radius then you have to lie to appear normal. You have to learn to ignore the thoughts most of the time. You have to answer only the questions people say out loud and not all the far-reaching ones they think in their heads but don’t dare ask. Edward also felt he must not betray confidences of those around him. It was not as though he could stop hearing thoughts if he wanted to, and not as if people could stop thinking when he was around, so he just didn’t pass these thoughts on. I was a shield which meant that he could not read my mind, not even when I was only human. Now that I was a vampire I had learned to remove my shield if I wanted, but I could only do so for a few moments at a time and even then it was exhausting work.
But why would he lie to me about why Nahuel and Huilen were still here? We had just made it through the worst danger imaginable: the whole of the Volturi forces lined up against us, the judges, jury and executioners of the vampire world. We had survived that, so what now? What was he covering up? Surely we had to have a break from peril sometime.
Maybe bad luck was something that I’d brought with me into this life. Since I met Edward as a human I had always had bad luck. My life before Edward, before my return to Forks to live with my Dad, Charlie, was a quiet life in the big city of Phoenix with my Mom, Renée. The memory of this former life was becoming hazy, almost a pre life to my human life, as if I was now in my third life, not my second. I’d had too much on my mind to sit down and think about it, though that was the only way my family said that I would remember it for the future. As I remembered it now, it was a happy but lonely time of looking after my hair-brained mother and being the adult in the relationship even though I was the child. She didn’t need to be looked after in a physical way but in an emotional one, helping her to organize and control her life. I was the one who made sure we went to the store when we needed groceries and that we went to the bank when the bills needed to be paid. In many ways you could say I was her keeper rather than her daughter. This role was taken by Phil, her husband of nearly three years.
I argued with myself that I had already brought my shield through to my vampire life along with my strange ability for self control. I was sure that I could not have brought anything else. I had left my clumsiness behind, which was a truly good thing. I now moved so fast and was so strong that if I was clumsy lots of things would get broken. Not just inanimate objects, but living things. Even people.
I looked over at Edward, to keep my eye from straying to Nahuel. His beauty never failed to amaze me. He was stunning. His eyes were a warm amber color. But this morning more like stone than liquid. Something was bugging him. No doubt he was hearing things he didn’t like. His face muscles twitched slightly and his teeth locked together noiselessly. His smile remained, a facade to keep the others away from his upset within. I had no idea what he had heard or who it was that was having these thoughts, but my mind turned to Nahuel again, though I didn’t let my eyes follow. Edward would tell me when it was right and certainly not in the middle of this gathering.
Edward applauded when Nessie came to the end of her poem, pride now on his face. I felt a jolt of joy at his pride. I was proud of her, naturally, and applauded loudly too. But to have him so in awe of her gave me such a feeling of belonging. I had, in the end, been able to give him something so worthwhile. A daughter, our miracle. It made up for the lack of balance in our relationship. He had given me everything: his love, his life, my new life, money, possessions, a home, a car, a family. But the one thing that that he had never imagined, that none of our vampire family had thought possible, came from me. She was a delight to them all, and especially Edward.
It was only as I turned away from Nessie’s performance that I noticed Alice was staring into thin air, her eyes out of focus, completely still. I knew she was seeing something. My sister’s ability to see into the future was enviable. It had made her top of the Volturi’s list for acquisitions. It was this ability that had saved the family and herself many times over. The future she saw was only one of the possible outcomes. If decisions that had been made were changed then what she saw would change.
“Demetri is coming,” she said simply in a clear chiming voice, not altering her stance at all. “Aro has decided. He will follow Carlisle to us.”
Carlisle was at her side in an instant. “But why?” he whispered. “Why now?”.
The image of the the Volturi tracker was instantly in my mind. It was not possible for anyone normal to run from Demetri. He had a gift for finding them. But this gift needed access to someone’s mind, and it was something I could block with my shield. As well as being a tracker, Demetri was a warrior, with centuries of experience working with the Volturi.
“But why, Alice?” he asked again.
Alice had gone back into her trance. This time it took her over a minute to come round. “He comes only to observe,” she said with a little relief in her voice. “Aro will order him to stay with us and just observe. He is to watch Nessie grow for Aro and to find out more about the wolves for Caius. He is to cause us no trouble. He will be ordered to hunt like us. Aro wants to see how this will change his character. He is report back regularly by letter. This order will be made at full council the day after tomorrow. He will arrive three days after that.”
She looked around the stunned room.
“Please look for more,” Carlisle urged her.
“Demetri will bring a note with him from Aro but they know that I can see what it says so you will be forewarned. Aro is staring at it so that I can read it...
My Dearest Friend Carlisle,
I am sending my dear one Demetri to visit you as an emissary. I feel that our last meeting left a rift between us which I want to close. I have asked Demetri to learn about your life style and your beloved granddaughter so that we may better understand each other in future.
I ask you to take Demetri into your hearts and your home, and to this end I will ask him to make himself useful to you and cause you no trouble. Please use him as a son.
Yours in friendship,
Carlisle looked aghast. “Is there more?” he said, shaking his head.
Her face returned to the distant mask, but seconds later disgust was clear on it. She came back to the present again shaking her head. “Uh, that is so gross”.
“I saw part of the inner council meeting that was only the family, no guard. It is so gross.” she said, hardly able to speak for revulsion. “Aro says he wishes to watch a half vampire child develop first hand. He says that he will order Demetri to try to father a child when he has returned from his visit. He laughs and says that he may have learned some restraint from us. The mother is to be the only human they trust, their administrator Gina. They will promise her immortality if she successfully gives birth, but she has no choice. If she says no, she’s lunch. He says it will be a great honor for Demetri to father a child to be brought up and studied in Volterra. Caius is against the idea, the decision will be put off until a later date... I can’t see further than that, I’m not attuned to them, I can’t see so far ahead into their futures, I can’t see if she will become pregnant or if they will kill her, it is many months away, it may change.”
There was stunned silence.
All the joy after the last successful encounter with the Volturi was gone.
Then the speculation started. Alice could see the event but not the motivation behind it. It boiled down to three simple questions: why this? why now? and why Demetri? A dozen answers to each question came from the gathered family. The most likely answer was that they wanted to catch us doing something against the rules as soon as possible, and Demetri can stand up for himself.
The others gave little thought to the planned baby. It was beyond the immediate worry and didn’t affect us personally. But my mind was on Gina and how I could help her. I had only just survived my own pregnancy and I had had good medical care and love from all my family. I felt cold, cold to the heart.
Had I started some new vampire fashion? Would lots of vampire males want to father children? And what of the vampire females, would they want to become stepmothers? I thought of the loss of human life. I thought of Gina.
I found myself a spot on the floor and sat there still, shocked, horrified.
The discussion went on for nearly an hour, until Carlisle looked at the clock and said that he had to go for his shift at the hospital.
He turned to our guests, “Nahuel, Huilen. It may be best if you were not here when Demetri comes to call. I do not wish to ask you to leave but for your own safety I must ask you to think about what you want to do. You know you have our thanks for what you have done for us, and I owe you for the safety of all my family. You are welcome here at any normal time.”
It was Huilen who spoke this time. She spoke simply in her heavy accent. “We will leave before he arrives.”
Carlisle smiled warmly at her. “That is for the best. We can visit you before long, and maybe meet Nahuel’s sisters if that is possible.”
The others continued to speculate after Carlisle had gone, Emmett debating with Jasper the possibility of beating Demetri in a fight. Jasper thought that if there were several of us it may be possible, but it would only bring the rest of the guard down on us, a battle which we would not win this time.
Alice touched me lightly on the arm, tutting at my pants and jumper combination. My favorite sister was never happy with my lack of fashion sense. But she could see the future, and would have known the day before about this particular lapse of mine. I thought to myself that I would suggest to her that she warns me in advance next time, so that I don’t disappoint her again.
“You know, I thought you would have learned a little by now Bella,” she chided quietly. “I will just have to take you back to your cottage and show you how to match up those pants myself. I didn’t spend weeks putting together your wardrobe for you to use it like this.”
That morning I must have really gotten under her skin. How could she care so much about fashion when she’d just given us the news about Demetri? Really. It made no sense.
I looked down at my outfit. It didn’t look that bad to me. I’d made sure that some of the threads in the jumper were exactly the same tone as the pants, but if it made her happy we could be home and back in a very short time. A few minutes out of the house would do me some good.
“Edward,” she chimed. “I’m taking Bella back to your cottage, can you look after Nessie by yourself?” The look on her face one of great effort.
He smiled warmly at her. “By myself? I don’t think that I will ever be allowed to look after Nessie by myself. She has too many fans for that.” He looked quizzically at her while he made his answer, as if they were having another inaudible conversation but failing to understand each other.
It was true. Most of the room were watching Nessie again, just waiting to see what she would do next, fascinated by her. Her Aunt Rose and Grandma Esme sat on the floor with her.
“We’ll see you soon,” Alice chimed again, wincing with effort, like a small child trying to remember a really difficult times table sum.
As soon as she said this I looked around the gathering to smile a normal goodbye. Then I saw him, Nahuel. He was staring at me. Staring at me with total adoration in his eyes as if I were the only thing he could see in the world. The only thing he had ever seen. Like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.
Oh no... no please no, I screamed inside my head. My face turned from a smile to sheer dread, his calm face turning from adoration to puzzlement at my expression.
Edward stiffened beside me, but said nothing.
Alice tugged my sleeve and we were off through the patio doors at the rear of the house, running back to my cottage hand in hand. I was only too glad to go, and Alice's excuse was perfect.
As soon as we were over the river she said in a very hushed voice, “Shield me, stop him reading my mind.”
New posting Chapter 55 - Postscript
Really love the chapter!!!
I think that Bella is much happier about herself now.
I think also it was a huge turning point for her to say 'No Jasper doesn't have any right to treat me like that.' She has stopped taking the blame for once and put the blame where it should be from her prospective.
Kiss and make up are always nice to write. But it was brief, they haven't had chance to talk things through at all yet.
I'm glad Bella's finally starting to work things out!!!
Please update soon!!!
I'm on Chapter 10, and all I have to say is wow! Just wow. I love all of your descriptions and how you fit each of your characters correctly. Keep going Chris. :)
thank you very much for your comment.
I'm pleased you enjoying it. I've enjoyed writting it but the editing is very time consuming.
I always found English a really hard subject at school and hated the classes and the home work but now, "later in life", I really found this easy to write and have got very obcessed with it all.
I have enjoyed your first chapter of your fanfic and hope to read more soon.
thank you for the update.Did Bella finally figure it out?
yes, Bella has worked it out. Jasper is a bit of a cad, but what can she do about it?
I think if he'd of held off for a while longer his scheme to split Bella and Edward up may have worked better. However, he saw an opportunity with Bella vunerable and Alice unable to see and risked it. It didn't pay off for him and now Bella knows.
So what will be his action now? Can he be trusted?
That night back at the cottage we delighted in putting Nessie to bed together. Edward read to her from A Midsummer Night's Dream whilst I tidied her clothes away and made her bed straight.
We left her to settle and went back to the living room.
“Is it later yet?” I asked after two minutes.
He grinned at me, remembering no doubt us saying something similar when we first knew each other and I was human. “Not yet, I think just another couple of minutes.”
We both knew that the ‘later’ to which I referred was after Nessie had finally lost her battle to stay awake. We pretended to read books, but I was not concentrating. I needed to talk to him about everything. I was going to get it over to him in language he could take in. I’d got some words sorted out in my mind. These words weren’t perfect, how could they be, it wasn’t a perfect situation, but they would have to do. He had to know, he had to know everything.
After seven and a half minutes he looked up from his book, grinned again and said, “It’s later now.”
“Edward, we need to …”
But his lips had found mine and any thought I had of talking or resting for that night was gone …
Dawn was, as usual, heralded by the noises of the birds that felt safer conducting their lives in daylight hours.
“On no, she's already awake and I am supposed to let you rest,” he said swiftly, tidying the bed and making things look respectable, as well as dressing himself. I followed his lead.
“Come on in here darling,” I called back.
“OK Nessie, this is what we are going to do this morning, my love. You and I are going to the main house and find Aunt Alice, I know she has some new clothes for you to try on. We are going to leave Mommy here so that she can have some quiet time to read her book. I’ll come back here and find her and we’ll both come back to the main house after you’ve had some time with your other auntie too.” He looked at me, obviously checking if that were OK. I smiled encouragingly. That was what I needed - time alone with him to talk. Inside I was churning with anxiety.
They left me alone. I snuggled back in bed. I didn’t even have time for my usual count of regrets before sleep took me.
I was woken by the sound of footsteps in the cottage, but I was grouchy, I really didn’t want to get up, I couldn’t peel my eyelids open just yet. I pulled the duvet over my head and mumbled, “Just 10 more minutes”. I knew that he would hear me. And I was gone again.
I surfaced again and I heard my bedroom door creak shut. It took me a of couple of seconds to realize that the accompanying, almost silent footfalls where not Edward's. I listened intently to the sounds but there were no more. I’d heard maybe five steps and that was it.
I lay motionless, listening for the tiniest sound, anything that might identify the person. There was no scent, which also puzzled me. I knew if I got out of bed and went to the door I would surely smell it, but from where I was I got nothing but … not the scent of a person, more like a plant or something. I couldn’t remember where, but I knew I’d smelled it before. If only I could name it, maybe I could remember. But this could not be the scent of the owner of the feet.
There were no more discernible sounds. My panic level started to ramp up as I became fully awake. Who would come here to my bedroom door? What did they mean by such an infringement on my privacy? Were they friend or foe? Were they here to do me harm?
I had an internal battle about the best course of action. My first reaction was to cower under the duvet as I would have done when I was human. But now I wasn’t human, I was strong and brave and old enough to know that bedclothes offered little protection from supernatural intruders. I decided that I needed to surprise the offender.
I flew out of bed at an insane speed, hearing the wood of the frame give way under the force of my foot as I pushed myself off. I hurtled through the cottage, growling like a wild animal. As I got to the front door, it opened, and I shot outside. I span round to see who had opened.
Alice was standing to the side, holding the door.
“Was it you?” I demanded
“Was what me?” She looked quizzical, but pleased about something, “And I’m glad you’re OK.”
“There was someone in the cottage, I heard footsteps. Didn’t you see?”
“OK, let’s follow the scent.”
After a moment she returned to me, “Bella, there isn’t any scent … are you sure you didn’t just imagine footsteps?”
“No, I was lying in bed and I heard the bedroom door creak and footsteps.” I insisted
“Well I can find no trace. I’ll get Jasper to come over and check, he’s better at this than me.”
“No … No, I don’t think you need to trouble Jasper. I’m sure you did a thorough job, let’s just go take a wider perimeter together.”
She looked at me oddly, but acquiesced.
We circled at about a hundred yards from the cottage, searching first at ground level and then taking to the trees, but nothing.
We went back inside and I made a full search of each room, going into every corner, trying to smell things like the door handle to get some scent, but I got nothing.
Alice stationed herself on one of the armchairs in the living room, and had clearly lost her appetite for what she saw as a fruitless activity.
“Are you done now?” she asked, looking seriously at me. “Maybe if waking up is going to cause you so much worry, sleeping isn’t such a good idea.”
I was slightly shocked that she knew I’d been sleeping. It must have shown on my face.
“Bella, you can’t keep a secret here, you know that.”
I suddenly remembered why I’d been worried about seeing her. “Did you come to check up on me, or … or was there something you wanted to talk about?” Oh no, I groaned inwardly, Jasper, she saw!
“No, you’d gone.”
“I'd gone where?” not understanding for a moment.
“I couldn’t see a vision of you, as if Nessie was here with you but she was up at the house. You were there for a while, Edward asked me to keep checking to see when you woke up, but you got fainter and then disappeared.”
“Oh that's odd … Why couldn’t you see me? Maybe you can’t see me when I sleep because you can’t do it?”
“No, I saw you sleeping, but then not, as I said. It is fascinating how you do sleep, Carlisle is so excited. How does it make you feel?”
“Better, I think, I feel I have a better perspective on things now. Or might do if someone wasn’t spying on me.”
“Bella, there was no trace.” She looked exasperated.
“Shall I fix you a hot chocolate. Jasper said that you seemed to be enjoying the smell of it yesterday. It may calm you, or I can get him over here if you prefer.”
“No, no need to bother him,” I repeated, “let me put the water to boil. I’d like to see if it still has the same appeal. We have some here for Nessie, but not the good stuff like at the house.”
I went into the tiny kitchen area of the cottage. It and the little bathroom were additions that Esme had implemented last autumn. She’d thought they would be unnecessary for two vampires, but had thought again after Nessie was born.
The water came from a bore hole that we had dug deep in the forest floor and the gas was supplied by cylinder that we carried from the main house. This would have been impossible for humans but was no problem for us at all. We could easily carry a cylinder over a shoulder on the way home.
We didn’t keep much food for Nessie here: a few drinks, some cereal, and eggs, the perishables being kept in a tiny gas-powered fridge in the kitchen.
“So you saw me drinking the chocolate yesterday?” I wanted to probe a bit, I needed to know what she had seen. Was she angry and hiding it well? Was she lulling me into a false sense of security waiting to pounce and ash me?
“No, I was with Jacob and Leah. She’d phased because she didn’t trust Demetri, or just didn’t want to have to talk to any of us, I’m not sure which, but it was inconvenient. I saw you go to the house all upset but then she phased and I couldn’t see anything but myself until I was away from her.”
“I knew you’d need someone to talk to, which is why I'd insisted that Jasper stay to comfort you. I hope he was helpful, he usually is very good what with his talent and all. I’d of stayed but I’d already promised Esme I’d go with her. We wanted to go with Jacob as we are the least likely warriors and it would show Demetri that the whole family has trust in the wolves, not just you.”
“And did that go well?” I asked, pleased now that she’d not seen me under her husband’s spell.
“Yes, no problem at all, we had a very enjoyable run, thank you. Demetri really is an interesting person to talk to, he is just so, well, old I guess, but in a good way. He has seen so much and experienced so much, he is fascinating and has such a grounded perspective on it all.”
“It is so inconvenient, not being able to see you. Most of the time I see you so clearly now, it’s odd really, I see you more easily than the rest of family. I never know why some people are so clear. Maybe you get that from Rene, I could see her well too, for a human. It’s probably a gene thing, maybe we are very distantly related.”
“Yeah, I guess we may be,” I said, “maybe a shared ancestor if we go back enough generations.”
“I noticed first when you were in Anchorage. I saw you so clearly in the museum when you tried to talk with that mother and baby.”
“Alice, I wasn’t trying to kill them, I just wanted to see the baby, that’s all.” I’d put the incident to the back of my mind, but it certainly wasn’t forgotten. The feeling of longing for another baby of my own hadn’t subsided.
“Oh I know that, I could see that very clearly, but you would have spooked the mother if you had tried. Edward’s reaction was only because the Volturi don‘t like us to pray on mothers and babies any more, even though they do smell so good, and taste it, so I’m reliably informed.”
“Mothers and babies, they smell good and taste good. That was one of the reasons for the high mortality rates during child birth in the past. It’s disgusting, I don’t know how they did it.
“The Volturi laid down a law when the humans started to take better care of their mothers a few centuries ago, to guide against the practice. It is not a fatal crime as far as they are concerned but they will investigate to make sure there is no evidence, if any suspected incidents come to their attention. Vampires in less developed countries where their humans don’t have resources to investigate deaths still get away with it. It’s officially just put down to poor medical support for the women. Some more traditional tribes have legends which are nearer the truth and try to guard against it with vigils and such.”
I was horrified by this information. I realized that my mouth was open. I closed it quickly.
“The Volturi had two reasons. Firstly they didn’t want any attention towards our kind, and secondly, like any good hunter, they thought the prey shouldn’t be killed off in high numbers when they are just born. Best to let them mature first.”
“Well, I can’t agree, but I see their point,” I gasped, still horrified by even the thought of it. “And you seriously thought I’d …”
“No, as I said, I could see you at that point so clearly. And you are still clear most of the time … odd really.”
“So what does my future bring?”
“Ah, pretty lady, cross my palm with silver first,” and she giggled. “No, that’s easy, nothing unusual yet, too many decisions yet to be made, but lots are still leading towards you walking in the forest with the unknown man and Nessie. Still can’t get a fix on who it is.”
“Ah, well, the one of you and he in the candle light has gone, thank goodness, I never want to see that again. You have been replaced by polar bears! It’s a really good job he has the concentration span of a goldfish. I think you keeping away from him is helping a lot. Jasper was even saying yesterday how much Emmett's emotions had calmed when he returned from Canada. Jasper seemed especially pleased by it. I guess it can’t be easy for him, reading emotions when you and Emmett are in the same room.
“But I still see you with a man in the forest but I still can’t see who it is, and Nessie is still with you. You look very serious as if something has happened but I can’t get a handle on the trigger for it at all. Odd really, it must be some way off, I’m sure I’ll see it all nearer the time and we can take what action we need to then, I don’t think you need to worry yourself.”
Her words were very calming. At least I’d lost, well maybe not lost, but temporarily distracted one of my unwanted admirers. That was very good. I didn’t want to be on the wrong side to Emmett, or Rose for that matter!
“I’ll call Edward and let him know you were OK. I kind of ran out on him and Demetri earlier and I need to let him know that you are awake. I can see you two need a little heart-to-heart, and I don’t need to be psychic for that.” But she didn’t laugh at her own comment, she fixed me with a steely look. “I know you haven’t told him yet, it’s going to get worse until you do. It’s not just you, do you know how hard I have to work to keep him out of my brain?”
“I know Alice, I’ll do it when he comes back here OK?”
She called him and left, saying she’d take a run north to avoid him reading her mind.
I made the hot chocolate and sat on the chair by the little round table to smell it. I was right, it wasn’t as good as the brand at the house, the smell was thin in comparison, but it was still welcome. I tried a sip, just to take my mind off what I was about to do. The taste was sweet, and bland, none of the harmony of flavors the other had. I made a mental note to buy a jar of the good brand for here.
And before I had time for a second sip he had arrived.
“Hello my love, are you OK?”
I kissed him a welcome on the cheek, making sure that it wouldn’t be seen as an invitation to more passion. We needed to talk, not just enjoy each other. I was determined.
“Edward, please sit down, we need to talk.” He immediately did as I requested.
“Please don’t scold me,” he begged, “ I will try harder to let you sleep at night, I will not monopolize your time from hence forth, I promise.”
He misunderstood, he thought I was going to complain to him.
“Edward, that’s not it. I have to tell you about me.”
He looked really guilty at this, “I don’t think you need to,” he confessed, “I took it out of Carlisle's mind. He would be very cross with me if he realized how much I’d eavesdropped on his thoughts before he knew I was in the house. He takes the doctor patient confidentially very seriously, but I just plowed on anyway.
“Do you know how fascinating you are? Carlisle is almost beside himself with curiosity. He’s not seen anything as interesting as you for centuries. You even top the wolves for interest.
“And I … I was so truly rude to you and then I left you to cry for hours, without moving to comfort you. I know you have already indicated that you forgive me for such appalling behavior but please could you say it and release me from the personal hell I am in.”
I marveled that at times Edward’s cadence was so formal.
“Edward, I love you, totally and completely, the fact that sometimes we disagree is not a weakness of our love. You were right to say I wasn’t being mindful enough of my actions, but calling me a child did hurt me badly. I am not a child, I am a woman, I am the mother of your daughter, but I do make mistakes as everyone does and at times my judgment will not be the same as yours. But that is in the past now, let’s put it behind us. I need to talk to you about me.”
“Edward, I can do things.”
“Oh I know”, he said with lustful smirk.
“Will you stop a minute! I am trying to talk to you about this sensibly and that doesn’t help.”
“Edward, you know I can sleep. Well I can take some food and drink too and I don’t have to throw it back up.”
“Yes I know, I heard this from Carlisle’s mind.”
“There’s more. In my sleep I sometime dream like a human.”
“Do you have nightmares again? When you were human …”
“Sometimes I feel cold, really cold, and I find it hard to warm up. And when we were in Canada …”
“You were totally amazing, you …”
“When we were in Canada, I saw that baby and I didn’t want to kill it, I wanted it to be mine, I wanted to have a little baby again. The time with Nessie has flown past so quick.”
His head was in his hands and it was clear that he was on the point of shutting down again.
“Edward, I’m not angry or anything with you, I just want you know what was going on. I wasn’t going to kill the child.”
But I was too late, self loathing had set in.
“I am so sorry my love. I shouldn’t have come back to you. I should have left you with Jacob, you could have had a proper life with as many children as you wanted. And now I have ruined you for the whole of eternity.”
“Edward, stop! Now just stop! I love you, I love Nessie, I have no regrets about being what I am. I just have to learn to live with this longing. I thought you should know what I am struggling with. I didn’t tell you so you would feel bad for me.”
But it was way too late, he was allowing.
I did the only thing I could think of, I distracted him. I stood up and forced his face to look at me and I kissed him with all the passion I could muster.
And that was the end of our talk. I’d not told him about Eleazar, about Nahuel, about Emmett, or about Jasper. I hadn’t mentioned that maybe I could put thoughts into people's heads and I may have some other powerful but unspecified talents. I didn’t mention that maybe I was going paranoid or that maybe there really was someone watching me at times, even when I slept. I couldn’t. I'd been right, he wasn’t ready to hear it yet. I was going to have to cope by myself and protect him from it. I was going to have to be the strong one here.
After an hour, we got out of bed. I fixed a happy smile on my face. He had managed to repress his regrets.
A new normality had set in. He would worry and I would have secrets and we would distract each other rather than talk about it. And so it would continue for weeks.
End of Chapter 30
*************************Authors Note ***************************
I hoped you liked the chapter, I'm sorry it was so long but I need the plot to get to this point before the next chapter.
Please leave a comment. 'Read it' will do fine if you can't think of anything else to say.
If you liked the story so far please click the 'like' button near the orignial reply box after chapter 1. Many thanks to those who have already done this.
thank you for your comment.I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.
There is a bit of a gap in time in the story before the next chapter.
Some interesting developments in the plot! I wonder what is going on? Just a pity they couldn't talk it out! Can't wait for the next update!