Bella’s happily ever after lasted two days. This is Bella’s own account of what happened after Breaking Dawn, her growing understanding of her powers, her battle to remain with the man she loves, finding her place in her new family, and the ever-present threat of the Volturi.
New posting Chapter 55 - Postscript
Cold Gray Light
Please view the new trailer by Jesse Desplat it is brilliant.
Thank you so much Jesse!
This fantastic trailer was made for me by Marisa Wilson
Please view it is spine chillingly good
Thank you so much Marisia!!!
From the moment I walked through the door I could feel his eyes on me. Boring into me, owning me, watching even the minutest move I made.
I thought that I’d lose this intuition when I became a vampire. But in reality it had just got stronger along with everything else.
I thought for a moment about the one big change that my transformation had made, my thirst. Although I was still young, and the thirst for blood should be overwhelming, I had been able to handle it from the first moment I awoke in my new life. No one knew why that was. I could cope with human scents even up close, when I should have wanted to drink them dry. The scent caused me physical pain, an intense burning from my nostrils all down my throat, and feeling my throat squeezing tight with the dryness. But it was bearable. This was unusual for a new born. My kind usual manage this much control after a few years. But even with my self control the thirst was still there, the longing for something to put out the dryness.
My mind churned again. My mind could think of so many things at once. The dryness was always one of my thoughts, sometimes near the surface, then moving back into the background. I could keep all the thoughts in my mind -- juggling two, five, ten thoughts in parallel -- but never mixing them. Like watching ten TV channels at once. Another vampire trait.
Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe there was no one looking at me. I still hated attention just as I’d done as a human, I still shied away from it. I was just letting my imagination run away with me again. No one was looking at me. But I could hear his heartbeat six feet to my left, slightly behind where I was standing. He was sitting on a chair next to the loveseat. He was close enough to feel the warmth of his skin in the cool of the morning air. I could smell the strong scent of the skin pouch he wore round his neck. A smell that forced out every lesser smell from that part of the room, like a car headlamp blinding out a flashlight. It was not just the animal fur with its heavy notes that I could smell, but what was inside it. The herbs and berries that it contained, each type giving a new harmony to the smell. Some sharp, some sweet. Some I knew -- citrus, juniper, cinnamon -- some I had no words for.
Maybe he was just looking at Nessie like everyone else in the room. My four month old daughter was reciting a poem for her audience in her beautiful childish voice, complete with dramatic pauses and carefully characterized accents for the speeches. She was a very advanced four month old. She looked more like a small four year old, but she would have been counted as a genius in any preschool. This was because she was half vampire and half human, and of course could never be allowed in preschool. Her brown hair, with a tinge of bronze that came from Edward, fell down her back in beautiful curls. Her eyes were a warm milk chocolate color that had been mine when I was human, and were now excited by the attention she was receiving. Her complexion was pale with a healthy pink glow of excitement. We knew now that her rate of growth and progress would slow and she would be fully mature in another 6 and half years, and then live forever. We’d learned this from Nahuel only two days before. My dark worries of losing Nessie had vanished. We’d thought we would have to watch our daughter grow old and die in fifteen short years, and we would mourn her for ever.
I didn’t look to check if I was right about Nahuel and his staring. I had caught his eye only once that morning, when we came in and gave the usual greeting to our family and their two remaining guests.
I still didn’t understand why these guest were still here. Yes, I was grateful to them, especially him. So grateful it hurt. He had saved us all: my daughter, my husband, my vampire family, my wolf friends, and me. And he put himself and his father and his sisters in danger. How could I not be grateful to him. We all were.
I’d asked Edward twice why they had not left with the other guests after the standoff with the Volturi. The first time was after the celebrations when all the other guests had left and we had taken Nessie back to our cottage to sleep in her own bed. This was the first day that we’d met them, the first day of the stares. Edward had given his answer, saying Nahuel was so glad to know that a family like ours could exist. A family with a half vampire child, the only one Nahuel knew of that was not related to him, and a surviving mother. Nahuel’s mother died in child birth and so did the mothers of his half sisters.
It is rare to find a vampire who would want a physical relationship with a human woman, even rarer to find a women who survived such an encounter. Her life could end at any moment if he did not concentrate fully on keeping her alive. And what about the outcome of such an encounter? Mortals are not compatible with half vampire babies, the babies are so much stronger than the women. I had only survived thanks to the care given to me by my vampire family and because Edward changed me into a vampire as soon as the baby was out. The memories of this violent birth were now dimming for me. The vampire venom had mended the terrible damage and left me whole, strong, and beautiful.
According to Edward, Nahuel had spent his long life, over 150 years, thinking he must be evil to the core to have killed his mother. But seeing me set him free from his guilt. He now blamed his father for not caring for his mother as Edward had for me, and for not changing her when Nahuel ripped his way out of her.
The second time I’d asked Edward why Nahuel and his aunt (a full vampire) were still with us, Edward said that they wanted to learn more about our vegetarian lifestyle. This was how we liked to describe our abnormal hunting habits in the Cullen family. Unlike other vampires we only hunted animals, not humans. This gave us distinctive golden eyes which intrigued the normal red-eyed vampires. When I asked this second time, it was not what Edward had said that set me thinking but the way he said it. If I wasn’t his wife and didn’t know him so well I would not have noticed the slight tightening of his straight shoulders under his tan colored jumper, and that he was holding his perfect jaw a eighth of an inch higher than normal. He was lying to me.
Edward lied a lot. He had to. When you can read the minds of everyone in a mile radius then you have to lie to appear normal. You have to learn to ignore the thoughts most of the time. You have to answer only the questions people say out loud and not all the far-reaching ones they think in their heads but don’t dare ask. Edward also felt he must not betray confidences of those around him. It was not as though he could stop hearing thoughts if he wanted to, and not as if people could stop thinking when he was around, so he just didn’t pass these thoughts on. I was a shield which meant that he could not read my mind, not even when I was only human. Now that I was a vampire I had learned to remove my shield if I wanted, but I could only do so for a few moments at a time and even then it was exhausting work.
But why would he lie to me about why Nahuel and Huilen were still here? We had just made it through the worst danger imaginable: the whole of the Volturi forces lined up against us, the judges, jury and executioners of the vampire world. We had survived that, so what now? What was he covering up? Surely we had to have a break from peril sometime.
Maybe bad luck was something that I’d brought with me into this life. Since I met Edward as a human I had always had bad luck. My life before Edward, before my return to Forks to live with my Dad, Charlie, was a quiet life in the big city of Phoenix with my Mom, Renée. The memory of this former life was becoming hazy, almost a pre life to my human life, as if I was now in my third life, not my second. I’d had too much on my mind to sit down and think about it, though that was the only way my family said that I would remember it for the future. As I remembered it now, it was a happy but lonely time of looking after my hair-brained mother and being the adult in the relationship even though I was the child. She didn’t need to be looked after in a physical way but in an emotional one, helping her to organize and control her life. I was the one who made sure we went to the store when we needed groceries and that we went to the bank when the bills needed to be paid. In many ways you could say I was her keeper rather than her daughter. This role was taken by Phil, her husband of nearly three years.
I argued with myself that I had already brought my shield through to my vampire life along with my strange ability for self control. I was sure that I could not have brought anything else. I had left my clumsiness behind, which was a truly good thing. I now moved so fast and was so strong that if I was clumsy lots of things would get broken. Not just inanimate objects, but living things. Even people.
I looked over at Edward, to keep my eye from straying to Nahuel. His beauty never failed to amaze me. He was stunning. His eyes were a warm amber color. But this morning more like stone than liquid. Something was bugging him. No doubt he was hearing things he didn’t like. His face muscles twitched slightly and his teeth locked together noiselessly. His smile remained, a facade to keep the others away from his upset within. I had no idea what he had heard or who it was that was having these thoughts, but my mind turned to Nahuel again, though I didn’t let my eyes follow. Edward would tell me when it was right and certainly not in the middle of this gathering.
Edward applauded when Nessie came to the end of her poem, pride now on his face. I felt a jolt of joy at his pride. I was proud of her, naturally, and applauded loudly too. But to have him so in awe of her gave me such a feeling of belonging. I had, in the end, been able to give him something so worthwhile. A daughter, our miracle. It made up for the lack of balance in our relationship. He had given me everything: his love, his life, my new life, money, possessions, a home, a car, a family. But the one thing that that he had never imagined, that none of our vampire family had thought possible, came from me. She was a delight to them all, and especially Edward.
It was only as I turned away from Nessie’s performance that I noticed Alice was staring into thin air, her eyes out of focus, completely still. I knew she was seeing something. My sister’s ability to see into the future was enviable. It had made her top of the Volturi’s list for acquisitions. It was this ability that had saved the family and herself many times over. The future she saw was only one of the possible outcomes. If decisions that had been made were changed then what she saw would change.
“Demetri is coming,” she said simply in a clear chiming voice, not altering her stance at all. “Aro has decided. He will follow Carlisle to us.”
Carlisle was at her side in an instant. “But why?” he whispered. “Why now?”.
The image of the the Volturi tracker was instantly in my mind. It was not possible for anyone normal to run from Demetri. He had a gift for finding them. But this gift needed access to someone’s mind, and it was something I could block with my shield. As well as being a tracker, Demetri was a warrior, with centuries of experience working with the Volturi.
“But why, Alice?” he asked again.
Alice had gone back into her trance. This time it took her over a minute to come round. “He comes only to observe,” she said with a little relief in her voice. “Aro will order him to stay with us and just observe. He is to watch Nessie grow for Aro and to find out more about the wolves for Caius. He is to cause us no trouble. He will be ordered to hunt like us. Aro wants to see how this will change his character. He is report back regularly by letter. This order will be made at full council the day after tomorrow. He will arrive three days after that.”
She looked around the stunned room.
“Please look for more,” Carlisle urged her.
“Demetri will bring a note with him from Aro but they know that I can see what it says so you will be forewarned. Aro is staring at it so that I can read it...
My Dearest Friend Carlisle,
I am sending my dear one Demetri to visit you as an emissary. I feel that our last meeting left a rift between us which I want to close. I have asked Demetri to learn about your life style and your beloved granddaughter so that we may better understand each other in future.
I ask you to take Demetri into your hearts and your home, and to this end I will ask him to make himself useful to you and cause you no trouble. Please use him as a son.
Yours in friendship,
Carlisle looked aghast. “Is there more?” he said, shaking his head.
Her face returned to the distant mask, but seconds later disgust was clear on it. She came back to the present again shaking her head. “Uh, that is so gross”.
“I saw part of the inner council meeting that was only the family, no guard. It is so gross.” she said, hardly able to speak for revulsion. “Aro says he wishes to watch a half vampire child develop first hand. He says that he will order Demetri to try to father a child when he has returned from his visit. He laughs and says that he may have learned some restraint from us. The mother is to be the only human they trust, their administrator Gina. They will promise her immortality if she successfully gives birth, but she has no choice. If she says no, she’s lunch. He says it will be a great honor for Demetri to father a child to be brought up and studied in Volterra. Caius is against the idea, the decision will be put off until a later date... I can’t see further than that, I’m not attuned to them, I can’t see so far ahead into their futures, I can’t see if she will become pregnant or if they will kill her, it is many months away, it may change.”
There was stunned silence.
All the joy after the last successful encounter with the Volturi was gone.
Then the speculation started. Alice could see the event but not the motivation behind it. It boiled down to three simple questions: why this? why now? and why Demetri? A dozen answers to each question came from the gathered family. The most likely answer was that they wanted to catch us doing something against the rules as soon as possible, and Demetri can stand up for himself.
The others gave little thought to the planned baby. It was beyond the immediate worry and didn’t affect us personally. But my mind was on Gina and how I could help her. I had only just survived my own pregnancy and I had had good medical care and love from all my family. I felt cold, cold to the heart.
Had I started some new vampire fashion? Would lots of vampire males want to father children? And what of the vampire females, would they want to become stepmothers? I thought of the loss of human life. I thought of Gina.
I found myself a spot on the floor and sat there still, shocked, horrified.
The discussion went on for nearly an hour, until Carlisle looked at the clock and said that he had to go for his shift at the hospital.
He turned to our guests, “Nahuel, Huilen. It may be best if you were not here when Demetri comes to call. I do not wish to ask you to leave but for your own safety I must ask you to think about what you want to do. You know you have our thanks for what you have done for us, and I owe you for the safety of all my family. You are welcome here at any normal time.”
It was Huilen who spoke this time. She spoke simply in her heavy accent. “We will leave before he arrives.”
Carlisle smiled warmly at her. “That is for the best. We can visit you before long, and maybe meet Nahuel’s sisters if that is possible.”
The others continued to speculate after Carlisle had gone, Emmett debating with Jasper the possibility of beating Demetri in a fight. Jasper thought that if there were several of us it may be possible, but it would only bring the rest of the guard down on us, a battle which we would not win this time.
Alice touched me lightly on the arm, tutting at my pants and jumper combination. My favorite sister was never happy with my lack of fashion sense. But she could see the future, and would have known the day before about this particular lapse of mine. I thought to myself that I would suggest to her that she warns me in advance next time, so that I don’t disappoint her again.
“You know, I thought you would have learned a little by now Bella,” she chided quietly. “I will just have to take you back to your cottage and show you how to match up those pants myself. I didn’t spend weeks putting together your wardrobe for you to use it like this.”
That morning I must have really gotten under her skin. How could she care so much about fashion when she’d just given us the news about Demetri? Really. It made no sense.
I looked down at my outfit. It didn’t look that bad to me. I’d made sure that some of the threads in the jumper were exactly the same tone as the pants, but if it made her happy we could be home and back in a very short time. A few minutes out of the house would do me some good.
“Edward,” she chimed. “I’m taking Bella back to your cottage, can you look after Nessie by yourself?” The look on her face one of great effort.
He smiled warmly at her. “By myself? I don’t think that I will ever be allowed to look after Nessie by myself. She has too many fans for that.” He looked quizzically at her while he made his answer, as if they were having another inaudible conversation but failing to understand each other.
It was true. Most of the room were watching Nessie again, just waiting to see what she would do next, fascinated by her. Her Aunt Rose and Grandma Esme sat on the floor with her.
“We’ll see you soon,” Alice chimed again, wincing with effort, like a small child trying to remember a really difficult times table sum.
As soon as she said this I looked around the gathering to smile a normal goodbye. Then I saw him, Nahuel. He was staring at me. Staring at me with total adoration in his eyes as if I were the only thing he could see in the world. The only thing he had ever seen. Like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.
Oh no... no please no, I screamed inside my head. My face turned from a smile to sheer dread, his calm face turning from adoration to puzzlement at my expression.
Edward stiffened beside me, but said nothing.
Alice tugged my sleeve and we were off through the patio doors at the rear of the house, running back to my cottage hand in hand. I was only too glad to go, and Alice's excuse was perfect.
As soon as we were over the river she said in a very hushed voice, “Shield me, stop him reading my mind.”
New posting Chapter 55 - Postscript
Thanks for commenting - I'm really pleased you are still reading.
Nahuel isn't a bad man, please don't think bad of him. He was prepared to sit in the forest forever just guarding her. But you are right he needs to move on somehow - I just hope Bella can fix that for him.
It would seem that Nahuel and Renee are linked but really Bella is their only link. Sorry I can't say more than that right now.
Nahuel has been their in the background most of the time. He has been hiding from Edward and Jasper and Fred a bit so he isn't picked up or noticed by there gifts so much. For example, Jasper felt his emotions when he was training with Bella in the wood. Jasper didn't know who it was. More explinations in later chapters.
great update! can't wait to read your next one!
thanks for the comment.
The next chapter will be a bit of a change of pace!
Wow!! What an intense moment between Jasper and Edward!!!!
Well she finally told him! I wonder what he will say about it!!!
Hmm that's very interesting that her shadow was Nahuel and that Demetri thought it was her mom!!
I can't wait for the next chapter!!! :)
I just stared at Demetri. Had he lost his mind?
I rose cautiously from the floor. I didn’t want to startle him. I thought that maybe he was dangerous when he was like this.
“Demetri, my mother isn’t here. Why would she be here? She couldn’t get to somewhere as isolated as this easily, she is only human.”
Demetri walked slowly around our little group, obviously checking for scent. “You saw no one?”
“Just those of us who are here now, and Fred was with me before.”
He shook his head, almost a twitch. “It is odd, very odd. I felt her approach the three of you, I can’t feel you Bella, so it feels like three to me, and Nahuel was off to the side as always. She was moving rapidly and reached you and then she disappeared. Are you shielding her?”
“No Demetri, she isn’t here! I haven’t seen her since my wedding last August.”
“Yes, sorry, I really wasn’t trying to accuse you, that was badly worded. I have never been thwarted like this before, it throws me.”
Nahuel joined in, “I have been here for some time and there was no else, just the vampires, no humans.”
“I shall leave you then, and I am sorry that I intruded. I think I chose a delicate moment to come barging in uninvited and I am truly sorry for interrupting your gathering.”
Edward was in there before the rest of us, trying to paper over the cracks that had appeared in the Cullen family facade. “Demetri, that is no problem, we were going home soon anyway. Bella has a scheduled to stick to with Fred and the rest of us have chores to do. Let’s run together. Nahuel will be staying with us as well in the main house for a while, I’m sure Esme will be delighted to have him back again.”
Nahuel played his part in the pretense well. “It was a great kindness you have shown to offer me again such hospitality and I do enjoy the company of the family although I have also been enjoying the solitude that life in this forest brings.”
So the pretense went on for the rest of the day. I was desperate to speak to Edward but there was just no chance.
As Edward had predicted, Esme was pleased to see Nahuel back again, but I think secretly glad that his human-drinking aunt was at a safe distance. I thought that maybe Esme had taken it upon herself to try to convert Fred and now Nahuel from a diet of humans, but felt there was no chance at all with Huilen.
I tried to stick to the schedule with good grace. Fred’s training and recreation times were adhered to and I tried not to be impatient although Demetri seemed to be keeping a closer eye on me than usual. Had he heard what I had said in the forest? Had he become infected himself?
It was only at Nessie's bed time that I could get away from Demetri and go home with her and Edward. I needed to plan, to be responsible, to accept the blame that my husband laid at my door. I just wasn’t sure of my reception, how cross would he be, what would he want to do? I supposed that he would want us to separate. Perhaps I could live in the cottage with Nessie and he could go back to the main house, would that be enough for him? What would I do if he tried to take Nessie away from me? I stopped that thought as soon as it came into my head – I couldn’t bear it. None of the rest of the family, except maybe Rose, would want that either.
Edward, for his part, keep the pretense going beautifully. He looked happy, relieved, like a man who had just been told he’d passed a big exam. It must be the easiest mask to keep up I thought to myself. Or maybe he is just glad of an excuse to get rid of me, his troublesome wife. And... and to do what? Try to woo Alice? No! I had to stop that thought too.
I put Nessie to bed by myself and read her some pieces from a modern poetry book. One poem spoke of the feeling of impending doom. It summed my feeling up totally. I couldn’t quite finish the poem without my voice cracking. Nessie hugged me.
“I love you Mommy, always, whatever happens in life.”
It was so hard not to break down in front of her at that moment. I just didn’t know. Was her love real or was her love just something I’d made her have for me? I couldn't bear it. I hugged her back.
“I love you more than you will ever understand,” I responded.
I quickly joined Edward in the sitting room. I had to get myself away from her so she didn’t see if I cried.
Edward was sitting perfectly calmly on one of the wooden chairs by the table when I walked in but moved to sit in the easy chair when I took a seat myself. We were sitting opposite each other. This would be a good place to have a grown up conversation I thought.
To my surprise he grinned at me, the crocked smile that I loved so much. We didn’t speak. I didn’t understand his expression. Was he looking forward to the break up of our relationship? Was he planning for his future alone, without me? Maybe he’d been wanting this for so long that it came as a relief.
We waited in silence for sleep to claim our baby. I was tired too and on a normal day I’d have joined her. But this wasn’t a normal day. Her father and I had to discuss the rest of our lives, hers as well.
She’s gone,” was all he said.
But he was kissing me.
“Bella, I love you so much why did we let such a let such a little thing as this overshadow us for so long?”
I was firm, “Edward we have to talk about this, don’t try to distract me, please sit down and listen.” And broadly grinning at me he did as I requested.
I explained it again to him. I explained that I had entrapped him and it would be understandable and totally proper if he wanted no more to do with me. Still he was just grinning at me. Why couldn’t I get his over to him? I tried again, I explained at length that I must have infected his brothers and Nahuel, and others when I was human. I explained that maybe I was to blame for Jacob and Nessie and maybe for the other wolves. I told him all that Eleazar had told me when we were in Denali. But still he sat there grinning at me.
I talked for well over an hour. I told him everything. (Well, I glossed over the Jasper incident and the seriousness of Emmett’s plans and made them sound as innocent as I could, but near enough everything.) I explained that he may feel that I hadn’t done this and that his love for me was his own idea, but that was an artifact of my gift, he was bound to feel that way. But still he just grinned. I even explained that I may have had something to do with Paul standing aside in the forest when we first saw him. But still no change, as if he were carved that way.
Only when I suggested that I thought that it would be better if he moved back to the main house did he snap out of his stupid besotted expression.
“Bella, I’m going nowhere without you!”
And then he started he speak. He spoke in a way I’d not heard him speak since we were first together at high school. His argument was robust and eloquent. He took the view that my gift may of made me initially attractive but it was the real me he had married, not one conjured up in his mind. He even threw my very words back at me, how could he not love me after all we’d been through together.
But I argued back that this was an artifact and a part of my gift.
And then we started on a huge discussion about love, the very nature of love, how could a person love another, how could they start to love that person, how could they continue and how could they stop. This took hours, we took to reading parts of books to each other. I read him parts of Midsummer Night's Dream about the chaos love brings and he read me parts of Wuthering Heights. By the end we were sitting together on the two-seater, his arm around me laughing as we found quotes to defend our points of view.
I could not get him to budge, he did not want to leave me. In the end he said it made him happy to be with me and Nessie and that alone was why he should stay from a purely selfish point of view.
He was just in the middle of reading, well reciting, a Shakespearean sonnet, at which I was laughing loudly, when our little baby wondered in. She just looked at us for a moment. “Were you laughing Mommy?”
“Yes honey I was, I’m very sorry I woke you.”
“I’ve never heard you laugh before, I didn’t know who it was,” and she ran to me. “You see Mommy, it's good to be happy as well as sad.”
“Oh Nessie, I love you,” was all I could say. And with her hand on my cheek I saw pictures of myself, some from right now with me grinning, but most of days where I looked as if I was carrying the world on my back. “Nessie, I promise you that I will try to laugh more,” I said with a straight face, before we both curled over in giggles.
We both took her back to bed. Edward sang a lullaby and she was soon gone again.
We went back to our two-seater and continued our discussion.
I explained that although I wanted him to be with me for my own sake, I was worried for him and thought that it was maybe immoral. Was I allowing this addict to have his supply and go on thinking life is fine when he could live in such a better way without it?
He pointed out that he had lived without me for a century and knew what that felt like. It was a gray existence, a cold gray existence with little color or warmth and now his world was bright and full.
It was another impasse.
We continued to discuss the morality about the others I’d infected. We agreed on Nessie. She was my daughter and there was no way we could tell if she were infected, and I should certainly not try to stop her loving me. I was relieved that he was as clear about that as I was. To force a child to suddenly stop loving their mother so much would be a worse crime than any possible infection she may be getting from me. Edward had no wish to split up our family unit. My relief was huge, like a golden warmth spreading through me from my heart to the end of my fingers. I too started to grin.
We talked about the others. What was the morality here? If I could train my gift (and that was just and if) and could, say, stop a wolf from being imprinted, should I? The answer with some was obvious – I should release Nahuel as soon as I could. I couldn’t have a man living forever in unrequited love. But what about Jacob and Nessie? Leah and... ? Edward confirmed it was Demetri that she had imprinted on. Sam and Emily? But I was sure I had nothing to do with their love – they were together before I knew them. We drew a blank. Neither of us could understand where to draw the line. But it was theoretical at present as I couldn’t put things right, I didn’t know how.
Edward confessed that his feelings of jealousy had colored everything in the last few months. He said he could feel it in his brothers although Jasper tried hard to hide it. He found it so hard not to confront them all the time about it. They wanted his wife so much. He found it almost impossible to act civilly to them although he knew that it was only due to his gift that he had this information and therefore this problem.
“Can you imagine how it feels when I have to hear Emmett mentally undressing you every time you are both in the same room?”
“He… he what!” I was disgusted, “I don’t think that has much to do with love! Lust not love.”
“Emmett has a very straightforward mind and in it the two things are very closely linked. As soon as he notices me in the room he tries to cover it by replaying his last night with Rose, which isn’t good to see either but at least he should be thinking of her not you.”
“Jasper on the other hand hides his thoughts as much as he can but sometimes there will be a stray strand to give him away. He hates it when he is with you and I walk in the room and you smile at me.”
“He loves being able to calm you down when you need it, he loves being able to do this for you when I can’t, as if he has won a small but significant battle on the way to winning you off me. He was trying so hard not to think of you in an intimate way today, he was warring with himself trying to decide if he should say something to you about his feelings. He is much more dangerous than Emmett, you need to be careful of him.”
He told me about the problems that he and Jasper had when Jasper and Alice first joined the Cullens.
“Jasper finds my gift far more intrusive than most people do. He has become skilled at hiding some things from me. When he first came he found it particularly difficult. He found my knowledge of his plans to find human blood difficult to bear.”
“He also found my fascination with Alice hard.”
“You had a thing for Alice?”
“No it wasn’t like that, I promise you. Alice can read the future, I can read minds, therefore suddenly I could see the future too. It was hypnotic. I use to spend as much time as I could with Alice just so I could see her visions. This didn’t impress Jasper. And of course two freaks like Alice and I have a lot in common. We understood each other, she is so much like a sister to me that it is hard to think that we aren’t related.”
I was glad of this explanation. I didn’t know why. Would it have mattered that Edward and Alice had feelings for each other decades ago? I thought I was probably a more jealous person than Edward, I just had so much less to be jealous about.
“There was a point about a year after they arrived when Jasper couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to leave. I persuaded Alice to stay. He hasn’t forgiven me for that yet.”
“Jasper also see things as a matter of rank because of his early days in both human and vampire armies. He always aspires to move towards the top of whatever organization there is. In this case he thinks that Carlisle and Esme see me as second in command, ready to take over if something ever happened to Carlisle. It is ridiculous, he knows it and tries to put it to the side, but it is always there.”
Edward told me about Nahuel. He told me that he knew he had imprinted on me on the day of the Volturi standoff. He said that he had confronted Nahuel in the woods when he was supposed to have left for South America. “I found him just watching you from a distance. I came close to killing him, he isn’t a vampire it wouldn’t have been hard. I just couldn’t cope with another voice in my head wanting you. It just happened that Jacob came by and stopped us fighting. Nahuel begged me to let him stay out of the way in the forest and guard you. How could I say no? But please forgive me – that was why I was in such a bad mood the day when Demetri found you playing ball in the woods with Jacob and Embry.”
He told me that Nahuel's love was pure, it was good, that he had no selfish thoughts in him, only my needs and happiness. Edward said he would understand if I wanted to be with Nahuel as he would make himself into the best mate I could ever have, just the person I needed, a man that Edward himself could never hope to be.
In reply, I stated the obvious. “But it is you I love and you I am married to. It is you who are the father of my child. Why would I want to be with anyone else?”
“Fred is besotted with you as well, I suppose that is only to be expected, what with your gift and his gift. He is planning on being cheerful as a way to woo you away from me. He thinks I’m far too dour.”
“I wish he was cheerful for his own sake, but at least that isn’t too much of a problem. I’ll have to release all four of them just as soon as I can.”
We talked about my gift. I told him all I knew. Everything that Jasper had told me. Edward told me that he thought Jasper was insulting me because cuculus meant cuckoo in Latin, he wondered if there were any other names for a gift like mine. I told him again what Eleazar had said. Concentrating really hard I pulled my shield away again and showed him the scene of Eleazar and me in the woods in Denali.
Then three things happened at once. The voice in my head yelled, “Put the shield back he’ll hear me!” Edward froze, just staring at me. And Alice’s ringtone played on my cell.
End of Chapter 43 - Reconciliation
Great chapter! I'm so glad the two of them could talk things out and make their feelings for each other clear! Now I wonder what was happening in the end? What instinct made her put back her shield just before Alice called?
I also have a thought about the end of the previous chapter and the beginning of this one when Demetri said he sensed her mother, and no one else heard or saw her: did he for a moment sense Bella herself? That could be a very interesting turn of events and have enormous consequences... It would also explain a lot!
Another afterthought: did Edward overreact a bit at first because he thought Jasper was indirectly calling him a cuckold?
yes you have this right!
But it means something Edward. It means I’m a cuculus.”
“Yes, I’ve heard him call you that before,” he returned to the crouch and the slow dance around me with Jasper, “he calls you a cuckoo and you think that is fine and acceptable?”
He addressed Jasper over my head, “What do you mean by it? What sort of insult are you throwing at my wife? Do you think she's mad or do you mean something else? Are you telling me that you already have had your way with her or you think another has?”
He thought that Jasper was calling Bella unfaithful. Just a bit of word play, I didn't know if anyone would notice.
I enjoyed writing this chapter. I liked to think of them sitting on the little sofa together debating there points of view way after Edward had won the argument and they knew they would stay together, they were just enjoying talking for once.
I don't think they have talked enough since they first got together - certianly not since a while before the wedding.
About Demetri - I'm sorry I can't give any more pointers but it will be clear by the end of the story.
nice chapter..dey r talking again..wall dat's nice to read,..nd now whose voice on bella's mind...???pls update soon...cant handle the suspense..
thank you for the comment.
It was nice to write a chapter where Bella and Edward were coming back together. They were talking more than they had for a long time, it was really what they needed.
Bella hadn't understood the strain Edward was under listening to all the thoughts of all the me that had fallen under her spell. it must be very unplesant for him.
I loved grinning, stubborn Edward. Made me think about Midnight Sun: “I was the one she said yes to” Interrogations.