The Twilight Saga

Emmett Works At McDonalds

“Hi, welcome to McDonalds! How may I take your order?” I asked, suppressing a laugh.

“Hi, can I get a McDouble with Ketchup only please?”

“I don’t know, can you?”


“First window please.” I said and burst into laughter. This was going to be fun.

The lady pulled up to the window, giving me an evil glare. “Hi.’ She said, emotionless. Rather than grabbing her disgusting human food, I leaned outside the window and rested on my arms.

“How are you?” I asked her, smiling.

Her eyes widened. “Er…”

“What’s an Er?” I asked. “I’ve never been Er before…”

“Can I just get my food?” the lady asked impatiently. When I didn’t move, she became angrier. “I have an important meeting!” she barked.

I turned around, and grabbed the food that the cooks had busily produced. The lady eyed me suspiciously as I handed it to her.

“Don’t let the bugs bite!” I smiled as she speed off.

Another order came through.

“Hello, Welcome to the land of greasy, fattening food, how may I take your order?”

There was silence once again. Couldn’t anyone take a joke?

“Hello?” a woman asked. Why did so many women want to eat here?

“Hi!” I smiled cheerfully. “How may I take your order?”

“Uh, can I get three large fries, a Bigmac and uh… two diet cokes please?” the lady asked.

“Damn, that’s a lot of food!” I beamed. One of the cooks eyed me funny, and then went back to cooking.

“Excuse me?” the woman asked.

“That will be 13.75 at the fifth window.” I said casually.


I said nothing.

“There’s no fifth window…” the woman said.

I took the microphone thingy off of my shirt and put it up close to my mouth. “I love you…” I whispered.

“What?” she asked.

I attached the microphone back where it belonged and prepared for the next order. Damn this place smelt disgusting.

When the lady pulled up to the window, she gave me a glare. “Can I speak to your manager?” she asked bitterly.

“Yeah, just one sec.” I said and began to take a mans order. He wanted two twenty piece chicken nugget meals, and one diet coke.

“Okay, do you want fries with that?” I asked.

“Nope.” He answered.

“You sure? I hear the fries here are good.” I said. The impatient lady sat in her car, eyeing me with a confused look. I reached over and grabbed the contents of her order and handed it to her.

“No sir, I don’t want fries.” The man said politely.

“Please? Do it for me…?” I begged.

“I don’t want fries.” The man answered back.

The lady in the car grew angrier. She threw her hand up, losing patience. I tossed my hand up, blowing her off. She hissed angrily and sped off.

“Please! Please get fries! For me?” I begged the man to get fries.

“Fine, I will.” The man caved. I had to rip the microphone form my shirt so he didn’t hear me burst in laughter.

Now two cooks eyed me curiously, wondering what my deal was. I held my hand up to my ear in a “phone” symbol and mouthed the words “Call me.” The winked.

One man turned away, looking as If he would throw up. The other just stared.

When the man came to the window, he watched me cautiously.

“Here you go.” I said, handing him his food. He sat it in the seat beside him and prepared to go again.

“Wait!” I said. He turned to me with a confused look.

“Thanks for getting those fries. I’ve been thinking about you all day.” I smiled at him. He gave me a disgusted look and rushed away like the other humans.

I picked up my microphone from the ground and pinned it to my shirt.

“HELLO?” A woman demanded, probably trying to get my attention for a while now.

“Yes?” I asked her.

“It sure did take you a while to respond!” she beamed.

“Okay, and would you like honey mustard or regular mustard with that?” I asked her.

“I haven’t ordered yet!” she yelled.

“Alright, that will be 18.64 at the first window.” I said happily.

“I haven’t even ordered yet!” she screamed.

“Oh baby you… you got what I need….” I sang into the microphone. Suddenly the manager approached me and tapped me on the shoulder.

“You busy?’ he asked. I could hear the woman screaming through the mic.

“Nope.” I shrugged.

“There’s a lady at the front counter who said she was treated badly when she ordered.” The manager said.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, there must have been a miscommunication between us. I’ll work on it.” I said.

“Look, I understand it’s your first day on the job, but you can’t say rude things to people…” he said worriedly.

“K” I winked and went back to the screaming lady.

“Hi, welcome to Burger King, where you can have it your way.” I said in a dirty voice. Suddenly the woman rushed through the rest of the driveway, forgetting her order.

“Hello!” I said to the next person. “Can I get a McDouble and two medium fries please? Oh, what the heck! I’ve been doing good- can I get a SUPERSIZED chocolate shake please?” I asked.

“What?” it sounded like a teenage boy. “Bro, I’m ordering, not you.”

“Oh yeah.” I said.

He ordered a few hamburgers, and then I gave him the total. “Fourth window please.” I said casually. When he got to the window, he was laughing. “Bro! I totally fell for that!” he laughed. “I was just sitting there and-“

“My, my you are delicious!” I said to him and licked my lips. He froze and watched me. The other teenage boy beside him cracked a smile. I made the sound of a purring cat and he just sat there, frozen.

I handed him the bag of burgers.

“Bye honey!” I said in a girly voice as the boy’s friend burst into laughter.

“Hey welcome to McDonalds, where you can get a nice slapping. What can I get you?” I asked.

“Oh hell no!” a sharp, high-pitched voice beamed. I froze immediately as I realized it was Rosalie’s voice. Suddenly, I heard a car racing up to the first window.

I ducked onto the ground.

“Emmett, what the hell are you doing?’ she screamed.

I stayed where I was. All of the cooks were watching me now. I bit my lip and gave them a shy smile, then bated my eyelashes.

 “Emmett, give it up, I know you’re there.” Edward called from the car.

Crap. I suddenly sat up and leaned out of the window.

“Hey sexy stuff, you want a McMuffin, my muffin?” I asked, dancing my eye brows once gain.

“Get. In. The. Car.” She growled, a stern look on her face. It was that look… That look. It scared the living hell out of me.

I suddenly jumped out of the McDonalds window, tossed my microphone and McDonalds shirt back into the restaurant and then sat in the back of the BMW.

Rosalie turned around and screamed at me “What the hell are you doing?” she yelled. Edward snorted, trying not to laugh.

Rosalie turned to him. “This is not funny!” she yelled.

The whole way home, I got a speech on how Alice saw me working here, and how Rose had to leave a manicure to come and get me. I had to hear all about how stupid I was and how she needs to start keeping a closer eye on me.

Once we arrived home, I sat in the seat in silence. I wasn’t making a move until Rosalie got out of the car. So we just sat there.

“Worth it?’ I said.

“No!” Rosalie yelled, growling. She hopped out of the car and ran back into the house, her high heels stomping the whole way in.

Edward turned to me, shaking my head. “Wow, your boredom truly amazes me.” He chuckled. He walked ahead and went on in.

“Emmett, get in here!” Rosalie yelled from inside.

“Coming my muffin!” I said sweetly. I paused for a second.

“Totally worth it.” I smiled.




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Thank you to everyone for reading, you guys rock!!!

Tags: Emmett, Funny, McDonalds

Views: 781

Replies to This Discussion

LOL that was freaking hilarious Jesse! Had me laughing the whole way through. I"m still laughing, lol. Thanks for this, it really woke me up which I needed. You have a great sense of humor.



I can't stop laughing, LOL. This is too good. I bet i go to sleep later and dream about this one, lol.
LOl Thanks! I'll write another one soon.

lol thanks Delilah, that means a lot :)))

Hahahahahahahahaha. . . Jesse! I can totally picture Emmett doing those things! This is hilarious! Gosh. . . Very 'imaginative' one-shot! Hehehe. . .
Thank you Lauren :) I'm glad you like it.
.its very funny..hahaha. great!

Thanks Bella and Jacob Black! I'm going to do many more One-shots in the future! :)

LMAO That was the FUNNIEST fanfic I've EVER read. Looooove it :D


Very funny!

Thank you Seugnet! I appreciate it!


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