I would love to read your comments from the beginning if you're a new reader. It would bring the reader and writer closer as you go along. I like to get to know everyone, so if you would like to comment on each chapter, I would love it.
When all is lost, what is there to hope for? This is a twist two years after Edward leaves. What happens when a new guy arrives in Forks, a guy that makes Edward return?
“No! You have him mistaken for someone else, you...have...to...” My words felt foreign to me, as did my slumping body that melted into nothingness behind me. I felt my body hit hard as I fell, not able to stand upright. I couldn't describe my pain, my shock, my disbelief, nothing felt right, as if the whole world was off its orbit. I looked up to the stars and found none, nothing but a black mass of emptiness. My ears felt muffled as a strange shadowed figure came into view, his lips moving as if he were speaking, but I couldn't hear him.
“Ms. Swan, Bella, can you hear me?”
An alien...he didn't look quite right to me. Nothing looked right. I couldn't form words, even in my own head. Why is he looking at me like that, his eyes bulged, his mouth moving so fast that he carelessly spit as he spoke.
“Bella, breathe, you have to breathe for me. Everything will be alright, just breathe.”
“Officer Platt, maybe we should call the ambulance. She's taken it pretty hard.”
The lights were so bright that it hurt my eyes. I wanted to cover my eyes, but I couldn't perform that simple task because I couldn't feel my arms or anything else for that matter. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I feel anything? I was beginning to lose focus of the pretty lights. Where was my dad? Why wasn't he here to help me? Surely he must have heard something was wrong with my limbs. Did I get hit by a car or something? It wouldn't be the first time, I suppose. I could barely hear the voices around me, and I tried my best to listen to them so I could find out what had happened to me.
“Oh no…! You shouldn't have told her like this, not after that family just dumped her the way they did. You should have had Billy Black come to tell her,” Adele, Bella's neighbor, scoffed the officer.
“We are to tell the next of kin, ma’am. There isn't anything else we could have done in this situation,” Officer Platt countered.
“Charlie was all she had left here. That poor girl, you should let her boss know that she won't be in for a while. How is she supposed to handle the details of the funeral all by her lonesome?”
No, no, no, it can't be… Char…Dad is...gone?… Funeral? If I couldn't feel anything before, I sure couldn't now, except for a piercing scream which I couldn't quite place.
“Adele! See what you’ve gone and done? You shouldn't have said anything so close to her. Ouch, she has some lungs on her,” Officer Platt almost screamed out.
“I'm going to give her a sedative and then we'll take her in.”
“He was a good cop, Arlene, and this was his only child, so take good care of her. Geez, she's gonna need a lot of support. We should round everyone up and help with the arrangements. I don't think Bella is going to be in any shape to handle this much or at all,” Officer Platt suggested to the rest of the officers.
“Well, I'll get a hold of the Blacks and let them know, and I will get a hold of others that can help. That poor girl lost everyone she cared about. I wouldn't be surprised if she loses her mind after this,” Adele almost said to herself as she walked away with curlers and a pink long ruffled nightgown on.
My head was spinning, darkness invaded my brain. I couldn't feel, couldn't stay coherent enough to hear anything, and the pretty lights were fading fast. What was happening? Why did I feel so lost, so alone, so...desperate to let it all end right here and now? The lights dimmed out like the wind blowing out a candle. The lights were the only thing keeping me at the surface and at one point I wanted to stay at that surface, but now, for some odd reason, I couldn't exactly say why, but now I welcomed the darkness. It was home to me for so long inside, now it felt right to allow it to consume me on the outside as well. Ceasing to exist, lingering in the dark, never to feel the pain, the loss, the utter desperation that I felt every single day.
Bella, just let it all go. Just disappear, and you will not feel anything anymore.
I could swear that was my voice bouncing off of something, yet I didn't mutter a word of it. I never contemplated suicide, it really never crossed my mind, but whatever had happened to me or was happening to me, I knew it wasn't suicide. I was sure it was death coming, creeping up on me slowly. Even though I should have been afraid of it, I wasn't. It had become my closest kin and I embraced it with open arms. No matter how death found me now, it was here and I wasn't going to shy away from it. What was the point really? Somehow I knew I had lost everyone deep down in my bones, so why should I fear the ultimate ending?
I relaxed my mind and hoped for the best in the next life, if there was one. I wondered if I would see that bright tunnel of light from near-death experiences that others have talked about. I didn't belong in hell, that I was sure of, so I was truly hoping not to feel the depths of hell's burning flames crawling up my feet to engulf me. So I waited, I waited for something to happen, and it took forever to happen to be honest, but finally the bright light came. Only glimpses of it came in between the darkness. It played its own game back and forth for a while. It confused me. Wait...was this a sign telling me that I was in limbo? Even in death nothing could go right, why am I not surprised?
“Bella, are you back?”
A voice... I heard a voice! Was it a long lost family member that perished some time ago? I wondered on that idea at first, until I took in the words that voice spoke. Am I back? What did that mean? Had I been here before in another life or something? The statement begged me to ask for the answer, and so I did, or tried really, but my throat constricted against me and left me little to work with, but I tried a little harder, and finally I said “Back?” That was all I could muster. My throat screamed in agony for relief, for...water? That threw me off. Why would I need the water, why would I be thirsty? I was dead after all, right?
“Bella, open your eyes for me please. It will be alright, sweetie. We'll take care of you.”
I couldn't really explain what was happening now, but I had this sneaking suspicion that maybe I hadn't died. I could feel my body, I could smell a distinct aroma of rubbing alcohol, and I could most certainly feel the woman that spoke to me touching my arm, patting if you will. As she asked, I slowly opened my eyes and I was blasted with the bright light above me. Then the woman came into view with her blue button-up nurse shirt that was covered with clouds. Her smile saddened me and I couldn't figure out why.
“There you are, sweetie. We have been waiting a while for you to come around. Did you know you have been out of it for almost a week? They were worried that your comatose state would stick its ugly face around longer than it has, but I knew you would come around sooner. You're a strong young woman, Bella. Charlie would be proud of you...”
“Would be?” Why did she say that? I was confused.
“Oh no, I’ve gone and said too much. Please forgive me, Bella. I-I will go and get someone for you. I'm so sorry...” she spat out, covering her mouth in disgust as she walked away quickly, not giving me any time to ask her again what she meant. It didn't take long to come to terms that I was still alive as I sat there in the hospital room alone, and it didn't take me much longer to pick apart what she had said, and I lost it.
My dad, my dad was gone. I remember now. Officer Platt caught me as I was walking to the house. He looked grim, his eyes were empty. I greeted him with a nice tone, although his expression worried me a little. I wondered what had happened. Police business, I was sure of that, and he was probably looking for Char…Dad, so I smiled hiding the worry I had and told him that my dad wasn't home, that he should be at the station, but he would have known that, right? I stopped mid-sentence, stiffening my body. I couldn't quite explain why I did that, but I knew I should have. Another officer came into view and stood behind him, and before I knew it my mouth opened and asked the question that anyone dreaded in this situation.
“What is this about officer?”
“Ms. Sw…Bella, can we go inside and talk?”
“No.” My voice was stern; it had to be, because I couldn't move from my spot if I tried. Just tell me what it is. Where is my dad? Why isn't he here? Just tell me what is wrong?” I was asking questions so fast that I swear I couldn't breathe. My chest constricted, my legs wobbly, my heart sped so fast that I felt that a race car wouldn't be able to keep the same pace, and there it was, the answer to all my questions came in the form of three words...he passed away.
My heart sunk, no, it just evaporated right there in the hospital room and I couldn't breathe again, but my tears welled up so much that I couldn't see anything anymore. Almost a week? That's how long I've been out of it the nurse said. Did I...Do I not get to say goodbye to my dad? Did they have the funeral without me?
“Oh, Bella,” I heard a voice say, but I couldn't respond. I couldn't breathe. I was trying but I couldn't.
“Thomas, get a paper bag, quick. Bella is hyperventilating.”
A few seconds later I was feeling something pressed against my mouth and told to breathe and try to relax. I shut my eyes tightly and tried to heave their pleas and then finally, gradually, I had calmed down enough to open them again, but not without tears still claiming their destination down my cheeks. An older woman was bent over the side of the bed, trying to console me with her saddened eyes.
“Bella, my name is Pamela, and I'm the grief counselor here at the hospital. It's clear to me that you understand the tragedy of your father's death and I'm truly sorry for your loss...”
“Please...I just want to know if his...funeral has already taken place. Did I...miss saying...goodbye?” I interrupted her. I didn't want to hear the babble that she was taught to say, it wasn't important to me. What was important is what I had asked her.
“Bella, you can always say your goodbyes in other ways, sweetie. It doesn't have to...”
“So what you are trying to work around is the fact that I did miss saying goodbye to him, am I right?”
Her eyes fell to her lap, realizing that I wasn't going to let her finish as she hoped, and then she said in a whisper, “Yes, I'm afraid so, Bella. They tried to wait...”
“I wasn't strong enough...”
“No sweetie, don't blame yourself. It wasn't that you weren't strong, and no one is blaming you for not being there. Some people take this sort of news harder than others. What happened to you only shows how much you loved him, is all. You should never try and blame yourself. As I said before, you can say goodbye in other ways. He knows you loved him and not being able to be there for the funeral itself doesn't mean that you loved him any less,” she trailed off with a somber look.
I couldn't talk anymore after that. I needed to think, to grieve, and she understood that and let me be.
Another day had gone by and I was to be released today. I was told that Billy and Jacob were going to take me home, which was of little comfort to me, only because I didn't want to sit in a car with someone I didn't know. Although my health was good, the hospital argued with me about their protocol to seat me in a wheelchair to get to the entrance downstairs. I was fine and they knew that, but my stubbornness apparently didn't win them over and I was stuck in a wheelchair. I was greeted at the entrance by Billy, and it was odd because I was actually eye-level with him in his own wheelchair, and then Jacob came strolling behind with his head down, watching his feet.
“Bella,” Billy strained to keep his voice steady. “I'm sorry, honey. Charlie was my closest friend. He will be greatly missed. Here, I have something for you, it's a picture...”
I held out my hand for him to stop. I just couldn't handle anything right now but going home. I needed to rest and wrap my head around all this...alone. I was grateful for the ride, but other than that, I just couldn't handle anything, and he understood quickly. Almost to my street I felt guilty for the way I treated him earlier, and whispered that I was sorry for my behavior, but it was his turn to stop me.
“Bella, I understand, I really do. No need to be sorry. I will keep the picture until you're ready for it, alright,” he said as he smiled as big as the grand canyon trying to ease my worry.
We pulled into the drive and my body tensed. I wasn't expecting this, or better said, I just didn't think about how it would affect me, coming back to the house knowing my dad wouldn't be there. My hand that had a hold of the inside knob tightened its grip as the rest of me began to shake uncontrollably. Jacob ran to my side of the vehicle and opened my door gently. Although I didn't know him that well, he could see my fear and his eyes reflected mine. He held my hands and helped me out and said “Bella, if it's too soon for you to be here, we can take you somewhere else.”
It became clear to me as soon as he said that that yes, it was too soon and I knew where I wanted to be, but I wanted to be there alone, so I asked them to take me to my dad's resting place and they had no problem with it, but what they did have a problem with was dropping me off after I said thank you for their help and that I would walk home. They argued, but in the end it was my decision, and although they almost growled at me over it, they finally left me at the front gate of the cemetery, where above me it said
My skin ran cold. The sky began to turn different colors as it came close to turning to its slumber for the night. I never asked them to show me where he was in there. It was silly to do so when I knew I just had to look for the freshest grave. Just thinking of that made me cringe. From now on, whenever I wanted to speak to my dad, this...this place...is where I would have to come. Never will I see his smile warm me, never will I hear his laughter or see the smirk on his face when he was at a loss for words, never would I hear him screaming at his favorite team on the television when they would lose a game and never...would I hear him say...I love you, Bells. It just didn't seem real to be standing here right now, standing here knowing that I had to say goodbye in this way, having to say goodbye to him period. Why did I lose everyone that I cared about?
The night sky was coming fast; I could see hues of gray, pink and yellow off on the horizon, darkening the quiet, too quiet, deafening cemetery. I had to mentally push myself to walk past the gate and enter. It was almost like a force of nature fighting against me when I tried. Trying to get past it after dark was like a warning from beyond saying:
No living person allowed past this point after dark
Acting as if I was about to alter the worlds of the living and the dead, I quickly chalked it up to just being my nerves, and I was almost certain that my brain was against me too, trying to convince me that I shouldn't be here yet.
I wasn't strong enough when he passed to be here when they had the funeral, so I was adamant that I was going to be strong enough to do this now, no matter how much I wanted to put this off, so I pushed through the invisible force that tried to stop me, whether it be the powers of beyond or just me trying to stop me, and I walked through, but not without still having reservations of what I was doing so soon. I walked what seemed like forever, even though this cemetery was small to me. I knew I was walking at a snail's pace, but I had to find my courage and make it strong, because it was fading fast, and then two rows to my right in the right corner, there it was, a heaving pile of fresh dirt below a plaque that I was certain had my dad's name on it. I stood still for a long, long moment and I felt the tears flow, the cold night air chilling them down my cheeks. I shut my eyes tightly and opened them forcing myself to walk. The closer I got, the closer the name on the plaque came into focus, and when I knew I could read it clearly, I stopped again and read it,
Charles D. Swan
Loving and Devoted Father
In the arms of an angel
May you reach your heaven
Rest in Peace
I read everything but the dates. I couldn't read that part, the last date would have been too much, too... final. I wasn't ready to let go that way yet. I knelt down beside the lump of dirt and cried aloud. I wept not only for the loss of my dad, but for the loss of the only man that I would ever love, the loss of the only person I would ever call my sister. In this...place, I felt that it was the only place that I would be able to finally say my goodbyes to them in the end when that came. In a sense, I would have to bury them all in this one grave. I knew moving on wasn't an option, but to come here and speak to my dad and to the rest of them as if they all lied here somehow gave me a strange yet comfortable feeling. My mind truly worked backwards.
I decided to lie down next to my dad and talk to him in whispers, hoping somehow, somewhere, he would hear me, and I stayed that way for a while until I heard a familiar voice that stunned the air right out of me and I knew I must have fallen asleep.
“I'm so sorry, Bella. I would have come sooner if I would have known.”
That...voice...it haunted me for so long, and I tried my best to bury that part of my brain that kept it to memory and I thought I had finally erased it, but I see now that I was very wrong. I shut my eyes tightly, whispering under my shaken breath “You're not real, you're not real. Please stop haunting me. I can't take it anymore, especially not now.” Chanting that over and over until... again... I heard that voice that made my heart pound in my chest and also made it plummet to god knows where in despair.
“Bella, I can assure you that I am real. I promise I'm not haunting you.”
I don't know what came over me then. I stood up so fast that I surprised myself and went in the direction of his voice, finger ready to push through his ghostly image to prove he was haunting me. I stared the trickster in the eyes while I went at him saying “Not real, huh, what do you call this then?” I pushed my finger towards his chest hard and ---just as I thought--- it went right through Edward’s ghostly image. The mirage of Edward returning after I buried him inside for so long had squeezed my heart tight, as if there was much left to hurt. I felt one single tear fall down my cheek and it enraged me.
Author's Note: I'd like to thank my friend Seugnet for her fabulous work on editing this first chapter. It is now perfect because of your help. Thank you so very much dear.
Also, if anyone would love to leave a comment, I would surely read them and reply. If you would like to leave a comment for each chapter that is fine as well, I will still reply even more so because I enjoy reading your thoughts on each so please do not hesistate to leave one. Please sit back and enjoy and I hope to hear from you.
That is so nice to hear. Being busy makes two of us, lol. Trying to find the time to just think about my stories is hard these days. I have half of the next chapter written and I tried to write more to it days ago, but ran out of time. So I sit here tonight and hope that I have a few hours to myself to finish it up, so let's hope for the best. I always love and need the support. Thank you very much for sticking around.
looking forward to more - but not pressure.
I just want to know what happens!!!!
I will add more, it's just pushing that time clock back to give me more time that isn't working out, LOL. I want my mind free of everything else when I sit down to write and that hasn't happened recently at all. So as I mentioned to Carmen, tonight I think I might actually get a chance too. I am hoping that I might be able to post within the next day or so, depending on if I can get this done tonight and sent out to my fabulous editor :)
Nice to hear from you.
Chapter Twenty One
Charlie’s form became a mass that hovered over the center of the room. I wasn’t much of a specialist when it came to ghosts, but I was sure this meant he wasn’t happy at all. The fear of my failing mother was my first priority, but I had to mollify Charlie.
“Charlie, mind telling me what has you so upset?”
A feeling in the pit of my stomach told me that I may be the reason for his anger. I left his daughter after all, but although I had an idea that this is what caused his behavior, I couldn’t help but feel the urgency that lingered in the air. I had to find out what had him so agitated.
“Gabriel, is everything alright?” My mother asked, worried by my sudden apprehension.
I looked down at my old friend, my…mother, my incredibly strong mother, and winced internally as her condition became worse just in the moments that it took to handle Charlie. The love I felt for her was immeasurable and it pained me to see her this way after all the years we spent together. I bent down, forgetting Charlie altogether, and held her skeletal hand in mine. “Don’t worry about Charlie, mother, please let me help you…” I wasn’t surprised by any means when her head motioned back and forth in a manner that meant no.
“My son, you have to let me go. There is nothing that you can do to help me. I would hold only days if that if you tried, and the agony of a slow death just doesn’t sound too appealing. Now tell me, what is wrong with Charlie?”
Again, my mother’s strength was to be commended. With death encompassing the air that surrounded her, she was worried about Charlie. Charlie’s mood tapered enough to begin a conversation, so I gave my mother an encouraging smile and kissed her hand and said,
“I love you, mother. Give me a moment?”
She nodded, letting me know to go ahead, but my concern rested with her and she knew it. “Gabriel, you have so much to be thankful for my son. I lived much longer than most parents could possibly fathom and…”
My body quailed when Charlie began to scream behind me. My mother took notice when my face furrowed from the sound emanating from Charlie and my mother paused in the middle of her previous sentence only to begin another one, “What is it Gabriel? What is wrong with him?”
“Give me a moment to find out, mother. Forgive me for the interruption…” I stood again and hoped whatever it was that had him upset would come out already. Every second mattered to me at this point. “Please Charlie, whatever it is, please get it out already. I’m losing precious time with…”
“Bella, my Bella is gone…”
I looked down at my mother with dismay spilling over my features, my body rigid. What did he mean she was gone? The statement had to of meant that she was gone with Edward. I could see that he would be upset over…
“Edward did something to her. I don’t know what, but she’s gone. She fought him while he took her out of the house and I…I couldn’t do anything to stop him. My baby is gone…” he cried.
The ache in my chest deepened and pounded to a degree that not even the nineteen bells in the bell tower at Christ Church Cathedral in Dublin could possibly compare. It was a dangerous echo that filtered through me and I could hardly hear Charlie over the clapper inside of me swaying back and forth, vibrating my very core. I had a brief period of insufferable clarity. Is that what happened in the car? Was it her death that brought my own? Before I knew I had reacted, I had already dispensed anger towards Charlie.
“I already tried to tell you that I don’t know. All I know is that he took her into the woods behind the house and he came back without her, and then the rest of the Cullen’s showed up and they all went back behind the house into the woods too. I want to know if my daughter is okay. If Edward…”
My hand stopped midway in the air between Charlie and I, bearing the rest of his sentence verbally was not needed. I felt it in the car, my life had been drained out of me, and I knew it had something to do with the only person that gave me rapture, but I never thought that it could be…this. Charlie’s human form framed itself solidly and then something extraordinary happened as I stood there. Charlie was holding my shoulders. Undeniably, I felt his hands dig into my skin. This was something I would have to query later. Right now I needed to know what took place between Bella and Edward, and the chattering between Charlie and my mother was enough to bring me to the brink of exhaustion and it had to end. I raised my hands to pause them both.
“Charlie, what exactly did Edward say to her? Anything at all will help me figure out what to do next.”
“He just kept saying that he had no choice and that he was sorry, but I’m no fool, Gabriel. That boy has never been sorry for…”
“He had no choice…?” a guilty whisper of an unfinished question left me as I realized that I should have never placed my confidence in Edward, whether Bella did or not.
“Gabriel…?” My mother said in a panic-stricken tone.
I couldn’t think straight. What had Edward meant by that? Why would he put Bella in harm’s way? I trusted him to look after her because Bella trusted him in every way except when it came to her heart. That should have been a tell-tale sign that I shouldn’t have left her. The virulent heat that burst through my veins, pulling at every nerve, became so intense that I could no longer recognize myself. Charlie ensued with his own anger, the house shook and everything inside was being strewn about, but when I looked over at Charlie, he looked bewildered. I looked down at my mother, and she also had the same look on her face. Her lips were moving, but no sound came from them. All I could think about was Bella. For a split second, I heard my mother’s plea.
“Gabriel, listen to me. Remember what I said about your abilities that you are not aware of? It is happening, son, remember who you are inside. Don’t allow the devil to linger too long in your veins…”
I heard enough, I was going to find Bella. The door opened before I reached it. I took the path in the woods and the wind blew viciously. Distinctively, I could hear the trees crackle as I ran. In what direction should I have gone? It wasn’t clear to me at first, but then a particular pungency caught my attention; Edward and the rest of the Cullen’s. The clarity of my intentions couldn’t have been clearer. If Bella had perished because of Edward, he and the Cullen’s would also seek out their god. I would make it my duty to deliver their fate.
“Remember who you are inside…” I heard the mirrored words of my mother permeating through the bearer that was quickly rising, conducting its own orchestra, but I was now descending at a speed that I wasn’t sure I could stop.
I know this is very short, but I wanted to get something to all of you and this part is complete. I am working on the next installment and with some hope, I should have it out no later then Friday. I do hope you'll enjoy this chapter even though it is short.
Leave a comment and let me know what you think. Thanks.
Happy Reading everyone,
it was fantastic as ever.
You really got going with the description in this chapter and very good it was too.
What a dilema, you dying mother needs taking care of and Bella needs finding.
I guess at this point he is assuming that she has been changed and that is what he felt, if he thought she were dead then what's the hurry - he can deal with the Cullens in good time.
Or may be he has worked out the Edward has passed her on to the Volturi but why would that have cuased him so much pain in the car?
Questions, questions, questions.
Great chapter as always.
Oh thanks so much!
Ooh, did I overdue the descriptions? :/
Hm, Gabriel hasn't been able to process anything passed the present at this point. We will see what he thinks on that later.
Aniya is actually getting close to telling Gabriel about the car incident and more, so keep looking, lol.
Always questions in a story my dear, lol.
Let's hope Gabriel can control his anger and his power in such a way that he can find out what happened and help Bella. He is the one person who can make a difference in this whole situation!
He is so upset right now, I hope he can figure out a way too. Gabriel is our night and shining armor, for sure. I wonder though, what is going on with Bella at this point. Her p.o.v. should be coming soon.
For kicks, anyone want to give their ideas on what Aro wants with her? I know, but do you, LOL? Wish I could give out a gift for the right answer. lol
Go Gabriel! love it keep me posted!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I am right there with ya on that front. Go Gabriel! Will do as always sweetie. Thanks for reading and commenting.