Finding Myself (Renesmees and Jacobs story) PG-13 *Completed*
Ok, so this is my first post ever, and also my first fan fiction. It's about Nessie and Jacob, as the title says, and Nessie becomming the person she wants to be. It's not PG-13 yet, but it will be in the later chapters. Nothing worse than in Breaking Dawn :) Hope you like it, and sorry if there are some mistakes in my english. I'm from Norway, and still learning.
"Finding Myself"
Chapter 1, First Day (Nessies point of view)
I looked at the slender figure in the mirror, and sighed out loud. The girl looking back at me was dressed in a high-waste skirt flowing lightly down to her mid-thigh, a light silk-sweater, a think cashmere scarf and heels way to high, her bronze curls hanging to her waist, bouncing around her face with every movement she made. I had dreaded this day for over six moths, ever since my parents told me that we all would enter high school as soon as the new year started. Alice had forced me to let her dress me, and as usual she had picked out something more appropriate for a runway show rather than first day at a new school. All I knew was that the skirt was Prada. The rest of the clothes had tags with names I didn't even want to try to pronounce. I was used to getting dressed up in all kind of clothes, like Rosalies and Alice' personal Barbie doll, but today I would have been perfectly happy with a pair of bluejeans and my converse. Being the freaky, half breed I already was, I just wanted to blend into the crowd as much as possible. As I thought these thoughts, I heard irritated voices from downstairs. My dad didn't like it when I thought badly about myself, but I couldn't help it. Looking at my family, it was hard not to think about what I was. On one side, there was my perfect vampire-family, with their pale faces and golden eyes, and on the other there was my best friend Jacob, with his pack. I didn't belong on either side, being the only one in between. Neither did I belong to the human side with my grandpa and Sue.
“Come on, Nessie, we're gonna be late!” Alice called from downstairs. I took one last look in the mirror, fighting the desire to rip of the skirt and trowing the heels into the corner of my room, pulling on my old pair Levi's instead. “Coming!” I shouted back at her, and walked out of my room, trying not to fall. Downstairs everybody was waiting for me, all of them dressed carefully by Alice, with their own designer outfit. Rosalie had on a light pink dress with a ¾ sleeve cardigan over it, in thin stiletto heels as always, clearly enjoying the thought on all the attention she would get from the humans. Emmet wore a simple white shirt, rolled up to his elbow, with fashionable ripped jeans. Jaspers outfit was almost the same, only darker in color, and no holes in his jeans. Next was my mom and dad, looking the same age I did, standing hand in hand. My mom in a tight pair of black pants and a sweater the color of blue my dad had always loved on her, with a simple yet elegant necklace hanging around her neck. My dad wore light pants with an off white sweater above it . They all looked quite casual, but they would still stand out among the humans. Alice wore a gorgeous dress, with no words to describe it, looking like she was going to a big party rather than school. I was the only one who hadn't been allowed to wear something they felt comfortable in, and I gave her a sour look. “Oh, don't be so grumpy,” Alice said while holding my waist, towing me against the garage. “You look beautiful, and all the boys will fall to your feet.” I laughed at her as I showed her the image of boys lying in front of me, kissing the ground I walked on. I was sure to ad the sarcastic tone to it, clearly showing her what I thought of her analysis. She laughed with me, and simply answered “We'll see.” She was never quite sure about my future, seeing me only as a blur, and I hoped I would prove her wrong.
Compared to my family, I never saw my self as stunningly beautiful. I guess I looked better than most human girls, but standing next to my mother, it was hard to think we were related at all. Only our eyes gave us away, though mine was a rich chocolate and hers liquid gold, they still looked the same. Next to her, I felt like the ugly twin. My dad looked at me with angry eyes, clearly disapproving my thoughts. Well, I couldn't do that much about the way I felt about myself, and it was his fault reading my mind all the time, not being happy about what he heard. I got into my mothers ferrari, and pushed my bag into the seat. I was happy Alice had allowed me to bring my own bag. At least I would feel comfortable about something today.
As we drove into the packing lot I saw how our cars stood out as much as we did. Though the cars here were nicer than most of what I had seen in Forks, they weren't nearly as rare and stunning as ours. When mom parked the car, I took a deep breath, and opened the door. My dad read my mind, knowing how nervous I was, and tried to comfort me. “You'll do just fine. Just remember that Bella is your sister, and I'm sort of your brother in law, and we all moved down here with out adoptive parents, and no one will question anything. We'll be right with you if you need us. Just shout out in your head, and we'll be there.” I didn't feel that much better, and soon after I felt a wave of calmness flowing over me, and I knew Jasper was comforting me in his own way. I took another deep breath, and stepped out of the car. I tried to put one feet in front of the other, but just as I had gotten both feet out of the car, ready to get up, I lost my balance, and almost fell to the ground. Great, Nessie, way to go on the first impression. I looked around be, only to see all of the other students standing still, looking stunned at the car and my parents right behind me. My mom took my hand, and murmured into my ear so low only I could hear “there's nothing to be afraid of.” I swallowed, and started walking towards the school building.
My first day at school was just as I had pictured it. Eyes followed me everywhere I went, and I could hear wipers behind by back everywhere I turned. I half-slept through my classes, already knowing the subjects. Most of my classes were without any of my family members, because they had thought it would be easier for me to be normal that way, so I had a lot of time to think about the one piece that might have done my day a bit better. Jacob. He had traveled back to Forks, visiting his dad, and wouldn't come back until tomorrow. I knew he hated being away from me as much as I hated being away form him, but as an alfa, he had some duties to follow. My thoughts got interrupted by a deep voice. “Ms. Cullen, do you know the answer?” I took a quick look at the math problem I had written down, using a second to solve it. “Um, x=1, sir,” I said, knowing I had the right answer. He just nodded, and wrote it down on the blackboard. I could see the students around me looking in my direction again, disgust and anger in their eyes. I was in an advanced math class, and that answer should have taken longer to solve out. Great, I thought again, now they must think of me as such a nerd. I tried to go through rest of the hour not answering any questions, trying my best to look as if I was really trying hard to solve the for me easy tasks we were given.
As the school day ended, I was so happy to see my family again. I met them by the cars, and slided in next to Alice. “Well, for the first time, you were wrong about someones future,” I said to her. She frowned, not knowing what I meant. I touched her arm, showing her the episode in math class. After my short re-run of my day was over, she smiled back at me. “You didn't see and hear the boys in my class. They were all talking about you, betting on who you would go out with.” I just laughed back at her, thinking what would happen if I got to close to a human boy, and his blood might become to appealing, or I would slip my defense, accidentally showing him a picture. I shrugged away from that thought as I saw a frown building on my fathers face. “Can we go home now, please?” I asked, trying to sound sweet and innocent. “I feel like hunting lion today.”
Next chapter will come tomorrow. Please leave a comment, and let me know what you thought of it, and feel free to post constructiv critisism. And if I've made some seriouse mistakes in either language or facts, please let me know :) Thanks for reading!
"Finding Myself"
Chapter 1, First Day (Nessies point of view)
I looked at the slender figure in the mirror, and sighed out loud. The girl looking back at me was dressed in a high-waste skirt flowing lightly down to her mid-thigh, a light silk-sweater, a think cashmere scarf and heels way to high, her bronze curls hanging to her waist, bouncing around her face with every movement she made. I had dreaded this day for over six moths, ever since my parents told me that we all would enter high school as soon as the new year started. Alice had forced me to let her dress me, and as usual she had picked out something more appropriate for a runway show rather than first day at a new school. All I knew was that the skirt was Prada. The rest of the clothes had tags with names I didn't even want to try to pronounce. I was used to getting dressed up in all kind of clothes, like Rosalies and Alice' personal Barbie doll, but today I would have been perfectly happy with a pair of bluejeans and my converse. Being the freaky, half breed I already was, I just wanted to blend into the crowd as much as possible. As I thought these thoughts, I heard irritated voices from downstairs. My dad didn't like it when I thought badly about myself, but I couldn't help it. Looking at my family, it was hard not to think about what I was. On one side, there was my perfect vampire-family, with their pale faces and golden eyes, and on the other there was my best friend Jacob, with his pack. I didn't belong on either side, being the only one in between. Neither did I belong to the human side with my grandpa and Sue.
“Come on, Nessie, we're gonna be late!” Alice called from downstairs. I took one last look in the mirror, fighting the desire to rip of the skirt and trowing the heels into the corner of my room, pulling on my old pair Levi's instead. “Coming!” I shouted back at her, and walked out of my room, trying not to fall. Downstairs everybody was waiting for me, all of them dressed carefully by Alice, with their own designer outfit. Rosalie had on a light pink dress with a ¾ sleeve cardigan over it, in thin stiletto heels as always, clearly enjoying the thought on all the attention she would get from the humans. Emmet wore a simple white shirt, rolled up to his elbow, with fashionable ripped jeans. Jaspers outfit was almost the same, only darker in color, and no holes in his jeans. Next was my mom and dad, looking the same age I did, standing hand in hand. My mom in a tight pair of black pants and a sweater the color of blue my dad had always loved on her, with a simple yet elegant necklace hanging around her neck. My dad wore light pants with an off white sweater above it . They all looked quite casual, but they would still stand out among the humans. Alice wore a gorgeous dress, with no words to describe it, looking like she was going to a big party rather than school. I was the only one who hadn't been allowed to wear something they felt comfortable in, and I gave her a sour look. “Oh, don't be so grumpy,” Alice said while holding my waist, towing me against the garage. “You look beautiful, and all the boys will fall to your feet.” I laughed at her as I showed her the image of boys lying in front of me, kissing the ground I walked on. I was sure to ad the sarcastic tone to it, clearly showing her what I thought of her analysis. She laughed with me, and simply answered “We'll see.” She was never quite sure about my future, seeing me only as a blur, and I hoped I would prove her wrong.
Compared to my family, I never saw my self as stunningly beautiful. I guess I looked better than most human girls, but standing next to my mother, it was hard to think we were related at all. Only our eyes gave us away, though mine was a rich chocolate and hers liquid gold, they still looked the same. Next to her, I felt like the ugly twin. My dad looked at me with angry eyes, clearly disapproving my thoughts. Well, I couldn't do that much about the way I felt about myself, and it was his fault reading my mind all the time, not being happy about what he heard. I got into my mothers ferrari, and pushed my bag into the seat. I was happy Alice had allowed me to bring my own bag. At least I would feel comfortable about something today.
As we drove into the packing lot I saw how our cars stood out as much as we did. Though the cars here were nicer than most of what I had seen in Forks, they weren't nearly as rare and stunning as ours. When mom parked the car, I took a deep breath, and opened the door. My dad read my mind, knowing how nervous I was, and tried to comfort me. “You'll do just fine. Just remember that Bella is your sister, and I'm sort of your brother in law, and we all moved down here with out adoptive parents, and no one will question anything. We'll be right with you if you need us. Just shout out in your head, and we'll be there.” I didn't feel that much better, and soon after I felt a wave of calmness flowing over me, and I knew Jasper was comforting me in his own way. I took another deep breath, and stepped out of the car. I tried to put one feet in front of the other, but just as I had gotten both feet out of the car, ready to get up, I lost my balance, and almost fell to the ground. Great, Nessie, way to go on the first impression. I looked around be, only to see all of the other students standing still, looking stunned at the car and my parents right behind me. My mom took my hand, and murmured into my ear so low only I could hear “there's nothing to be afraid of.” I swallowed, and started walking towards the school building.
My first day at school was just as I had pictured it. Eyes followed me everywhere I went, and I could hear wipers behind by back everywhere I turned. I half-slept through my classes, already knowing the subjects. Most of my classes were without any of my family members, because they had thought it would be easier for me to be normal that way, so I had a lot of time to think about the one piece that might have done my day a bit better. Jacob. He had traveled back to Forks, visiting his dad, and wouldn't come back until tomorrow. I knew he hated being away from me as much as I hated being away form him, but as an alfa, he had some duties to follow. My thoughts got interrupted by a deep voice. “Ms. Cullen, do you know the answer?” I took a quick look at the math problem I had written down, using a second to solve it. “Um, x=1, sir,” I said, knowing I had the right answer. He just nodded, and wrote it down on the blackboard. I could see the students around me looking in my direction again, disgust and anger in their eyes. I was in an advanced math class, and that answer should have taken longer to solve out. Great, I thought again, now they must think of me as such a nerd. I tried to go through rest of the hour not answering any questions, trying my best to look as if I was really trying hard to solve the for me easy tasks we were given.
As the school day ended, I was so happy to see my family again. I met them by the cars, and slided in next to Alice. “Well, for the first time, you were wrong about someones future,” I said to her. She frowned, not knowing what I meant. I touched her arm, showing her the episode in math class. After my short re-run of my day was over, she smiled back at me. “You didn't see and hear the boys in my class. They were all talking about you, betting on who you would go out with.” I just laughed back at her, thinking what would happen if I got to close to a human boy, and his blood might become to appealing, or I would slip my defense, accidentally showing him a picture. I shrugged away from that thought as I saw a frown building on my fathers face. “Can we go home now, please?” I asked, trying to sound sweet and innocent. “I feel like hunting lion today.”
Next chapter will come tomorrow. Please leave a comment, and let me know what you thought of it, and feel free to post constructiv critisism. And if I've made some seriouse mistakes in either language or facts, please let me know :) Thanks for reading!
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Staceycakes [Wolf Girl] on -
haha i thought this was in jacobs pov :)
other than that really good so far!
would you mind reading mine :)
http://www.thetwilightsaga.com/group/fanfiction/forum/topics/when-t... -
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Permalink Reply by StinaCeline on -
Thanks :) Hehe, Nope, it's Nessie's :)
I'm going to read your right away. -
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Permalink Reply by StinaCeline on
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Thanks :)
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Permalink Reply by StinaCeline on
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Thanks :)
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Permalink Reply by StinaCeline on
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Quite a short chapter this time, but the next one will be longer and more eventfull. Hope you like it :)
Chapter 2, Phone Call, (Nessies point of view)
Back in the forest around our new house I let my instincts take over, leading me to my prey. As I attacked the lion so fast he didn't have a chance to defend himself, I couldn't help but feel like a big piece of me was missing. Usually I would have showed of my impressing catch, laughing as Jacob launched him self into the forest finding his own lion. It was to quiet here without him, even though my family was in the forest around me, finding their own dinner. I was having a hard time trying to enjoy the fresh blood of the lion in my lap, and tossed it away without draining it completely. My father had heard my thoughts, and came rushing through the trees to find me. He sat down beside me, and lay a hand on my shoulder. “You don't need to hunt if you don't feel up to it, Nessie. We can go home if you want to.” I looked over to him, looking deep into his eyes trying to read what he was saying. I could only find understanding and sincereness there. “No, it's ok. You guys just go hunt, you'll need it if were all going to school tomorrow. I'll guide myself home.” I reached out to touch his face, showing him a picture of himself, his eyes almost black. It had been a risk going to school today without hunting first, and he knew it would only be worse tomorrow. He nodded, and darted back into the forest to find my mom. I sighed, and started running towards our big mansion.
Back at the house I started walking around, trying to find something to do. All of my family was out, and the house felt to big and empty without anyone there. I sat down by the piano, but no new song came to mind. I tried to read some of Carlisles books, but none of then caught my attention. Eventually I found myself walking the long hallway leading to every one of our rooms, stopping by the big brown door next to my own. I opened it slowly, and the rich smell of the forest, flowers and earth blew against me. The big missing peace in me suddenly felt much bigger, and I lay down on the bed in his room. Jacobs room. I smelled his pillow, and my heart fell hard in my chest, causing me more pain. I missed him so much, and nothing was complete without him home. He was always there with me, understanding my every need. Being in his room when he wasn't only hurt me more, and I forced myself to leave his bed. I went into my own room, finding the pink phone in my purse. I needed to hear his voice again. Needed something to drag me through the rest of the day. He had never been away from me this long before. I dialed his number, and waited for the beeping to be interrupted by his deep and husky voice. Butterflies filled my stomach as a small click made its way to my ear, and feelings I had never felt before filled me. “Hello?” a sleepy voice answered, and my world felt whole again. “Hi, it's Nessie. Did I wake you?” What was that feeling I had felt just a short second ago. I replayed it in my head again, comparing it to every other emotion I had ever felt, and nothing seemed to fit. “No, don't think about it. How are you?” His voice was thick with sleep, and I felt a bit guilty for having wakened him. He had probably been running all night. “Fine, I guess. The house is so empty without you though.” I couldn't hide anything from him. I had never been able to, and he always saw right through me. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I miss you to. But I'll see you soon Nessie. I'm driving home in an hour, just got to say goodbye to Billy first.” My heart felt much lighter, and I felt a bit happier. “Thats good. Say hi for me, will you?” “Of course. Oh, he just got in. See you in a few hours. Bye Nessie.” Then he hung up, and I suddenly felt empty again. I put the phone down, and lay down on my bed. I kept repeating that unknown emotion over and over again, trying to understand it. It wasn't happiness, or sadness, or anything else I had felt when it came to him before. I kept turning my mind around trying to figuring it out, and tossing and turning on my bed. Just a few short hours, and he would be home. I had to figure out what the emotion was before he got here. He would see that there was something I was hiding from him, and I would have to show him, and eventually get embarrassed. Nope, that wasn't going to happen. I just had to think about something else, trying to hide the memory from my dad and the emotion from Jasper. Well, Jasper at least. My dad had with no doubt heard my thoughts already. I turned to my stomach and dragged my pillow against me, so that I could put my head on it. Maybe sleep was what I needed. So I closed my eyes, and tried to think of nothing but the darkness behind my eyelids. -
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Permalink Reply by where-is-my-edward? on -
great!! keep writing! I just love Jake and Nessie together and I can't wait for him to appear :)
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Permalink Reply by StinaCeline on
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:) I love them together to.
And i just posted chapter 3, if you want to read it. -
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Permalink Reply by StinaCeline on
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Ok, i desided to post chapter 3 right away. I haven't really read through it all that carefully, so there might be some mistakes in the spelling and stuff. hope you like it:D
Chapter 3, New Emotions (Nessies point of view)
“Wake up, sweetheart.” my mom said, shaking my shoulder lightly, pulling my hair away from my face. The light outside had already turned to darkness, and the clock on my nightstand showed 18.20. “Jacob's going to be home in just a few minutes. Your dad can hear his thoughts, so he's close.” My eyes flew open, and I got up at once. Jacob was practically home, and I hadn't found out what had happen to me during our short phone call. My mom frowned, and looked at me with worried eyes. It was out of character for me to get out of bed this fast. “I just need a minute to change into some new clothes, and I'll be right down with you guys,” I said, trying to sound like my cheery, happy self. She just looked at me, and walked out of my room. My clothes had gotten dirty during out hunting trip, and I needed to change them before Jacob came home. I walked into my big closet, trying to find my favorite pair of jeans. My closet was as big as my room, overflowing with clothes for every occasion imaginable. I tossed the used clothes in the hamper. Alice would probably trow them away, or give them away to charity. She didn't like us wearing the same thing twice, and I had to fight to get to keep my favorite pieces. I leaned against the long dresser, and tried to collect my thoughts. Get it together, Nessie. Why are you so confused? You used to be confident on who you were, didn't you? What changed? I couldn't find the answer to my own questions, but I guessed it had something to with that phone call. I took a deep breath, and found a white t-shirt and a pair of tight jeans to go with it. My black all stars stood by the door, and I picked them up on my way out. I heard a door opening downstairs, and everybody walked to the door to meet the person coming in. I knew who it was. Jacob. I felt an invisible force pulling me downstairs, and I hurried to get my shoes on.
“Jacob!” I yelled, while running down the stairs. He stood there with a bag in his hand, the door still open. He looked just the same as he had done when he left, yet something was different. I ran into him, throwing my hands around him, and hugged him tightly. “I've missed you,” I said into his chest. He was so much taller than me, and I felt so small standing next to him. “Missed you too, Nessie. It's good to be home again.” My family and Jacob had gotten over their differences, well, except for Jacob and Rosalie, and we all lived under one roof now. I pulled myself from Jacob, and guided him into the livingroom. What was different about him? His face looked just the same, with his kind eyes, dark skin and messy hair. His chest was just as big, and his smell was as woody and wonderful as always. Yet, I felt something else when I looked at him, butterflies going crazy in my stomach, a slight tingling in my arms and legs. What was going on with me? The rest of my family was already doing what they had done before Jacob had gotten home. Rosalie and Esme looked at new furniture in a glossy magazine, Charlisle sat in one of the armchairs reading a thick book, Jasper and Alice sat in one of the couches watching tv, Emmet watching with them, and my parents sat by the piano, my dad playing my mothers lullaby, while she was humming along , holding his shoulders. As we walked in, by dad met my eyes, and I knew he had heard my thoughts about the phone call, and by that he had also felt the emotion I hadn't managed to figure out what meant. His eyes were worried, confused and protective. I looked to the floor in embarrassment, and sat down in the couch that was not already occupied, not wanting to deal with my dad right away. It always got a bit embarrassing when you never got to keep a secret form your own father. Jacob sat down next to me, laying his arm around my shoulder as he always did. I never really cared much about it, but now it felt kind of... awkward. The butterflies wouldn't leave me alone, and I wondered what Jasper felt taking in all of my emotions. I looked over to him, and he looked more stiff than usual. I had to ask him what he thought I felt later.
“So, what happened while I was away, Nessie?” Jacob asked. I just touched his arm, giving him a short summary of my days without him, carefully leaving out bits and peaces of the phone call between us. “Aw, sorry about the whole school thing. Should have been there for you, shouldn't I?” He asked when I was done. “It's ok. You had important things to to. And I survived, didn't I. It's all cool.” I told him. He let the arm he had laying casually around my shoulder drop closer around me, and gave me a one armed hug. “I really missed you. It's not the same without you,” he said. The tingling flew crazy all over me, and I could see from the corner of my eyes Jasper stiffening even more, looking over to my dad. My dads expression was just the same as Jaspers, and he looked almost mad. Why did everyone know how I felt, when I had no clue of what it was? I lay my head against Jacobs chest, and the tingling really went crazy. “Welcome home,” I whispered to him, taking in his rich sent. Even though he was more human than I was, his blood never had the same effect on me as other humans had. My throat didn't burn the same way, and I didn't feel like biting him. He always brought with him the scent of the woods and flowers, and I had never understood why my family thought he smelled so bad. Usually it didn't affect me, but now it made me slightly dizzy. He just sighed happily, leaning his head against mine. We sat like that for a long time, while I kept showing him things I had missed earlier. When I came to the hunt, he stopped me, looking deep into my eyes. This shot electric spikes through me. What was going on? “You haven't eaten that much while I was gone, have you?” he asked. “Now I feel guilty for leaving you. You could have starved to death.” Then he laughed, and got up form the couch. “Lets go hunt.”
I ran as fast as I could, hitting the biggest deer with a loud smash. Jacob, in his wolf form, easily took down the first one he found. After draining it completely, I laughed. “Ha ha, I got the biggest one.” He just looked at me, and ran into the forest. Soon after, he came out in his human form. “You won again. Are you done, or do you want to keep hunting?” I didn't feel like hunting anymore, but I wanted to be with him some more. I had missed him so much, and I needed to figure out what the strange emotion I felt when I was with him was all about. “Nope, I'm full. Can we just walk home? I don't feel like running.” He just took my hand, and started walking back to the mansion. His hand was warmer than mine, and it kept sending electric bolts up my arm. I fought the desire to cuddle up in his arms, wanting to be near him. Why was I feeling like this? He was my best friend, nothing more, wasn't he?
Suddenly I understood what my emotions meant, and all the looks between Jasper and my dad suddenly made sense. By brotherly love for him had turned into something deeper, stronger and different in every way. The time away from him had made me realize how much I needed him by my side, and how I wanted to be more than friends. So much more. I looked up at him, and he just looked slightly awkward. Had he understood the big change, and if he had, was there a chance that he could ever feel the same? “Are you ok, Jacob?” I asked him. His eyes didn't meet mine. “Of course, Nessie, it's all cool.” His voice was flat, with no emotions at all. He just kept looking forward, not meeting my gaze. My heart fell hard in my chest. He must know what I felt, and he felt awkward because he didn't feel the same, and didn't want to hurt me. “Oh, ok,” I said, the sadness leaking into my answer. I could hear him take a deep breath, and looked down at me. His eyes was torn between different emotions, sadness, confusion and something I had never seen there before, impossible for me to categorize. “Nessie, is everything cool with you?” I didn't want to talk, not knowing if I could hold my voice together, and reached up to touch his face, showing him happy pictures. As soon as I touched his skin I wanted to stroke his cheekbone, touch his lips, and brush his hair away from his eyes. As my skin touched his, he closed his eyes, and his lips turned into a hard line. Why? Did he close his eyes to prevent me from seeing the pain it cost him trying not to hurt me, because he knew what I felt, and couldn't return my emotions? I took my hand away from his face, and took the other out of his hand. I didn't want to cause him more pain. If he didn't feel the way I did, we could at least be friends. I didn't want to burden him anymore, and I put on a fake smile. We were back at the mansion, and I breathed out I relief. “I'm tired, so I think I'm gonna go to bed right away. Night, Jake.” I looked up into his eyes, and rushed up the stairs. “Night, Nessie. Sweet dreams,” I heard him call after me, and I locked myself in my room. I collapsed on the floor by my bed, holding around my knees, putting my head against them. I broke into a silent sob, praying that nobody could hear me. In a house full of vampires and a werewolf with super hearing, that was almost impossible, but I couldn't help myself. My life had been so perfect before, with my best friend, my family, and no such thing as love to worry about. And in the last 24 hours everything turned upside down. I tried to pull myself up from the floor, and dragged myself onto the bed. I ripped my clothes of, to tired to find my pyjamas, and dragged my quilt over my head. I wanted to go back in time. Go back to the time when everything was simple, and Jacob was like my big brother. Back when I hadn't ever loved someone as deep and unconditionally as I now loved him. The pain in my chest grew bigger and bigger, and I had to hold around my body, afraid that if I let go of myself, I would break. All I wanted was to dream of less painful times, and I forced my self to drift into the world of dreams.
Chapter 4 will come up in not to long aswell. So keep looking for it ;) -
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Permalink Reply by Maija- Jasper4ever on -
That was amazing!! i love that you had them go back to school and everything that was cool.
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Permalink Reply by StinaCeline on
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Ok, so this is chapter 4, and the first one written fron Jaobs POV. Enjoy.
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Chapter 4, Confusion, (Jacobs point of view)
I lay down on the couch, not caring about the mind reading vampire sitting by the piano. I knew he wouldn't like what he found in my mind, but I was to tired to try and stop him. I was losing it. What had happened tonight? One moment I had been so happy to see Nessie, and the next it had been so awkward and strange between us. The way she had pulled her hand out of mine, and removed her hand from my face so fast. Had she finally put two and two together, understanding how I loved her? Had she finally seen how I touched her, how I always looked at her with such devotion, no matter what she did? Had she seen through the facade I had tried to hold up? I couldn't help the way I felt, being tied to her by something as stupid as imprinting, but she had a choice. She could choose to love whomever she wanted to. Why would she pick me, when she could have every human boy just by looking at them? She had never understood the power of her looks. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever lay eyes on. Even more beautiful than the so called perfect vampires I shared house with. Even without the whole imprinting stuff I would have seen that. She was perfect, with her mothers clumsiness, her rich brown eyes, her long curls, the bronze color of her fathers hair, her small rosy cheeks and her slender and petite figure. I looked up, and saw Edward frown at me. I laughed in my head. He hated it when I thought of his daughter that way. “If you don't like what you hear, then get out of my head,” I said to him. He just looked more angry. “It's my daughter your thinking about, and as much as I'm trying to accept the way you feel about her, you got to understand that this is hard.” I knew he had felt the power of the imprinting through my thoughts, and I understood what he was trying to tell me. “I guess I understand. I probably would have done the same if it was my daughter. It's a normal reaction for a dad, I guess.” he smiled lightly and went back to his piano.
Bella had heard our conversation, of course, and she started comforting him, murmuring into his ear. That was something I didn't want to see or hear, and I got up from the couch, heading for my room. “I think you should talk to her, Jacob, explain everything,” Edward suddenly said form behind me. I stopped walking, and turned to see him. He still sat by the piano, but looked at me seriously. “I can deal with seeing you in pain like this, but when it's hurting her as well, I can't just sit and watch.” I had lost my train of thoughts, and just stood there like an idiot. What had he just asked me to do? Spill my guts to Nessie, tell her how I loved her more than everything, included my own life, risking our friendship in the proses? I looked at him again, and he nodded. He had read my conclusion, and wanted me to do exactly that. Did he know what Nessie felt? Did he know that she didn't love me like anything more than a brother, a best friend? Didn't he understand that if that was how she felt, our whole relationship would be destroyed, doomed to be forever awkward? I guessed he would have loved that, wouldn't he? “I won't answer your questions Jacob. Only she can do that. Just go talk to her.” He seemed so sure on his advice, with Bella clearly supporting him. I sighed and went upstairs. I lay down on my bed, and looked up through the skylight at the clear night. Could I go through with such a thing? If she didn't feel like I did, and I told her about the imprinting, would she feel like she had to love me, no matter what? I turned away from the skylight, pressing my head against the pillow. This imprinting thing should have been easier, and I should have had more time to prepare myself. It had always looked so easy for everybody else who had imprinted. It worked both ways for them. Why didn't it for me? Maybe because she was half vampire, and werewolves and vampires has always been natural enemies, it didn't work the same way? Maybe I was what Leah thought she was, a dead end, imprinting on someone who should be my enemy? I rolled over again. There was no way I would get any sleep when my mind kept causing me all this pain, coming up with new theories for why she wouldn't love me. I had to it. Edward must have had some sense behind his advice, and people usually listened to what he told them to do. Besides, he had been through all of this once with Bella, right? Sort of, at least.
I got out of my bed, and dragged my half sleeping body to the door. As selfish as the thing I was about to do might be, I couldn't deal with the pain anymore. I had been in pain for so many months, ever since that first day that I saw her as something else than my best friend. Every time I had taken her out in public, and other boys had watched her. I had wanted to take her hand, show everyone that she was mine, taken, already loved. I had been in pain every second I was away from her, and even more in pain as I saw how she had taken her own hand out of mine, not wanting to be near me. The memory sent lightnings of pain through my body, and made me even more sure that she couldn't possibly feel the way I did. This night was sure to end in disaster.
I had walked over to her door, standing just half a meter away from it. I could hear her breathing on the inside of it, not quite like when she slept, but not quite awake. Her heartbeat was fast and regular, and I couldn't hear anything but that. It was the most important sound in the entire universe. As long as that sound existed, I would go on with my life, no matter with form of love she felt for me, or the pain it cost me. This was it. This was the moment when my future would break in a thousand pieces right in front of me. I lifted my hand, and knocked on the door with shaky hands. “Renesmee, may I come in?” -
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