The Twilight Saga

Finding Myself (Renesmees and Jacobs story) PG-13 *Completed*

Ok, so this is my first post ever, and also my first fan fiction. It's about Nessie and Jacob, as the title says, and Nessie becomming the person she wants to be. It's not PG-13 yet, but it will be in the later chapters. Nothing worse than in Breaking Dawn :) Hope you like it, and sorry if there are some mistakes in my english. I'm from Norway, and still learning.

"Finding Myself"

Chapter 1, First Day (Nessies point of view)

I looked at the slender figure in the mirror, and sighed out loud. The girl looking back at me was dressed in a high-waste skirt flowing lightly down to her mid-thigh, a light silk-sweater, a think cashmere scarf and heels way to high, her bronze curls hanging to her waist, bouncing around her face with every movement she made. I had dreaded this day for over six moths, ever since my parents told me that we all would enter high school as soon as the new year started. Alice had forced me to let her dress me, and as usual she had picked out something more appropriate for a runway show rather than first day at a new school. All I knew was that the skirt was Prada. The rest of the clothes had tags with names I didn't even want to try to pronounce. I was used to getting dressed up in all kind of clothes, like Rosalies and Alice' personal Barbie doll, but today I would have been perfectly happy with a pair of bluejeans and my converse. Being the freaky, half breed I already was, I just wanted to blend into the crowd as much as possible. As I thought these thoughts, I heard irritated voices from downstairs. My dad didn't like it when I thought badly about myself, but I couldn't help it. Looking at my family, it was hard not to think about what I was. On one side, there was my perfect vampire-family, with their pale faces and golden eyes, and on the other there was my best friend Jacob, with his pack. I didn't belong on either side, being the only one in between. Neither did I belong to the human side with my grandpa and Sue.

“Come on, Nessie, we're gonna be late!” Alice called from downstairs. I took one last look in the mirror, fighting the desire to rip of the skirt and trowing the heels into the corner of my room, pulling on my old pair Levi's instead. “Coming!” I shouted back at her, and walked out of my room, trying not to fall. Downstairs everybody was waiting for me, all of them dressed carefully by Alice, with their own designer outfit. Rosalie had on a light pink dress with a ¾ sleeve cardigan over it, in thin stiletto heels as always, clearly enjoying the thought on all the attention she would get from the humans. Emmet wore a simple white shirt, rolled up to his elbow, with fashionable ripped jeans. Jaspers outfit was almost the same, only darker in color, and no holes in his jeans. Next was my mom and dad, looking the same age I did, standing hand in hand. My mom in a tight pair of black pants and a sweater the color of blue my dad had always loved on her, with a simple yet elegant necklace hanging around her neck. My dad wore light pants with an off white sweater above it . They all looked quite casual, but they would still stand out among the humans. Alice wore a gorgeous dress, with no words to describe it, looking like she was going to a big party rather than school. I was the only one who hadn't been allowed to wear something they felt comfortable in, and I gave her a sour look. “Oh, don't be so grumpy,” Alice said while holding my waist, towing me against the garage. “You look beautiful, and all the boys will fall to your feet.” I laughed at her as I showed her the image of boys lying in front of me, kissing the ground I walked on. I was sure to ad the sarcastic tone to it, clearly showing her what I thought of her analysis. She laughed with me, and simply answered “We'll see.” She was never quite sure about my future, seeing me only as a blur, and I hoped I would prove her wrong.

Compared to my family, I never saw my self as stunningly beautiful. I guess I looked better than most human girls, but standing next to my mother, it was hard to think we were related at all. Only our eyes gave us away, though mine was a rich chocolate and hers liquid gold, they still looked the same. Next to her, I felt like the ugly twin. My dad looked at me with angry eyes, clearly disapproving my thoughts. Well, I couldn't do that much about the way I felt about myself, and it was his fault reading my mind all the time, not being happy about what he heard. I got into my mothers ferrari, and pushed my bag into the seat. I was happy Alice had allowed me to bring my own bag. At least I would feel comfortable about something today.

As we drove into the packing lot I saw how our cars stood out as much as we did. Though the cars here were nicer than most of what I had seen in Forks, they weren't nearly as rare and stunning as ours. When mom parked the car, I took a deep breath, and opened the door. My dad read my mind, knowing how nervous I was, and tried to comfort me. “You'll do just fine. Just remember that Bella is your sister, and I'm sort of your brother in law, and we all moved down here with out adoptive parents, and no one will question anything. We'll be right with you if you need us. Just shout out in your head, and we'll be there.” I didn't feel that much better, and soon after I felt a wave of calmness flowing over me, and I knew Jasper was comforting me in his own way. I took another deep breath, and stepped out of the car. I tried to put one feet in front of the other, but just as I had gotten both feet out of the car, ready to get up, I lost my balance, and almost fell to the ground. Great, Nessie, way to go on the first impression. I looked around be, only to see all of the other students standing still, looking stunned at the car and my parents right behind me. My mom took my hand, and murmured into my ear so low only I could hear “there's nothing to be afraid of.” I swallowed, and started walking towards the school building.

My first day at school was just as I had pictured it. Eyes followed me everywhere I went, and I could hear wipers behind by back everywhere I turned. I half-slept through my classes, already knowing the subjects. Most of my classes were without any of my family members, because they had thought it would be easier for me to be normal that way, so I had a lot of time to think about the one piece that might have done my day a bit better. Jacob. He had traveled back to Forks, visiting his dad, and wouldn't come back until tomorrow. I knew he hated being away from me as much as I hated being away form him, but as an alfa, he had some duties to follow. My thoughts got interrupted by a deep voice. “Ms. Cullen, do you know the answer?” I took a quick look at the math problem I had written down, using a second to solve it. “Um, x=1, sir,” I said, knowing I had the right answer. He just nodded, and wrote it down on the blackboard. I could see the students around me looking in my direction again, disgust and anger in their eyes. I was in an advanced math class, and that answer should have taken longer to solve out. Great, I thought again, now they must think of me as such a nerd. I tried to go through rest of the hour not answering any questions, trying my best to look as if I was really trying hard to solve the for me easy tasks we were given.

As the school day ended, I was so happy to see my family again. I met them by the cars, and slided in next to Alice. “Well, for the first time, you were wrong about someones future,” I said to her. She frowned, not knowing what I meant. I touched her arm, showing her the episode in math class. After my short re-run of my day was over, she smiled back at me. “You didn't see and hear the boys in my class. They were all talking about you, betting on who you would go out with.” I just laughed back at her, thinking what would happen if I got to close to a human boy, and his blood might become to appealing, or I would slip my defense, accidentally showing him a picture. I shrugged away from that thought as I saw a frown building on my fathers face. “Can we go home now, please?” I asked, trying to sound sweet and innocent. “I feel like hunting lion today.”


Next chapter will come tomorrow. Please leave a comment, and let me know what you thought of it, and feel free to post constructiv critisism. And if I've made some seriouse mistakes in either language or facts, please let me know :) Thanks for reading!

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Replies to This Discussion

You are doing a fantabulous job with your story. Be sure to take all the time you need. As much as you want eveyone else to be happy always make sure that you are writing for yourself and you are happy first. Great job. One thing, make sure you are watching your was vs. were in your sentences. Bravo!
God bless,
AprilD
:) The next chapter will take some time to write. i'm comming really close to the turningpoint, and it's a bit harder to write.

I'll try to read through the next chapter more carefully, finding the mistakes:D Thanks for correcting me. It's really helpfull to know what I need to pay attention to :)
When are you going to right the rest? Thought it was great! Continue! :]
Back with a new chapter :) Sorry it took so long, but this one was a bit harder to write, and I had to rewrite it quite a lot before it became what I wanted it to be. Hope you like were this is going ;)


Chapter 9, Impossible (Nessie's point of view)

My eyes flew open, and I sat up in my bed. My heart was beating fast, and my breath came with heavy and uneven breaths. What had that been just a second ago? I looked to my right, and my heart slowed down as I saw Jacob sleeping soundly beside me. I took a deep breath, and buried my face in my hands. Everything had been so clear, so real. So not like my ordinary dreams. I ran my fingers through my hair, and tried to calm down. It hadn't been a nightmare, so why was I reacting this way? The dream had seemed so real and unreal at the same time. It hadn't been full of colors like usual, but the colors that had been had seemed so realistic. The forest I had been in looked just like the one around our house, and the sky had been a clear blue, just like it had been yesterday. Yet, the things I had seen and felt in my dream couldn't be real. It could never become reality. Confusion rolled over me, and my mind were torn in so many different direction. A part of me didn't believe anything the dream had shown me, another part was desperate for the dream to be true, and another part didn't want to believe it, because of the pain it may cause me if the things I had seen would never be.

In my dream I had sat on the ground, leaning against Jacob. I remembered the happiness I had felt, just as I always felt whenever Jacob was around, and another form of happiness I had never grasped or thought of before. My dream had showed me a small child, with black hair, slightly curly, tan skin, with round cheeks and small dimples. His smile had been so bright, and his eyes were a beautiful dark brown, and so full of life. He had been a perfect mix of me and Jacob, and the most beautiful child I had ever seen. He had ran around the small meadow I was sitting in, while he tried to catch the butterflies flying around him. When I looked at him I had felt a protective feeling that had never touched my heart before, and it hadn't left when the dream had ended. I knew what it was, but I had never thought I would have a chance to feel it. It was the motherly protection. The happiness that had filled me had been from seeing my own child happy and well. My head started to spin. I had never thought of anything like children before. I had been happy with who I was, my life with Jacob, and the eternity that stretched out in front of me. The feelings from the dream were still as strong, and there was suddenly an empty space in my future, on that could only be filled with the child from my dream.

I got out of my bed as carefully as I could, not wanting to wake Jacob. I listened hard to the sounds in the house, but there was none. I couldn't hear my dad or my mom, and I hoped my thoughts were out of hearing range for my dad. It was weird that he wasn't in the house. He hadn't left the house with me alone with Jacob ever since that night everything changed almost three weeks ago. He couldn't know about the child form my dream. None of them could. I was a freak, a half breed, how could I ever have children? I walked into my big bathroom, and leaned against the sink. Nothing made sense anymore. How could I live without the happiness I had felt, that was now starting to fade? For the last three weeks I had thought that Jacob was all I ever needed to be happy, but the dream had carved out a hole in my heart to be filled with the happiness the child would provide. A hole that never could be filled. I turned on the water, and splashed some of it in my face. As I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I saw how my eyes were glowing with a new hopeful glow, and my cheeks were flushed. I already knew that I would never be able to have children, didn't I? And even if I could, what would the child become? I had always questioned my own existence, and I had never found the place I belonged. Would I ever put a child through that? I shook my head to myself. None of my thoughts was reasonable anymore, and the hopeful emotions were to hard to control. My mind kept repeating the image of the child over and over again, even though I didn't want it to. I had to stop thinking about that dream, or else I would never be able to hide it from my dad. I had to stop torturing myself with the image of the beautiful boy.

My thoughts were forced to shut down when I heard footsteps approach me from behind. Jacob was up. “Are you ok Nessie?” I heard him ask me with a sleepy voice. He took my shoulders, and turned me around to face him. The sleep was still present in his eyes. As he looked at me, it was slightly easier to not think about the dream. I smiled at him, and hoped he wouldn't see that something had changed. “Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bad dream, thats all.” That was a lie. It hadn't been a bad dream. It had been the best dreams I had ever had, even though the pain of knowing it would never come true was killing me on the inside. He was still holding my shoulders, and pulled me into a tight hug. “It's going to be fine sweetheart. I'm here, and I'll chase all the bad dreams away,” he comforted me with a soothing voice. The empty spot in my heart became a bit smaller, and I hugged him back and kissed his cheek. “I know. It just woke me up, and I couldn't sleep. But I'm tired now, so lets get back to bed.” He just nodded, and lifted me up. I was so small in compressing to him, and I cuddled into his broad chest. Normally I would have insisted on walking myself, but now I just wanted to be as near Jacob as possible, so that the dream would stay only in the back of my mind. He carried me to what had become my side of the bed, and tucked me in like he had done when I was younger. He kissed my forehead, and stroked the hair out of my eyes. “Try to dream sweet dreams, my Nessie. I'll be right beside you if you need me.” And then he walked over to his side of the bed, and lay down. He moved closer to me, and I lay myself close to him, letting him wrap his arms around me. I sighed, and closed my eyes again. I would try to sleep. Try not to think of the dream and the small child ever again, and one day I might manage to bury the memory completely. That was what I hoped for as I closed my eyelids, and let the darkness have me.



Thats it for now :) It might take some more time before the next one comes up. I just got "The Host", so I spend a lot of time reading it, and a bit less time writing. But keep looking out for new chapters :) And please comment :)
You'll get the aswer to your question in one of the comming chapters ;)
So just keep reading :)
When will the next chapters be up persay? :P just out of curiosity since I cant get enough of this story !
Hopefully tomorrow. Haven't written that much yet, and I'm not quite sure how long the next chapter is going to be :)
omg thats as awsome i loved it!!!
please message me when u post more
This chapter (9), is this a few weeks after the last (they were going to school and Nessie was getting dressed was the last chapter I read), and now she's dreaming about a child she could have with Jacob? I think that's so sweet, I hope they get married and I hope they end up having kids in your version of Nessie and Jacob's story.. I'm wishing that you would give them, especially Jacob, a happy ending like Bella and Edward's happy ending.

BTW, how is the book, The Host?
This chapter is three weeks later. It might seem like things are going a bit too fast, but I'm going to explain that in a later chapter :) I have it all planed out.

I haven't read more than the 100 first pages of "The Host", but I think it's good. It's quite different from the twilight saga, but very well written.
sweet! about the story! i look forward to your writing, keep it up b/c you are really very good at it.

thanks for the feedback on the book, The Host, I am thinking of getting that next.
Awww more PLZ

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