The Twilight Saga

Finding Myself (Renesmees and Jacobs story) PG-13 *Completed*

Ok, so this is my first post ever, and also my first fan fiction. It's about Nessie and Jacob, as the title says, and Nessie becomming the person she wants to be. It's not PG-13 yet, but it will be in the later chapters. Nothing worse than in Breaking Dawn :) Hope you like it, and sorry if there are some mistakes in my english. I'm from Norway, and still learning.

"Finding Myself"

Chapter 1, First Day (Nessies point of view)

I looked at the slender figure in the mirror, and sighed out loud. The girl looking back at me was dressed in a high-waste skirt flowing lightly down to her mid-thigh, a light silk-sweater, a think cashmere scarf and heels way to high, her bronze curls hanging to her waist, bouncing around her face with every movement she made. I had dreaded this day for over six moths, ever since my parents told me that we all would enter high school as soon as the new year started. Alice had forced me to let her dress me, and as usual she had picked out something more appropriate for a runway show rather than first day at a new school. All I knew was that the skirt was Prada. The rest of the clothes had tags with names I didn't even want to try to pronounce. I was used to getting dressed up in all kind of clothes, like Rosalies and Alice' personal Barbie doll, but today I would have been perfectly happy with a pair of bluejeans and my converse. Being the freaky, half breed I already was, I just wanted to blend into the crowd as much as possible. As I thought these thoughts, I heard irritated voices from downstairs. My dad didn't like it when I thought badly about myself, but I couldn't help it. Looking at my family, it was hard not to think about what I was. On one side, there was my perfect vampire-family, with their pale faces and golden eyes, and on the other there was my best friend Jacob, with his pack. I didn't belong on either side, being the only one in between. Neither did I belong to the human side with my grandpa and Sue.

“Come on, Nessie, we're gonna be late!” Alice called from downstairs. I took one last look in the mirror, fighting the desire to rip of the skirt and trowing the heels into the corner of my room, pulling on my old pair Levi's instead. “Coming!” I shouted back at her, and walked out of my room, trying not to fall. Downstairs everybody was waiting for me, all of them dressed carefully by Alice, with their own designer outfit. Rosalie had on a light pink dress with a ¾ sleeve cardigan over it, in thin stiletto heels as always, clearly enjoying the thought on all the attention she would get from the humans. Emmet wore a simple white shirt, rolled up to his elbow, with fashionable ripped jeans. Jaspers outfit was almost the same, only darker in color, and no holes in his jeans. Next was my mom and dad, looking the same age I did, standing hand in hand. My mom in a tight pair of black pants and a sweater the color of blue my dad had always loved on her, with a simple yet elegant necklace hanging around her neck. My dad wore light pants with an off white sweater above it . They all looked quite casual, but they would still stand out among the humans. Alice wore a gorgeous dress, with no words to describe it, looking like she was going to a big party rather than school. I was the only one who hadn't been allowed to wear something they felt comfortable in, and I gave her a sour look. “Oh, don't be so grumpy,” Alice said while holding my waist, towing me against the garage. “You look beautiful, and all the boys will fall to your feet.” I laughed at her as I showed her the image of boys lying in front of me, kissing the ground I walked on. I was sure to ad the sarcastic tone to it, clearly showing her what I thought of her analysis. She laughed with me, and simply answered “We'll see.” She was never quite sure about my future, seeing me only as a blur, and I hoped I would prove her wrong.

Compared to my family, I never saw my self as stunningly beautiful. I guess I looked better than most human girls, but standing next to my mother, it was hard to think we were related at all. Only our eyes gave us away, though mine was a rich chocolate and hers liquid gold, they still looked the same. Next to her, I felt like the ugly twin. My dad looked at me with angry eyes, clearly disapproving my thoughts. Well, I couldn't do that much about the way I felt about myself, and it was his fault reading my mind all the time, not being happy about what he heard. I got into my mothers ferrari, and pushed my bag into the seat. I was happy Alice had allowed me to bring my own bag. At least I would feel comfortable about something today.

As we drove into the packing lot I saw how our cars stood out as much as we did. Though the cars here were nicer than most of what I had seen in Forks, they weren't nearly as rare and stunning as ours. When mom parked the car, I took a deep breath, and opened the door. My dad read my mind, knowing how nervous I was, and tried to comfort me. “You'll do just fine. Just remember that Bella is your sister, and I'm sort of your brother in law, and we all moved down here with out adoptive parents, and no one will question anything. We'll be right with you if you need us. Just shout out in your head, and we'll be there.” I didn't feel that much better, and soon after I felt a wave of calmness flowing over me, and I knew Jasper was comforting me in his own way. I took another deep breath, and stepped out of the car. I tried to put one feet in front of the other, but just as I had gotten both feet out of the car, ready to get up, I lost my balance, and almost fell to the ground. Great, Nessie, way to go on the first impression. I looked around be, only to see all of the other students standing still, looking stunned at the car and my parents right behind me. My mom took my hand, and murmured into my ear so low only I could hear “there's nothing to be afraid of.” I swallowed, and started walking towards the school building.

My first day at school was just as I had pictured it. Eyes followed me everywhere I went, and I could hear wipers behind by back everywhere I turned. I half-slept through my classes, already knowing the subjects. Most of my classes were without any of my family members, because they had thought it would be easier for me to be normal that way, so I had a lot of time to think about the one piece that might have done my day a bit better. Jacob. He had traveled back to Forks, visiting his dad, and wouldn't come back until tomorrow. I knew he hated being away from me as much as I hated being away form him, but as an alfa, he had some duties to follow. My thoughts got interrupted by a deep voice. “Ms. Cullen, do you know the answer?” I took a quick look at the math problem I had written down, using a second to solve it. “Um, x=1, sir,” I said, knowing I had the right answer. He just nodded, and wrote it down on the blackboard. I could see the students around me looking in my direction again, disgust and anger in their eyes. I was in an advanced math class, and that answer should have taken longer to solve out. Great, I thought again, now they must think of me as such a nerd. I tried to go through rest of the hour not answering any questions, trying my best to look as if I was really trying hard to solve the for me easy tasks we were given.

As the school day ended, I was so happy to see my family again. I met them by the cars, and slided in next to Alice. “Well, for the first time, you were wrong about someones future,” I said to her. She frowned, not knowing what I meant. I touched her arm, showing her the episode in math class. After my short re-run of my day was over, she smiled back at me. “You didn't see and hear the boys in my class. They were all talking about you, betting on who you would go out with.” I just laughed back at her, thinking what would happen if I got to close to a human boy, and his blood might become to appealing, or I would slip my defense, accidentally showing him a picture. I shrugged away from that thought as I saw a frown building on my fathers face. “Can we go home now, please?” I asked, trying to sound sweet and innocent. “I feel like hunting lion today.”


Next chapter will come tomorrow. Please leave a comment, and let me know what you thought of it, and feel free to post constructiv critisism. And if I've made some seriouse mistakes in either language or facts, please let me know :) Thanks for reading!

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I love it! I love it! I love it! Thank you for making Nessie as selfless as her mom, Bella. I truly hope that things work for the best for Nessie and Jacob (I think reading these fanfics is making me more Team Jacob {though I've always been Team Switzerland}).. Anyways, you are really very good. Please keep writing and I look forward to your next post, I promise not to send the TOADS/TAODS over to pester you to write faster.. :-)
Fantastic!!! Very suspensfull and written well. Oh I just love to see Jacob happy and it seems finally someone got the right story. Thank you and I can't wait to read more. .....Team Jacob!!!!!!!!
i know you just posted not very long ago but... MORE please?!?!?!?!
I have to say that I am really enjoying this story ... it is so different from the others I have been reading. you have a lovely writing style and a way with words. PLease keep writing ! I hope the next chapter will be up soon !!!! thank you :)
Thanks for all the great comments from all of you :) It's so nice that people like my story!
So this is chapter 12. Just a really short one, but I thought it would be nice to know Jacobs feelings as well. And it's fun to write form his POV. So enjoy :)


Chapter 12, Painful (Jacobs point of view)

What was going on with Nessie? Ever since last night she had acted so weird, so unlike herself. Her eyes started to wander as soon as she stopped talking, or wasn't paying attention to the conversation, and her mind was fare away. I knew she was hiding something from all of us. She never used to do that. She didn't even tell me her secret. And she seemed so hurt at the same time. Her tears hadn't been fare away this afternoon, and she had started to cry more this past 24 hours than she had done in a very long time. Was it my fault? Had I done something to upset her? I went through the last couple of days, trying to find something that had offended or hurt her, but I couldn't find anything. She had been restless ever since she got up this morning, and I could see she was hurting. When ever she was in pain, and there was nothing I could do, I was in pain as well.

I had heard Edward talking about Nessie this morning. His face had turned into a concerned mask when he found out that Nessie was hiding something from him, and it had stayed there all day. “I've only gotten a few glimpse of what she's hiding, and I can't make any sense of it,” I had heard min tell Bella. “I think that something happened last night, a dream maybe, but I don't understand why she's hiding it from us. There is just short flashes of herself, Jacob and the forest, and a lot of butterflies. There has to be something more. She always locks it away when the butterflies comes.” There had been more to her dream then she had told me. But she had called it just a bad dream, hadn't she? If she was only dreaming of me and her, why would she call it a bad dream? I stopped running. Was being with me a bad thing for her? Was she really just pretending to love me, for my sake? Had the last three weeks, the happiest three weeks of my life, just been a lie? She was the most selfless person I knew, so that was something she might do, just to see me happy. The pain I felt suddenly became much bigger. Had she been in pain because of me for three weeks? I returned to my human form, and put my old shorts back on. Could that really be true? I knew Nessie didn't have an evil bone in her body, and she always thought of others wellbeing before her own. Would she really put herself through this pain only to make me happy? I heard noises coming from the bushes behind me, but didn't care to turn around. If I was really the one causing her this pain, how could I ever make it up to her? “It's not you, Jacob,” I heard Edward say from behind me, and he lay a hand on my shoulder. I hadn't noticed, but I sat on the ground now. “I know her feelings for you is genuine, and none of the things she's told you has been a lie.” His eyes was totally sincere, and I felt a little better. She would understand how it would hurt me if she just pretended. She wasn't cruel, and she would never do anything she knew would hurt me. “But why isn't she telling me what's wrong, Edward? I could help her. I know her better than anyone.” I looked up at him, and saw the deep concentration and concern in his eyes. He was trying to get around Bellas shield. “I know Jacob. I know how things are between you two, even if I don't like it, but she would feel better if she told you,” he said. If Nessie went on like this it would tare her apart, and it would definitely not be good for our relationship.

“I need to talk to her,” I said, and got up, shaking of his hand. I needed to see Nessie. My arm longed to hold her, comforting her, telling her that everything would be ok. I needed her. She was my other half, my soul mate, the one who completed me. “No, Jacob,” Edward said, and held me back. “She wanted us all to stay away from the house for a while. She made Bella shield Carlisle as well as herself, so this is serious for her. When I couldn't hear him anymore I knew this was something big, and I didn't ask any questions. This is what she needs Jacob. You have to respect that.” She had made Bella shield Carlisle as well? What was Nessie going to tell him that she could tell us all? Things were so much more complicated then I had thought, and I couldn't grasp any of it anymore. But Edwards words made sense, and I would stay away from the house until Nessie felt ready to see us all again. I would give her what she wanted.
wow, please keep going!!!
are you gonna write more tonight??? this is too good i wna read more!
Don't know yet. I haven't really written that much of the next chapter yet, but I'm going to continue writing on it as soon as I'm done with my homework. Hopefully I'll have enough time to finish it today. So just keep looking for it :)
kool will do matey :)
is she pregnant?!?
I just posted ch. 13. I think you'll find the answer in it ;)
Just wonderful, really great!!!!

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