Hey guys I know its been a really really really really (1,000 really's later) long time but I'm not dead I've been very busy with other hobbies and such! I hope you like! yay im not dead! :) For those of you who are still on here! hahaha. and yeah yeah i messed up the poster it was kind of rushed xD
Golden Hero Chapter 7: Newborn Feelings
That one night was blurred, images in my mind were trying to resurface but I couldn’t seem to reach them. All I knew was I slept dreamlessly, soundly, and warmly. I felt warm everywhere. Warm on my hands, on my cheeks, my lips, my arms, my heart. Everything for once felt in place. The night was so painless. I felt rejuvenated.
The voice of the newscaster started in my head. The wonderful smell of my favorite coffee wafted up my nose. My head was rested against a fluffy pillow, body propped on the couch covered in blankets. Someone sipped something. My arms stretched, hands fisted, knuckles cracking. I opened my eyes to see my head facing the TV.
“It looks like its going to be a good day, New York! Look at this, not a cloud on the radar. Highs in the low 80’s today, what a good beach day” he gestured to the map behind him.
A good day…
“Maybe we could go to the park” A soprano voice said nearby. I looked at the end of the couch to find, with my feet propped up on her lap, Alice in a loose black t-shirt and jeans. Her hair was in tiny pig tails. Her eyes were fixed on the TV, excited.
“A-Alice?” My voice was groggy, but soft.
She turned and grinned at me. “Hey” she held out the y. “Want some breakfast?”
I looked around…I was at Edward’s still…Edward…Where was he? Was he mad about last? Seeing him like that? Did he not want to mention it? Where was he? I frowned.
“Coffee it is!” She laughed getting off the couch.
I jumped and quickly followed after her. “Alice, where’s Edward and what are you doing here?”
She poured a cup of coffee and placed it on the mini bar, “Um, Edward’s out with Emmett getting bagels”
Did she even have an idea of what happened last night? Did Edward tell her? Or Emmett? I could imagine the horrific things Emmett would do to me if he found out. I frowned
“…so I’m here!” Alice finished explaining, I nodded, acting like I was listening the whole time.
Alice smiled as I sipped the coffee.
“So what happened last night?” Alice leaned across the bar, her elbow resting on it, one eyebrow up, with a smirk.
“Nothing” I stared at the granite-polished top.
“Mhmm” She hummed.
“Leave me alone, Alice”
“Oh come on! You were on the couch! And the look on you face when you woke up! Wow! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me!!” She bounced up and down.
“He was depressed and I made him feel better” I muttered
“I…” I looked off. I knew I could trust Alice but I don’t know. Do I really want Alice to know about this life I’m so unsure of?
Two bangs vibrated the front door, me and Alice jumped. “OPEN THE DOOR OR I’LL HUFF AND I’LL PUFF-”
“Oh shut up, I got it” Alice yelled and opened the door.
I kept my head down but my heart soared. As I could already smell Edward as he walked through the door along with Emmett.
“Hey sleepy head. Thanks for scaring me half to death” Emmett grumbled next to me, setting a bag down on the table.
“Sorry about that” I murmured, my heart beat like crazy as I felt Edward on my other side. I set aside my fears and looked up into his green eyes. They were soft and had their energy back. I mouthed, Are you okay?
And like the sun breaking through a cloudy day, he smiled softly at me. He nodded. I felt myself smile as well. How much I wanted to take him into my arms. My train of thought stopped abruptly. Did I just have a physical wish? I hadn’t thought of those in such a long time…of holding another…
Emmett turned to Alice and they began talking, I wasn’t really paying attention. I took Alice’s coffee and sipped it. I coughed. Black. Blegh. I slid it back and laid my head on my the cold polished granite. My other hand slid off the end of the table and rocked back and forth, suspended in the air. Edward came up to my side. I knew it was him by the way I felt his warmth and his smell wafting up my nose. A shockingly warm hand took mine ever so softly, twined our fingers, gave a gentle little squeeze, and released. My heart beat like a drum rolling down a flight of stairs. Wow…
“Here ya go, bud” Emmett placed a Starbucks coffee on the counter.
“Aw Emmett you didn’t have to” I said, touched. I sipped and tasted caramel macchiato. “Mmmm” I hummed under my breath.
“Why didn’t you get me one?” Alice whined
“Because I like Bella better” Emmett grinned as Alice punched him in the shoulder.
I grinned as well as Edward did too. His hand left mine as he went to go get bagels. Emmett tossed Alice her everything bagel with butter. Emmett grabbed his. Edward had two bagels wrapped in paper and handed one to me. I opened to my mouth to say No thanks, but Edward beat me to the punch.
“I got your favorite: Whole wheat, toasted, cream cheese.” His voice was soft and musical as always.
“You got her favorite? You mean I got her favorite.” Emmett grinned and Edward smacked him in the head.
I laughed, bit my bagel, and sipped my macchiato. We all sat in the living room watching the news. Alice sat in one of the arm chairs. I sat sandwiched between Edward and Emmett. Edward sat closer to me. My hand twitched. How badly I wanted to hold his.
The hot latte washed down my throat. “Ahhhh…” I sighed in content. “You got extra whipped didn’t you, Em?”
“You bet. You know I was real worried about you, Bells”, Emmett kept his tone light.
“Sorry it was kind of…” I looked at Edward’s soft face, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. “…an emergency.” Then just like a kid on Christmas morning, Edward’s face lit up with joy. I blushed and looked away. We watched TV for about an hour but then Alice remembered she had to cover someone’s shift at work and had to go. Emmett had to give her a ride anyway.
We all stood at the door. I stood by Edward’s side and Alice and Emmett mirrored us outside the door.
“Thanks again, Emmett” I smiled
“Yes thank you” Edward responded.
“Yeah, yeah, the things I do for you people” he said seriously, but winked
Emmett gave Edward a tough hug. “See you, Bro”
“See you later, Bella! Edward” Alice chirped and went down the hall with Emmett.
Edward closed the door. I stepped away from him. My heart thudded a little faster than 30 seconds ago. I threw the empty bag in the trash and got a sponge and started cleaning the bar and coffee table. And of course there was an awkward silence. Edward lifted our cups of coffee as I cleaned the table. I took the sponge to the sink and washed it. When I went back to the living room, Edward was out on the balcony.
I hesitated. I prayed I wouldn’t see that same look in his eye this time yesterday. A frown appeared on my face. I slowly walked to the balcony. I stood beside Edward, I noted our arms were touching. I reluctantly looked at his face. It was thoughtful but not sad. I was relieved. His head turned to me, a soft smile on his lips. His eyes matched his smile (if that was possible).
Then he stepped away and looked up and down my form. My heart jumped in my chest. Was he finally realizing what he’s getting himself into? My confliction droned on inside.
“You should get dressed, you’re wearing the same clothes you did yesterday. Why not something comfy?”
I nodded. Thank goodness. I reluctantly left Edward at his balcony. I put on my black yoga pants and blue tank top. I brushed my hair and teeth too. I looked in the mirror. I looked tired but I looked something I never thought I’d see in myself ever again…hopeful. I smiled and went back to the living room. Edward was sitting on the couch. His eyes left to the TV and to me.
“Most certainly” I smiled a little.
Edward patted the spot next to him. He looked worried and business-like. Oh gosh what have I done? I began to panic. I sat next to him. He clearly saw the frown on my face. I looked down.
“Bella, look at me” he commanded softly.
I breathed deeply and looked into his eyes. Still worried, he smiled at me. What did he have to say that conflicted him so much?
Without word or warning, His hand found my and he clasped it between his hands. He took a deep breath and his eyes looked so truly sincere I could probably cry.
“Bella, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry” He said clear and pained
“For what?” I was barely audible
“For how I treated you yesterday…I should have told you what happened but I should have never treated you so coldly- something came over me and I couldn’t stop the feeling-but that’s not an excuse-“
“Stop” I interrupted.
I hated seeing him beat himself. Especially if its over me. Someone as bright and vibrant and Edward doesn’t deserve to be brought down by the depressed like me.
“You lost your parents. I understand” I said calmly.
“It’s not an excuse to hurt you! I’m so sorry. When I shrugged you off, I can’t believe I even did that!” His head dropped in anguish.
“Edward” I asserted myself with the boldness. “Look at me” I quoted him
He looked at me without a moment’s hesitation. “I can understand what it’s like to lose someone you love very much. It hurts and it affects your behavior like you don’t even know. Even those close to you can’t get through. It’s fine. I’m fine. You’re fine.” I looked intensely at him.
He waited a few minutes before talking again. “It was my normal behavior that day like every year before. You don’t even know how much I worried about how it would affect you. But I knew I could see it coming. These feelings can’t go unnoticed. But I have to say…thank you” In that pause, his hands grasped my shoulders lightly, a feather touch but it still made my heart soar.
“W-why?” It took me a second to realize he was waiting for a response.
“I’m usually always alone on that day. I never let anyone see me. I made up an excuse to going to work to go and drive. I’m so sorry for lying to you, Bella.”
“Had a feeling anyway” I smirked but it had no life.
His hands tightened on my shoulders. “But when you came through that door last night. I-I don’t know what happened but I felt…reassured? Definitely not happy but I wasn’t sad anymore either. I didn’t want you to see me cry because I have been as strong as I could for you. When I realized you didn’t want me to go…the way you cried out… I realized I couldn’t be alone anymore. When I held you, I felt finally I wasn’t alone anymore, after all those years. Thank you, so much Bella” He finished and I couldn’t believe what I had just heard.
Edward had just opened himself up to me. I smiled at him. “You’re welcome”. For once in a long time, I felt the bond of friendship come over me. The same I had with…him. Depression burned away my happiness. What was I doing? How could I risk Edward to being with someone…broken?
“Bella?” Edward’s sadness shadowed mine.
“I’m going to take a nap” I got up from the couch. Thank goodness I could stop myself from doing something stupid. “I’m sorry” I said choked up.
“Bella!” Edward called after me as I started to walk away.
I walked not two feet until two hands grasped mine and forced me to a halt. “I was alone and you were alone but I’m not going to let that happen to either one of us again.” He said with force and confidence.
I looked back at his determination. I wanted to cry so badly. He doesn’t understand. Edward pulled me to him. Our chests touched as he towered down at me. His scent and warmth blew in my face and I wanted to faint. He held both my hands in his. His eyes bored into mine.
“Bella, I don’t know what he’s done to you” I flinched because I knew who he was talking about. “But I would never, in a million years, ever hurt you. I’d rather go through my parents’ deaths a million times than ever even think about hurting you. I would never. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself” The look in his eyes I couldn’t deny it.
My breathing shook as my protective barrier went up again in one last hope of sending me into my world of loneliness where I would never be hurt. “…you promise?” my voice was faint and shook.
His face came close to mine, so close I could feel his breath on lips. I trembled. He looked at me with such force; I knew what he was going to say before he said it. “I swear” He whispered to me. There went my last barrier. A tear fell down my cheek. He brought a vanilla covered hand up to my face. Very carefully, like trying to hold a bubble, Edward used knuckle by his index to swipe the tear away.
“Bella” He murmured to me. His voice with my name was like magic. Sparks zoomed throughout my body. It felt like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
Edward blinked a few times and slowly let his eyes close. I knew what was coming next. His hands made their way around my waist; he slowly pulled close to me. My eyes were already halfway closed; I was in so much indecision I didn’t even know what I was doing. I felt his warmth all around me. My hands lay on his chest. I debated pushing him off or not. His slowly inclined his head towards my head, His lips leaning closer and closer to mine by inches. Should I? Should I not? I started to panic. Half an inch apart our lips were at when my head turned. Edward kissed my cheek by accident. It was so shocking. His lips on my skin was like I was on fire and I wanted more. Edward waited two seconds before taking his lips off my cheek. He laid his head against mine. I closed my eyes in disappointment.
Edward sighed into my ear. He sounded hurt. How could I do this to him? No why to us? Wait a second, there is no us! He should have better! I can’t hurt either of us. I can’t stand Edward hurt.
“I’m so sorry, Edward” My voice cracked. I turned my head so ours were connected and I was looking right into his eyes. They were heartbroken. “I just…I- I can’t” He soften and put his palm against my cheek. His thumb stroked it. Warmth resonated where he stroked me.
“It’s fine, Bella. I shouldn’t have jumped the gun like that” He was soft and reassuring.
“I’m so sorry” I acted as if I didn’t hear him and wrapped my arms around him.
“Don’t be” I whispered in my ear. “It’s fine, I understand” I hugged him to me, tight. He returned it, stroking my hair comfortingly. “I can wait for you, no matter how long, Bella”
Tears collected in my eyes. “You shouldn’t” I cried into his shoulder.
“I will. I’ll always be here waiting. Always” Edward whispered softly.
How did the situation change so much. At one point I was fighting to be away from Edward now I’m fighting to be with him. I realized as how much as I didn’t want to, I was already falling for Edward. I wasn’t in love with him yet but I would be. Soon. The moment his lips would touch mine, it was over, I’d be in love all over again. I couldn’t fight. No matter how hard I tried to protect us.
I pulled away and looked at Edward. “I promise” he said to me. I believe him with no doubt he would always wait for me. So I did something I hadn’t done in a long time. I took his face in my hands pressed my lips to his cheeks but right at the corner of his lips. I prayed he didn’t try anything. One turn of his head and it was over. His skin was rugged but warm under my lips. Edward didn’t pull anything. I kissed his cheek and let go.
He smiled at me and embraced me once more.
Chapter 8: Coming soon!