Chapter One Death I wanted to die i really did. I knew i couldnt live through the, the hurt, the pain and humiliation. Why did life have to be so hard? And why couldnt anyone awnser my question. I knew i wasnt much but i deserved better then this stabbing pain that constantly made my heart beat with pain. I need a reason for life a reson that will make me stay here with Charlie. But even thinking of Charlie and Renee wasnt enough. My reason was Edward but that was gone now. He made it clear he didnt want me, he left me, he left me! after promising he never would. How dare he twist his words. I loved him, and where did that get me? Ill tell you it got me to the middle of this forest laying on the ground wishing i could feel nothing instead i had hate, pain, humiliation, despair, and hurt running through me every two minutes. I felt pathetic, why couldnt i get up and forget about him? why couldnt i? He could, he told me goodbye and left, but he had the power to do so. I could but it would involve my heart to stop beating and my lungs to stop breathing. That could be the only thing to get me off this floor, the thought of the physical pain easing my emotional pain. I wanted that feeling, to feel something that wasnt about him, something that if he came back he could see what he had done to me. I still loved him and i knew if he came and found me here right now and asked me to take him back i would, no doubt about it. I didnt want that, i didnt want him to have control over my life he walked out on. He made me promise to keep myself safe but why should i? Why should he care? You know what Edward i can break promises too. He had stolen my future and my identity, i could never be known as his girl friend ever again, i would now be known as the pathetic girl who wasted her time with Edward Cullen. The girls will laugh saying no wonder as if she was good enough for him but they didnt need to say it i already knew it too well, it never made sense for him to choose me i knew that. But i didnt question it, why would i? He said he loved me, that i was the only girl for him, maybe he wanted to just use me, maybe he was planning to kill me but the publicity got to much and how would he handle that. Everyone knew i was his, just not to the extent of it. I wanted my life to end because for me this was the end, the end of my sad life. Edward was all i had and with that gone, what was left to hold on to? I realised i had my bag with me and inside my craft knife. I didnt want anymore pain i wanted it to be over. Dying was the only thing that would bring me back to him because dying meant forever sleeping and my dreams were always about him, my god, my love. He ruined it but in death i would find him loving me once again and with that i put the knife to my left wrist, and started one of many cuts that would surely end my life. With my last breath i said "I love you Edward, Goodbye" Chapter Two Reborn The pain was worse then i could ever imagine. I felt like i was a marshmellow on a stick, with some kid holding it in the flames. Life was painful why was death as well? And then i realised this wasnt dying this was transforming into something that i never wanted to be since he left. I didnt want to live without him! I didnt scream though what was the point, maybe i deserved this pain, so why not take it with dignity. I could feel something holding my hand but i couldnt care less. The pain was nothing i had ever felt even when james snapped my leg i would take it over and over and still be smiling, this was different it made every part of my bodyfeel excruciating pain. Why couldnt God just let me die, i wanted to dream of him forever. Now i could search for him but what would be the point in that? All i asked for was death, to die. i didnt think it was that much to ask. The time passed slowly, eventually leaving me with my hands and feet pain free but the fire contiuned to burn me alive every where else. Everynow and then i would black out but then i realised i had to push through it to see who did this to me, why would they? Usually when someone commits suicide im pretty sure its because they wanted no more pain. But no they give me more pain, pain i could barely deal with. But atleast the burning went faster now, leaving me with everything pain free except for my heart. My stupid heart, but it kept beating when i wanted it to stop, i couldnt believe it was still in my chest. Then my heart slowed heading towards what could only be the last heart beat i would ever feel.