This One Shot takes place some years after Breaking Dawn. It's time that Jake tells Nessie how things really are between them. Hope I had made it right. Enjoy :)
Let It Be
Renesmee was my soul mate, my other half. I had been avoiding any chance to tell her what she really meant to me, afraid that she would be disgusted and would ask me to leave. But I had also denied all my feelings towards her, treating her as if she was only my friend. Something that was difficult, knowing how she felt towards me. But it was the only way.
But now, after talking to the rest of the family, I had decided it was time. I needed to tell her, to let her know and decide. I couldn’t stand be away from her, and I needed her desperately in much more ways than only in a friendly one.
So I asked Edward and Bella to go hunt at tonight, so I would have some time alone with their daughter and could tell her how things really were. It had never been so difficult to reach the cottage before; the way had never felt so long. But I reached it, in human form, so I would be presentable. Well, presentable in me, of course.
I knocked the door twice and there she opened it, her eyes shining.
“Hey there, doggie.” She smiled playfully. But my strong stare made her smile disappear. “Is everything okay…?”
I chewed my bottom lip. “Nessie, I think we need to talk.”
“All right?” She said warily and commanded me to follow her.
We stopped in her room, both standing face to face. I sighed loudly, a need to puke overwhelmed my system but I made my best not to affect me right now. I needed to do it, hell - I needed to do it now!
I stared deeply into her beautiful eyes. For a fraction of a second I got distracted on them, completely hypnotized.
“Yes, Jake?” She said with impatience. Her eyes wide as I stared at her.
I breathed deeply. “You know I’m a werewolf right?”
“No,” She said simply.
I started to glare at her when she spoke again, her eyes playful.
“You are not a werewolf, you are a shape shifter.” She smiled smugly.
I chuckled back. Always so clever, just like her mother. “You are right there, a shape shifter,” I rolled my eyes. She grinned back. How could I be the one turning her beautiful smile into a pout? But I couldn’t chicken out; I needed to this for her. No matter the consequences, she deserved to know.
I stayed absorbed in my own thoughts, when her impatient hands moving behind my eyes made me wake up. “Come on, Jake. Just tell me.”
She nodded once and sighed in a sleepy way. “Seriously Jake, I’m tired, can’t we leave the shape shifting class for tomorrow?”
I shook my head violently, that proposal was just too tempting. I would do anything to not talk about this right now, but I needed to. She needed to know.
“Alright,” she almost shouted, restraining me with her little hands. Just that simple touch over my bare shoulders did amazing things to my body. “You can tell me today. Just make it simple, please.” She pleaded and sat in her bed with her legs crossed. She patted the space beside her and so I did as she commanded, how could I deny anything to her? Now we were only inches away.
“You know how I’m always here? How I’m always near you?”
She sighed and placed her head in my shoulder. “Because you are my friend. I can’t be away from you either.”
God, this was more difficult than what I had thought. “Yeah, you can’t be away from me because your heart doesn’t let you, right?” This may do.
“Yes,” She said frowning, her eyes focused in some distant place as I figured she was trying to understand. “Why can’t you? Does your heart let you?”
“No, it doesn’t. But it’s stronger than my heart, it’s my body…” I mumbled back.
She suddenly jumped to her feet, her eyes were angry on mine. “Your body? Isn’t only need that you have, Jacob?” I could see the pain on the depths of her eyes and I just wanted to kick my own butt. Stupid Jacob.
“No, no!” I said with anxiety, stumbling with my words as I tried to explain myself faster than I could think. “Of course it’s not that, Nessie. Jeez,” I shook my head again.
“So what is it, Jacob? Can you please talk to me and tell me what is going on?!” She seemed more annoyed with every word she spoke.
I needed to do this fast and now. I sighed heavily and put both of my hands in my temple. “So I can’t stay away from you, even if I want to…” I trailed off, searching for the right words. When she snorted.
“That’s why you didn’t leave?” She scowled.
“When?” I knew exactly when. My heart twisted just then, but I ignored it.
“When you kissed me and then said you didn’t want me as you thought in the first place? That’s why you stayed, because you couldn’t leave?” Her eyes showed suddenly such a pain that I had to look away not to moan and burst there.
I gulped heavily. I’d been a complete jerk back then. Two years ago, when she was physically fifteen, I found myself without the strength to control my actions. I so desperately needed her that I crossed the boundaries I had put between us since she first was born. After going to her room one night and kissing her with immense intensity, I realized what a big mistake I had made. Instantly, I backed off and said I had to try it but I really didn’t feel a single thing. What a big liar I was!
After that everything had been awkward between us. And I knew she was hurting by having me so close but I couldn’t do anything, I really couldn’t do anything. It wasn’t me, it was this freaking magic going on inside me! Unstoppable and indestructible.
“What do you want to tell me Jacob?! Could you please talk to me, for real? Not like you always do, just really talk to me?”
“I always talk to you.” I lied, turning my eyes to the floor so she wouldn’t notice.
“No, you don’t!” She shouted at my face, her words felt as if she were drowning in misery. And I just wanted to cry. “And you are doing it again, Jacob. You always do it.”
I stared at my hands. And after some seconds I spoke again. Slowly, almost like a weak whisper. “I don’t know if I can,” I said truthfully and look up to meet her eyes.
She immediately posed them in her hands, her lips suddenly arched in a pout. “Well, then, please leave. I need to sleep.” She said coldly, still not facing me.
With that she walked to the door and opened it, waiting for me to leave. Seeing her like that suffering so much deep inside and wanting me to leave, to leave her alone, was ripping my heart out. Piece by piece. I put one hand on my chest at the same time I stood up from her violet bed and started to walk to the door. My eyes were pasted to the floor, feeling too much shame.
I walked slowly, each step that I made away from her, feeling like a stab directly to my heart.
“And you do it again!” She cried when I reached the corridor and slammed the door.
I stayed frozen in my place, not even being able to breathe. When my legs could react again, I ran the few steps to her room with impossible speed. I wasn’t completely sure of what I was doing, but it was more than magic dragging me to her… it was love.
“What did I do, Nessie? What did I do now?!” I shouted through her woody door, knocking so she would let me in. Not that I couldn’t break it or anything, but the less thing I wanted to use now was my strength.
I could only hear her crying from the other side of the room. I could just picture her all curled up in her bed, feeling totally defenseless. Her crying was not only breaking my heart even more, but hurting me physically. I was almost hallucinating by the pain it produced me. But it didn’t matter, it only mattered that she felt right again.
“Please, Ness. Please let me in.” I pleaded, holding one more time my chest so my heart wouldn’t disintegrate.
“Why would I? You don’t even care about me. You never did.” She sobbed.
I ground my teeth together and after catching my breath again, I spoke. “You don’t know what you are saying, Renesmee. You seriously don’t.”
“THEN WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME?!” She shouted and opened the door. Her face showed the furiousness and deception she felt toward me. And that hurt even more.
“Because you’ll hate me, and I can’t let that happen. I can’t live without you, Nessie. And it’s not only because I don’t want to, it’s because I can’t. I literally can’t.” I shouted with all my strength, I knew this wasn’t the best, but it was the only thing I could do.
She stayed perplexed hearing to my words, each one crushing her little by little. “W-what do you mean with ‘you can’t’?” She looked at me warily. Her legs seemed to almost be shaking, her cheeks and nose all red because of the cry.
“I’m not an adult. And no, we can’t.” She said coldly. Of course she wasn’t an adult, if she were one, things would be much simpler.
“All right, whatever you wish—”
A bitterly laugh coming off her lips cut me off.
“What?” I questioned, meeting her eyes to decipher it myself.
“That you never do what I wish, Jacob. Not then, not now. Never will you. And I hate you for that, hate you with all my soul.” She faltered at the end, her eyes glistening with tears.
And mine glistened too. My hands found my chest again, but this time it had been too much, and I moaned in pain.
“D—don’t s—say t—that.” I tried to mutter between my teeth. My legs were shaking so much that I was about to fall to the floor, completely broken.
“Jake?” She touched my face with her fragile hands. “What’s wrong?”
I tried to compose myself as I saw her torn features, her sad eyes. And I would never stop hurting her, would I?
I tried to breathe deeply, the blood rushing through my veins again, my heart beating – though it seemed impossible. “Nessie, I love you.” I laughed of how stupid that sounded. “No, I don’t love you. I adore you with my heart, my soul, my body, with everything that surrounds me. I adore every single part of your heart and body, and I’m so proud of your soul. If I ever made you suffer, if I ever rejected you, it was only because I couldn’t have it any other way. Because we were never beyond the same conditions, and it wasn’t fair for you. But with time it has been more difficult to not be with you, painful and impossible. So I came here, today, to try and tell you how things really are for me.”
She was staring at me in some kind of a trance, and for some seconds I feared she hadn’t listened to anything I had just said. But then she blinked and cleared her throat. She put that same bitter mask she always had towards me when she was angry and folded her arms across her chest. But I could see that my words had reached her, I could see it in the depths of her eyes.
“So how things really are for you?” She replied robotically.
“First, they aren’t simple.” I laughed nervously. “They aren’t simple at all. They are actually twisted and almost impossible. But we more than anyone know that impossible things happen, right?”
“Right,” she nodded. “So?”
I brushed my shaggy hair with my hand, and breathed deeply. It was it, the time. It was now or never. “So I don’t only love you, Nessie...," I breathed deeply. "But you are also my imprint.”
“I’m what?” She laughed incredulous.
“You know how Quil is always with Claire?” Maybe an example was better.
“Yeah, because he loves her.” She stated matter of factually.
“Yes…,” I sighed, staring deeply into her eyes. “But it’s also because she’s his imprint.”
“All right, will you tell me what imprint means?”
“It means that we are destined to be with only one person in this world, and that that person would be the best one to continue with our legacy of were—shape shifters.” I spoke slowly, not taking my eyes off her to see the change of expression in them.
“Does that mean that what you feel it isn’t exactly because you feel it but because someone made you feel this way? Your nature?” She gulped at the end, and her eyes glistened one more time with
tears. She hugged her arms and looked down to the floor. Just there I could see little drops wetting the floor.
“No, no, please don’t cry, Nessie. Please don’t cry, honey.” No matter what my brain was commanding me to do, I followed my heart’s guidance, and wrapped instantly my big arms around her tiny shoulders. She wrapped hers around my chest and placed her head on my bare skin.
“You don’t really love me, Jacob. It’s only nature.” She mumbled through the crying. Each word destroying me completely.
I kissed her hair, my lips lingering more than necessary. Needing her just too much. “No, that is not true, not true at all, Nessie. It is nature, but it’s so much more than that. I’m in love with you and would be even if this stupid magic didn't exist. But fate has put us together, Ness. It’s you who I
would like to spend the rest of my life with, and it’s you who I have to.”
“You have to, you don’t want to.” She repeated solemnly.
“No, no. Nessie, listen to me. Just listen, all right?” I took her face in my hands and commanded her to stare into my eyes. “I first thought it was that way. The first time I saw you, right after you were born, my whole world crumbled when I stared into those sweet eyes you have. You were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I needed you desperately, even if I had seen you only for
“So it’s natu—”
“Let me finish,” I cut her off, placing my thumb in her lips. “But then I started to spend time with you, first playing with you and your dolls, then running at your side, then laughing with you and spending nights talking and talking… And there I realized it was so much more than a simple legend that took life, that it was so much more than my nature. I started needing you but not only because it hurt me physically to be apart from you, but because I also enjoyed so immensely your company. I started missing your eyes and your voice and that night, two years ago, I couldn’t control myself, and I apologize. But how could you ever buy that thing that 'I realized I didn’t want you in that way'? Seriously, it was crazy. There, I realized how in love I truly was with you. And even if it seems impossible, I have fallen more in love with you with every day passing by. I love you with every cell of my body Nessie, imprint or not, you are all I want. Today and always.”
Without even giving me time to react, and after laughing with joy, she took my face in her hands and crushed my lips to hers. I let it be, feeling so many things at the same time... that it seemed impossible. Everything disappeared before us, and only we stood, completely connected and intertwined.
I felt something wet beside her eyes and automatically separated my lips from hers. “’You crying?” I breathed worriedly.
“Only because I’m happy,” she smiled. “Because you too are all I want now and forever. And I know that you love me, because in the end, love is magic itself, right?”
“Right,” I smiled brightly. With that she requested my mouth with her eager fingers once again.
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