Life After Death
Do realize I have a very busy schedule...plus another story so updates may not be close together...this is not all of chapter 1 this is just a taste...this is not twilight related but I hope you enjoy it all the same...Please comment...tell me the cold hard truth....if you hate it say so...if you love it...yay lol
There was a bitter wind to the night air, the stars were twinkling, and the moon casting its glow across the tall fescue grass in front of me. It was beautiful and frightening. The reason I was standing in this field on a chilly night like this was not for any good reason. No, I was running. You're probably wondering, well what was I running from? The answer would be, I was running from myself and him. And it seemed that no matter how fast nor how far I ran, I couldn’t get away. So now you think, I'm crazy, don’t lie I know you do. I mean how in the world could a person run from themselves. It’s not easy I can promise you, in fact it’s impossible. No matter where you run, no matter how far you run, your past always catches up to you. I was destined to become one of them. My parents had sold my soul to keep me alive as a baby. I was brought back under the condition that on my twenty-first birthday he could have me.
My breath was coming quickly as I continued peeking over my shoulder. This night would be the night. It had to be the night they would force me to join them. I couldn’t join them. I wouldn’t join them, they were evil. I am not evil.
I slowly walked forward into the open field casting glances in each direction as shivers ran up and down my spine. I felt them watching me. I knew they were here, somewhere. I would have to fight. I would rather die fighting then succumb under their power. I heard a noise and my body went numb. No, not yet I’m not ready. I twirled around to face him. He was tall, much taller than I remembered him. He towered over me by at least two feet. His long black hair was making midnight waves behind him as the wind rippled through it. His eyes shined even darker than his black hair sending more shivers down my spine. His lips twitched and slowly formed into an evil and sadistic smile. Behind him was an army of his “women” if that’s what you would call them, they were his brides. He wanted me to join the flanks. I would never join willingly though, and he knew that.
“Cora.” His deep silky smooth voice cooed.
“Enri.” I spoke through clenched teeth.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by HazelNUTZ on
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omigod..... this is really good.already i want 2 murder enri.ew.neway awesome story.
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Permalink Reply by Mandiberry on -
I know...Enri makes me so angry and Im the one who created him LOL
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Permalink Reply by Mandiberry on
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Thanks...I know Im getting excited about writing the next chapter
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Permalink Reply by My Own Kind Of Renesmee on -
Sounds really good. I think your Ideas are good.
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Permalink Reply by Mandiberry on
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Thanks, Im glad you like my ideas...I like them too...problem is I seem to have to many...lol
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Permalink Reply by §♥Heather♥§ on -
Mandi,
That is quite a unique idea for a story line. And since you said loud and clear that you wanted honestly, that's what I'll give you. In your prologue I have some concerns, you started writing in first person's then you wrote, 'Your probably wondering, well what was she running from?'. The thing is you started in 1st then with that one question turned it to 3rd. You could leave it that way, the exact words and put I instead of she and keep it as 1st persons. Then in your first chapter there were a few things that went to far. You don't have to explain in so much detail whenever someone says something, and you don't always have to say 'said' afterwards.
God I feel horrible, really maybe I should keep my mouth shut and say things like everyone else does. Wonderful, amazing, loved it, things like that. But then that's not who I am now is it. You should know by now exactly who I am.
Always a heartfelt friend,
Heather -
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Permalink Reply by Mandiberry on
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lol...No...thanks for the critisicm...Im happy you told the truth...which is exactly what I asked for and it helps me improve my story...never feel the need to comment like everyone else...comment like Y.O.U. I love it lol...I'll see what I can do to fix that tomorrow...but I had a very long day at the lake and Im about to go get my butt to bed LOL...I will read your new chapter tomorrow too!!!!!!!!
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Permalink Reply by RussetWolfLuv on -
Sorry it took me so long to read, but I have been super busy the last few days with finals coming up and everything.
But here's what I have to say after reading this amazing chapter:
First, I love the way you describe everything! Whenever I read something that you have written, a perfect, clear image forms in my mind, and I feel like I am there watching the story happen. It's something very unique for me to find among authors, and I'm glad I'm able to imagine your stories!
As for the plot, its extravagent! I'm so interested in finding out more of the stranger, and why he wants the baby girl, how he brought her back, and what he's going to do on her 21st birthday!
I personally don't know if I would have brought the baby back, even though I'm sure it's impossible for me to feel what the mother felt when she found out the baby was dead. I would think about it more, and wonder if I could give her up in 21 years.
But great story, and add more soon!
RussetWolfLuv -
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Permalink Reply by Mandiberry on
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Awww....thanks RussetWolfLuv...Im really glad you like it, and I understand about being busy...I'e been out being young...Im tired of sitting around all day feeling like Ive accomplished little to nothing...so I've been hanging out with friends alot lately...and apparently Im being beckoned by them now...lol Eric just called me and told me to get my BUTT in my car and come over...LOL...so I guess I will talk to you guys later...and I will update soon I promise! Oh but I didn't want it to sound like that's all I'e been doing...lol...I've also been watching a baby and toddler...so busy busy busy LOL
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Permalink Reply by RussetWolfLuv on
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Same here, on weekends I usually like to sit around and write...but then I feel like I've done nothing all day, and that I'm just being lazy. So I have also been hanging around with my friends a lot more, in fact in a few hours we are having a party! Lol.
Anyway, I'll talk to you soon, and keep the great writing coming! -
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Permalink Reply by ♥vamplvr27♥ on -
wow. this is an amazing story!!! post more soon!!!
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Permalink Reply by Mandiberry on
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Thank you very much...that means a lot =D
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