The Twilight Saga

**STORY NOW ON INDEFINITE HIATUS** This is the story of Edward's life after transformation/pre Bella, from his POV. I sort of wrote it for myself at first, as an exercise, but then I decided to share it. It may be a little boring. There isn't really much action yet, it's mostly Carlisle explaining things to him and helping him with his new life. I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know what you think! **all characters property of the wonderful Stephenie Meyer**

Posts are on pages 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 17, 19 and 20 with pages 2 and 3 containing 2 posts. (Thanks, Lestat for reminding me to add this little guide!)

Thud… thud… thud. Silence.

The relief I felt once the fire had finally ceased didn’t last. I opened my eyes, and the world was not as I remembered.

I could see, hear and feel everything around me… It was frightening, but I couldn’t help but feel fascinated. I looked around the room. I could see each brushstroke in the painting across from me… I could hear the sound of burrowing outside… termites, I assumed, as I could also smell the woody scent of sawdust… and I could feel every stitch of fabric in the sheet that I lay on. I didn’t recognize my surroundings, and before I could think about what I was doing, I leapt out of my bed and across the room at a speed that didn’t seem possible. I spun around and was automatically in a crouch. What was happening?

There was a man sitting next to the bed I had been lying in less than a second ago. I recognized him. This had been my doctor at the hospital, I was sure of it. I watched him carefully. I could hear him saying “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I cannot believe I did this.” But he wasn’t moving his lips…

And then all of a sudden the doctor was gone and I was looking at a younger man, standing across the room from me. He had very pale skin… and bronze hair… He looked like me, but different, too. I flinched when I saw his bright red eyes. His features were more chiseled and defined than mine were, and he looked more muscular…

“What is happening? What did you do to me?” I said in a whisper. Upon hearing my own voice, I cocked my head in confusion. It did not sound like my own.

“Edward, I know that this is very confusing, but please, you must listen,” he said aloud. And then, without moving his lips, he added, I need to get him outside… he must be in a terrible thirst.

Then it happened again, something took over my body and it acted without my mind telling it to. My throat burst into wild flames and I threw myself out the door and directly toward the moist, beating sound I could hear nearby. I could sense the man following me, but I wasn’t able to turn away. I ran toward the sound faster than lightening. I needed something, anything, to quench this fire in my throat. I took hold of the first thing I reached. Not even realizing what it was, or what I was doing, I buried my teeth into its neck and bled it dry. I threw it aside and did it again and again, until I felt like my body couldn’t hold anything more. The taste in my mouth was terrible, but at least my throat had quieted.

All the while, the man stood back, watching me. Once I had finished, I realized that there were dead animals all around me. I was too shocked to speak. I looked at the man pleadingly for some kind of explanation. Never in my wildest dreams was I prepared for what he said next.

“Edward, my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and I need to explain what has happened to you. Do you remember being in the hospital?” He asked in a slow, wavering voice.

I nodded, unable to speak.

“Both you and your parents had been brought to the hospital to die. Pardon me for being so blunt, but it is true. You were all infected with the Influenza, and there was nothing that could medically be done to help any of you. You already knew that your father had passed away, and soon after, your mother died as well. I check-”

“My mother is dead?” I interrupted, horrified. I gasped, even more horrified when I saw my mother’s pale, drawn face in my mind. Had I seen her before she died, and didn’t remember? Where did this image come from?

Carlisle looked confused by my actions. “I am afraid so, Edward. The Influenza is a horrible illness. Very few have been able to survive it. I checked on the two of you as often as I could, and the last time I saw your mother alive, she looked at me as if she knew what I was, that I was something… else, and begged me to save you. I knew it was most likely the fever speaking, but she looked at me with such clarity in that moment, that I could not believe her to be delusional. I told her that I would do whatever I could. She had used up all of her strength, and she dropped into unconsciousness and passed quickly,” he said, looking at me with pity in his eyes.

He walked slowly toward me with his hands up. I let him approach, unable to move. He placed his hand on my shoulder before speaking.

“I am so very sorry for your loss, Edward. Please try to take comfort in the fact that she did pass quickly. She loved you very, very much. I could see it in her eyes,” he said, before continuing his story.

“I looked at you in the bed next to her. You were so close to death, Edward. In a mere hour or two, it would have been too late. I took care of your mother, and then I covered you with a sheet and wheeled you to the back entrance. The hospital was in utter chaos with so many patients, so I knew that your absence would not be noticed. I carried you here, to my home and tried to make you as comfortable as possible, before beginning the process.”

“The… process?” I choked out. This was utterly ludicrous! If I had been so close to death, how was I not dead, as my parents were?

“Yes. I know this is going to be hard to hear, and I apologize again, but I believe that it is very important that you understand. The process began when I administered venom into your body. Over the course of three days, the venom took over your system in a very painful transformation. I know that it was torturous. I am very sorry for that, but as of yet I have heard of no way to lessen the pain. At the end of the third day, your human heart stopped beating and the transformation was complete.”

I winced sharply when he reminded me of my transformation, as he called it. That was something I never wanted to remember, but doubted I would ever forget. His entire explanation was insane, but one phrase stood out to me. “Human heart?” I asked.

“Yes, Edward. This will be very shocking, so please, brace yourself. It was the only way that I could fulfill my promise to your mother and save you.” He waited until I nodded again. This entire story sounded like the plot of a horror novel. What was going to come out of his mouth next?

“You are now a vampire.”

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that was awesome. I loved it. Beautifully written. Keep up the good work.
keep wrighting it awsome
Ok guys, here is the last installment before I take my hiatus on this story. I hope you enjoy it!

Under the current circumstances, it seemed the sooner we left for Minneapolis, the better. I stayed with Esme when Carlisle left just after nightfall to take care of things at the hospital and make the other necessary arrangements for our move.

I knew what she had done was horrible, but I couldn’t help but feel pity for her. Her thoughts were so remorseful, continually worrying about the man and his family, if he even had one. She placed herself in his mother’s shoes and sobbed anew at how hideous the feeling of losing a child was.

I sat beside her and patted her hand. “Esme, please, please calm down. I know how terrible you feel, but there isn’t anything that can be done about it now. It gets easier with time. It was a… mistake… but it wasn’t your fault.” If it were me that had attacked the human, I would be berating myself relentlessly as she was, but it went against the grain of my upbringing to stand aside and not offer comfort to a woman that was clearly in need of it.

My words did little to soothe her. I began playing my piano in a desperate attempt to calm her. After a while, her tearless sobs quieted. Relieved, I continued to play into the night until Carlisle returned. When he did, he rushed to her side immediately.

“Esme, how are you feeling? I am so sorry,” he said, and she responded with only a weak smile.

“Everything is prepared. We will leave tomorrow tonight. It shouldn’t take us but a few hours at most to reach Minneapolis. My real estate contact was able to locate a suitable property about thirty miles outside of the city.”

I simply nodded and began to play again. What more could be done? Carlisle sat with Esme all night and into the next day as they listened to me play. He spoke to her, urging her not to blame herself. She continued to feel terrible, but I could see that she did begin to believe him.

My playing stuttered momentarily when out of the blue she replayed the moment she had caught the scent in her mind. She realized that she was not at all able to control the instinctual urge that had caused her to commit the heinous act.

“Carlisle, what if I come across the scent again tomorrow? I don’t see how I will be able to stop myself. Perhaps we should stay here a little longer?” she asked hesitantly. She wanted to leave, knowing the physical evidence of her attack was nearby, but afraid to take the risk.

“You will have to hold your breath, Esme. It won’t be terribly comfortable, but as long as you do, you won’t have to worry. Edward and I will be with you, and we will stay in the forests and away from trails as much as possible. It will be all right,” he said, glancing at me.

I nodded. I could hear the resolve in her mind not to take one single breath until she was given permission to do so. She was adamant that she would not hurt another human.

I continued to play well into the next day. I knew I’d have to leave my piano and I wanted to play it as much as possible before we had to leave. When the clock struck five the following evening, I slid the cover over the keys, and patted it lovingly. The sun had nearly set, and we would depart shortly.

“We should pack our things,” I said, standing up from the bench.

Carlisle and I packed our personal belongings as Esme looked on. She had nothing to bring along except the clothes on her back.

Before leaving, Carlisle swept the woods thoroughly. He wanted Esme to hunt before we left, knowing that her newborn thirst must have been excruciating. When they returned, we set off. Esme was not enjoying holding her breath, but she was determined not to let the annoyance of sensory deprivation overcome her will. She knew that should any danger come along, we wouldn’t allow anything to harm her.

We reached the address Carlisle had provided before three hours had passed. Carlisle held up his hand, indicating that Esme and I should wait. He tore around the perimeter of the property, checking for any danger or human scent, before returning to us.

“It’s all right, everything is as it should be,” he said this to both of us, although he knew I had been breathing the entire trip, as he had. He did not wish to single out Esme.

She held onto each of our arms as she took in a breath. She smiled wearily, glad to have her sense of smell back.


We settled into life fairly easily. In keeping up appearances, Carlisle greeted the very few neighbors we had which thankfully, lived miles away, while I stayed with Esme. He used relatively the same story as he had in Ashland, though this time, he said he had moved with both his brother-in-law and his ailing wife, warning the neighbors and townspeople to keep their distance as she recovered. He thought that best, until Esme was able to handle being around humans. It seemed like a logical story and though they were not actually married yet, it was inevitable that it would happen soon.

Every few nights, I would go into the city to hone my skill at averting my infuriating desire for human blood. Though I often ventured out in the later hours of the night, there was no shortage of people on the streets. And every time, through no conscious attempt of my own, I managed to attract the attention of women. Hearing their thoughts was quite shocking at times. In fact, some of the “ideas” I heard we so drastically unladylike that I would actually shudder and wish for a hole to open up in the ground and swallow me.

And the men weren’t much better. When they saw me, they would either instantly compare themselves to me, focusing on their own inadequacies, or they despised me for drawing the attention of their female companions.

It was very frustrating. I wanted to yell to both the men and women alike that they had no idea how much I wished I were a human like them… that if they knew what I was, and what I was capable of, they’d be running away screaming, not staring at me. But instead of drawing more attention, I’d just shove my hands into my pockets and skulk away.

Sometimes Carlisle would join me on these trips, sometimes not. I could tell that he felt guilty for not coming with me more often, but he and Esme had very little time to be alone together, what with my living under the same roof. I was more than happy to give them their space. Mind reading and extra-sensitive hearing most definitely had their downsides when living with a couple in love. Ugh.

Over the course of the next year, Esme’s eyes turned gold and her newborn thirst relented enough that Carlisle thought it safe to begin her transition into the human world. The memory of what she had done and her overpowering desire to never take a human life again made the adjustment nearly easy for her.

After Carlisle had deemed it safe, Esme began to accompany us into the city at night. She was doing extremely well, and we were both very proud of her. It was a bit of a relief on my mind to have a lady with us. The thoughts I heard from people passing by would sometimes focus on Esme and their envy of her, rather than on myself or Carlisle. They were very fortunate not to have my ability in these instances.

A few months after Esme had sufficiently proved that she could be trusted without question around humans, Carlisle presented her with an engagement ring. I had known it was coming, and when the time came that Carlisle decided to ask, I went on a hunting expedition for a few days. Though I did want to give them privacy, I also didn’t want to be around for the emotional display that was sure to follow. It felt silly, but it was akin to a young boy witnessing a passionate kiss between his parents. It could be a bit stomach turning, and in my case, in more ways than one.

I was happy for them both, but I couldn’t help but feel jealous also. Their love for each other was a beautiful and pure thing, and the more I bore witness to it, the more depressed it made me. Would I ever have that? I seriously doubted it. How could anyone love someone like me? I was a sullen monster that despised himself and his life. Quite a catch, if I don’t say so myself. And I could never do as Carlisle had done to myself or Esme. I understood his reasoning, and I did not think poorly of him, but personally, I could not, and would not bring a person into this life, especially for my own selfish desires.

I returned from my trip on a very overcast day. When I entered the house, Carlisle was out.

“Good morning, Esme. I hear that congratulations are in order,” I said, smiling at her.

She beamed back and embraced me tightly. “Thank you, Edward! Carlisle had gone out to pick up something from the city. He wouldn’t tell me what it was! He said he wanted it to be a surprise.”

It must have been a decision Carlisle had made while I was away, because I was just as in the dark as she. As she showed me her ring, I could hear Carlisle’s thoughts come into my mind. I smiled when I saw the gift he had with him.

We both turned as Carlisle approached the door. He came with a large grin on his face and a large white box tied with a pink satin ribbon in his arms.

“Carlisle, what is this?” Esme asked excitedly.

“Why don’t you open it and see? Welcome back, son! You were missed,” he said to me after setting the box down on the table.

“Thank you, Carlisle. And congratulations.”

He smiled widely at me and then we both turned our attention to Esme as she unwrapped the package.

She pulled out a simple but elegant white lace wedding gown and a small hat with white netting.

“Oh, Carlisle! It’s perfect… thank you! But why now?” she whispered, holding the dress up to her and spinning around before giving him a tender kiss.

“I am so glad you like it. I know it’s very sudden, but I’m just so happy you said yes to my proposal. I was hoping we could be married at the Justice of the Peace today…” he said, trailing off at the end. It was unusual to see Carlisle unsure of himself. But he really had no need to worry. Her answer was practically instantaneous.

“I’d love nothing more. Edward, would you join us? After losing my own, you’ve become like a son to me. It wouldn’t be the same without you. Please say you’ll be there?” she pleaded.

I was so touched by her words that it took me a moment to respond. “It would be an honor,” I managed to say when I was able. It was true. Just as Carlisle had become like a father to me, so had Esme become my mother in this life. She was always so warm and caring, and always putting Carlisle’s and my needs above her own.

Esme embraced me again and kissed my cheek. If she had the ability to cry, she would have tears streaming down her face.

Carlisle and I changed into our nicest clothes, while Esme put the dress back into its box. As we didn’t have transportation for three, we would run as close to the city as possible before walking to the courthouse at a human pace. Esme would change there, so as not to get her new white dress dirty.

I carried her dress as she and Carlisle ran hand in hand to our destination.

We made it to the city limits quickly, and merged unnoticed into the bustling streets.

Carlisle made the arrangements with the Justice of the Peace as Esme changed into her dress. When all was ready, I walked out to meet her. She looked breathtaking in the simple dress with her caramel hair cascading down her back. I smiled crookedly at her as she took my arm, and we walked through the doors and up the short aisle to where Carlisle and the Justice of the Peace stood.

The wedding was short but very heartfelt. They, as the couple, and I, as the witness, signed the enormous book that bound them as husband and wife. As I signed, my eyes were drawn to the signatures before theirs… so many pairs of names. Would I ever find my own pair? I really didn’t see how. Though I loved Carlisle and Esme, I hated this life and I despised myself. How could anyone ever feel anything towards me. I sighed and put the pen down. Carlisle and Esme were declared husband and wife, and were given permission to have their first kiss as a married couple.
That was really amazing. I am going to miss this while you take a break - really! I love your story of Edward's beginnings. You have done a beautiful job of understanding what was going on in his mind in his early years - amazing really... thank you for sharing with us and, please, don't be gone too long!
Awww,that was so sweet....the wedding I mean :] And to see how Edward despite himself was very simliar to the way he describe himself in Midnight Sun.
Just beautiful! You've set the stage for Edward's departure in exceptional detail by describing his inner turmoil and angst.

Your updates will be missed. I'll anxiously await your return.
That was beautiful. Your whole story is breath-taking. Of all the fan-fics I have read you and Erica have the best handle on Edward's point of view. The story will be missed terribly while you are taking a break. Thank you for sharing what you have written so far. I hope it is not something bad that has made you need a break. Take as much time off as you need. I will be anxiously awaiting your return as will the rest of your readers. ^.^
Wonderful ! As usual. I'm sorry you will be taking a hiatus, but I'm sure you need a break to re-group yourself and to come back with more wonderful chapters. I'll be looking for your return...
Thank you so much for sharing your great talent with us, your fan fic fans. Do you have any idea how long
a hiatus you will be taking ?
Thanks again..........a huge fan of yours.
Poor Edward has so long to wait until he gets to have his first kiss as a husband to Bella.
Its so sad :-( The poor guy.

Well, I'm happy for Carlisle and Esme.

And Im sad ur taking a break, but I understand that you want to. Its good to take breaks every now and then. I'll be here when you start it up again!

Unfortunately, you're taking a break from this story . . . and I SHOULD understand . . . BUT I'M GOING TO MISS YOUR AMAZING WRITING!!!! Especially, when Carlisle finds Rosalie and brings her back . . . FOR Edward!! (I take it that is when he decides to leave . . . BUT MAYBE he leaves AFTER she finds Emmett??? With two couples in the house, it will be be MOST difficult!!!!)

This was amazing. Such a wonderfully written story, I am sad that you have to take a break from it. But I will be ready when you get ready to continue it.
it was beautiful.i love to read about how edward felt towards bella in your writing.keep it up and take your time.i dont mind waiting.goodluck!


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