In this story, it begins when Edward has left Bella in the woods. Throughout the first chapter; the timeline does jump around a bit. I hope you can understand why that is after reading it. This is a very sad story. Of course as is with all of my stories, I have my own twist on things, so please enjoy and remember to always let me know what you think about each chapter. Besides being thrilled by your comments, I have often found that my readers can help keep me in line when I stray. This story is called LOST for very good reason. You’ll see, lol.
Thanks to Binni for begging me to post this. Happy Reading.
I couldn't scream, move or even feel. He was gone and he wasn’t coming back that much he made clear. I felt the ground mold around my body below me. I closed my eyes hoping that this was just one of my horrible nightmares...but it wasn't. I laid there with my eyes closed, wishing and praying that I wouldn’t be found, ever. Where is Victoria when I need her to take all of this pain away for good? I yelled for her hoping she could hear my plea but I heard nothing in return. I was able to move enough to find a spot to hide under; I didn’t want anyone but Victoria to find my location. A full day went by while I crawled up to higher ground, furthering my distance from the rest of the world. I could see that I had cuts on my arms, but I couldn’t feel the pain, I couldn’t feel anything at all. When I knew I could not be found, I shut myself off completely, willing even sound itself from penetrating my ears. My eyes began to cloud over. At first I could feel my chest rise and fall, but then I couldn’t even feel that. I was not sure how many days had past when I saw my only true reason for my existence standing in front me now. I gasped for the air that allowed me to be here with him now.
"You came back for me." Please tell me that you still need me in your life."
He just stood there. Why wouldn't he speak to me? As I reached for his smooth stone like hand he disappeared before my eyes. I truly have lost all sense of reality. That was the last straw for me. I cannot go on like this for the rest of my life. I wanted to stop breathing. I wanted to stop, but I knew I was still alive only because the pain of my loss was still embedded deep in my heart.
Please god let me find her. The call to Rene was unbearable to make. “What! What do you mean my daughter is missing? Did she leave a note at all? This is not happening.” She cried out.
“Rene, there was no note and no call. I’m sorry, I think you should come to Forks.”
“How long...has she been missing?” She barely was even to speak the words aloud.
“Two days.” I was Bella's father but I had to be strong for Rene. I knew she would break into pieces if she was not found.
“I will call the airport and get a flight now, see you when I get there.” Her voice full of panic and grief stricken beyond what she ever thought was possible.
“No, Rene, I have already bought your ticket for you. Please just go to the airport and give them your name, that is all you have to worry about.”
“Charlie...thanks. I can't stand the thought of my little girl being hurt in any way.”
“Neither can I Rene.” He said with a dry throat and a lump forming in his throat. Mike Newton came in the door then and relayed the message that the call came in for the day that his daughter Bella had not been found yet.
“Nothing at all…?” He said sadly, his eyes showing signs of despair.
“Nothing at all, Chief Swan. I’m sorry Sir, but we will keep searching.”
Four Days...Still Nothing…
That damned Cullen kid. I could break his neck for leaving her. When I heard the news that the Cullen’s left town, I was sure Bella was not harmed physically but emotionally. Where she went is another matter. Jacob Black was sure that she left with the Cullen’s and he believed that she may be too afraid to call yet. If this was the case, I would rather this be the scenario then to find her...Charlie stopped his thought then. No one has heard from the Cullen’s since they left town. We had no way of contacting them at all.
“Rene, we are going on another search, please stay here and hope we get a call.”
“Yes, yeah I can do that.” She said disoriented. As we were leaving town, I heard over the scanner that they found her. My body wanted to be relieved and it was on its way to that state of mind, but then the other part of me became rigid with a sickening thought of something else and I heard my own voice crack under that thought as I said, “Just tell me that she’s alive?”
The voice over the scanner said...“Yes, but not in very good condition, Charlie.”
“What do you mean?” his worst fear crawling in his throat threatening to cut his air off.
“She’s weak and she hasn’t had any food or any water and she seems to be incoherent that she has been found.”
I couldn't believe that this person in front of me was my daughter. She had no life to her at all. She wouldn’t speak to us, there was no emotion in her face to show that she knew who we were, and there was just nothing there. A deep sigh escaped from my lips and even I could tell how it left me with no life to it.
One month later...
“I'll get the phone.” Rene called out to Charlie which was sitting in the living room with the television off. Charlie hadn’t been able to function since Bella was found.
“Oh yes, hold on, I’ll get him.”
“Charlie, it's for you.” She said in a calming voice. Charlie slowly rose out of his chair to get the phone although he was in no way wanting to speak to anyone. Clearing his throat, he said hello.
“Alice!” He shouted partly excited and partly irritated. “Why haven't any of you called to see how she was?...“Well, as much as I care for you Alice, it would have been nice to get a phone call a long time ago…Uh, no, she isn't here…She’s in the hospital and has been ever since she was found a month ago…Alice slow down please. Bell...no wait my daughter is not my Bella that you knew…She has lost her mind, Alice.” Charlie said while beginning to cry. “No one knows what happened, but she hasn’t spoken a word since and she doesn't recognize anyone. You can try Alice, but I don't even think you can help her out of this…She is...lost to us all now. See you then Alice, bye.”
“What did we do?” Alice whispered in pain, her face showing every sign of sadness.
“What is it Alice?” Jasper asked while trying to sooth her.
“We have made a terrible mistake and I knew we would. I have to contact Edward, he has to fix this and I mean now.”
“Alice, please tell me what’s the matter.” Jasper almost begged her.
“My brother is what's wrong, he thought leaving her would save her but what exactly did he save Jasper? All he saved was her body because her heart and soul are gone. When I get a hold of him he will be sorry.” Alice stomped until she called his phone enough times that he finally answered.
“Edward Cullen! You get yourself back here right now; you have a lot to fix. If I do not see you home within the next day, feel free to not call me your sister ever again.” I knew that was wrong, but I had to get his attention.
“Alice, what’s wrong?” Edward nervously asked through the receiver.
“You think you saved her, well let me tell you something. Bella was not found after you dumped her alone in the forest that day instead she was lost for five days and she has been in the hospital ever since. She doesn't speak a word and does not acknowledge Charlie or Rene. You have to fix this and now.”
“I can't go back Alice, you understand this right?”
“No I do not understand Edward; you left her in pain, loneliness, despair and most of all completely heartbroken. How could you not go back and save her? I just don't understand you.”
“Alice, if I go back I’m essentially risking her life.”
“Risking her life! Do you call what she is going through now a life at all? She has no life; she’s stuck in her own mind over you and what you have done to her, what WE have done to her. I’m going there tonight to see how bad this is.”
“Alice, you promised you would not interfere in this.”
“Well, Edward Cullen, if you will not interfere then I have no choice but too. I will never forgive you for this Edward Cullen, mark my words.”
I felt how right Alice was about this but something told me that I should stay away. When I finally stopped arguing with myself, I came to the conclusion that whatever it was telling me to stay away was just my ego. The outer layer of me excepting beyond any doubt that everything was my fault- our fault. I really had thought that staying away from her would ease her suffering but now...well it seems that she still suffers in a different manner that is still my fault. I wanted her to live a normal life, but what she is living is not normal at all. So I have decided to go back and make things right with her. The thought of her suffering at all did not sit well with me.
Alice had been on edge since we left. She had no intention of leaving her best friend and thought that I should have felt the same way. Our leaving brought a wall in between me and my favorite sister which I did not like whatsoever. I not only had to make things right with Bella but with Alice as well. I was too far to get to Alice before she left to go to Forks so a call to her was a need at this point. I pulled out my cell hoping that she would answer; of course she called me first. I am sure she saw that I made my mind up.
"So you’re coming back then?" She said forcefully.
"Yes Alice, I am returning home."
"Are you going to fix this situation or not?"
I could see that trying to break that wall between us was going to be a difficult task at this point. "Yes Alice, I am coming back to her." Alice, please do not think that it has been easy on me to be away from her."
"Oh Edward, I know that, I just can't for the life of me understand how you could have done it for as long as you have or at all. Never mind that Edward, Past is past right?" She cheerfully stated.
Okay then the wall was crumbling faster then I originally had thought. This was a good thing. "Yes Alice, Past is past. I am on my way as we speak; I should be there tomorrow evening. We can all go back together; you and I will go to see her then."
"Great, really great, this is great news! Oh, Edward, I am so sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier but you really did need a straight talking too."
"I have come to realize this too Alice. See you when I arrive."
"Bye Edward, I can't wait to see you. Esme will be thrilled with this."
"Yes please tell her and I will see you soon alright." Whew, one hurdle I have managed to cross over unscathed but I was sure my next one would not go over to well.
When I finally reached my destination back to my family. There were happy faces staring back at me and some mad ones as well. Rose was glaring at me and I did not have to get her to speak aloud to know she had a problem, it was evident that the second I walked in she wanted to speak her mind in the literal sense that is.
Edward is back, let's all bow to him. Whatever your problem is buddy it doesn’ t need to include all of us jumping when you say jump. I didn’t want to leave at all, but oh if Edward says too then we all do. I for one am tired of having to deal with your emotional antics all the time, so whatever happens this time with you and her, just leave yourself and leave us be.
"Wow, Rose, I miss you too." Of course I said completely sarcastic."
Rose stomped out of the room while the rest assured me that she would get over her troubles with me. Soon the hugs and kisses came and went then the silence took over.
"So when do you want to go see Bella?" Alice asked in a rush.
"Alice, I’m sure she will not want to see me after what I have done to her." I had to admit to myself that I was in fact nervous about this visit. What if she hates me and never wants anything to do with me?
“Don’t be silly Edward, I am hoping once she sees you that she will come out of this comatose like state she’s in." She said now trying to reassure me that everything would be fine.
I was not so sure of that myself but I did want to see her and now so I agreed to leave. "Edward-Alice, come with me. I will make it easy for the both of you to go and see her." Carlisle said. When we left with my father, he was clearly bothered by something and was shutting me out on purpose. I was curious as to what he was hiding so I had no choice but to ask.
"Carlisle, what is it that you’re not telling me?" I asked worried.
“Son, I do not think you want to know what is bothering me." He said sadly.
“Please tell me, I can see that you desperately want to." With a deep sigh he went on.
"Son, when I came to the hospital to get hired back on with the staff, I snuck into Bella's room and..." He hesitated then.
“What is it?" Please just say it." I was running out of patience fast now.
“You will not like what you see, son." Bella is…not your Bella that you remember. She is lost in herself so deep that she may not come out of this." Carlisle said with each word spoken slowly to make me understand the severity of the situation.
“I see." I couldn't really picture my Bella being that far gone; I guess I will have to see for myself. When we arrived, Carlisle took us straight up to the fourth floor directly to Bella's door. Alice asked if she could go in first to see if she could see anything of her future then wanted to go in after me to see if anything had changed in her future. I agreed and she went in with preservation while Carlisle and I went to the nurses’ station to ask if there had been any change from earlier when Carlisle had visited her. Nothing had changed though; Carlisle rested his hand on my shoulder saying that it may take me to get her out of this. I hoped his thought proved correct.
By the time we had finished our conversation, Alice came out looking somber and I knew then that this was not good. "Alice, were you able to see anything at all?" I asked.
"Edward, I have never seen anything like it with her." She um...has no future at all, I cannot see anything. Her motivation to want a future at all has just…vanished. I can't handle this; I have to go downstairs until you’re ready for me again." Her brain was at a standstill.
While Carlisle waited outside her door for me and Alice went downstairs, I slowly crept my way into her room. When I saw her sitting in a wheel chair at a small table looking out the window I went soft inside. I closed the door behind me and walked ever so slowly to her side looking down to her so I could see her face for the first time in months. What I saw made me crumble to the floor in an instant. With all the strength that a vampire had, I quickly lost mine. I held myself up by the side of her wheel chair reaching for her hand. Her hand was limp there was no feeling coming from her at all. Her body looked lethargic, her eyes showed no emotion at all. A mannequin came to mind as I stared into her glossy eyes. I turned my body bending down to face her directly.
"Bella...Bella, can you hear me love?" I waited but I received nothing verbal back from her, no movement of any kind even her eyes stared off into a faraway place, frozen. "Please love, if you can hear me please answer me. I came back for you Bella, I lied when I told you that I did not love you anymore. I have always loved you and always will. Please just let me know that you know I am here with you now." Nothing came from her...I sat on her bed watching her and thinking of the reason why I had left in the first place. I had to search for that answer now, seeing what has happened to her. The reason was because I did not want her to be harmed by anyone and live a long life- happy. Alice was right; she was not living a life at all like this. She was dead inside and it was slowly starting to show on the outside. Staying away from her was supposed to save her life but now seeing what was before my own eyes, I see that leaving her had killed her already. I walked out of the room for a brief moment telling Carlisle that I wanted to stay with her until I could help her and he assured me that everything would work out then he walked over to the nurses’ station and made sure that this could happen. When he came back, he asked how I was holding up. All that came out of me was.
"I killed her from the inside out." I decided then that if she was stuck in this lost cycle then I would too while taking care of her needs. Alice came back then asking if she could go back in and I said yes.
"Edward, you cannot allow yourself to feel this way son."
"Father, I have put her in this state so this is my fault, I cannot leave her alone." I said with no emotion.
"Son, I just want you to be aware of what you are going through right now."
"What would that be father?"
"The emotion that you are showing right now is...grievance." He said quietly.
"I do not care what it is called Carlisle, it is how I feel."
"I understand that son." He stated while again resting his hand on my shoulder for support. Alice came out then more upset than she did the first time. This time however I had nothing to say. "Alice, were you able to see anything at all?" Carlisle asked of her.
"Carlisle, I was able to see flickers of things." she said looking confused.
"Such as…?" Carlisle asked.
"Such as, her mind is all over the place trying to figure out how to ignore what she sees and hears of anyone at all."
"What do you mean?" I asked now, wanting to know every detail.
"Bella believes we’re not really here, she thinks her mind is playing tricks on her so she is trying to make them go away. She’s terrified that her mind will not stop showing her images of us and that she will not be able to just sit there where she is forever, alone. She’s more lost every time she thinks her mind is tricking her so we need to be around her enough for her brain to be able to tell the difference."
I was just as lost as my beloved Bella was at this moment. She doesn’t believe that I am here. I have to do everything I can to change this. I walked back into the room and grabbed her hair brush they had laid out in her bathroom. I began to slowly stroke her beautiful long hair while speaking at a slow pace for her to be able to comprehend the memories I had with her and such. I swore then to repeat this as much as possible.
I hope we're friends so I can keep you updated. Thanks for giving it a go :) Hope to see you back again.
Hi sweetie, Yes, Edward lost it too. He feels so guilty though. So sad. Updating today...
amazing chapters so far... love reading everything you write
Thank you so much. Wow, really? Thanks. You guys are full of compliments lately. You might give me a big head one of these days, LOL. Nah, not me. I worry too much, lol.
It is very, very sad, I know. Oh you poor thing. Oh never giving up hun, not a chance. Sorry hun, but Edward has officially left the building (Stole that from Lauren, LOL). Wouldn't you know...I'm posting more today.
Yes, heart-breaking is written all over this story. Hm, now if I go telling you things, it wouldn't be that interesting, right, LOL. I owe you by the way, lol. You got me good with Destined on the noms. Very clever of you, lol.
we better.....sorry im not the most patient of people :) blame my mothers side:(:)
I'm posting here in a few moments...