The Twilight Saga

My morning star (Renesmee and Jacob story) NOW COMPLETE!!!

This is my first story. It's mainly centered around Renesmee and Jacob and their daughter. Please read and comment. Be honest. i love constructive criticism. Stephenie Meyer owns all character besides a few.

"Push Nessie" commanded Carlisle.
"I... am... pushing!" I panted.
"She's doing fine. I can see the baby's head. That baby has a head full of hair." said Rosalie.
2 more pushes and I could hear a baby crying.
"Awwww the baby is gorgeous." said Rosalie.
"Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" I heard Jacob asking.
"Yes she and the baby will be just fine," my dad said.
I could hear Jacob running up the steps.
"Come one Jacob and see your new daughter," said Carlisle.
"Her name is Jalina." i said.
"Jalina Makiyah Black," I finished.
"The name is beautiful," said Jacob.
"Thanks."

*Please comment and tell me what you think

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Replies to This Discussion

Wow . . .

great story

 

Not sure o da name, sorry :(
u need to write a sequel

thanks n

I'll see if I can come up with anything.

Do you have any ideas?

i like it except its mostly all dialogue! i want a break from the talking and just a moment of their thoughts. and also its hard to decifer who said what so you should tag something like ",nessie said." or "jacob howled." on the end of the dialogue.
thanks for your comment and i actually prefer dialogue. i tried to put in peoples thoughts when giving an overview of the situation and sometime i forget that when writing the stories no of you are in my head or sitting there when i write it. I know who's talking w/o putting who but you guys may not. Sorry about that.
I love it I read it all to day and I loved it wright a sequl plzzzz

Okay guys soooooo

I have decided to write a sequel but first

I need to reread this one b/c i totally 4got what happened!

But I want to know who you guys would prefer the story be centered around.

 

Email me or comment plz!

i thank you should right about Jake and Nessy and the baby

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