I do not own any of the characters, events or places within this story. The Twilight Saga belongs to one amazing woman, Stephenie Meyer. I just wish I was Mary Alice Brandon and have an obsession with Jasper Whitlock's Southern accent.
Enjoy my lovelies :)
This world will never be, what I expected,
And if I don't belong, who would have guessed it?
And I have left alone, everything that I own,
To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late.
Three Days Grace- Never Too Late
Some say that the pain has to get worse before it can get any better. Perhaps this is true; perhaps even when you want the pain to stop, you know it is all that keeps you bound to this world. Others believe that avoiding such pain is the key to happiness and that locking away your heart is the safest route for this life. Yet, what do those who have eternity to live through do? Without the necessity to squeeze every moment into a short span of decades, how do you choose whether or not to feel the pain?
After all, forever being lonely and closed off from this world is surely not an existence at all. Or perhaps it is the only way to survive what I am. Even so, to live this life without feeling love, friendship, family... it would be no life at all. Even a vampire has a heart, even if it is silent for all infinity. I cannot answer any of these questions, even after over a century of life. These questions answer themselves in the life we lead, in the path we choose. I, of all people, know that a decision made can change the course of the future dramatically.
The only question is; what are you betting on?
Chapter One- Awakening
Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding,
Fall into your sunlight,
The future's open wide beyond believing,
To know why hope dies,
Trading Yesterday- Shattered
I awoke to feel the burning. A cruel, liquid fire rushing through my veins; replacing my cool blood and consuming every part of me. I couldn't stop it, the flames licking at my skin and the sweltering heat boiling the flesh and threatening my sanity. I thought the pain would never cease, that the blaze that covered me would finally char my bones to ash. I'd never known that such unimaginable torture could get any worse, until the fire reached my heart. It beat frantically against the flames, begging for the pain to stop and for my body to be returned to me. A battle broke out, the fire against my chest, lines drawn and the rest of my being conquered by the inferno. It was only a matter of time before my heart fell to its power. Each hefty thump was a last minute warning call, each one closer to holding up the white flag. As the fight commenced, I felt the flames retreat from my fingers and toes, slowly but surely moving their way back. It seemed the fire was building within my chest, threatening to break through my skin. It bullied my heart into submission, the pain unbearable and the heat even worse. I must have screamed, even if my head was too busy concentrating on the war to alert me of that fact. A final beat of my heart told me the battle was won, I felt it wheeze to a halt before falling silent forever.
My mind warned me that no heartbeat meant death. I waited for it to come, expecting it as the pain stopped and I was left with nothing but the dark.
Death was not what was on the cards for me that day. The silence I had endured during my struggle was replaced by noises, something new to my ears. It made me inquisitive, I wanted to rest, to never have to move again. Yet, sleep did not come, and the noise grew louder. Impatient and irritated, my eyes flickered open to take in the world around me for the first time. Around me it was dark, like it had been throughout my torment. Only this time, I could pick up on the tiniest spark of light, allowing me to look around the room I was captive in. I flinched as the burning returned again, this time not to my heart but to my throat. It was a different kind of smouldering however; it was one of hunger, thirst. I couldn't define the desperate need I suddenly felt to feed; I wasn't even too sure what it was that I needed. With no mentor, the thirst would have to rage on as I got my bearings. It was a constant reminder that I was still within the world of the living, even if I was sitting on the sidelines of it.
I did not know who my torturer was, but I could definitely smell him. It was a fresh scent, by what my instincts told me. Only a few hours old, telling me he was once so close. I sniffed again, trying to work out where I was. I came up with nothing, no words to describe what I could smell. Scents from further away made the flames in my throat double in intensity. I held my breath, trying to block out the painful feeling. I was a newborn to this world; everything I saw around me was completely alien- completely new. I closed my eyes, blinking and trying to get any kind of memory.
I blinked again, my eyelashes fluttering furiously. I was so confused. If my heart could beat, it would have been as fast as a hummingbird's wing. Surely I had some kind of memory? The moment I thought about memories, something else hit me.
My eyes glazed over, and where still open as the image flashed before my face. It was a man, an inhumanely beautiful man, even I could tell that, without my knowledge or memory on anything human. He had extremely pale skin, blonde hair and the most unusual crimson eyes. The eyes struck an instant chord with me, red like blood, menacing like a predator. I knew immediately that my eyes would bear the same resemblance. His face remained there, getting clearer and more defined. As this happened, I felt my first ever true emotion. Love. Instant, unforgettable. This man was instantaneously all that held me to this Earth, and I didn't even know his name. I wanted him; I wanted his arms around me and his smooth lips against my own. I wanted him so much within those ten seconds of seeing him for the first time. I shivered; the power of this vision too much for me to cope with. The urge to cry was unbearable, my face squishing up into a scowl, my eyes remaining annoyingly dry. How can I let out any emotion, without such a human ability?
Human. I knew that I was not of that species, my whole body screaming that fact at me. So what was I? An animal of some kind... a word cut into me sharp like a knife. Vampire. Even without the memories of who I was, images of what I would have known continued to blind me. That thirst that burned endlessly in my throat was not for water, I was craving another kind of fluid. Blood. Rich and hot, the very thought made venom pool in my mouth. I spat it out, disgusted with myself. The poison landed on the floor a few feet away, sizzling slightly as it touched the ground. My unnecessary breaths came deep and fast as this realisation hit me. I was a creature of the night, a Demon. I didn't deserve to exist; something told me that I shouldn't exist. Panic flooded through me, all these new emotions where too much to handle. Every emotion too strong, clinging to me then changing so rapidly. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Wait, I couldn't cry and I didn't want to laugh.
I glanced down at my hands, half expecting to find long, sharp fingernails. My skin was amazingly smooth, perfect, any blemishes practically invisible. I also gasped at how white I was. It was as though I had never been in the sunlight before; veal calves had more colour to their meat than I did to my skin. I frowned; frightened about if I would always be this shade, the colour of the dead. I tilted my head, suddenly wanting to see a mirror, to see my face for the first time, to gain more memories of who I was. I noted how my fingernails where simply that, not twisted into claws or resembling a bats wing. It seemed that some vampire myths where untrue. Curiosity sparked in me, I wanted to discover everything about what I had become. The burning in my throat was constant; I knew that quenching that would be my first task.
Somehow, I managed to get my limbs to work, allowing me to heave myself up from the hard floor. Standing upright was strange, my head feeling light but my movements flawless. No bones clicked or creaked, each motion of my body was fluid, easy. I started off almost a toddler did, holding onto the stone wall as I put one foot in front of the other. Everything was still so new, but some things slowly returned to me, my balance for one. Even in the almost pitch black room, I could make out the shape of a door. Instinctively, my legs moved towards that chance of escape, my hands reaching out shakily for the brass handle. I half expected the door to be locked, or not budge an inch. Thankfully, whoever had shut me down here either forgot to use the key or wanted me to find freedom. The door swung open as I pulled it, banging loudly against the brick walls, I hadn't realised my own strength.
A set of wooden stairs confronted me, leading up towards another door. My escape from this place was not yet over, but the fear that hit my stomach was overridden by the inferno that was in my throat. Taking in another breath, I stiffened. I could smell them. Two heart beats, two blood donors. They where humans, I could tell they were within an old age. The blood even smelt elderly and dusty, like an ancient can of beans would to a human. Without the need to think, I sped up the stairs, ripping open the door and looking around for the heavenly fluid that I craved with all my being. With no one to guide me, or stop me, I would have killed those two without a second thought. Venom filled my mouth once more, this time I did not spit it out. I crouched low, not realising my surroundings and sniffed the air once more. The scent was not close; it was faint in the air but still there. The wind outside must have changed direction, because it was not as potent as it was before. I looked over at my way out, a window. My muscles tensed, ready for the pounce and hunt.
That was until my eyes glazed over once more, showing me a new set of images for me to ponder.
A man, no, a doctor, with the same pale skin and extraordinary beauty filled my vision, temporarily blocking the ache of hunger. I did not feel the same draw to him as I did with the last person to be presented to me; yet, I still felt some kind of unknown connection to him. This view moved, allowing me to spy on him as he began his hunt. He crouched low, baring teeth and letting a low growl rumble from his chest. I inadvertently licked my lips, excited and wanting to join in with the feast that was to come. Only, when he pounced, it was not the neck of a human that his teeth sliced effortlessly through. It was an animal. I stumbled back, hitting the plaster wall behind me. An animal? Surely that was not right. Yet, the vision continued, he reared his head and wiped the blood away from his mouth. It was his eyes that caught my undivided attention. They were not crimson, but a yellow brown, almost like liquid gold. I gasped, interested at this new idea. The vision finally faded, leaving me with nothing but my own thoughts.
I could survive without hurting anyone; I did not need to be a monster. The idea drew me in, enticing me as it calmed my conscience. I would never taste what I wanted most, but I also would never have to be nothing more than a common murderer. I could make a positive out of what had happened to me, I didn't have to kill for the sake of killing. Something deep down inside also told me that one day, I would be a part of that doctor's life, that living off the blood of animals would be unavoidable. This pleased my ebbing conscience, a little voice telling me that killing humans was completely wrong. I felt disgusted with myself for wanting to drink from the elderly couple; they did not deserve what would have happened to them. I thanked God that the vision had stopped me, and I prayed that they would continue to do so.
Something caught my eye outside of the window, a doe ran past, leaping and disappearing to the dense forest. The newborn part of my brain began screaming at me, kill kill kill. I knew it was right, and resisting such an urge was near on impossible. Even now, the burning returned and the desperate need for blood was overwhelming my senses. I needed to feed... right now. I crouched back down again, bearing my teeth and allowing a snarl to echo from my lips. The scent of the elderly humans had disappeared, perhaps because of a change in wind, all I could smell was the fresh flowing blood of the deer.
I was a blur as I sped out of the abandoned house and into the forest.
Alice is awesome, she's my favourite character from the Twilight Saga.
I already have two more chapters already typed up.
I'm glad you like it :)
Chapter Two- Learning
Soulless is everywhere, hopeless time to roam,
The distance from your home, fades away to nowhere,
How much are you worth? You can't come down to Earth,
You're swelling up, you're unstoppable.
Relying solely on instinct was easier than I thought it would be. I let the bloodlust take control; it guided my motions and allowed me to quickly find my prey. I was lucky that no human's where within my range, or they would have surely died on my first hunt. Part of me was almost wishing that I came across a human scent, allowing me to finally have the real blood I desired. The other part reminded me of how wrong killing a human would be, of how I would be a murderer for such an act. I kept hold of this part of me as I hunted, even though I knew it would be ignored should the opportunity for human blood arise. My head was filled with thoughts of blood and feeding, almost pushing my personality and natural actions completely out. I had no choice on this matter, my newborn feelings overshadowing whoever I was before I became a vampire. With the quick change in emotions, also came the almost bi-polar transformation in character. I was now a hunter, stalking my prey and licking my teeth excitedly.
My eyes closed naturally, taking in this glorious sound. I could hear each chamber of the deer's heart opening and closing, pushing blood around the body. Fresh, flowing, liquid. Venom overflowed from my mouth, dribbling slightly down my chin. I had no real sense of control over myself. I couldn't even wait for my prey to begin drinking from the stream before I pounced.
Flying through the air was effortless, allowing me to land on my prey in less than a milli-second. The animal did not even have time to struggle, as I put my teeth to its neck, slicing through the soft flesh like a knife in butter. The blood hit my tongue, sending sensations of pleasure through my very being. It was the most amazing feeling, hot and thick. It didn't taste exactly right, like eating salad instead of meat. After a moment, I froze. The blood tasted wrong, disgusting. I dropped the animal, its lifeless body falling to the ground. The doe's head lolled to the side, landing at an awkward and unnatural angle. In my eagerness to feed, I had accidently broken the deer's neck, killing it almost instantly. The animal no longer smelt delicious, I could already sense that the blood was clotting, drying out and stiffening the carcass.
I growled, angry at my obvious stupidity. I needed to take this slow; my strength was obviously more than what I thought it was. The thirst returned, twice as harsh as it was before. I needed real blood; I needed it more than anything else. Without thinking twice, I crouched down low and began my hunt again. Instinct told me that deer were herd animals, so there had to be more animals close by. I raised my head, closing my eyes and using my enhanced senses to find something else to eat. It didn't take long, the sound of multiple heart beats and steady breathing was not hard to miss. This time I would do things properly, this time the blood would be mine. Mine. Venom overflowed, my sharp teeth leading me to my next victim.
I took things more slowly, more carefully. The scent of the blood, although not completely appetizing, was enough to send me into a slight frenzy. I held my breath, trying to calm such new instincts and to hunt properly. This new found rationality did not last long however, I became impatient and burst out of the bushes I was hiding in, landing on a large buck. When I sunk my teeth in, I took the time to rein in my strength, barely touching the animal in an attempt not to break its neck. It thrashed out wildly, kicking and trying to impale me with its large antlers. The hooves and antlers did not graze my skin, although I heard defining cracks as it hit out. It was as though my skin was made of rock, too strong to break. I felt each kick, but only as much as I would feel a fly landing upon my skin. Its attempts at escape were futile, slowly becoming weaker and I sucked out its life-force, draining the poor creature dry.
Dropping the body, I grabbed at the clothing I wore to wipe off my mouth. The thirst was still there, but only a background throbbing, like a headache to a human. It was now manageable, allowing me to concentrate on other issues. I hadn't even realised exactly what I was wearing before now, the ache for blood overshadowing any other thought. Now, however, I openly shuddered at the awful attire I found myself in. It resembled a long dress, with short sleeves; made of a material my brain reminded me to be cotton. It was covered in blood and gore from my recent feast, and torn in places across my body where the animal had fought back. I reached behind me and found the back was held together with nothing more than a series of ties, a word from my almost blank memory told me this was an operating gown. My feet were bare and now black from the mud. I dreaded seeing myself in the mirror, half hoping that the myths about vampires being invisible in mirrors to be true. My curiosity sparked once more, what exactly did I look like?
This question could only be answered by facing my new found demon; a mirror. I followed what I straight away knew to be my scent back to the house, realising that in my frantic state I had zigzagged a long way from the home that I had been dumped in. In my haste to quench my thirst, I had ripped the front door off its hinges, throwing it a few meters away from the house. I definitely did not remember doing that, and made a mental note to test the limits of this newfound strength. In a flash, I was beside the wooden door, taking hold of it and leaning it against the brick house. The house was small and double storied. Large sash windows covered most of the front of it, the rest smothered by a climbing vine that clung unto the old brickwork. Forest surrounded the building, no sign of any other kind of human life for what seemed like miles. I was glad of this, as it would make my task of not killing anyone even harder. I regretted thinking about killing, the thirst returning to my throat. I swallowed some venom, glancing around for something to help calm me. A rabbit shot past, but not quick enough for me to be unable to reach out and grab it. My teeth sank into its fur, into a main artery. I drained the helpless animal, licking my lips and slinging its limp body over my shoulder.
Time to see myself for what I am. I thought, before finally entering the house that had sheltered me as I changed into a vampire.
Without the distraction of a human scent, I was able to see what the interior of this place looked like. Every room was decorated the same, except the bathroom and kitchen. The walls were all a deep green, with gold leaf wall papering and a dark brown wooden floor. The floor wasn't even cold against my bare feet, but I could feel the almost slick varnish against my stone like skin. The kitchens and bathrooms had white tiling, with the same flooring. I quickly realised that these rooms would go unused during my time here. Furniture was sparse, and most was wooden like the floor. Judging by the thick, grey layer of dust that was on everything, this home had not been lived in for a long time anyway. I glanced around for any paintings or black and white photographs, finding nothing. I sighed, sadness creeping through me at the thought that I had no clue to who had inhabited this house before me, perhaps they where the people that gave me this curse. I decided not to give up on finding out about my past, but for now it would simply be pushed to the back of my mind. I could always focus on that matter another day. Vampires had all the time in the world.
Finding a mirror was not difficult, I located one within the master bedroom. It was a full length one, with a silver gilded frame. I was not sure about whether I could actually see myself in a mirror. Vampire myth dictates we were without a reflection, because of having no souls. As a test, I brought my hand into the view of the mirror, the rest of my body standing at the side. I watched carefully, a smile playing on my lips as my doll like hand waved back to me. That was another myth that was disproved then, I began wondering if anything was true in the human stories about us. Us. I had already left whatever human life I had -and could not remember- behind. It didn't even hurt to think I was now a predator, I could only see the positives of this new lifestyle, bitterness at my condition did not occur to me.
I shook my head, I had to make myself focus on what I was doing, as my brain kept going off on tangents. I shut my eyes, stepping slowly to the side, in full view of the glass object. I don't know how long I stood there, my eyes closed and my breathing even. I was almost too scared to open them, and see who stared back at me. What if I was unattractive? I'd hate to spend eternity with a face that should be kept hidden. How could I coordinate an outfit with a hideous face? I shivered, sucking in a deep breath and finally allowing my eyes to open. I was gobsmacked at the girl who stared back at me, her eyes a deep crimson and her mouth slightly open in surprise.
Beautiful. I was inhumanely beautiful. Short, black hair and pixie features confronted me, with flawless pale skin that matched my hands. I grimaced at my hair, cropped and greasy, sticking out all over the place. I would have to definitely do something with it; at least I wouldn't have to worry about it getting tangled during hunting. I was almost doll like, my skinny stature a little over four and a half feet tall. Blood and dirt was smeared across my face, but I could still tell that I was striking. Being so short, I looked even younger than my real age. I frowned, grasping around in my almost blank memory for some kind of age to match this body. Nineteen came to mind, so that was the number I chose. Forever Nineteen.
The woman in the mirror beamed back at me.