Chapter 20: http://www.thetwilightsaga.com/group/fanfiction/forum/topics/phasin...
Two hours till 2010! aha! I made it! better late than never i supppose! I'm sorry I kept you all waiting, I hope you enjoy! :) This chappy was really inspired by the song "The only Exception" by Paramore! Love it! and its in the playlist, so enough of my jabbering! enjoy! :) 9 pages on word so i hope that keeps u occupied. I have no idea when 22 will be out sorry
Phasing Moon Chapter 21: Mortality
The only thoughts in my mind were Edward and his perfect form storming out of the room. What had been thought? And who was responsible? I looked around the room at my family, all their pale faces, expressionless, all of them frozen statues.
“What’s going on?” I asked them, my hands clenching into fists. They knew better than to keep secrets from me.
Alice was the first to come to life as she danced over to me, slinging a cold arm around my shoulder, and guiding me to the couch. I wanted to make this quick, Edward seemed so upset...
My sister stared off in Edward’s direction, then stared at me, and sighed. “A decision needs to be made, Bella” Her eyes tightened.
“What decision?” What absolutely had
to happen in order for my and Edward’s relationship to blossom?
“Your mortality” Alice stated, monotone.
I inhaled a gasp. My mortality? Does she mean becoming a vampire? Me? I would leave the mortal world behind to be with the one I loved? I’d never given much thought to becoming a vampire. Ironically, it never crossed my mind. But becoming one...maybe I could be enough for Edward; to stand next to him and be the girl that belongs there, to be a woman with inhuman beauty and perfection.
My head unconsciously drifted in Edward’s direction. He didn’t seem too happy about it. Why? Did he not want me to spend forever with him? Did he want to eventually end up with an elder? That didn’t seem right. My eyes drifted down to the pale carpet.
“Bella, there’s no rush, you can wait as long as you want” Carlisle said, at my side suddenly. He touched my arm but I just kept sinking into a depression. My hands fisted in my hair.
“Wait until what? I’m an old lady? Right.” I let sarcasm poison my voice as I slipped my head into my hands. I’ve never thought of this until now. I was about to grow old with my never-aging family and then die while they went on with their never ending lives. This had to be done. I must become a vampire.
“I’m ready anytime. Please, I don’t want to end up like...” I just shook my head in disgust. There was a silence, a kind that could bring your spirits down. It was dead, no spoke or even breathed. Then, before anyone could say anything, a painful, agonized yelp immersed from outside. Pain saturated my chest and my hand immediately reached for my heart. What was I doing to him? I was hurting him. Edward should have a say.
I sat up, my vision was blurry. “I’m going to check on him” I said brokenly. Suddenly, more than one pair of hands was holding me down.
“Bad idea, Bella” Alice said, back from the future. I kept my eyes where Edward was.
“He...has to take in...what could happen...” Alice’s voice trailed off and I looked back at her. Her usually bright eyes were now a dim yellow.
“I don’t understand....” How could Edward be so stubborn for me to change?
“It’s something for you and him to discuss when he is less upset” Carlisle said softly, comfortingly.
Esme glided over and hugged my shoulders from the side. “It’ll work out, dear. No matter what happens, we’ll always love you.” She soothed my hair.
“I’ll love you too” I promised my mother.
“Bella” Alice’s pained voice made me raise my head, “I know it hurts but don’t go near Edward today...he needs time to himself” Her face hardened.
My teeth bit down hard on my lip. It was hard enough knowing he was in pain, but now I had to avoid
Edward? My first instinct when he is hurting is to hold him in my arms and comfort him, do anything to make him happy again. This was going to be hard.
Alice stared at my, agonized. “Can you?” I held back my tears of anguish and nodded. “I’m sorry” She whispered. Esme squeezed my shoulders, and Carlisle patted my head.
As the day progressed, I worked swiftly through the house, cleaning. I would do anything to be distracted from Edward’s pain but it was no use, he was always somewhere in my mind, stinging me with his agony. An unfamiliar haze filled my eyes and I felt my body automatically work itself, my mind was detached, stumbling through nowhere.
The eyes of my frozen family followed me as I worked around our home in my empty state. Alice made me feel less alone as she adjusted paintings on the wall as I dusted them. Her eyes were blank most of the time, either respecting my depressed presence or looking into the future. Alice shouldn’t have to deal with me, but each time I would try to apologize for my behavior she would shush me and say its nothing. I would look out the window to the backyard more than necessary, checking on Edward. He remained in a sitting position looking out at the lake. Although, the haze would clear out of my eyes slightly.
Eventually, the house was spotless, so I kept cleaning it again and again, doing anything to not let this pain swallow me in. I kept my pajamas on throughout the day, I couldn’t let one thing distract me from my trance.
I was dusting the glass coffee table for the third time when Carlisle was getting home from work. I heard him sigh as he hung up his coat and then everything else was silent. Rosalie had walked angrily up to her room and for once in my life, I could care less about what she thought of me. Alice was arranging flowers in a small vase to put on the table I was cleaning. Emmett and Jazz were playing their own customized game of chess, very odd way to play but they like it. Esme had been humming while looking at some blueprints for remodeling a house.
“Check mate, I win” Emmett laughed, smug. “Too bad Alice isn’t here to let you cheat, Jazzy old boy.”
Jasper just growled. “Again” Really? This was their fifth game and Emmett had won three already. Just because I was cleaning didn’t mean I heard their cheers and grumbles of the result of the game.
A cold hand touched my shoulder. My heart fluttered. Was it Edward? Had he finally come in? I turned around just to see my father staring down at me, his eyes full of concern. “It’s time to take your medicine and check bandages, Bella” Carlisle held out his hand. I raised an eyebrow, I usually did that on my own, this was only a sign that Carlisle wanted to speak with me. I sighed, dropped my cleaning rag and followed Carlisle to his office.
My father poured me a glass of water and handed me the two pills I’m told to take. I sat on the cold table used for examinations in Carlisle’s office. He lifted my shirt slightly to remove my bandages. A pinch in my skin and the bandages were off. He examined the wound closely.
I looked down at him and he smiled back at me, “They’re almost healed. Although, you still have to take the pills for another two weeks”
I just nodded weakly. Carlisle turned and burned my bandages like he always did so the scent wouldn’t bother the others. The flames licked the air and only made me think about what that transformation feels like. Was it as hard as my family says it is? It is worth it I know that.
I looked over at my hard working father, and thought about the choices he had made for our family
“Carlisle?” I asked as he got my new band-aids and pain ointment.
“Hmm?” He hummed as he cleaned the wound from my dreadful surgery.
“How hard was it for you...to decide...for...Esme to become...?” I just shook my head. It was harder to get the words out than I thought. How much pain did it cause.
“I didn’t have much time” He whispered, “She was dying, there was nothing a human doctor could do. I had two choices: Let her die-” Carlisle choked on the last word and then picked himself up again “or change her”
His eyes spaced out; out to the past. “I couldn’t leave her like this. Blood stained all over her head and back, blood coming from her mouth” Carlisle flinched, “Her blue eyes looking at me with despair and loss, Esme was so good, and I couldn’t bare to see this human being die. I thought I was done, I thought I would not doom anyone else to this life... but all I could see was the person I loved dying. I’d never, in my two hundred years then, experienced such a sensation such as love. It was so dominant; it blinded me from the better decisions for her.
“Edward was with me then, holding his breath, still not used to human blood. Just as I was about to change her, Edward had other ideas. His amber eyes, furious ‘Are you mad? Death is less painful and a hell of a lot better for Esme’, he growled at me. My son didn’t want me changing anybody else just as much as I didn’t.
“‘I wish I could explain this to you, but I don’t have time, son’ I told him and then...he left.” Carlisle snipped the tape with his nail, redoing my bandages. He then looked at me, his golden eyes, calm. “But can you see how different Edward and I are? I see this-” he gestured his body “- as a second chance. Edward sees it as a curse, much like the rest of them. I gave them this chance because they were all such good people.”
I was glad Carlisle did. Every one of my siblings was special in their own way. But why couldn’t Edward let me experience that with him? “But why don’t you think Edward wants me to change?” At least maybe Carlisle would have a clue.
He took a deep breath and didn’t look at me first. “Edward is very different from me. His beliefs are different than mine.” Carlisle looked at me and I felt my eyebrows furrow; that is not what I asked. “I believe that even if we, we as vampires, leave Earth, we still have a chance to live in heaven. But Edward...he believes differently” His eyes turned sad.
“How?” I whispered. I’ve never heard this kind of information on Edward before, and this was probably my only chance.
His eyes drifted to the window, “He’s the opposite. He doesn’t believe what I do. He believes this is our afterlife. If we are gone, we are gone”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. That couldn’t happen. “So what? He believes he doesn’t have a... a soul?” If I was putting it right, it sounded just like that.
“He believes none of us have one”
“That’s not possible. If he didn’t have a soul, he’d just be a monster” I murmured, trying to do this math in my head. Then I gasped when I figured it out. “He thinks he’s a-”
“Monster” Carlisle finished my statement and nodded.
How could a wonderful, perfect person such as Edward think their a monster? “That is not true...he’s the complete opposite.” I just shook my head.
“Yes, I know” He looked back at me. “But just think of the situation in reverse, if you believed as Edward did, would you take away his soul?”
I pursed my lips. My father had a point that I couldn’t argue with. His soul was definitely something very precious. I let out a sharp sigh. After hearing Carlisle, it made sense for Edward to be upset with this.
My father silently guided me out of his office. The haze had lifted from my eyes and I didn’t feel so empty anymore.
It had grown dark outside so I couldn’t check on Edward. I bit my lip and went down the staircase.
* * *
Rain pattered against my windows and I stared into the darkness of the outside world. Edward was probably soaked now but still thinking of my decisions. I contemplated them as well. Would I be willing to take away Edward’s soul if it meant I could spend forever with him? My heart broke as I knew the decision I would have made. I’d do the same as Edward, I would keep him human. I sighed.
My face reflected dimly against the glass. My eyes were the same color brown, my hair was the same dark mahogany, my skin still the same pale ivory with a tint of rose in my cheeks. For once, I could see what Edward sees; what I was giving up: This human girl, soft and warm, a maybe only chance at heaven.
But I believe differently. I believe in fate and destiny, I believe in souls and heavens. I would become a vampire to be with my fate and follow my destiny. He and I would have souls and we’d be in our own perfect heaven.
I sighed, climbed into bed, and shut out my light. I laid my head on the soft, plush pillow. My hand slid onto the pillow to my right, where his
head lay last night. I tightened the pillow in my fist and all I could see where his eyes when I woke up this morning. A single tear fell down my cheek as I shut my eyes and eventually, I felt myself drop into a dreamy slumber.
* * *
My body suddenly fell on a cold, solid floor. My breath came out in a huff and my heart stuttered hyperactively. I opened my eyes to only be surrounded by black.
“Bella” A familiar voice whispered in my ear. It was not only familiar but beautiful and as soft as velvet. Edward
My head shot up only to see two figures, glowing dimly: one tall, one short. I got up, feeling very weak in my knees. “Edward?” My voice sounded hoarse. Neither of the forms responded.
Suddenly I sensed someone behind me. I turned around to see Edward, tall and perfect looking ahead. His eyes full of love, a smile on his face. I hadn’t seen him so happy since last night.
“Edward, I’m so glad you’re happy and over this, it’ll work out I pr-” He started walking passed me. What the...?
He didn’t even see me. “Edward!” my voice was almost inaudible. I started running but it felt as if I was walking really slowly, that happened a lot in my dreams. “Wait!” I mouthed. He didn’t respond as he reached the forms.
Suddenly, the sun burst through the glow. I gasped. The sunlight hit all –now three- forms, all reflecting the sun’s glow in sparkles. Eventually, I became faster in my attempt at running. “Wait!” I called out to them, my voice getting clearer.
My vision of the figures started becoming clearer. One was Edward, the easiest to recognize who was facing me. The woman next to him had her back turned to me. She had her hand in his. I envied that. Then there was a child, looking at the sun but her body turned towards me. This was very confusing.
The woman turned around and I gasped. She was beautiful; stunningly beautiful. Her long dark brown hair dropped to her waist, perfectly wavy and smooth. Her skin was pale white and probably ice cold. Her eyes were mesmerizing, they were fiery amber. Her form was slim and curvy. She was much more beautiful than Alice or Esme.
“Bella” Both the woman’s head and mine turned to my love. But Edward was looking at the woman. Realization hit me finally, the woman...was me. Her face was expressionless but when I gasped, she did as well.
The child then turned her head in concern. She was just as beautiful as the vampire Bella and Edward. Her eyes were a beautiful dark chocolate brown. Her skin the same tone as mine and her short bronze locks hung from her shoulders. Who was this? And why did I feel love growing inside me for her?
Before I could take another step, thunder crackled in the distance but there were no clouds blocking the sun but the family ran anyway. “Wait!” my voice now crystal clear. They eventually disappeared. “Wait!” I screamed at them.
Thunder then crackled in my ear and lightning struck the ground where they once were. I screamed and my eyes shot open to the ceiling of my room. My whole form was shaking, scared to death. I was so shaken, tears fell down my cheeks. I wasn’t scared because of the storm but because that future disappeared. That Bella’s eyes were still in my mind, staring at me with confusion. I took one shaky hand and smoothed out my hair. I slowed down my breathing as much as possible before I had a panic attack. My moved to my heart and beat wildly against me skin, I could feel it faintly. This was the future I was taking and I wanted it, badly.
I moved from the sheets and turned on my light on the night stand, behind the picture of me and Edward. The shine stunned my eyes and that only reminded me more of my dream, I flinched. I took a deep breath to calm myself. It was only then I sensed someone next to me. I gasped and turned to see Edward. He lay right where I clenched my fist last night.
“You’re here” I whispered, my voice drowning in relief.
“I am” He said, his voice was much more beautiful than my dream.
I slowly lay back on the pillow, without taking my eyes off of him, much too terrified he would disappear. His golden eyes burned through mine, making me need to catch my breath. I blinked and with one shaky hand, laid it across his icy cheek. He was real. My heart caught in my throat. I squirmed to him and through my arms around his neck.
He seemed shocked at first, hesitating but then winding his arms around me. His lips found my shoulder and little circuits traveled through my body. I breathed and his wonderful scent filled my nose. Edward kissed his way up my jaw. I pulled my head from his shoulder to see his face. His eyes were burning with apologies. That didn’t stop him from pressing his lips to mine. This kiss was gentle but intense; I could sense tension in his lips. But the same electricity filled me and I felt my heart melt inside my chest. My hands wound through his hair, pulling myself to him harder. Then he became unresponsive under my lips. He looked at me, shook his head, and smirked. I grinned back. Then his eyes dimmed and so did his smile.
“Bella I’m so sor-” He said, about starting his speech on apologies and but I put my hand over his mouth and just shook my head.
“I forgive you, don’t worry about it. You were thinking and I respect that” My voice stumbling over my words, still drowning in relief that he was in my arms again, where he belonged.
He sighed and removed my hand, only to hold it in his. “How could you...forgive me so easily...when I wasn’t there...for you?” He controlled his voice, frustrated.
“Because I can. Because I don’t want to fight with you.....Carlisle told me...about your...beliefs...” I struggled, not knowing if I should go on.
“I heard” he sighed.
Of course, “I don’t believe that...” I told him
Now I sighed, “You do have a soul...never doubt that.” I touched his face again.
“Please” his face became agonized. “Don’t do this...” he pled.
“Oh, Edward....” I felt his pain inside me. I moved my hand to stroke his hair, the most human part of him.
“You have a chance...to live your life...none of us did...” Edward’s voice was monotone but I could sense a ting of pain in it.
“You have to understand...I’ve never loved anyone, the way I have loved you.... I want forever with you, I’m willing to give up my life for that” I hopelessly tried to convince him.
“I’m not” He growled.
I sighed. “Please try and understand my side a little. My human life is so short. If I become a vampire...we have forever together....You’re not just the love of my life...you’re my best friend. Before I loved you, I always thought of you as my best friend...we didn’t spend much time together but when we did, it was amazing...and I know you don’t want me dead...so just let me change...”
His face tightened. Edward gently put both of his hands on either sides on my face. He looked into my eyes and sighed sharply. “Bella, you do not realize how hard it is to not give you what you want.”
“Then give in”
He smirked, “Nice try. But Bella, I was afraid for all of the family changing although, this feeling for you.... this gut-wrenching pain is not even a thousandth of that fear for the rest of our family. One part of me fights to grant your desires, but another part screams to not risk losing you” He squeezed his eyes closed. “I’ve never felt anything like this before and the thought of being in a world where you don’t exist is highly agonizing. I cannot damn you to an eternal night.”
I let out a sharp breath. “It’s not your choice to make, its mine.
” I said and immediately regretted it. Even with his eyes close, I could feel the anguish behind them. “I’m sorry...” I whispered brokenly.
“We’re not having this discussion” Edward stated, his voice final.
“If you think this is over, then you don’t know me very well.”
Edward just huffed and held me tightly to his body. It wasn’t over. No one would surrender but I certainly wasn’t going to give up. I know what I want. I vowed that to myself and held onto the future and vampire in my arms.
Chapter 22: http://www.thetwilightsaga.com/group/fanfiction/forum/topics/phasin...