" Purgatory". Where did he go after he left her? What did he do? What was he thinking? Edwar´s perspective after he left Bella in New Moon

" Purgatory"
Preface:

This time I was to late, this time there was nothing that could save her. This was the end of my existence. I could live my life knowing that she will be well, because I was no where near her. That
she could move on eventually and be happy, have a human life, be with someone that deserves her.

But now the world was missing something.
The hole in my chest was something beyond imaginable, the guilt was flowing all over me. I could not help thinking that this was something that could have being avoided, by me.
My life holds no propos, no goal. Not anymore, there is nothing I could protect her from now. No
quest for the enemy, nor hope or daydreams to be fulfilled. There is only the void that she left behind.
The boys words where the last confirmation:
“Charlie is at the funeral.”
I was going to join her in the after life. But even when I knew for sure that she was gone, that the
world had lost all appealing to me, I have a strange felling that we may find ourselves again…
Will we? Is there, after all, heaven for someone like me?

Chapter 1: "The Beginning of the End"

New!!! Chapter 2: Sometimes the second option is the better one.

Also for those of you who don´t know I have another FanFic, I started it before this one, so If you want here are the links to the chapters....

"Full Moon"
Chapter 1: Renesmee´s Birthday

Chaper 2: Plans Part One

Chaper 2: Plans Part Two

Chapter 2: Plans Part Three

Chapter 2: "Plans Part Four"

New!!!!! Chapter 2: Plans Part Five

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Joy Hoeft on October 9, 2009 at 7:14am

Great story! Can't wait to see where this story goes!

Permalink Reply by nesto on October 13, 2009 at 8:12am

OMG!! I LOVE IT!!! this is amazing!! its really really GREAT!!

Permalink Reply by 007Panther on October 22, 2009 at 9:35am

Wow is all I can say. Thanks for writing. this is amazing.

Permalink Reply by Joy Hoeft on October 9, 2009 at 7:17am

This is absolutely amazing. Keep writing this story!

Permalink Reply by Tanya « свет ночи » on October 11, 2009 at 9:09pm

Thanks everyone. Love the Commentssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!
i Will Post More Soon. See ya all then, and PLZ Tell your friendssss!
Tanya

Permalink Reply by raatchana on October 12, 2009 at 1:56am

LOVE IT!
KEEP WRITING!!!!!!!!!!!

Permalink Reply by Tanya « свет ночи » on October 16, 2009 at 12:14am

Hey everyone, Its Updated Day!!!
Enjoy!!

Chapter 2: Sometimes the second option is the better one.

Bella….

She was all I could think about; every time I wanted to focus in something else she will end up as the center of whatever I was thinking at the time. The white fragile snow I was standing in will remind me of her beautiful skin, the lack of green sites will remind me of how much she will hate all the green in forks, the cold will remind me of that day in Port Angeles when I gave her my coat and how worm she gave it to me later on.
She was not only the cure to my pain, my other purgatory, my lifeless life before her, the life that like now held no propos until she appeared she was also the cure for what I was going through now. But she was also all I will ever need and could not have, never again.

I remember complaining about the dull life that I had, I remember using the same word in my thoughts when the day passed by with nothing wordy of mentioning and the end of it, I remember cursing her for existing, for making me want her so badly for the wrong reasons.

Thos memories felt like a lifetime ago, when she arrived and make everything in my existence different, her blood, her silent mind, her life threatening experiences…And then the crushing love that consumed my frozen heart, my mind… Bella was all I could think about day and night, then and now, protecting her was my existence propos at the time; I wanted her safe from all that threaten her life because more than anything I wanted her to be safe in my arms.
Now I made the moust difficult decision in my life and existence combined, I chose to leave her, to let life take its natural course, to take myself out of the picture and let her be.

Purgatory… yes, that word was misused by me in the past, hell was a much more comfortable place to be, the struggle that I now have second after second was unbearable, I wanted to go back, I wanted her forever and ever and then more. All I could think about was her, that now, she will not just be alone for a while- the idea of her with another male was a unbearable now as I was the first time I knew, reading the other boys thoughts, that she too held an appealing for them, so I wanted to think that she was alone for the moment, another scenario will had rip myself apart- but she will also be unprotected, unprotected from all the danger around her…

Now I had to hold myself to something not to run and be at her side in 4 hours. In a brief moment all that may or could go wrong, all the possible -well more than possible scenarios with her being Bella - when through my head so fast and so many that I had to held myself in place- The van, the possible bear attacks in the forest, the car accidents, the human race killing and raping each other like the monster that I was able to get before he did something to her, that human monster named Lonnie and then there were the inmortals James, Victoria…

Victoria…!!!!

I had to grab a three and hold tight to it, embrace the trunk like it was a living person that needed me more, because I could not stand the thought of letting something or someone hurt the girl I love.
I realized something, there was a lose end in Bella´s list of people that should be stopped before the will get to her, Victoria, the red like flames haired vampire, James´s mate, the sneaky one that gave him all the information he will need about Bella when James was hunting her, she was the one that I could go after, the one that will give me something else to focus on for the time being. I wanted her dead, as dead as James for helping him hurt Bella.
I had a goal now I was going to track down Victoria for Bella to live in peace and harmony, she will have nothing to worry about in her life.

More minutes passed by in this leaving dead of a existence, this punishment that no doubt was all that I deserved for adding one more sin to my list, for coveting the one thing I was never allowed to have, love….

Sometimes the second option is the better one; love was the cure to my disease my purgatory, but it had to do with revenge…

Looking foward to read al your commets and reviews!!!!!!!

FYI: Full Moon is also Updated....
New!!!!! Chapter 2: Plans Part Five

Permalink Reply by jessica joe @stacie cullen on October 16, 2009 at 3:38am

more please...

Permalink Reply by nesto on October 16, 2009 at 4:58pm

awww!! river you know i love it as always!! its amazing i seriously cant describe how much i'm beginning to get addicted to this new fanfic!! dont forget to update me!!

Permalink Reply by jΑϒNΣll lØVE ™ - ツ on October 16, 2009 at 11:53pm

well he didin't fo a good job because icky vicky came back for bella :) lol ... i liked it ... its cool to be in his head :)