A Father’s Plea For Forgiveness
“Dad-da!” she clapped giggling.
He froze. His angel had just uttered her first word; he couldn’t believe it. He had always pampered his baby girl and looked after her as much as his wife did. And hearing her call him ‘dad-da’ was simply an amazing experience. She was Daddy’s little girl through and through.
“Say it again baby girl!” he exclaimed. He was filled with joy. Lifting her up and holding in her arms he pleaded. “Please, please say it again...‘Dad-da’? Please sweetheart…come-on you can do it!” he encouraged her.
She watched him with an amused expression, a cute little smile on her round baby face.
“Say it?” he begged.
She just continued staring at him, her wide chocolate brown eyes wide. She giggled and mumbled something in her baby language.
“Well, at least you told it once,” he sighed still happy. “Momma is going to be so jealous you know? Sad that she missed it, but I’m going to tell her now,” he picked up his cell to text his loving wife. She was out with his sister shopping, he would have called her but he knew his evil pixie sister would have confiscated her cell.
“Boo-boo,” she tried to reach for his phone as he balanced her in his left hand.
“No, you’re not supposed to trouble Daddy right?” he teased her finishing up the text and sending it. He put it out of her reach distracting her.
“Daddy loves you so very much,” he tickled her belly. She giggled.
“Babogishihoo,” she mumbled and laughed.
“Aw, you know I understand nothing,” he told her still tickling her.
He put her down; he had to clean up the dishes. Making sure none of her toys were harmful and everything else was out of her reach he made her sit down and turned toward the kitchen. As much as he would love to play with his daughter, he had work to do.
“Dad-da boo!” she exclaimed in a high pitched voice claiming his attention once more. It felt like she was asking him to stay with her.
Forgetting his chores once more he held her in his arms again marveling the fact that she had called him dad-da again. At that moment, he knew he would do anything for his little girl. She was his world, and he loved her more than his life.
“I love you Renesmee…”he whispered hugging her close to his heart.
Chapter 1: Unbearable
There was blood everywhere. A little girl lay unconscious as a team of five doctors hovered over her.
“Her blood pressure is decreasing!” “There’s internal bleeding.”
“Breathing is inconsistent…” Do something. Please oh god. Don’t let this happen. Please! I was beyond crazy. I needed a miracle.
“…we are losing her…”
“I love you Daddy. Forever.”
Then the monitor beeped. And a straight line passed through the screen.
“NO!” he woke up screaming; just as he did each night. The same memory haunted him, each and every night. He was sweating and tears rolled down his eyes. His hands clung to his head as he succumbed to his pain. He was a picture of agony.
“No….my daughter…” he cried.
He remembered everything about her; every moment was etched in his memory. He also remember how she died perfectly. Maybe if he could forget it would be easier? Six years had passed since that unfortunate day, and yet he remembered and felt as if it was yesterday. He didn’t let go…he never could.
He got up went to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water without glancing at his face; it was hard for him to look in the mirror. He couldn’t bear looking at his face. It just angered him and caused him immense pain and made those memories even real.
Instead of going back to sleep he grabbed a can of beer and landed on the couch putting on the news and staring at it blankly. It was just 4 am still, and he had three hours to kill to get ready and leave for work. After finishing the beer he went around trying to clean his apartment. It wasn’t much, just a single bedroom apartment with a small living room and a kitchen cum dining room. Despite living well off for most of his life living in these conditions didn’t bother him.
He changed into his tracks after cleaning up his dishes and gathered his laundry and headed to the laundry room. There wasn’t anyone in the laundry room, and it wouldn’t have made any difference even if someone was. He was no talker…and everybody knew that. Making sure everything was set right he headed out for his morning run. He just did it to kill sometime. And Seattle wasn’t a quiet place like how his hometown was, it was a busy city and he found distractions. When he finished his run he returned to the laundry room, collected his clothes and headed to his apartment.
He took a shower and got ready in black trousers and a white shirt, putting on his blazer and shoes he headed out. His next stop was a small diner three blocks away where he had his breakfast each day-cheese grilled sandwich, salad and tea. Then he headed to work.
Work was monotonous, every morning he was given a set was documents which he had to assign and then send it to the rest of the employees with bigger jobs than him. He hated doing what he did, but he knew he couldn’t go back to his old profession; he didn’t have the guts to do it. The thought alone made him want to throw up.
Trying to concentrate on his work he worked in silence.
“Anthony!” he looked up reluctantly.
“Hello Tanya,” he nodded stiffly and went back to his work.
“How was your weekend?” she asked brightly.
“The same,” he muttered.
“Aw, you really need to do something fun,” she stated.
“I don’t mind,” he muttered again.
“Yeah I know” she sighed.
“So, do you want to eat lunch together?” she asked cautiously.
He almost rolled his eyes. It was always the same with Tanya Denali, she spoke to him too brightly each day and went back dejected every time.
“Um, you carry on, I gotta finish this,” he pointed toward a stack of already checked papers.
“Oh…okay, later.” She still smiled and headed out.
He wished that she would quit asking him daily. Not even the wedding band on his ring finger made difference anymore. But they knew that he lived alone so maybe they had formed their own theories. Sighing he eyed his ring; he missed the woman whom he had promised forever. Stay with her through thick and thin and love her. Of course he still loved her and he never forgot her but he couldn’t face her. He was afraid to face her even more than he was to face himself. She had trusted him to save their daughter and he had just broken it.
“No…come-on! Respond baby!” he screamed.
“Turn it higher!” he ordered. He sounded quite mad. He didn’t get a response.
“Do it!” he cried. He was trying to shock her, try to get her heart beating again.
“Dr. Cullen…that’s the limit.”
“Edward…she’s gone mate.” A softer voice said.
Then it finally hit him, she was really gone. He would never hear her laughter, never give in to her wishes, never watch her grow up, never comfort her when she cries, never promise her that everything would be okay, never watch her graduate, never hear her say “I love you Daddy” ever again. Every possibility had just ended. She was gone. Really gone.
“Do you want me you to break the news?” someone asked him.
He just shook his head. He moved his fingers through her soft hair and kissed her on the forehead.
Numbly he walked out, where the rest of the family wait. All of them stood up and came up to him as soon as they saw him.
“Edward…what happened?” her brown eyes wide with anxiety. She studied him for a second and saw the answer in his eyes.
“I-I...” he couldn’t even tell her how sorry he was.
“She’s gone,” he choked.
She just stared at him frozen. She looked so dead. He knew that it should scare him, but he felt nothing. Nothing at all.
He turned and walked away, never looked back, never heard the cries of his family.
That was the last he saw of them. He had just left.
A/N: Hey guys! I’m here again, with a new plot. Well, this is sort of like an experiment. I was watching TV and life has been boring for me, and this idea just rolled in my head and I knew if I didn’t write it now I wouldn’t ever.
I know it is hazy and maybe even a little confusing, but I really hope you liked it.
Please forgive me for any errors. Since I’m not a doctor or a pre-med and have very little idea about it I’m not going to be very specific on some parts.
This was a spontaneous idea just let me know your feedback and whether I should continue writing it.
So…yeah, review! *nervous and excited*
AHHHH!!! This is AMAZING! Keep me posted, please! Update soon!
Chapter 3: Non-existent
“Her blood pressure is decreasing!” “There’s internal bleeding.”
“Breathing is inconsistent…”
“…we are losing her…”
“I love you Daddy. Forever.”
Then the monitor beeped. And a straight line passed through the screen.
He shot up straight sweating and gasping as usual. “No…no…” he kept mumbling to himself.
“Whoa! Calm down!” another voice said handing him a glass of water.
A strong well built man with honey blond hair and earnest brown eyes sat before him looking worried.
“Jasper?” His head ached like hell and he had no idea what Jasper, his brother-in-law was doing in his home or was he imagining again? But why Jasper of all the people?
He looked around the place and realized that this wasn’t really his apartment; it looked like some hotel room. Very lavish. Another part of his old life.
He was still working out, trying to remember how he had landed himself here. Then he realized that he was in the park, memories had attacked him and then he had decided to get drunk. Right, but after that everything was just a huge blur. He just remembered the cold night air that hit him when he left the bar. Yep. That’s pretty much it.
Jasper seemed to be watching him still with both worry and uncertainty in his eyes. He still held the glass of water in his hand extended.
“Hello Edward,” Jasper finally uttered.
Edward just stared at him, then nodded and took the water and gulped it all down at once. What had he landed himself into?! He should have just gone back to his apartment and gotten drunk there!
“Look, I gotta go.” Edward grabbed his jacket and turned toward the door. “And, um thanks.”
“Are you joking?” Jasper looked just plain angry.
“I can’t stay…I have to go.”
“Edward…it has been six years. And you just want to leave?”
“I have to.” Edward said stubbornly. He didn’t want to get into this conversation, not now or ever. He didn’t want to meet anyone from his family or rather anyone from his old life. What he had here for himself was fine. He was not happy, every day was just hell and he just wished that god would take mercy on him and drop him dead. But he deserved all this, and he wanted to pay for this ultimate sin.
“It’s not your fault Edward…you tried everything.”
“Goodbye Jasper,” Edward said his hand on the door knob.
“If you think you’re just going to get away without an explanation you have just lost your mind!” Jasper said stopping him. “Please Edward…we have been best friends. You’re family to me, a brother. Please.”
Edward didn’t know what it was, but something in Jasper’s tone made him stop.
“Let’s just have breakfast together and talk? For old time’s sake,” Jasper suggested.
“Fine.” Edward agreed ignoring the voice which said it was a wrong idea instead holding onto some kind of hope?
Fifteen minutes later Edward and Jasper were seated in a diner just around the block waiting for their respective breakfasts. Jasper was currently on the phone assuring someone that he would be back soon.
“Alice?” Edward asked with a little smile after Jasper finally hung up.
“Yeah,” Jasper chuckled once. From what he could guess he was sure Jasper hadn’t told anyone else that he had met him. Or else instead of Jasper he would have woken up to Alice’s excitement.
“How’s she?” Edward asked, he missed his little sister immensely.
“She’s uh…fine.” Jasper replied evasively.
“Carlisle and Esme? Emmett and Rose?” though he had cut his ties with his family he wanted to talk about them. Surprisingly it didn’t hurt much.
“Everyone’s the same.” Jasper was still using the same tone. “Actually, Emmett and Rose have a kid now. His three years old, Max.”
“Wow, that’s great.” Edward nodded feeling a little pang. It was hard for him to talk about kids. He remained silent after that.
“You won’t ask about Bella?”
“How’s she?” he hadn’t asked about Bella on purpose, for some reason he didn’t want to know. He just hoped that she was well. Happy even. He didn’t want to know that she blamed him for breaking her family.
“Bella’s different.” Edward didn’t miss the emphasis on different.
“Here’s your order,” the waitress placed their food in front of them.
“She misses you…she doesn’t say the words but she does. Anyone can tell.”
“I miss her too.”
“Why don’t you come back then? From the drunken Edward I saw yesterday I’m sure life’s not a joy ride here.”
“Just come back Edward, we can help ourselves.” There was pity in Jasper’s eyes. But Edward wasn’t angry, he felt hopeless.
“I can’t okay? I just can’t!”
“Nobody blames you Ed,” Jasper said calmly.
“Nobody does? Maybe it’s true…but I blame myself.”
“Come-on Edward! Just stop being stupid for gods sake! Nobody has been the same alright? After Nessie’s death, after you left us everyone just changed. Carlisle and Esme miss their son, Alice is just not the same she was, Emmett’s changed too and Bella! Don’t get me even started on her. She’s just given up! She behaves abnormally! It’s like a dead person trying to it. It just hurts to watch her. You know whom she needed the most? You! And guess what you did? You just bailed. On her and on everybody.
And when there’s a chance to make things better you just don’t want to take it! That’s not you Edward! Your family needs you and you clearly need them, so stop blaming yourself and just return!”
“You don’t understand! I killed my own daughter. I watched her while she breathed her last, and I can never get her back! I can’t just go back to living and pretending she never even existed!”
“I’m not asking you to do that, I’m just asking you to be there for your family. And live with her happy memories. Do her justice…she must feel terrible to know that every time her father thinks of her he’s in pain and just want to get away from them. I’m sure she doesn’t want that.”
To this Edward had no answer. Jasper was right of course, he wasn’t there for his family and every memory of Renesmee caused him pain. That wasn’t right at all. Instead of keeping her memories alive, he was trying to get away from them. Realization hit him like a wild storm.
They ate the rest of their breakfast silently, Edward lost in his thoughts and Jasper hoping to have put some sense into him. Luckily Edward had stayed and heard him instead of just walking away, but he had always had this effect on people.
“You aren’t going to tell anyone you met me here right?” Edward asked as they finished up.
After few moments Jasper said, “I wouldn’t want to give them false hope.”
“What do you mean?”
“Goodbye Edward, I hope I see you again.” Jasper hugged him and then they parted ways.
On the way back, Edward kept wondering about Jasper had said.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter and I didn’t make it lousy.
So, what are your thoughts? Think Edward’s gonna return home? *winks*
This is the only story of mine which I haven’t planned through and mapped out before writing…I have no idea where its gonna take Edward…they something about characters writing for themselves. But I can say this for sure…edward is a long way from healing.
Anyway…ready to review? *cutey pout*
Maybe Jasper cant get through to him. Its easier to heal together than alone.
Wow! This is FANTASTIC! I haven't really read anything like this before. And you're a fast updater, which always keeps me interest, haha. :)
I think that he'll return home in the end. :) I don't think that you'll disappoint.
I had no idea you posted chapter 2 and then I saw this in my inbox and I was like WHAT?
I'm going sympathised with Edward and this is a first for me since I absolutely loathe him, he is a poor and lost soul who is need of companionship and mostly a hug.
I love Jasper for at least trying to reach out to him :)
KEEP GOING! I love this story, it is just amazing! I never planned out my story, I just did it too!
I think it makes it even better doing that, because then, say if there was a character who was sick, you could see if people want them to live, or die, or go into a coma or whatever.
I agree with Alexandrea, it is much easier to do things together rather alone. i hope he can get over it, and get back with Bella! Cause it wast really his fault, which I hope he is beginning to accept.
Keep going please, I can't wait to read more!
By the way, please could you check out my fanfic sunset forest: http://thetwilightsaga.com/forum/topics/sunset-forest?groupUrl=fanf...
Please give it a read :)
omg i love it!!! edward needs to go home!!
great update! I hope Jasper got thru to him.. Please write more soon!
Chapter 4: Unreal
There were a lot of things going on in Edward’s mind. Throughout the day he kept thinking about what Jasper had told and hard though he tried he couldn’t stop. Something was nagging him and he wasn’t sure what it was. He found himself thinking of Forks and his family more than he had in six years.
For the first time in many days he wasn’t being haunted by his daughter’s memories.
Haunted…such a sad word to describe his daughter’s memories, he thought. And it was true. He bet no father cringed from the happy memories which he remembered from his old life. He should be living with them and treasuring them. Jasper was right…in a way at least. What had he done?
Taking his usual sleeping pills which literally had no effect on his nightmares he went to sleep. Again the word nightmares referring to his daughter’s memories stung him.
Everything was perfectly set up at the backyard of their house. The whole of Forks was going to attend this wedding. The decorations, the seating arrangement and the theme had been planned by his sister Alice and mom Esme. Esme did this professionally and Alice was just an unstoppable force when it came to any occasion. If anybody was happier than the bride and the bridegroom, it was Alice!
Edward hadn’t been allowed to see Bella the whole day, they were going to get married in the evening and the reception would go on till nighttime. Both his sisters hadn’t allowed even glance at Bella, they said it was bad luck to see the bride before at the altar. He gave in. he didn’t have the strength to argue with both Rosalie and Alice.
Time passed very slowly but finally he it was just an hour before the wedding; Alice came in to see him and was horrified to see him in his tracks and forced him to get ready. After setting up his hair she left him. He went and joined his brothers and father as the guests started arriving.
Time started passing much sooner and he found himself waiting at the altar to see Bella for the first time today.
As soon as he saw her, his heart beat sped and he found himself smiling widely ready to make this woman his wife and love her forever. She looked around blushing as usual looking even more beautiful. Then her eyes met his, both of their faces mirroring their happiness. They were meant to be…that was obvious to anyone who saw.
As soon as she reached him, she gave her father a peck on his cheek and then he placed her hand in his.
The priest started reading their vows and they recited after him.
“…I do…” “…I do…”
His eyes opened as he tried to understand what he had just dreamt of. It was almost a shock that he hadn’t dreamt of his daughter’s death. He realized he wasn’t crying but instead a warm feeling spread across his chest and a smile on his usually stoic face. That had been one of the best days of his life. And how much he loved Bella! He sat up on his bed and removed his wedding band and eyed it for an extremely long time thinking…just thinking of Bella and the happiness on her face. ‘Forever’ was engraved on it. it felt so absolute.
The words, “for better…for worse…in happiness and sorrow...” kept running through his mind. He put his wedding band back on his finger and suddenly jumped up and went to his wardrobe. Taking a duffel he thrust his clothes in a haphazard manner.
It was five in the morning; with a single minded goal he ordered a taxi and headed to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready. Within twenty minutes he was ready in a plain shirt and faded jeans. Collecting all the money he had, he put on his jacket and headed out to the taxi waiting for him.
He was quiet the whole drive; infact he was feeling quite calm and not at all tensed. Actually, it wasn’t calm. He wasn’t feeling anything at all. At the moment he was void of any emotion. There was a little worry at the back of his mind but that didn’t matter now. He had decided what he was going to do and he was determined to stick by it.
The first real emotion he was when he saw a green board with huge words on it saying, “Welcome to Forks.”
Then it hit him. All together. An overwhelming emotion making it hard for him to breathe evenly. He realized, that this was the first time since he left that he felt strangely at peace.
He was home. Finally.
A/N: Edward decided to listen to Jasper finally. I know the chapters are short this one is especially short but I don’t plan on writing longer ones.
So what’s your take on it? How do u think Edward’s family should react? And Bella?
Leave me your thoughts people.
I think Edward's family is going to be releaved. But not as much as Bella! :) loved it was heart warming.
I think his family will be overjoyed but I really don't know how Bella will be, so I'm waiting to see her reaction!
so glad he is heading back home where he belongs, can't wait to see what the family has to say to him and how Bella reacts...please post again soon!