The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

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Replies to This Discussion

Of course! it's an amazing story, how could I not? :)
Laugh out loud, Thank you :) You'll see :)

Here's chapter 2. Like it??? :) I hope so!

Just so I can clear some confusion out of the way in advance, here is some information that might help a little:


(*) = Vampire     (**) = Wolf    (Slash) = Dead     (>) = Child of couple

**Jacob- *Bella > Ryan (Not a wolf yet, Main character, under the care of Sam) 

**Seth- Hayely > Beth (Ryan's girlfriend)

**Paul- Rachel > **Brett (Is very obnoxious, Ryan does not like him very well.)

**Embry- Lisa > **Daisy (Female)

**Jared- Kim > **Rahul (Male)

**Quil- Claire > **Brandon & **Cody (Male twins)

**Collin- Ina > Aaron (Male)


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•Ryan will be a russet wolf like Jacob, once he turns into a wolf

•Once Ryan turns into a wolf, he will be alpha because Sam never had any other kids, and Jacob had alpha in his blood

•The only characters from Selfish that are dead are Jacob and Emily

•Ryan is not a wolf yet in chapter one, but he is in the Preface because the preface is set one month after what happens in chapter one

•Bella and the rest of the Cullen's will be in this story, and you will find out what's going on with them, just not for the first chapters.

•Ryan turns sixteen in chapter one. I know this would make the rest of the wolves born the same time as him, but just go along with it. :)


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Chapter Two-

 

  When I woke up that morning, my head hurt as if I had been hit. I growled immediately, suddenly angry that I would have a headache on my birthday. I got out of bed and pressed my fingers to my head.

  “Dang.” I muttered and traveled to the bathroom. Making lots of racket, I brushed my teeth and looked into the mirror. Now that I was sixteen, I’d wondered if I’d have a mustache or something, but there was nothing. I looked the same as I did last night.

  “Ryan!” Sam’s horse voice yelled from the kitchen. I rolled my eyes. Great. I could tell he was about to argue about something.

  I ignored him and went back into my room to change.

  “Ryan!” Sam yelled again, this time louder.

  “What?” I half yelled, half growled. I was suddenly surprised at how much my voice had sounded like a growl.

  “Get in here!” he demanded. I huffed and made my way into the kitchen

  “What?’ I asked angrily, suddenly mad that he had dragged me all the way in here for whatever he wanted.

  “Did you sneak out last night?” Sam asked while he cooked eggs.

  “No.” I lied, impatient to get back in my room.

  Sam turned around. “Are you lying to me?” he asked angrily.

  I just stared at him. How did he know? I had been extra quiet last night!

  I was suddenly pissed off that rather than saying “Good morning” or saying “Happy birthday,” he instead accuses me for staying out late. What was the problem? Last night was a Friday night anyway, what did I possibly need sleep for?

  “Ryan I have told you time and time agai-“

  I rolled my eyes and began to walk out of the kitchen. I wasn’t going to listen to this.

  “Hey!” he barked, placing his hand on my shoulder. I reacted immediately and grabbed his hand angrily. He gasped, ripping his hand away immediately.

 I suddenly felt really hot. I needed to get out of this hell whole.

  “Don’t touch me.” I growled at him. Sam just eyed me suspiciously, looking at me with curiosity.

  I realized I was breathing heavier than usual. I placed my hand across my head, feeling small beads of sweat. My head ache only got worse. What was going on with me?

  “Ryan…?” Sam asked, looking at me with some look.

  “What?” I growled, squaring my shoulders, looking at him face to face. If he wanted to fight, he would get one.

  I noticed he was holding his hand funny. My eyes widened as I saw one of his fingers bent back. Crap, I was getting it now. I backed up a little, knowing Sam was about to kill me.

  How had I done that? I had a hard time getting the cap off of a bottle, yet I managed to break Sam’s finger without effort…

  I expected Sam to have an angry, death look on his face when he looked at me. He put his finger back in place, ignoring it as if it didn’t even hurt, and looked at me with s smile.

  I was so confused, I gasped.

  “Ryan.” He smiled. I shook my head, confused.

  I ran out of the house quickly then. What was going on with me?

  As soon as I got out, I ran into someone. I growled as I watched Beth fall to the ground immediately. She looked hurt, yet I hadn’t felt anything.

  She looked up to me. “What the hell?” she asked.

   Immediately, I was out of my trance and back to myself. “Beth, I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were-“

  “It’s alright. What are you in a rush for?” she asked brushing off her jeans. She looked up to me, waiting for an answer. I watched her in silence. I was outside now, yet I was still flaming hot, I felt as if my skin were on fire.

  “Oh, happy birthday by the way.” She smiled and wrapped her arms around me. I didn’t respond.

  “Whoa.” She backed away quickly, looking at me with wild eyes. “What’s wrong with you?”

  I’ve been asking myself that question all morning. I thought. “Beth I…” I began to shiver a little. Sam stepped outside behind me.

  “Ryan?” Sam asked. I heard him approaching me. I heard every sound he made. I could hear Beth and Sam’s breathing, and every time their hearts beat.

  This must be some strange dream…

  “Ryan, let me help-“

  “What?” I demanded, turning around to him. I was breathing heavily again, gasping for air. I suddenly felt the urge to attack, almost as if I wanted to hurt someone. It got hotter, and I knew I was about to pass out.

  Incase it wasn’t a dream; I didn’t want to pass out near Beth and look weak, nor near Sam. Sam had always been hard on me, and said that things like passing out and getting sick was for the weak.

  “Ryan…” Beth said worriedly.

  “I have to go.” I said and ran straight for the forest. Both Sam and Beth yelled for me, but I kept running.

  Just like last night, I ran fast. I ran so fast, the wind on my face almost hurt. Trees were passing by me with such speed that I was unable to get a good look at any individual tree. I suddenly felt that I was running too fast, and that I needed to stop.

  I couldn’t stop. I just kept running faster. I was suddenly worried I would run into a tree, but I couldn’t stop. I only faster and faster until…

  My eyes widened in sudden fear. I felt as if a fire were blazing through me, feel my bones shifting and most of all, heat. I was so hot… I began to wonder if I was on fire. I yelled in pain as ran faster.

  I could feel my legs and arms and neck, everything felt as if it were moving around, twisting in awkward shapes. For some odd reason I didn’t fall to the ground or explode, I just kept running.

  I heard a loud growl escape deep from within my chest and release out in a loud anger as my body twisted and curled. I tried to yell out, but all that escaped was a loud growl.

  I started to hear different voices in my head. They all sounded familiar, but I was so distracted by the fact that the pain was gone, to focus on where the voices came from.  

  Was I crazy? I suddenly wondered as I ran.

  Ryan!

  Ryan! Our alpha has shifted!

  Oh yeah, he’s alpha…

  Ryan! Welcome to the club man!

  Happy birthday Ryan! Ha, what a coincidence! I wish I had shifted on my birthday!

  Ryan!

  Don’t worry Ryan; I’m on my way to help you…

  I began to recognize the voices. The last one had been Sam. I had also heard Daisy, Rahul, Brett, and the twins, Brandon and Cody. I looked around, but I saw none of them.

  I looked down and wanted to scream. Were those… paws?

  I heard the voices in my head again, they grew louder and louder, to the point that I wanted to curl in a ball and scream.

  What has happened to me?

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love it make more and fast and keep me updated !!!
Writing as fast as I can :)

lol I love that part :)))

Aw thanks WereVamp :) I'm honored!
Wow! It's really cool to see how it would be like to shift for the first time Great job! As always!
Thanks! :D

Jesse, please check your inbox...

 

Thanks D

k :)

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