Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
The time was 6:45
So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-
It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging. They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.
It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.
Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.
I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.
So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?
I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.
6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person. The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.
Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…
“Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.
“Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-
I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.
I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.
“Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!
“Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.
He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…
“Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“
“Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“
“Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.
“What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“
“Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.
“Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.
Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.
You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…
I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!
“Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?
Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.
“But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.
“Bella we never-“
“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?
Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”
“Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.
“Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”
I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…
Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…
***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***
I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...
Thanks Ashley!!! I'm glad to hear it :)))
Sounds like you enjoyed the last chapter :))) I'm glad
Sorry guys but chapter 26 may take an extra day or two before it's posted. I'm working on a new one-shot. :)))
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I was slightly excited, the thought of going to Molly suddenly thrilling to me. I wanted to get to know her, I wanted to get a closer look at her eyes, I wanted t-
Beth growled from behind me, and I saw a deep anger in her eyes when I turned around. I looked at the ground, suddenly embarrassed that my thoughts about the new wolf were heard by all. Beth and I had so much together and now it was all being dumped for an imprint…
But it wasn’t just an imprint. I cared for this new wolf, even if she never desired me in the way that Beth and I… I let the thought go quickly, hoping she hadn’t heard it, but I knew she had.
Beth scoffed, suddenly shocked at what I had thought. She growled furiously and began to walk toward the forest, away from the field. I didn’t want to tell her what to do, but I needed to keep everyone near with our enemies so close…
Saving me yet another moment of awkwardness, Daisy went to Beth and nudged her lightly. Beth, we have to stay-
Beth whipped around and growled threateningly in Daisy’s face, her eyes looking nothing like the way they were as a human. I was absolutely appalled that it was Beth under the wolf’s skin. If not for her thoughts, I wouldn’t have believed it.
After snapping at Daisy, Beth ran off into the woods, ignoring anything else she was told. For once, Daisy didn’t mock my leadership, but instead chased after Beth into the woods. I wasn’t too worried since the Volturi had left from the other side of the woods, they were probably long gone by now. ‘ I turned back to the wolf… her. I was distracted immediately by the beauty in her eyes and forgot completely what I was thinking about before.
I watched as she thought quietly to a close friend of hers named Seugnet. They talked quietly about their worries and how crazy the experience it was, being a wolf. She turned to me, knowing I was thinking of her, and we were both suddenly embarrassed, turning away immediately.
Her friend giggled quietly to her. He’s cute. You’re lucky. Seugnet thought, laughing. The wolf with beautiful eyes ignored her and stood up. My feet locked the second I realized she was heading toward me. I tried to focus on standing tall like a leader should, but it took all I had, and it still wasn’t a very good posture.
I’m Molly. She smiled, remembering key points from a conversation she’s had just minutes before with Seugnet. I saw her friend encouraging her to speak with me, and to not to be nervous. It calmed me slightly that I wasn’t the only one afraid.
Ryan. I smiled, trying to remember ‘girl tips’ Sam had given me years ago. None of them did any justice for me, and I was even more embarrassed thinking about them where others could hear.
That’s a pretty name… I said awkwardly and regretted it immediately. Petty name? What kind of comment was that?
But to my utter surprise, she simply giggled at my comment. She sat down beside me comfortably and made me feel quite comfortable myself.
This must be hard work, trying to keep everyone tame… she commented, watching as Quil stared evilly at Carlisle from across the field. Carlisle was finished helping Brandon’s leg, but Quil was still angry about it. I was briefly comforted as I watched Brandon already up and messing around perfectly on his leg again. This was a strong pack…
It’s not an easy task. I laughed, and she laughed too.
“But I can’t see them!” Alice, the annoying future seeing one suddenly perked up from the eats side. Molly and I both turned to see her, doubt and worry splashed all over her face. It reminded me of when she first told me the Volturi were coming here.
“Don’t worry, Alice.” Her mate said, holding her hand as he looked to Edward. “You’re just tired, it will come back.” He said confidently and continued with a different conversation with Edward.
But Alice did not let it go. “But Jasper, they’re up to something!” she squealed terribly. “I saw them! They were talking to something, but I couldn’t see what! And then they all disappeared!” she fretted worriedly and sought encouragement from her mate, but didn’t except it when he gave it to her.
“Alice, are you sure that’s what you saw?” he asked, unbelieving. I realized he had a southern accent. Molly giggled quietly at his accent, and I smiled at her laugh.
“Yes!” she snapped back. Jasper just nodded and told her to keep a look out for them, and then turned back to Edward and the dark haired male, whom I think was named Emmett.
I turned back to Molly and rolled my eyes. They worry more than us because they don’t have claws. I said and she barked laughter in response.
So what do you- but before she could finish her sentence, a deadly sounding howl came from the direction where Daisy and Beth had went just a minute ago.
Everyone, including all of the leeches turned to see what it was because it didn’t sound good. My eyes widened in shock when I saw Daisy’s cream coat sloshed in blood, limping with only one eye open.
I panted in shock, but forced myself to get it together immediately. Daisy, what has happened? I demanded.
Be… Beth… she thought, hardly able to contain proper thoughts. Beth… help… Daisy began to shiver and fell to the ground. Carlisle caught her immediately and began to check her leg. He set it back immediately, causing Daisy to whine terribly. I made all of us flinch, but I couldn’t focus, not with what she had said.
Where’s Beth? I demanded, but Daisy did not respond. Daisy! Where is Beth?
She raised her muzzle to me slowly and shook. They got her. She whimpered as she replayed an image of a Volturi member grabbing Beth and dragging her across the ground. I saw no image of her being killed, but I couldn’t get my hopes up.
My legs began to shake then, purely in fury. How could they? The Volturi were terrible human beings and deserved to die brutally!
We have to kill them. I growled furiously and looked among the pack to see if anyone objected.
Daisy shook her head, shaking more now. No Ryan, don’t! Please! You can’t go! They have- Daisy’s thoughts suddenly went black as she passed out and her head fell to the ground. I wondered briefly what it was she was about to say, but let it go. We had to kill the Volturi.
Seth was absolutely furious, Beth being his daughter. I say we fight! He growled at Embry, ignoring the possibilities of what could happen.
I looked around at the pack, waiting for my command. I turned then to the Cullen’s that were being updated by Edward. Once he told them what had happened, he turned to me and nodded. I nodded back and turned back to the pack. I made sure my mind was open so that Cullen could hear me when I decided.
We could risk the trap and fight them, or we could run away like cowards and let them have Beth. I already knew what I wanted to do.
I lifted my head up to the suddenly darkening sky. We fight! I howled as loudly as I could, signaling to the Volturi that it was on.
omg they hav BETH!!!! nooooo! poor beth! i like molly ! poor daisy!
Sorry to upset you, they'll try to get her next chapter. :)
LOL, you used my name!
Are Brett and his pack working with or being held hostage by the Volturi or something? Is that what Daisy tried to warn them about? That would explain why Alice can't see them coming.
I hope Beth is okay!
Exciting chapter! Please update soon. I can't wait to see what happens!
Seugnet, your prediction is so similar to the next chapter that I'm just not going to say anything. LOL
you're really good at guessing. :)
I read between the lines.
Smart. lol I'll still try and make it surprising. :)
Amazing like always i loved it i cant wait to see what happens!!