Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
The time was 6:45
So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-
It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging. They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.
It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.
Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.
I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.
So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?
I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.
6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person. The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.
Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…
“Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.
“Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-
I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.
I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.
“Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!
“Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.
He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…
“Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“
“Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“
“Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.
“What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“
“Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.
“Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.
Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.
You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…
I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!
“Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?
Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.
“But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.
“Bella we never-“
“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?
Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”
“Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.
“Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”
I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…
Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…
***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***
I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...
Aw thanks Zippora! That's awesome to hear it, really :)
CHAPTER 25- enjoy guys :)
Selfish/Secretive has been nominated for Best Dramatic!!! Vote for it at the Fan Fiction Awards!!!
I watched as she leaped onto a newborn and my eyes widened in fear. I pounced onto him immediately and ripped his face off. Had no one told her to watch her chest? She could have gotten killed-
Ryan. My eyes shot up immediately to her and I was shocked to hear her beautiful voice. I wanted to hear it again. You need to focus. She said and helped Brandon take down a small newborn.
I continued to fight and tried to pay no attention to her, but it physically hurt me to not look. It took all I had not to watch her for more than three seconds. Three seconds was all it took for a leech to grab her and rip her fragile body apart in seconds. What if-
Suddenly I was thrown to the ground and I let out a yelp. A bloodsucker tried to grab me by the neck, but I bit off his leg first and took him down to the ground. I finished him off and looked up to find her, but didn’t see her.
Frantically, I looked around for her, but I still didn’t see her. I stared to shake slightly and searched everywhere as fast as I could, but saw no sign of her.
I raced to the north, then to the west looking when suddenly I saw her. I sighed in relief when I saw her resting on the ground, breathing heavily. I looked around and realized that the leeches were beginning to disappear.
Three bloodsuckers clearly from the Volturi stood to the side in crouch position, ready to pounce on four of the Cullen’s and two wolves.
“Just go.” Edward growled angrily at the small the one that looked like a leader.
“Fine.” He answered, just as angry. “But I can assure you Cullen, we will be back, and you will receive the punishment you deserve.” He growled. He turned to his allies and ordered them to follow. They were gone in less than a second. It was suddenly silent around the field.
“He has a plan.” Edward said immediately, looking around for his whole family. They gathered around him, still ready to fight. “He’s hiding it, I can’t see what it is, but he’s hiding something. We still need to be careful.” He warned and immediately turned to my mother and checked to make sure she was in one piece.
He then turned to me, a stern look on his face. I turned to Molly for a second, just to check on her, then stood up and went to Edward. I didn’t have to adjust myself to see him; I was tall enough that we were face to face. I liked being that way; I didn’t threaten him, and he didn’t threaten me.
Sighing, I let my mind open so that he could hear my thoughts, but kept away all thoughts about the beautiful wolf I’d imprinted on.
“Are there any serious injuries? Who needs help?” he asked. I turned around and looked amongst the pack, but no one looked terribly hurt.
I gestured my head toward Quil who was licking Brandon’s oddly still leg. Brandon was laid out across the ground, his eyes closed. Quil was worried about Brandon’s, and worried about Cody in some other pack right now. He was stressed.
Brandon’s leg is hurt. I thought as I looked at the other wolves.
“Carlisle.” Edward called. Carlisle was there in a second and was beside Brandon in another second. I turned back to Edward and shook my head.
Everyone else is good. I said and began to turn around.
“Wait.” He said and I turned back to him.
He hesitated for a second. “Thank you,” he said, true thankfulness in his eyes. “You saved my family.” He shook his head and watched as my mom talked to another female leech. “I can never repay you-“
Don’t mention it. I said back quickly, and turned toward Daisy who suddenly needed my attention. We’ll be ready incase they try and do anything stupid. I replied, thinking of the Volturi-leeches. I turned away from him and went to Daisy.
Make it quick, I’ve got to check everyone and see if they need repair. I said to her as I approached her.
That’s what this is about. She said and nudged her head to the right.
“I’m only trying to help.” Carlisle said to Quil, but he wasn’t listening. Quil suddenly stood protecting his son and growled furiously at Carlisle.
You won’t touch me, you killer. Quil thought as he pictured a young wolf in his head. It suddenly registered to me that it was my father. I was suddenly distracted as I saw images of him trying to bring my father back… carrying him away… my mother screaming.
Stop! Daisy growled at Quil furiously. Quil and Brandon both looked at her suddenly, both angry.
I think I can find help from someone who isn’t a murderer. Quil said back to me, still guarding Brandon.
Look, I growled. Even if my father did die because of a leech, it wasn’t this one. And I don’t care if you’re against leeches; you’ll let him help Brandon if I have to hold you down. You wouldn’t be too hard to take.
Quil scoffed and rolled his eyes. I may be old but I could take down a naïve teenager like you any day. He laughed, still not letting up.
I growled so loudly that everyone looked and stepped toward Quil, a stern look on my face. But you won’t because I am alpha. I yelled furiously. Now move, or I’ll make you, Quil.
He hesitated for a second, and then stepped away from Brandon with his ears down. He avoided my gaze, and instead watched as Carlisle helped with Brandon’s leg.
Rolling my eyes, I made my way through the rest of the wolves and made sure they were well enough to fight again if they needed to. Daisy did the same as well, assisting with a few that needed motivation.
What if they come back? Nayely asked Daisy, her eyes wide.
Then we’ll be ready. Daisy responded as she licked her ear. They can’t take a pack like us; I wouldn’t even worry. She said confidently and went to the next wolf.
Right. I thought to myself. They can’t take us… we’ll be ready.
I then turned back to the beautiful wolf, suddenly feeling like I needed to see her more than anything else. She looked back to me, her beautiful eyes slightly stressed.
I decided to go to her.
ahh i loved it now im wondering since they both are wolfs did molly imprint of him too...its just so much its the first i hear of a wolf imprinting on another wolf so original update soon!
Loved the chapter! I am glad Ryan took such a leadership role here. I was also wondering about the wolf imprinting on another wolf thing. How does it work, and isn't it a bit dangerous in a battle situation? And also: What is the plan? Please update soon so we can see.
still confused but wonderful!