The Twilight Saga

Selfish

Bella tries to hide her secret from Edward, but when she becomes pregnant with Jacob, that becomes a little complicated. Realizing that life has whole new plans for her, Bella must face many disasters including loss, betrayal, pain, and tears. Will Edward find the heart to forgive her? How will Jacob react to the news? And what happens when it seems that the earth itself is determined to punish Bella with everything it has? Find out in Selfish, the first in its series.

 

***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***

Chapter One-

 

  The time was 6:45

  So there I was. Kneeling on the floor like a pathetic, useless piece of nothingness. I was trying to imagine what my ceiling fan was seeing right now. Of course I should be focusing on the more important thing, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. How could I bare the thought of what I was about to face? Or better yet, how would Edward take the news that-

  It doesn't matter, I told myself. I focused on the spinning ceiling fan. As it whirled around in the same daily circles at the same pace, never having to face problems or worry about what tomorrow will be like… it watched things. I had always thought of fans as watchers. A cruel lifeless soul, the fan had a full view of the area surrounding it. Silently judging.  They can't speak, and they can’t make their own choices, so all it can do, is just keep its place at the top of my room and watch. Listen to the numerous phone calls I made, to all those stressful, homework-overloaded nights, and even to the smallest of snores as I slept.

  It was always watching as I checked emails, got dressed, starred out the window, and most of all, it watched me at nights. Those precious moments where I sat there, in my bed alone, waiting, then, he would be there. As if I ever deserved him, or as if I was worth his time, no matter what I did or said, and even if I was already asleep, he would always give up his night and come to me. He was so wonderful. The fan had watched all of those nights that I sat in bed with what I didn’t deserve. And now he would leave. After today, there would be no more.

  Fan, I reminded myself for what seemed like the thousandth time. The fan was always there. It watched my life and knew what happened. Sure the fan didn't have eyes or ears or even a life, but it was like a live object. It gave me fresh air, and did things at my command, just by hitting a light switch. The fan was like my personal slave; it listened to everything quietly, as it moved swiftly.

  I breathed in a big breath, hoping the air would cool me down enough so that I could stop sweating, but that was not going to happen. I had experienced so much in my life. Deaths, evil vampires, betrayal, and pain... pain. So much pain. But nothing was like this. I hadn't even talked to Edward, yet I was already stressing as if he were here now. He said he'd be here in ten minutes, but he probably heard my stress through the phone and decided to run here rather than drive. He was always over protective. Always worried and concerned for me. He never stopped paying attention when I told him about my same, casual day. He cared so much.

  So why did I have to get in a truck, and drive into it all, knocking it down to it's very foundation, never to be rebuilt again?

  I swallowed. I'm not going to cry... I'm not going to cry... I'm not going t- I checked my watch. It read 6:48. Edward had to be here by now. Our call was exactly seven minutes and 35 seconds ago... But I didn't want him to get here. I wanted him to decide he could get someone better than me, run off never to be found, and never speak to me again. Losing him like that would be so much easier than what the future held. I kept imagining he wouldn't show up, for whatever reason, but I knew he would. He always did.

 6:50 Time was going by faster. The fan was spinning faster. It kept going and going, it was so fast.... A small squeak left my voice. I said not to cry! Don't cry, whatever you do! I gulped down a bunch of air, still not helping. It had to be ten minutes by now. Maybe he's no-

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone standing right at my door. As I lie on the bed, looking up at the fan, that stupid, judgmental fan, I noticed the dark black shape of a human. Though it wasn't a human. It was a perfect wonderful, beautiful person.  The next second, he was there, beside me. Laying on the bed with me, cradling me in his perfect, sturdy arms.

  Suddenly I let out a small cry. No, no crying… Luckily. I was able to keep the tears in my eyes. I was surprised at that. I could never hold back tears. If only Edward hadn’t heard the squeak in my voice… maybe he won’t know I’m sad, and maybe I will be able to stall long enough… Long enough to get one last amazing moment from him…

   “Bella?” Edward asked, his voice was clearly pained. He had that little croak in his voice, something usually only humans experienced. It was as if he were in so much pain, that he had to let some of it out with his voice. And sure enough, it was coming out. I hated that sound; the sound of him unhappy. Quite frankly, it made me unhappy, knowing Edward was not comfortable with the current situation. What pained me even more was the realization that I had, and would cause this pain that made his voice the way it was. It took me a second to arrive back in reality, and realize that he had said something else. What had he said?

  “I’m sorry, what?” I asked. I froze. That sounded rude, didn’t it? Great. I was already going to upset him- no, piss him off was more like it. Now I sounded like I had a smart attitude? Luckily, Edward didn’t seem to take notice.

  “Why are you crying, love?” he asked. He held his right arm around the small of my back, holding me up I realized. His left arm was stroking the lose pieces of hair that had managed to escape my ponytail. Wait- crying? What did he mean? I wasn’t crying! I’m doing a good job of-

  I pressed my skinny pale fingers to my cheek. It was right under my eye that I felt wet drips of water, emptying them selves from my eye. Another way for pain to escape the body- through little drops of salty liquid.

  I quickly wiped my eye, but what use was it? He had already noticed my crying.

  “Bella!” he said, quietly, yet anxiously. It was killing him. Oh just tell him already!

  “Edward…” I searched his eyes. They were a dark golden, a deep color that had no name. He needed to hunt. He needed the very thing that kept him both at peace, and slightly satisfied: blood. That was the thing that marked the very boundary between being human or vampire. I couldn’t stand it, the love in his eyes. But I needed to tell him.

  He reached up, catching a tear with the tip of his index finger. He then let his hand go back to my hair, but made a different decision and placed his hand around my face. Holding me there, not letting me go. How I would miss this…

  “Edward” I said, and pulled my face away from him. He looked at me, very silent, ready to listen. I took one last chance at a big breath, hoping it would work this time. Instead I felt a sharp pain in my dry throat. I ignored it and looked into Edward’s eyes once more. “I need to tell you… Okay first just listen. I did something… something I should have told you about a long time ago. But I didn’t, and I’m terrible for that. I can never be forgiven-“

  “Bella, don’t be ludicrous. Whatever it is, I’m positive it will be okay. I won’t be mad-“

  “Oh but you will.” I said quickly. I could feel the pain in my eyes, and knew Edward could see it. Was he really in pain, or was the pain in my eyes reflecting off his eyes, just to confuse me? He looked bewildered at what I said.

  “What could you have possibly done, that cannot be forgiven?” he challenged. “I’ve done enough wrong in my life to you, that you’ve forgiven and shouldn’t have. I’m sure that whatever you did, it’s not that-“

  “Just listen.” I whispered, simply because if I let my voice grow any louder than a whisper, he would hear the distress. My voice would probably crack and never work again.

  “Edward I…” Oh. My. God. How was I to say this? I couldn’t identify whether or not this was more awkward than it was terrifying. Would he get angry? I knew the answer to that, prior to finding out.

  Yes. But how mad would he get? Would he curse and spit at me, until I cried in shame? Would he hit me or throw some of the items lurking around in my room? What if he tore the fan out of the wall? Suddenly I liked the fans presence, and hoped it stayed intact in the wall.

  You’re being ridiculous. My conscious whispered to me. Something only I could hear, since Edward had some mystery problem with hearing my thoughts. So I was being ridiculous… or was I? What if he really did  become as angry as my thoughts had allowed me to picture, or even worse than that? What if…

  I made myself drop the thought before it even processed into a thought. Edward was still waiting for me. I couldn’t leave him waiting anxiously, wondering what it was I was about to say. After all I had done… he deserved to know. But could there have been a better way? Could I have done something differently or went someplace better to tell him. For Gods sake, tell him already!! NOW!!!

  “Edward I’m pregnant.” I said. I gasped. Had I just said it?

  Yes. I got it out. The words that had been resting on the very tip of my dried tongue took a leap, and landed right out in the open. Right there for everyone to hear and see. Edward just looked confused.

  “But Bella.” he said. I knew how he was going to finish this sentence. I had played this conversation out a million times in my head, and I knew Edward best. This was exactly the way I thought it would go, and I was right. But for a reason I didn’t want to think, I knew it was not a good thing in this case, that I knew Edward so much.

  “Bella we never-“

“I know Edward… I know.” I spoke softly. Here it comes… the grand finally. The moment, we’ve all been dreading. I could hear the terrible music playing over and over in my head, taunting me. It was as if the music was saying ha ha time to talk! Why didn’t the music have a stop button?

  Another breath. The final attempt at what little comfort I could possibly get from filling my lungs with air. It just wouldn’t do it. “Edward…”

  “Bella sweetheart, we never… Bella there must be some mistake.” He laughed, but it wasn’t a laugh. I had no name for the noise that sounded like a laugh, but wasn’t one.

  “Edward we never did anything…” gulp “But me and Jacob did…”

  I stared into his eyes and saw the most amazing thing. What had seemed like his regular eyes just seconds ago, was nothing compared to what they had turned into, just now. In a split second, I watched his eyes change from an aged gold, right to a jet black. That quick, as if my one, stupid little sentence had drained all energy that remained within him. His eyes…

  Oh, How I was going to miss those eyes…


Selfish-

Selfish Book 2- Secretive

  ***SPOILER ALERT*** The battle was lost for the Cullen's, causing Bella to lose her world, Ryan, but little do they know that the battle has not completely ended. Not yet. Now that Ryan has grown to be alpha of the La Push wolf pack, he wants revenge. Seeking help to avenge the tragic death of his father, Jacob, Ryan finds someone wandering around in the woods who also plans to kill the Cullen's. Little does he know, it is not a coincidence that he has run into this powerful, yet deadly favor of help. Find out what happens in Secretive, the second book in the Selfish Trilogy.

 

***This banner was made by Mollyy Greeves***

Secretive-
 
 
 Selfish Book 3- Surreal
 In this shocking finale to the Selfish Trilogy, Bella's life will be put on the line more than ever before. Completed summary to be revealed soon!
***This banner was made by Claire J Darling***
 

Prologue
  I’ve always wondered what happens to us once our bodies aren’t strong enough to keep us in this thing called life.
  Is there really a heaven to celebrate in? Do we roam the earth as tireless ghosts, sighing as we watch our loved ones move on without us? Or do we go nowhere. Are our bodies the only thing that connects us to life? Is there nothing else, no more thoughts or memories or words of love once our bodies can no longer do so?
  It scares me really. Even having been so close to death, I’d never actually taken the time to think about that moment when you feel yourself detach from your body. That moment when your brain stops comprehending things, and you feel that you are falling asleep.
  But it’s not sleep. Sleep isn’t permanent. Sleep isn’t so scary and sleep isn’t what’s happening to me right now. Sleep... isn’t this painful.
  But then again... sleep isn’t this peaceful either...


Surreal-
Chapter 3- Coming Soon!

 

     

***This gif was made by Nayely Ramirez***
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Selfish Trilogy Inspirations - Stephenie Meyer, Alexandre Desplat, Waiting For the End by Linkin Park, Howl by Florence + The Machine, Dead in the Water by Ellie Goulding, Moira Wry by Eve, and all of my wonderful readers =)

 

Tags: Alice, Baby, Bella, Beth, Brett, Death, Desplat, Edward, Jacob, Jesse, More…Love, Molly, Pregnant, Ryan, Secretive, Selfish, Surreal, Trilogy, Truth, Victoria, Vision, Wolf

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Replies to This Discussion

Love the update Jesse... Can't wait for more!!!

I'm really sorry guys. I went into my Secretive document this morning to find that chapter 33 was not saved for some reason so I am going to have to rewrite it. Sorry for the wait and thanks for your patience.

Jesse

love it!  great update!  can't wait to read your next update!

Thanks Kelley!! I'll let you know when the next chapter is up, and it should be soon :)

Chapter 33- 

 

  “I’ll be right back.” I mumbled to Molly and finally let go of her hand. I hated letting go of her for even a minute after we had just went head first into only one of he many dangers the world had, but I had to talk to my mother.

  Molly smiled, then went to where the rest of the pack was lying around on the ground, all of them talking over each other to tell about their historic battle moves and kills.

  It didn’t find long to find my mother. Just as Edward had done earlier, she stood in front of the bodies of the Volturi. Except that now, those bodies were burning away, every last bit of the old vampire rulers being destroyed under right under her nose.

  As I approached her, I wondered how was taking the whole ‘new leaders’ thing. After all, she would be one of the new leaders. I shook my head at the thought. It had been such a short time ago that I hated her guts and now I had helped her become one of the leaders to replace the Volturi… It felt… nice.

  I folded my arms as I watched the fire blaze on. Most of the limbs and pieces had been decreased to the point that it wasn’t even possible to tell who or what they used to be.

  “Thank you for saving Molly.” I said to her, truly thankful. Molly was my life, without her, I had no life. There was nothing. I would never be able to tell or show my mother how thankful I really was of her.

  “It’s nothing.” She mumbled, still watching the remains of the oldest vampire coven turn to ash. In the small amount of time I’d spent with vampires, I couldn’t help but notice the freaky vampire stare. It was as if they could be fascinated by something like the ground for hours, as if they saw something nobody else could.

  It registered to me then what she had said, and I frowned. “No, It wasn’t nothing.” I shook my head, unable to handle the thought of her thinking that what she had done was nothing.

  She turned to me then, finally making eye contact, and I felt for the first time in my life like I was having a real conversation with her.

  “I’m sorry mom.” I said, seeing the shock in her eyes immediately. Though I didn’t know whether it was because of me apologizing, or calling her mom, perhaps both.

  “I’m sorry for all of the things I said to you. I’m sorry for leaving you every time you needed me… I know it’s not your fault my father died, and I sorry for ever blaming you for his death.”

  “No. It was my fault.” She said, looking back to the ground. “The house… we kept hitting it, we were fighting… I…”

  I grabbed her hands, looking into her eyes now. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her, but either way, she needed to know. “Victoria knocked down the house.” I said to her as calmly as I could. “Victoria killed my father. She told me before she died…”

 

  I feared then that I shouldn’t have told her, because even though it was pretty much impossible, she looked as if she were going to cry. I hurried to try and sooth her.

  “I’m sorry I blamed you for it. I should have knew all along, I mean, I just-“ but before I could finish my messy rant, she hugged me. I gasped, shocked at first, but then hugged her back.

  I was absolutely shocked at what was happening at the moment. I’d fought, killed, and destroyed the world’s most powerful coven, but when I told about it one day, all I would be able to talk about is how I was hugged by one of my parents for the first time in my life. Sixteen. I was sixteen and just being hugged by my mother…

 It was… nice. I’d been hugged before, but not by a wonderful, nurturing mother I could call my own. I’d always been jealous of those with moms, and now I had one. I wanted to scream it out to the world at the top of my lungs.

  “Thank you Ryan.” She said, then pulled away. “You’re truly a wonderful son.”

  I laughed, a reaction from all of the giddiness, and thanked her. She smiled back at me, the teary look gone now, and walked back to her family, away from the flames. I turned toward them, to see that all of the fire was gone now. All of the pieces gone as well. All of the Volturi… gone.

  I couldn’t help but smile again. I had finally really talked to my mother, I had finally gotten to really know her, and I’d hugged her… Today really was turning out wonderfully.

  I turned around to see Sam watching me, his dark eyes not moving. I began to walk towards him; we needed to talk.  

 

Almost cried when they hugged, dang jesse can't believe this is almost over... i hope you like my most recent chapter of Through The Eyes of a Vampires Child. I love it
xoxo,
PerciAnne

I did! And I'm still shocked! When are you updating again???

tommorrow hopefully here in florida we keep getting hit by rain prayin the tropical storm doesn't take out my power!

Oh, sorry I hope everything will be okay :) I live in the desert so I've practically forgotten what rain is XD  but can't wait for an update! 

Such a beautiful mother and son moment! I am so glad they could sort things out and become closer to each other in this brief moment of tenderness after the chaos of the battle and everything that kept them apart for so long!

I am too, seugnet, I just wish I could have written this far earlier in the story. It was kind of a big moment for me too. :)

Authors note:

4 more chapters guys! I'm sorry this chapter is short and that it took so long. On the bright side, chapter 34 will finally reveal who Brett's parents really are! Patricia, Nayely, Seugnet, and others have had really good guesses... (see page 116) But we'll find out the truth soon!! Thanks for reading guys!!

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